Anti M.I.L. CLUBB - we all know wads tat :p (Includes anything that ends with I.L.)

[tinkerball]

MIL and me

I hav this prob which hv been bugging me for the past few months. Me n my family rarely communicated with each other at hm. After i married and moved out though things start to improve and i make it a point to visit them at least once a mth. My hubby's family had been great especially my MIL. This gave me a feeling of family warmth which i never had with my own family. We did discussed before that after we got our own flat we will get our parents in law to stay with us. My opinion changed though after i spent my confinement period at my in laws place. I cant stand her constant nagging though i know thats typical of old ladies. Though she's been great with my newborn son i don't agree with certain method of her handling babies. 4 example using cloth dabbed in baby's urine to clean out whitish infection in his mouth. My son rarely fed at night after he gets older and my MIL hav been telling every1 that my son has not been drinking enough milk and this in turn make me feel as if i have not been doing my job well as a mother. There is lots of other issues as well... My son is 15mth old now. What can i do then if he refuses his milk? Her method of educating her children is thru the gentle manner. Me however hav my own methods of discipline once he grows up and i dont wish to have her interference if we happens to live under one roof in future. Now i find it a dread to go over to MIL's place. Instead of being happy like i used to be now all i felt is resentment towards her. I do want to hav a nice talk wif her but old people, we knw are more sensitive and might feel hurt as result. My hubby is timid and i cant turn to any1 else for advice.

 

[mich_liu82]

Re: MIL and me

Ummm... Well, I was on bad terms with my mum too... But slowly things got better as well after I moved out...

As for MILs, sometimes its difficult to understand each other, its common to have conflicts. Me n my MIL so far I always pretend lor even if I am piss off with her. Bcoz after all, she's a elder, so no matter what gotta respect her.

U see, we are not brought up by them thus certain things they do we just dun like it yet we still can't tell them off like the way we tell our parents off if we are not happy. At least you dun stay with them. I would say its difficult to ask her to keep quiet, just give and take lor. Just have to act no matter what. This is what I learn after 6 years.

My 2 cents worth.

 

[snowbear]

Re: MIL and me

I also used to get along well with my mil before my baby was born. But during my confinement period (she came over to my place to stay and did my chores for me while i looked aft bb), i felt so frustrated with her coz she's basically a control freak. She wants to control how we do things in our house and just throws away things she thinks shld be thrown or changed without asking! Until now, my DD is 9 months+ already, she's still like that. I've tried telling her many times not to touch my things and ask if there's anything she's unsure about but she just continues to do things in her own way. She also has lots to comment on about how i bring up my child, much to my irritation. Also, she'd be possessive about my child, saying how much my DD looks like HER and my DH and all the good traits are inherited from HER or her side of the family. She'd get hurt whenever people comment that my DD looks just like me (which happens VERY often). I often complain about this to DH, then i'd feel better.

I totally understand how you feel now. I think you should try to talk to her nevertheless (nicely of coz), at least tell her how you feel about things. Even if things dun work out, i think it's better to have tried than not.

 

[mich_liu82]

Re: MIL and me

I also used to get along well with my mil before my baby was born. But during my confinement period (she came over to my place to stay and did my chores for me while i looked aft bb), i felt so frustrated with her coz she's basically a control freak. She wants to control how we do things in our house and just throws away things she thinks shld be thrown or changed without asking! Until now, my DD is 9 months+ already, she's still like that. I've tried telling her many times not to touch my things and ask if there's anything she's unsure about but she just continues to do things in her own way. She also has lots to comment on about how i bring up my child, much to my irritation. Also, she'd be possessive about my child, saying how much my DD looks like HER and my DH and all the good traits are inherited from HER or her side of the family. She'd get hurt whenever people comment that my DD looks just like me (which happens VERY often). I often complain about this to DH, then i'd feel better.

I totally understand how you feel now. I think you should try to talk to her nevertheless (nicely of coz), at least tell her how you feel about things. Even if things dun work out, i think it's better to have tried than not.

Snowbear, My MIL oso like this one leh! Hi-5

 

[snowbear]

Re: MIL and me

Snowbear, My MIL oso like this one leh! Hi-5

Gosh, glad to know I'm not alone!!! Why are mils so annoying?

 

[joeichen]

Re: MIL and me

I still believe in "xiang jian rong yi xiang chu nan"
Its ez when we only meet once ot twice a week than staying together.

 

[autumn82]

Re: MIL and me

I still believe in "xiang jian rong yi xiang chu nan"
Its ez when we only meet once ot twice a week than staying together.

ancing_wub:Tis one I agree.. Heh. Sometimes, I can't even tahan going bk once a week for few hrs + dinner.. :x

 

[mich_liu82]

Re: MIL and me

MILs sometimes can piss u off lor. Lucky now we not staying together liao... If not my hubby wanna commit suicide... Haha

 

[autumn82]

Re: MIL and me

Ummm... Well, I was on bad terms with my mum too... But slowly things got better as well after I moved out...

As for MILs, sometimes its difficult to understand each other, its common to have conflicts. Me n my MIL so far I always pretend lor even if I am piss off with her. Bcoz after all, she's a elder, so no matter what gotta respect her.

