Animals should get more compassion and donation vs Special Needs Persons

Angelmum

Moderator

I am posting this, hopefully to create awareness on what would hurt us.


A friend who knew you're a special needs parent do not show any consideration, empathy for another human being and basic understanding.


One of my Angelman friends was featured in MediaCorp Hearts and Hugs show 爱心72小时, Ep6 fundraising. See toogle Video

After the show, there was a link for public to click a heart. Once the required amount of hearts, that is the goal is reached, the featured family will receive 1 year’s supply of food pack from Neo Garden.


It is just a click to support, not a donation. Sent the link to my ex-classmates whatsapp chat group and got these nasty posts:


Was angry and shared the posts with other special needs parents. Life would be better without such friends. I'm not at any loss. Having friends or relatives who are adding salt onto my wound isn't welcomed. Life is miserable and stressful. The special needs journey is not something enriching, delighting, hassle-free or affordable in Spore. This is also the main reason why I do not want to be shown on the media ... share my stories and challenges. Many friends/relatives may torment me for genuine comments that I made about them ... how they treated me, what they said to me (those hurting words), etc. I don't have the courage and the real skills to fight them off correctly and timely. Sometimes, I'm stunned. Most times, I failed to organise my brain well to fire back and win the "war". don't have good reflex nor articulate. I certainly won't slap a person and open myself to gang counter-attacks.


I replied this before exiting the Whatsapp ex-classmates group:

1) You implying animals should be treated better than me or my friends.
2) you merely click Heart to support an Act for a special needs boy, nobody asking you to donate.
3) Persons proclaimed kind n compassionate shouldn't "take away Lives" - Carnivores, you ate animals, not a vegetarian! 你不杀 伯仁却因你而亡.

Another classmate saw my bombastic post said that "friend" was angry that I exited without telling her.
Why do I need permission to leave a Group chat created by classmate Goh? Can't get along, there's conflict why should I befriend them?
I replied:
she hurt me yet felt angry, is she mentally ok.... I wonder. I am not petty to exit, just hurt, want to spare myself from further injuries. Those 2 "friends" didn't apologise to me, after more than 24 hours. Inconsiderate and adding salt to my wound, such friends felt animals should be treated better then humans and deserved more compassion, as well as donations.

Why are some people so nasty? Can't they spare a thought for others? Strangers could be hurling unpleasant remarks. In my case, I have been given disapproving looks by strangers and nasty/inconsiderate comments from friends (above), strangers, as well as relatives. Should I get used to it? No, I am a human being, not a robot without feelings or can be programmed to turn off things that I don't want to see and hear. 我很脆弱 并非刀枪不入 请手下留情. My colleagues who knew I'm a special needs mum appeared ok, maybe they knew as a human, they shouldn't say hurtful things to me, some avoided this "touchy" topic .... matured, tactful and less "ugly inner".

I don't have good luck on getting lots of supporting relatives and friends. My years of special needs parenting isn't smooth sailing and well supported. It is lonely, sad, frustrating and not fulfilling nor enjoyable. You need to try our journey in order to understand fully. Explaining just can't get into some people's head.... blocked, distorted yet stubbornly assumed they are right or finding excuses to get away 为自己 违背良心狡辩 承认错误不在他们的理念里. Some people are too prideful to say sorry, including my domestic helper (FDW).

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[/FONT]A special needs mum was called "useless"[/FONT]

