“What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by MIL

[waterbearergoddess]

“What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by MIL

Mummies & Daddies,

I am feeling very disappointed and moody this very morning or shall I say this very day onwards. I am not sure what is going on. Things don’t seem to be right in the house. Both my husband and I are feeling very unhappy and distorted.

Lately, things have been going on bad and maybe worse. I am in the mid of getting my new apartment and things just seem to go haywire. Currently we are staying with PIL for almost 7 years. Things were all right before I fell pregnant in 2008. I was hoping to get my own place but MIL seems to be not happy. Every time my husband and I went to look around for a place MIL seem to be blowing her air all over the place and neighbourhood.

I am really thinking hard what seems to be a problem. Nothing seems to be all right. I don’t deny that MIL is a nice old lady and I do salute her for really working hard to bring up and taking care of her two sons although both of them are adults now. What actually making me wonder is that why she is so confident that both her sons can’t make it outside the moment they step out of her house or start living apart? I do not have grudges against MIL but I feel that the way she thinks is simply bad for her future generations.

Why must she always think that this is bad and that is bad? Everything must go accordingly to what she say and assume. Even when my SIL (whom I described earlier on regarding wanting my DD’s baby clothes) doesn’t seem to get along fine with MIL. Reason for wanting to be here was simply PIL was a loaded couple. What’s up with all these people?

My relationship with MIL is pretty all right although I can say it is not so stable right now. Each time I try to make an explanation to her, seems like the world was about to explore. I do care about my MIL and I am hoping that I am able to give her an easier life meaning giving her a chance to enjoy her retirement but she is thinking that we are deserting her.

Another occasion which is making me very very disappointed is about caring for my 8 months old baby girl. From the day, I married my husband…I hold back of having a child simply because of MIL does not want to help caring for the child and also both my husband and I does not have a place of our own. When I suggest getting our own place, DH keep saying his mother is old and who will take care of her when we go because his elder brother will never do his part.

Due to that, I hold back of getting a place. I am thinking right now am I insane to do that? Am I crazy to follow and bid by my MIL’s instructions?

Mummies and Daddies…Please do share some advice on these issues. It is getting out of hand. I do not know where else to turn to. I am not washing my dirty laundry online but I would like to share out my problems. Hope these can be a lesson to others. Never judge a book by its cover but to read through its contents and then decide it from there.

I have no hard feeling towards anyone regarding the above that I have written down. I do understand that these issues will create some problems due to the reasons that I am having a relative at this very same site. I am preparing to take the risk but if it does not involved that person at any case, I hope that the person could just mind he or she very own business.

:bsad:

 

[CanCanMum]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

seems she is quite harsh looking at the subject title....so who looks after yr DD? Yrself?

if things gets out of hands, really gotta move out den be it....otherwise u will be living in misery everyday....worst if it affects yr relationship with hubby.

how abt yr FIL? Any chance to talk to him to persuade your MIL about moving out?

Or if she is so strongly against the idea, why not move to one block away or several floors apart within same block if u can find a resale flat near her house? U can oso get housing grant for staying near parents and yr DH can care for her when she is old....possible to tell her u need extra space next time when yr DD grows older or u r planning to have more kids? Instead of giving her the idea of avoiding quarrels or make her think negative?

The elders are more stubborn and hard-headed....its in their upbringing and the way they lived life last time before we were born....cannot be changed...only can get around it without being too obvious.......but not easy....

 

[Queenbabe]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

Ya lor , nowadays once kids get marry sure move out de . I also praying hard to get new flat coz resale flat some owner asking for cash very ex . Seeing each other easy but living together difficult . I want big space for my DD n DS & privacy .

 

[MsKoh1973]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

My MIL is a msian, that time I asked her to come do confinement for me, she come one week then ran home......

She claimed that she don't know how to look after bb after my SIL born over 30 yrs ago, she lied, my husband sister n brothers kid all looked after by her, even recently my BIL got a bb, she also helped out.

She only carried my bb when she was 3 yo, not becos she wanted to, but becos her other grand children lauged that she never carry then she carry.

Got one CNY we went msia, asked her helped to cook plain porridge for my gal, she say she don't know how to cook porridge, on the very same day, my SIL say she not feeling well, she immediately volunteer to cook porridge for her. After my SIL ate, then my MIL suddenly remember my gal and gave her the leftover, u see lah......cham si................