U see, we are not brought up by them thus certain things they do we just dun like it yet we still can't tell them off like the way we tell our parents off if we are not happy. At least you dun stay with them. I would say its difficult to ask her to keep quiet, just give and take lor. Just have to act no matter what. This is what I learn after 6 years.

My 2 cents worth.

:tlaugh:I do that too.. But reached home, I start to complain to DH liao.. :tlaugh::tlaugh::tlaugh:

 

[joeichen]

Re: MIL and me

Understd tat... I went thru tat too... lucky no longer staying 2gether. close 1 eye n open 1 eye lor, anyway my major pro is not MIL is SIL...

 

[doreenyeah]

Re: MIL and me

My nightmare has just begin, she moved in with us since two weeks back & i started to suffer. GOSH

 

[tinkerball]

Re: MIL and me

I still believe in "xiang jian rong yi xiang chu nan"
Its ez when we only meet once ot twice a week than staying together.

At this rate i agree with u squarely on that. But sadly it wont happen to me cos my hubby already announced to every1 that my in laws will stay with us once we get our flat

 

[Queenbabe]

Re: MIL and me

MILs sometimes can piss u off lor. Lucky now we not staying together liao... If not my hubby wanna commit suicide... Haha

Then y my hubby havent commit suicide :tlaugh:
Dunno when my nightmare ended ...............
All abt MIL n SIL ........

 

[autumn82]

Re: MIL and me

Then y my hubby havent commit suicide :tlaugh:
Dunno when my nightmare ended ...............
All abt MIL n SIL ........

Coz yr DH is mummy's boy..?? :tlaugh:

 

[akachan09]

Re: MIL and me

ancing_wub:Tis one I agree.. Heh. Sometimes, I can't even tahan going bk once a week for few hrs + dinner.. :x

Haha, I totally agree too! I also cannot tahan going back even once a month for just a few hours. Whenever we reach there, all she cares abt is her grandchild and son (my hubby). I am invisible. Always speak in her own dialect to her son and family member even though she knows that I do not understand. I am currently pregnant (with complications initially) and she din even show any concerns. Always asked me when I am giving birth and at which hospital whenever she sees me...sigh.

 

[ahpei]

Re: MIL and me

Hi, tinkerball, don't worry too much. you are not alone.

My in-laws stay with us for some 4-5 years already, and DH is the only child. When i was having my first confinement, i was crying all day in the room, for what my MIL said.. like when DD was having jaundice, she would say it's all becos i ate too much seafood.. when DD was vomitting due to too much air trap in her tummy, she said i didn't know how to take care, and she wanted to get some herbal medicine to wrap around her tummy... and her words could really kill... but during the initial period, i really had a hard time with her, but i kept to myself, as i didn't want to give DH too much trouble. i would just ignore her.

As she helped to take care of DD, i would still respect her.

Recently i gave birth my DS, and this time round, the one giving my problems is my FIL. He started to complain this and that, and he really irritate me, till i would just stay in my room from morning till DH comes back from work. I couldn't stand seeing him, and having him comment on anything. so what happens now is that when he is away for work during the day, my MIL would monitor what happens inside my room, then when he returns, she would report everything to him like :"he cried", "he cough", blah blah blah... then they will discuss on how i mishandle my child.

Staying with in-laws is not easy, what's more they are going to stay with us for life?

take things easily. I ever thought of them moving out, but this didn't work. i also thought of us moving out, and this also didn't work. So i now hope to return to work soon, so that i don't have to see them so often, but then, i would miss DS le....

 

[ahpei]

Re: MIL and me

Haha, I totally agree too! I also cannot tahan going back even once a month for just a few hours. Whenever we reach there, all she cares abt is her grandchild and son (my hubby). I am invisible. Always speak in her own dialect to her son and family member even though she knows that I do not understand. I am currently pregnant (with complications initially) and she din even show any concerns. Always asked me when I am giving birth and at which hospital whenever she sees me...sigh.

Hi, akachan09, at least your MIL still bothers to asked you which hospital you gg to deliver blah blah blah. When i gave birth, my in-laws didn't even bother to visit me, although we are staying in the same roof. it's DH that asked them to go to the hospital to see at least their grand child. When they reached there, their legs would be on the chair/sofa, and yawning away!

when i was pregnant with my 1st child, i had to go for operation to remove cysts. When i was hospitalised, DH brought them to visit me, and they only called me outside the curtain, and went straight to the next empty bed and chit chat, like wah, got TV ah, wah, can see outside ah.. blah blah blah.... and the very ultimate is that my MIL commented that it's inherited one, cos my mother also had the same thing..... :realmad:

 

[mich_liu82]

Re: MIL and me

:tlaugh:I do that too.. But reached home, I start to complain to DH liao.. :tlaugh::tlaugh::tlaugh:

Same, same... Then he always ignore me...

 

[Catty]

Re: MIL and me

Same, same... Then he always ignore me...

I in the car already complain liao cos by the time i reach home i already don;t have the feeling to say out le.. :tlaugh:

 

[Domique]

Re: MIL and me

Cannot complain to DH too much. No matter wat also her mother!

:tlaugh:I do that too.. But reached home, I start to complain to DH liao.. :tlaugh::tlaugh::tlaugh: