Am i stupid? I need some advise here.. Thanks..

singlemom

New Member
Hi, i need some advise should i keep the baby or not?

I cut my story short.. I have a kid 15 years old. Me & my ex husband have been trying for baby many many years. But no results at all.
Till this few years he got affair and we decided divorce. So we are now still under separating.

1 year ago, i met this guy. He is married and he told me that he had no feeling with his wife.
After awhile am touch with certain things he do and fall in love with him. We are now in a un-open relationship for 7 months.

I know is wrong and ask for many times break off. But end up we still back together again.
He knows my situation and I know his.

But now am pregnant for 8 weeks. It was a surprise to me and him. Because both of us are desperate for baby.
He married for 7 years and no result at all. This goes same to me. But am really miserable to keep the baby or not.

I thought in my life i will only have this child but now god give me another child that i wish for many years, shall i just give up like tat?
But this child come at the wrong time or would i say wrong person too.
Because i might not giving this child a proper family as i believe he will not divorce even tho he say he does not love her.

I hope ladies out there could give me some advice that i really can't share this openly to my friends and they will scold me stupid.
Why make yourself so suffer. But if i abort this child am afraid that i might regret one day. Due to prevois medical issue, doctor did mention am quite difficult to get pregnant. That why this child is really a surprise to me.

God bless to all lovely mom and thanks for reading.
 
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jenny2011

New Member
Hi,

If I were u, unless the man is willing to file a divorce with his wife n decides to marry me, if not I would not keep his baby. It is a life time commitment n it is unfair for the baby to grow up in such a situation, fatherless. It will be a humiliation to the baby as well when he or she grows up.

Although it is a life, but if u choose to keep his baby, then u will hv to bear all responsibilities, I think it is not easy to bring up 2 children at the same time. I hv seen lots of cases, I don't think the man will bear the responsibilities coz if he chooses to file for divorce with his wife, he will need to pay maintenance fees.
Most men will not choose to do that. Eventually u are the one to suffer. It is also totally a big mistake for him to commit adultery!!
Since he could do that to his wife , Im not surprise he can do that to other women if he ever marries u.
I personally do not feel that he is a sincere man at all. Sorry to comment on that.
 

Itsy Bitsy

New Member
singlemom,
You know what your heart is telling you.
you want this child, then keep the baby.
There is no such thing as the child comes at wrong time or to wrong person.
The only person to be blamed is you.
I say this because you are the only person who control your own life and actions.
Why must the baby takes the consequences of your actions?
You did a mistake, own it and be responsible for it.
I believe the baby is given to you for a reason.
Maybe the baby especially choose you as the mom cos he/she wants to bring more joys to your life?

I know talks are cheap. Everyone can say whatever they want, they are not you.
you may think that it's also easy for me to just say or comment, since I am not you who have a situation like this.

But I really wish you will keep the child. It's a life. He/she doesn't come to you just so that you can kill him/her.
The road ahead is not easy, I am sure.
I hope you can find supports or ways to keep going with this baby.
Maybe you can give the child up for adoption later, shall you really want to give up on him/her.
There are many kind souls out there who are willing to love this child.
but at least, give this little life a chance to live and be born into this world.

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going....
 

singlemom

New Member
Hi Jenny, tks for your advise.. I think of this also.. But deeply in my heart i wouldn't want to hurt the baby.. Ya is difficult to bring up 2 especially my situation now.. Haiz i really vy miserable.. :(
 

singlemom

New Member
Hi Itsy, i also believe the baby comes to my life for a reason. I wouldn't want my baby to give others but am in a serious financial problems now. Everything is not stable and everyday am stress. I hope and pray that god will help me in all my situations now.. Tks for writing to me..
 

jenny2011

New Member
Hi single mum,

We can only share our opinions here but ultimately u are the one to make the final decision. Yes, it is definitely not easy to make a decision so think twice n don't ever regret later. For me, I cannot endure hardships, so if this happens to me, I will give up this baby rather than bringing him to this world to suffer.
 

singlemom

New Member
Thats the problem about me, always make the wrong decision. My ex-husband also because i have baby then get married. This time round if i want to have this baby i got to think of my 15 yrs old son and how to tell my bro and mum. How i wish am like you can make my mind firm then all this things wouldn't happen. Is all my mistake who start the relationship first :(
 

MummyLuv

New Member
The baby is innocent. Do not give up your baby. You can put up your baby for adoption through legal means to family that could not have kids on their own.
 

jenny2011

New Member
Yes, I do agree with the other mums who suggested abt adoption. It is a gd idea if u really hv serious financial prob. Im one who is very serious in a relationship so I won't allow any sexual activities before I got married to protect myself. Not all guys can be trusted..

Maybe u are too softhearted to reject any relationships, since u had already made a mistake, hope u can make a wiser choice this time.
U can't hv the best of both worlds..u may seriously think of putting up yr baby for adoption.