[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]The New Paper, 5 Nov 2016[/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]She is a regular at the 7-Eleven store in Killiney Road because her 10-year-old son, who has Williams syndrome, has been attending speech therapy lessons nearby for more than five years. And the store employees are aware of the boy's special needs. [/FONT][/FONT]
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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]But on Tuesday, Madam Elaine Chan's encounter with a female customer who objected to her son's behaviour in the store turned nasty.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]The 44-year-old, who works in a bank, said that despite her telling the woman that her son is a child with special needs, the woman verbally abused her, calling her useless for giving birth to him, and called him a b******.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]Williams syndrome is a rare genetic disorder that causes learning disabilities and developmental delays in children. Those with the syndrome, however, tend to be sociable, friendly and endearing.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]The single mother told The New Paper: "My son loves fans and whenever he sees one, he wants to play with the buttons on it. "The counter staff at 7-Eleven are very patient. They are fine with my son going into the room behind the counter to let him touch the buttons on the fan."[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]But at 8.45pm on Tuesday, the female customer told Madam Chan off for letting her son enter the room. "I thought she was an off-duty employee, which would sort of give her the right to scold my son," said Madam Chan.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]"I told her he's a special needs child and usually people would understand. But she replied, 'All the more you have to control your son.'" When Madam Chan tried to explain about her son and his special needs, the woman raised her voice and became even more aggressive.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]Madam Chan then realised the woman was not a 7-Eleven employee and decided to film her with her smartphone in the hope that it would make her leave. But the woman continued scolding her and called her son a b******.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]In the video, the woman, seen to be wearing a straw hat and covering her face with a piece of cloth, yelled at Madam Chan in Mandarin: "You are useless. Why must you give birth to a special needs child?"[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]She then hit Madam Chan's hand with her handbag, causing Madam Chan to drop her phone.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]"My (11-year-old) daughter started crying because she thought the woman had hurt me, so I went to comfort her," said Madam Chan. The loud noises also scared her son and he covered his ears with his hands.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]After the woman left the store, a police officer walked in and Madam Chan told the officer about the incident. The officer went to look for the woman, but was unable to find her.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]Madam Chan subsequently shared her 37-second video of the incident on a WhatsApp group for parents whose children have Williams syndrome.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]Her friend Janet Yeo, who was in the group, later posted the clip on Facebook. She told TNP: "I was upset that Elaine had to go through this. "As a parent of a Williams syndrome child myself, I feel sad when my child gets disapproving stares from strangers.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]"Labelling them 'useless and a 'b******' is way too much. So I shared the video on Facebook to create awareness and to seek the public's understanding for special needs children and their parents."[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]A report on the incident also went viral on citizen journalism site Stomp, attracting 43,000 views.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]Madam Chan said: "I was shocked that someone would use such profanity. This is the first time something like this has happened to me. "At most, people would give me disapproving stares because my son may be doing things that are unusual. "But when I explain that Ian is a special needs child, they would understand."[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]She said she had seen many negative comments online about the woman, but she did not approve of such comments.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]"I was upset because she was ignorant and made my daughter cry, but I think we shouldn't judge her," said Madam Chan. "Instead, we should highlight the people who are caring and compassionate towards special needs children because there are a lot of them around."[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]Dr Carol Balhetchet, senior director for youth services at the Singapore Children's Society, said strangers should respect the mother of a child with special needs.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]"I think all she wanted to do was make a statement about what was wrong (the boy's action of going to the room behind the counter), but instead she spiralled into anger and attacked both the mother and her child, which was disrespectful," she said.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]"What she used to label the child is appalling and insensitive. It was uncalled for."[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]Dr Balhetchet said that in such cases, people should respect the mother and the child with special needs.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]"Leave the mother to deal with the child," she advised.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]"Give them space, and be more sensitive and supportive, and maybe advise the mother to be a bit more careful if their child is running around as they may hurt themselves."[/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]
[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]"At most, people would give me disapproving stares because my son may be doing things that are unusual. But when I explain that Ian is a special-needs child, they would understand."[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]
[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]It was the first time such an incident has happened to Madam Elaine Chan. But she has also encountered many caring and compassionate people.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]
[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]One such person is Mr Joe Liew, 45, who works at Rice Roll And Porridge, a coffee shop two doors away from the 7-Eleven at Killiney Road which Madam Chan and her son frequent. Her son, 10, who has Williams syndrome, has a tendency to touch the buttons on fans and it annoys most shop owners, she said.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]
[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]But Mr Liew is one of the rare few who are kind enough to let her son have his way, to Madam Chan's gratitude. Mr Liew said what affected him the most was the woman insulting Madam Chan's parental skills. "If I were the parent, I would be very sad because how you raise your child is a personal thing," he said.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]
[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]Mr Liew, who has worked at the coffee shop for about five months, said he lets the boy play with the fan buttons because "kids are kids". "I'm the youngest at home, so I have no younger siblings to play with. I'm always more than happy to play with and be nice to children," he said.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]
[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]Kids with Williams syndrome very sociable[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]
[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]The Williams syndrome is a genetic condition that affects many parts of the body.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]
[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]It is characterised by medical problems, including cardiovascular disease, developmental delays and learning disabilities. These often occur alongside striking verbal abilities, highly social personalities and an affinity for music.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]
[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]The syndrome affects one in 10,000 people worldwide, and occurs equally in both males and females, and in every culture.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]
[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]Unlike disorders that can make connecting with your child difficult, children with the Williams syndrome tend to be sociable, friendly and endearing.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]
[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]But there are also major struggles - many babies have life-threatening cardiovascular problems. Children with the syndrome need costly and ongoing medical care and early interventions (such as speech or occupational therapy).[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]
[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]As they grow, they struggle with things like spatial relations, numbers and abstract reasoning, which can make daily tasks a challenge.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]
[/FONT][FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]As adults, most people with the Williams syndrome need supportive housing to live to their fullest potential. Many contribute to their communities as volunteers or paid employees.[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

