Dealing with Rebellious Teenage Delinquent

willywonka

New Member
Hi,

This morning, my 14 year old son snuck out of the house at 1am and returned at 5am. I have no idea what he does outside. I checked his phone and he was apparently at the park with some friends. (Is it illegal for them to be out so late in Singapore? Can the police do anything about this if I inform them?)

I also noticed some very disturbing things in his phone. He messaged a social escort agency about the rates for a girl. He is way too young for this. Is it illegal in Singapore? I am not sure how to bring it up because I don't think he would like it if he knew I checked his phone. Is it possible to request for SMS records from SingTel or something?

He seems to be very obsessed with sex these days. I always catch him staring at pictures of girls on Instagram and chatting to them on Facebook. I also found some extremely inappropriate pictures on the computer once. He is not the brightest kid so his grades in school are not that great and he doesn't have much interest in learning or doing homework. Most of the time he plays games like LoL and AuditionSEA. I have set parental controls on the computer so he can't use it too late at night but he refuses to sleep and keeps using his phone.

His father isn't at home most of the time and doesn't care much or has any authority because he has his own problems. What should I do? This behaviour is probably going to get worse when he gets older and is exposed to things like clubbing and alcohol. He is quite easy influenced and not very street smart.

Can I get some kind of police intervention like a house visit? Or am I limited to sending him for counselling? It is difficult for me to get him to go because I am working and there is no one at home to monitor him. His school seems to be filled with people who are bad influence but his grades didn't allow him to go to a better school. Is it possible to transfer him to a better school or something?

Any suggestions or recommendations for counselling centers that are experienced in counselling teenagers like these? Most of the counselling centers I have been to have very young and seemingly inexperienced workers.

Thanks for reading and I would really appreciate any advice because I am really at my wit's end.
 
Last edited:

kitty

Member
Hi,

This morning, my 14 year old son snuck out of the house at 1am and returned at 5am. I have no idea what he does outside. I checked his phone and he was apparently at the park with some friends. (Is it illegal for them to be out so late in Singapore? Can the police do anything about this if I inform them?)

I also noticed some very disturbing things in his phone. He messaged a social escort agency about the rates for a girl. He is way too young for this. Is it illegal in Singapore? I am not sure how to bring it up because I don't think he would like it if he knew I checked his phone. Is it possible to request for SMS records from SingTel or something?

He seems to be very obsessed with sex these days. I always catch him staring at pictures of girls on Instagram and chatting to them on Facebook. I also found some extremely inappropriate pictures on the computer once. He is not the brightest kid so his grades in school are not that great and he doesn't have much interest in learning or doing homework. Most of the time he plays games like LoL and AuditionSEA. I have set parental controls on the computer so he can't use it too late at night but he refuses to sleep and keeps using his phone.

His father isn't at home most of the time and doesn't care much or has any authority because he has his own problems. What should I do? This behaviour is probably going to get worse when he gets older and is exposed to things like clubbing and alcohol. He is quite easy influenced and not very street smart.

Can I get some kind of police intervention like a house visit? Or am I limited to sending him for counselling? It is difficult for me to get him to go because I am working and there is no one at home to monitor him. His school seems to be filled with people who are bad influence but his grades didn't allow him to go to a better school. Is it possible to transfer him to a better school or something?

Any suggestions or recommendations for counselling centers that are experienced in counselling teenagers like these? Most of the counselling centers I have been to have very young and seemingly inexperienced workers.

Thanks for reading and I would really appreciate any advice because I am really at my wit's end.
Hi,

You can ask the school for help as there is counsellor,you can go to www.youthinmind.sg for help too.Perhaps,is a growing stage and he needs to be counselled

Just Sharing
 

AmandaChuaAC

New Member
Just to share my own point of view: it is normal for teenage boys to seem obsessed with sex, so i personally will not clamp down on his DIY or even porn watching (better than to have to do it outside with his friends or worse, go to Geylang). I read a study before which states that over 90% of guys watch porn, so whether we like it or not, they will watch it and DIY, so for me personally, I would not be too hard on him.

BUT hanging out for almost the whole night outside when he's only 14 is for me a big NO NO. He can be influenced to join gangs, get into fights, drink or do drugs and we wouldn't know for the better. I would choose to sit down with him and really talk to him nicely but firmly about my honest fears and concerns. And set the basic ground rules: e.g. must be home by 11p.m on nights when he has school the next day and 1a.m on Friday/Saturday nights.

Teenage children are going through a difficult phase but it's important to give guidance so that they won't be led astray. All the best.
 

spell

New Member
Actually these are surface symptoms. You need to address the underlying issues.

1) there’s a family/ marriage issue and this affects your child. Perhaps you need to have a heart to heart talk with him to find out how this has been affecting him emotionally. He won’t open up and talk but you have to persevere.

2) going out late at night- has there been a healthy routine for your child since young. Eg a good bedtime routine etc. If there has been a lack of routine, it hard to set boundaries now esp when he’s a teen already. Talk to him about the boundaries, and explain why. Tell him you are worried etc. Perhaps at this age, allow him to go out once a wk late at night.

3) obsession with sex and porn is no joke- it’ll be an addiction if you don’t stop it. Same goes for games etc. You need to talk to him about it esp the importance of self control. A open and loving talk on sexuality, respect for girls is very important. Eventually, long term, it’ll affect his future relationships and even marriage.

Dealing with older kids need a lot of patience and time. They won’t talk to you if your relationship with them isn’t good. You need to wait and seek opportunity to talk to them. It should NOT come across as nagging or scolding. You need to always remind them that you do it because you love them and you are worried for them.:)

Hope this helps.
 
Top