 

[Working mummySG]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

mine, PIL did volunteer to look after my bb before my bb born, bt 1st thing they asked...hw much u giving us? $1K? Hus gt so angry, he didnt bother to answer them. told them our bb will be under my mum's care as nearer to our place and there no DOGs.

my MIL is feeling so jealous abt me, she think she shld nt treat me well bcos her son is treating good enuff.

u cant imagine hw WELL she treat me during my confinement, she ask hus to go buy COLD milk for me to drink, when hus off for work. she cant be bother to cook rice for me, leaving me to eat left over food & fried stale beancurb for me, my mum came over 1 evening, she gt so angry to knw all these. At 1st my family really pity my MIL bcos of wat happen to her wen my hus & brothers are really young bt all changed after my confinement.

then during that 1mth, the way she look after my bb is so... ...disappointing, my hse will be more windy during oct/nov & dec. She left my bb unwrapped in the living rm with window open wide & wind is blowing so hard. she herself is enjoying herself with the TV on totally forgotten my bb. When i wake up frm nap, i gt so angry and carry her in rm & then i smell poo poo. when i clean her, gt rashes alredi...is really heart pain. i wonder hw long had my bb suffer???

she quarrel with my hus week b4 CNY, bcos we didnt turn up their hse one wkn, i alredi told her a few days b4 the wkn that we cant cfm whether we can get back due to hus wrk sch. That wkn, hus decided to bring me & bb out for shopping & we had a great time. she did call our HSE number bt nt our HP. So she kick up a big fuss & say we didnt call them to inform them we cant go back, bt i alredi inform tat we cant confirm timing so dun cook our shares. she is simply picking on our faults.

After this QUARREL, I did initate to call her during CNY to inform her we cant go back one wkn(bcos her sister call us to go back & i 4gotten hus need to wrk so i quickly call her to clarify) due to some reason, she slamed my ph then hus scolded me for being KPO...so nw i dun call them at all. Cant be bothered.

 

[MsKoh1973]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

Ya, best ways to deal with them, IGNORE THEM......

when i initially knew that I pregant, i told my husband to quickly call my MIL in msia to inform her, to show respect and also to share our joy, guess what her answer : "Gong Xi", then changed topic.

Then one time i go hospital for chx up, my husband called MIL, my gal gal was saying "ah ma, mummy go hospital see doc", she never have any response.

After I knew that I have to abort my bb, I told my husband don't need to inform MIL liao, since she never show interest at all. Then my SIL (staying with us) called and inform her, then she said its "fated", and that's the end.

She never give any advise that I should go for confinement, eat what food etc, just say "FATED", told my husband, next round I pregnant, when bb born then tell her, since she also not interested.

 

[Working mummySG]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

yes, mine also, when we first found out that i was pregnant, and i was constantly bleeding so need more care bt MIL say, u NO NEED go check up. Also told me is ' FATED ' to hv kids or not. Wah lau....honestly, i lost all my respect towards her. After this incident, she never ever bother to boil any tonics for me. anyway, i still BEG her to come for my confinement which i really regret. during my last few days of my confinement, I hint my hus that if i hv 2nd bb, i will order those confinement catering, infront of my mil.

After birth of my gal, hus then told me, oh...my mum never boil any soup for u hor...y har...? must be u lah....make her angry.

I was like W... ...F... then i cant tahan, & tell him wat she told me.

 

[MsKoh1973]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

Tat time in 2005, also told my MIL to come to Sg do confinement for me, she only cook 1 big pot soup for lunch, diner reboil same soup then cook one vege. Never help me do housewk, I still have to wash clothes, hang clothes, wash milk bottle, shower bb, at nite when bb cry, they just continue watching tv (FIL) n listening to radio (MIL), increase the volume so high, even tho already 11pm+ also bo chap. My husband nite shift, so not at home to see all these.

When I complained to my husband, he say I no respect his parents, they r old, can't expect too much, i cried & we quarrel so many times, nearly went into depression.

After that, thru yrs of "hardwk", my husband finally convince that his parents "Call Talk" me, but he still hope that I dun show my "true color", give them respect cos they old liao, he promise me that he will cut down my contact with them to the minimal.

Then scally who knows, after I misscarriage in Jan, CNY they told me they (abt 7pp) want to come my house in mar for holiday, wow liao, I listen already nearly scare until lau sai..........Lucky they changed their mind becos some children animal signs not suitable for travelling this year.

You see lah, they totally no respect me, treat my house like hotel. Now I only scare my msia niece and nephew wants to come sg to study next yr, want to stay in my house.

I already told my husband, if he let them stay at our house, then I go lor. He said he will let them go outside to rent house, but I told him, he cannot pay for the rental and school fees, if they want to come, they must come and be self sufficient, they cannot expect we paid for everything, if they really poor, then study in msia, don't need to come sg.

 

[CanCanMum]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

watching tv (FIL) n listening to radio (MIL), increase the volume so high, even tho already 11pm+ also bo chap.