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Angelmum

Moderator
[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]Another 24 hours passed after Goh's nasty post was up (left the Group chat so don't know what's going on there). Classmate L didn't update me and I didn't follow-up. If people are uninterested and thinking the fault lies on me, I don't see any reason I should remain in contact. I certainly can't pretend nothing happened and "agree with them" it was just a trivial matter, an oversight. Unable to spare a thought, hurting others and expecting the "victim" (me) to give in/compromise ..... would you?[/FONT][/FONT]
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[/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]In total, there were 9 ex-classmates + Admin Goh + Goh's supporter + me = 12[/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]One of the classmate L private messaged me to find out how was I feeling. Others didn't response. Those two didn't apologise. If all have the same thinking as Goh, that is I am petty and getting worked up on trivial matter than I must say it is sad and discouraging that in most people's eyes, special needs in Spore are not being accepted and allowed to continue our lives with dignity, as well as understanding to press on with our harsh lives.[/FONT][/FONT]
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Animals deserved much more help and compassion than special needs persons and families?
How does it feel to be treated worst than animals?
We get penalised for giving birth to special needs children.


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[FONT=&amp][FONT=&amp]All the while, I know it is a tough journey. I am not sure how much normal parents can feel and understand our plight. Probably you will worry that our child would bully yours. Maybe, you felt the govt funds were "wrongly given"..... in actual fact, most funds were just for show. All subsidies require means testing. Only low income group gets it, that is household income* of S$1900 or lesser, per month. Some VWOs set at S$1500 - 2000 per month or using per capita (total income divided by number of pax).
Nowadays, a polytechnic diploma or degree holders are paid only S$1900 per month? If no, how many households really qualify for govt's juicy subsidy?
Read:
ComCare Financial Assistance
MOH subsidy
SG Enable
*household incomes means the total salary generated by working persons living in the same address.

This report done by LIEN is so true!
Read pdf
[/FONT][/FONT]

Straits Times, 9 June 2016 by Theresa Tan
A recent survey shows that many Singaporeans remain uncomfortable interacting with people with disabilities. To change mindsets, create more opportunities for interaction.

When I was in secondary school, I had a friend who hardly talked about her sister. The only thing I knew about her mysterious sibling was that she lived in the "Tampines home". I naively assumed that her parents were very rich, had two properties and that her sister was living at their home in Tampines.

It was only much later that I realised the Tampines Home was a home for people with intellectual disabilities. It was also at that point that my friend's reticence about her sister suddenly made sense. When I was growing up in the 1980s and '90s, many families kept their disabled children mostly at home or in institutions - out of sight and out of the public's mind. They did so perhaps out of shame, fear or helplessness.

There were also few reasons to go out as there were few support services, much less job openings, for the disabled, compared to what is available now.

But it was also clearly in response to the lack of understanding by Singaporeans in general. Given the segregation between most Singaporeans and the disabled, it comes as no surprise that two recent surveys found that a sizeable number of Singaporeans still feel uncomfortable interacting with the disabled and that the latter feel shut out from society.

This is disappointing, especially after all the efforts by the Government and charities to improve the lives of those with disabilities in the past decade.

Just take a look at the findings:
The Lien Foundation survey of 1,000 people on their attitudes towards children with disabilities found that close to two-thirds of the respondents shared the belief that Singaporeans are willing to share public spaces with children with special needs, but are not willing to interact with them.

Public education is needed to raise awareness of disability issues. Over one-third of those surveyed in the Lien Foundation poll said children with special needs are not part of their social circle. Even those who know a special needs child (through friends or relatives) say they are not always comfortable interacting with the child. The most common feelings they have in such interactions are empathy, pity and love.
Half of the parents polled were uncomfortable about their child having to sit next to one with special needs in class.

As for the disabled themselves, a survey of 1,000 people with disabilities, released last Thursday by the National Council of Social Service (NCSS), found that 62 per cent of them do not feel they are included, accepted, given opportunities to contribute or reach their potential by society.

It is no wonder they feel thus, given the survey findings that so many are uncomfortable interacting with them. It is clear that the calls for inclusion of people with disabilities have not gained traction with many ordinary Singaporeans.

The Government has done a lot more for the disabled in the past decade, like giving more funding for education and therapy services, among other things, for children with special needs. But the hard - and heart - part of changing mindsets to accept and include those with disabilities remains a challenge. And this is not something that can be achieved just by pouring money into it.

More needs to be done to promote inclusion. And there is some urgency in this because the number of young children diagnosed with developmental conditions, such as autism, speech and language delays and global developmental delay, has tripled in the past decade. Last year, about 4,000 children were diagnosed with developmental problems, up from about 1,300 in 2005.