Yes, it is difficult to explain to yr 15yr old son abt this baby too.. esp the age gap is too wide! n hv u ever think if he can accept this baby?
Do u think they can get along well if u do not send this baby for adoption??
 

singlemom

New Member
Thanks for all your advise.. I really dun wan to give my baby to others. Yes althought i have financial issue now but i believe my family will give me support till i give birth and find a proper job. I jus close down my shop that why in some debts now. But if i determine to keep the baby and leave him am sure i can be a responsible mom & bring up my 2 kids. Sorry if am a kind of person who looks so confuse.. Maybe u r right am too soft-hearted that day always make the wrong choices.. Am so upset when he told me how abt he adopt the child and i can openly see the child anytime.. Is so pain & ridiculas when he say this to me.. And later part he say jus a discussion, i dun have to agree what he say.. But he seems like so selfish that he sound like only want the child!
 

jenny2011

New Member
Oh I see.. Then it is really not worth to be with him!! Yes, he is sooo selfish!! Glad that u hv come to a decision to hang on!
All the best!
 

Itsy Bitsy

New Member
Ryca,
Thanks :)

singlemom,
I would say the father of the child is not selfish, based on one thing, he is at least willing to adopt the child.
if he is selfish, he would suggest you to abort the baby, or just gone missing.
I think he is probably afraid you will abort the baby, so he suggested that he will adopt the child.
I am sure he is as confused as you, as he is still married.
Perhaps you both can work out a plan on how to solve this issue.
It's good that you have a positive mindset, that you will be able to raise and be a responsible mom to both of your child.
life is full of problems, finance is one of it.
I am sure if you keep your mind positive and have the never give up attitude, you will be ok.
Find help and support as much as you can.

On a side note, I want to share this story of someone I happen to know:
She was 6 months pregnant when her husband decided to leave and divorce her, to marry another woman.
She pleaded him to stay, for the sake of the child.
He refused and turned his back on her and his child, walked away, just like that.
She had difficult times facing the truth, that she almost lost her baby on her last trimester.
But she managed to pull herself up, with many supports from the people around her.
she is lucky, yet unlucky.
Today, she is a happy woman with a 4 y.o child who is the joy of her life :)

I hope you have the supports from the people around you, too.
even if you don't, please don't give up easily.
I wish you all the very best, and good luck in everything you do.
take care.
 

singlemom

New Member
Thank u so much Itsy Bitsy.. Am seriously considering.. He did ask me to abort in the beginning when we haven knw the result.. After tat he regret talking abt this.. He want the baby n happy to be a father.. But he also putting some stress on me saying tat infuture I shouldn't use baby to threaten him anything.. He was quite a sweet man in the beginning but nowadays he started throwing temper on me.. Even before the baby.. I started to see his true character.. I feel sad n disappointed.. Is it worth it to stay this kind of relationship with him for long term.. Shall I jus keep the baby and leave him?? I believe in future there will be arguments and he will blame me why I make this decision n dun let him have the baby.. Or other issues I dun knw.. I sincerely thanks to all ppl here who are reading my story.. At least a place to let me brow out my inner feeling.. God bless all of u!
 

Itsy Bitsy

New Member
Thank u so much Itsy Bitsy.. Am seriously considering.. He did ask me to abort in the beginning when we haven knw the result.. After tat he regret talking abt this.. He want the baby n happy to be a father.. But he also putting some stress on me saying tat infuture I shouldn't use baby to threaten him anything.. He was quite a sweet man in the beginning but nowadays he started throwing temper on me.. Even before the baby.. I started to see his true character.. I feel sad n disappointed.. Is it worth it to stay this kind of relationship with him for long term.. Shall I jus keep the baby and leave him?? I believe in future there will be arguments and he will blame me why I make this decision n dun let him have the baby.. Or other issues I dun knw.. I sincerely thanks to all ppl here who are reading my story.. At least a place to let me brow out my inner feeling.. God bless all of u!
Oh dear...I hope he really regretted what he said about aborting the baby.
then it's clear, singlemom, you only have yourself to rely on.
Do not depend on him. If he is sincerely want to help you about keeping the baby, then it' good.
But keep your expectation low on that.
No one knows what the future will be, whatever it is, try your best.

I sincerely wish you all the very best. May you have what you need and supports in going thru this problem...
 

Ting

Well-Known Member
keep the baby and leave the man... dont do something u will live to regret with..although im a free thinker, but i always believe that a child is a gift... a gift from life itself. like u mention, u hv been waiting so long for this child, and also its hard for u to get preg, then all the more u shld treasure this baby of yours.
stay strong, and take gd care.=)
 

quincy1986

Active Member
you can choose to keep the baby or not.
but it will not feel good to abort the baby.

however, if you keep the baby, you will have to think about in future how to explain to him
like who is the father?
why the father has another family?
why you are unable to provide a complete family for the baby?
 

singlemom

New Member
Hi Ting & Quincy.. Tks for writing.. Ya I should leave tat guy n move on.. But problems is my family.. Will they accept wat am doing now? I have told my mum tat am pregnant and say some white lies to comfort her.. But she insist if he dun wan to be responsible dun give birth.. If he dun wan to give u a status dun give birth.. I told her is am the one dun wan married.. But fact is he still gt wife.. And am thinking keeping the baby n leave him.. But hw to tell my mum n bro abt all this?
 
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