You see lah, they totally no respect me, treat my house like hotel. Now I only scare my msia niece and nephew wants to come sg to study next yr, want to stay in my house.

if they want to come, they must come and be self sufficient, they cannot expect we paid for everything, if they really poor, then study in msia, don't need to come sg.

nope babe, dun expect them to fork out $$ which is high chance they wonx....becoz they dink singapore exchange rate is 2.39 so meaning we are RICHER....so they will live on u~ high possibility

 

[CanCanMum]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

wondered hows waterbearergoddess now....her situation with MIL.....

 

[waterbearergoddess]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

wondered hows waterbearergoddess now....her situation with MIL.....

Hi Mummy CanCanMUm,

Thanks for sharing:wong19:
Situation is getting out of hand...Even worse MIL chase us (DH,DD & me) out of the house. Thanks goodness FIL was around =( Dammit...I am just wondering why is she so hard to get along...We are in a mid of getting our house..How selfish can she get....?

We are not begging her to stay at that house but instead she is begging us not to move...

It's just so complicated...We are disappointed with her:nah:

 

[CanCanMum]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

so u have made up yr mind to move?

why did she chase u out....aiyoz....tats quite bad~

 

[waterbearergoddess]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

so u have made up yr mind to move?

why did she chase u out....aiyoz....tats quite bad~

Hi CanCanMum,

It is just a matter of time that we have to leave:err:We are in the mid of getting our house. Either way she will continue to create problems for us. Even FIL also say she is damn one difficult woman to deal with:nah:

 

[MsKoh1973]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

Now a good time to buy, esp bigger flats like 5 rm, cos price dropping. Do proper research and find a good agent. Good luck.

 

[lisa_ng]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

mil sometimes become the problem starter between husband and wife.

same for me. i juz hated my mil. long story.
my hubby sees the problem between us and agree to move.
when we looking around for a house, my hubby knew his mum will flare up so he choose to keep quiet over it until we found the house we like.
she did get difficult with me after knowing it and say sarcastic words like she never expect us to stay with them.

i was glad that i made this choice. now my life was so peaceful.
i believe my hubby felt the same way too, less complains from me about his mum. he can concentrate on work rather than all these quarrelsome.

initially when we got the house, she will come over and make comments on my way of doing things. but i can't be bothered at all since this is my house and i should do things in the way i'm comfortable in.

like now, i hardly go over to her house neither did she come over.
only once in a blue moon we sees each other though we stay like 10mins drive away.
and that i have the choice to tell her when she call i'm not home though i'm home when she wants to come over.
but still have to talk to mil whenever we meet for the sake of my hubby.
this the least i can do for my hubby since he's always supportive to my ideas.

imagine my bro in law would rather stay with his wife family.
his wife must have felt the same like i do.

in fact i'm still angry with her till now.

she stay so near yet she hardly come over to take a look at her grand daughter or come over to help me out since she know i'm alone with my daughter when my hubby's at work. though i rather she not come but at least should show some concern. she only be so enthu when comes to my daughter's full month or birthday and invite all her irritating and kay poh friends to hao lian.
whereas, my mum came all the way from bt merah to woodlands by public transport in wanting to see and play with her grand daughter almost everyday.

actually i just thought mil cannot accept the fact that her son listen to the wife more than her. but did not realise that's what she make her husband did long before.
jealousy got better of them.
mil don't want to recognise a daughter in law is as good as losing a son.

afterall, moving out is not a bad option. i did felt happier so does my hubby. :001_302:

 

[MsKoh1973]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

Tho I cannot forget what my MIL do to me (run away during my confinement, refuse to cook porridge for my gal etc), and I always complainted what she do to me.

But I constantly remind myself, one day, I will become other pp's MIL, don't know whether I will be like my own MIL so unlikeable........heheheheheh

 

[rainypink]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

I always tell hubby when its my turn to start on confinement, i will try to remember wat the CL do for me esp cooking part, so next time i can also do for my own daughter or DIL.

Cannot we complain complain then next time we dnt do anything for daughter or DIL ma. :wong29:

 

[CanCanMum]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

but seriously speaking....i do not think i can handle my DIL's confinement next time, or help take care of babies......coz definitely forgotten everything by then~

 

[Queenbabe]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

Haiz , i also very sian . How i wish i have my own house soon . I always stay in my room coz i never talk to my DH family . The 2 younger sister also got no manners never greet me at all & always shouting at my DD . Well if my DD done anythin wrong i will punish her myself hate pple shouting at her . They have a dog but never even train the dog all lazybum always is my MIL who do all the housechores . Not i dun 1 2 help out , if i dun have SIL staying with us or a dog at home i will definitely be glad to help out as i really like my place to be very clean .

 

[MsKoh1973]

Re: “What’s up with your daughter so nice meh so must take care of her…...” spoken by

You can consider buying a house now, heard the HDB pricing dropping. Then you can have the whole house to yourself.