Experts have said that about 5 per cent to 6 per cent of children born here have some form of developmental problem. With more diagnosed, more of those with mild conditions will go on to mainstream schools. Also last year, there were about 13,000 students - or about 2.7 per cent of the student population - with mild special needs or learning difficulties in mainstream schools. That's almost triple the number in 2006 .

Charities that support those with disabilities, such as the Disabled People's Association (DPA) and SPD, have been holding talks to raise awareness about disability issues for years. The DPA goes to schools, offices and other organisations to get the public to understand what people with disabilities are going through and to think of how to ease the barriers.

Some students who attended these talks have gone on to run similar campaigns at their schools, said DPA executive director Marissa Medjeral-Mills. On a larger scale, the NCSS also launched its disability awareness campaign last Thursday. Through a website (seethetrueme.sg) and public talks on various disabilities as well as tips on how to communicate and interact with people with disabilities, among other measures, the NCSS hopes to promote inclusion.

Raising awareness aside, there also has been a greater push to promote inclusion and interaction between children with and those without disabilities. For example, in 2012, the Education Ministry said the 20 special education schools for children with disabilities would be paired with mainstream schools, so that students from both schools have opportunities to mingle, for example, during recess and at school events.

In January, a charity started Singapore's first inclusive pre-school. At Kindle Garden, run by AWWA, children with disabilities learn and play alongside other kids in the same classroom. About 30 per cent of its children from 18 months to six years of age have disabilities, such as autism or Down syndrome. School principal Lena Koh said both groups of children get along, play and learn together naturally, without fear or hesitation.

"Children do not discriminate or single out children with disabilities," she said. "It's the adults who tend to do that." The pre-school is filled to its capacity of 75 children and has a waiting list of 138.

This is an encouraging sign. Research shows that children with classmates with disabilities learn how to interact with those who are different from them. They are more likely to develop positive self-esteem, confidence and leadership skills when their experience of such interactions is positive, said Dr Kenneth Poon, associate professor of early childhood and special education at the National Institute of Education.

Hopefully, with more Kindle Gardens around, more parents will find that it is not so scary to have their child playing or studying with a special needs kid after all. And their children will form the foundation of a truly inclusive Singapore. And those with disabilities will no longer be apart from society, but a part of it.


Channel News Asia, 4 Jun 2016
Greater support in special needs education, moving Singapore from tolerance to greater acceptance and the active inclusion of children with special needs and their families by society – these are some of the hopes of parents of children with special needs, a survey has found.

The second part of the Lien Foundation’s Inclusive Attitude Survey, the results of which were released on Monday (Jul 4), polled more than 800 parents of children with special needs on the challenges they face, and how Singapore can be more inclusive.

According to the survey, only about 28 per cent of parents of children with special needs surveyed perceived Singapore as being inclusive. This is roughly the same as the perception of the general public.

The majority of parents surveyed – 77 per cent – supported inclusive education. But only slightly more than half (57 per cent) of those surveyed agreed that adults are comfortable interacting with their child.
Almost half of the children with special needs do not have "typically developing friends", the survey found.

Children with special needs also spent too little time outside, with 31 per cent of respondents saying this was because they were afraid of being judged as "not being a good parent".

Parents of children with special needs often had to give up their jobs to care for their child, with two in five families having a parent who quit their job to look after their child. These parents made up about 60 per cent of primary caregivers to children with special needs. Helpers and grandparents made up 16 per cent and 13 per cent of caregivers, respectively.

The majority of those surveyed – 72 per cent – said that laws on providing access to key amenities, suitable opportunities and child protection policies were needed to promote the rights of children with special needs.

Five in 10 parents faced difficulties enrolling their children in preschools, with 55 per cent finding that preschools were unwilling to take in children with special needs. About half were satisfied with their child's education in mainstream preschools, although only a third of parents surveyed were satisfied with the curriculum and facilities offered for their special needs children.

The first part of the survey, released on May 31, found that close to two-thirds of respondents felt that Singaporeans are willing to share public spaces with children with special needs, but are not willing to interact with them.

A National Council of Social Services survey of 1,000 people with disabilities conducted earlier this year also revealed that 62 per cent of the respondents do not feel accepted or included, and felt they were not given opportunities to reach their full potential in society.

While more resources have been dedicated to improving the lives of children with disabilities through more funding for education and therapy, at least one expert said that more needs to be done. Researcher and clinical psychologist Dr Kenneth Poon said more inclusive facilities should be built, and more training provided for staff in public and community spaces.

“We can (also) foster more opportunities or relationships that can be developed between typically developing children and children with special needs," he added.

 
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