Any bad experience with confinement ladies?

Discussion in 'Domestic Helper, Nanny and Confinement Lady' started by Mum2Matty, Aug 25, 2007.

  1. Mum2Matty

    Mum2Matty Member

    Dear mummies

    Do you have any bad experience with confinement ladies?

    Though I enjoyed my confinement as I do not hv to do any chores.. there are certain things that she practically drives me crazy.

    1) Didn't wake me up to breastfeed (Mistake: Bought a tin of FM as spare - dun do that if you want to totally breastfeed)

    2) Kept rushing me while I'm breastfeeding. She'll come over and say, lunch is ready, dinner is ready, come I help u feed. I told her, breast is with me, how to help me feed? She'll stand there and kept repeating until I finish breastfeeding.

    3) Didn't check baby often. There are a couple of times I found my son sleeping in the babycot and his mouth, side of face, ear, head all filled with milk cos he threw out.

    After 14 days while she need to go to get her passport stamp, I moved the babycot back to my room. When she came back, she didn't say anything, but when nite fall, she ask me to move the cot back to her room, I said no, I will take care of my son myself.
  2. Leanne

    Leanne Active Member


    Bath Leroy in the tub too long. Told her it's enough alrdy, still dun listen. Ignored me. My mom said her too, ignored again.

    Leroy sleeping, carry him from his bed & walk around the house. Crazy.

    Use used hankie which just cleaned his mouth(milk threw out) to clean his face, body. Goodness.

    I had the same foods for at least 3 days.

    Many more. Cant stand her. Luckily until this week.
  3. Leanne

    Leanne Active Member

    Finally, i know the truth.

    This is the FIRST time she's doing confinement in SG. She's a malaysian.

    & she's 70 yrs old. Damn
  4. Leanne

    Leanne Active Member

    OH yes, i rmb some stuffs now.

    Once, the gas container in the kitchen no more, had finished, my mom told her she will ask me call the gas uncle up, ask her stop cooking 1st. She ignored my mom & turned the stove turner trying to make the stove have fire. She keep turning it. My mom stopped her. Said cnt lyk this. Very dangerous. She told my mom, aiya nvm la, mus cook 1st. My mom nearly scold her. Crazy woman.

    & when Leroy dun wan to suck pacifier, she pushes it into his mouth violently & forcefully. When leroy tried to push it out, she pushes it into his mouth dun let it too fall out.

    SCREW HER!!!
  5. Carol

    Carol Member

    Same here . Keep rushing me and when my mum or auntie came over for a visit , she'll repeat the same things to them . Aiyo why she feed soooo looong one . Need close door ? In Malaysia , you see the women there also bf in public . It's until my auntie said Hello do you bathe in public too ? , then she shut up . Lol .
  6. CynCyn

    CynCyn Active Member

    My confinement was a pleasant one . She's a malaysian but very understanding towards me .
    I'll definitely hire her for my #2 .
    I was so sad when she left I teared silently . For the 1 month it felt so much like motherly love .
  7. Mum2Matty

    Mum2Matty Member

    Oh.. but I dun breastfeed behind close doors. I do it anywhere.. mostly in the living room. She'll come over and stand infront of me.. and ask, got milk meh?
  8. Oh god, i hope i dont get a bad confinement lady when i m doin my confinement ltr next month.
  9. Pwiincess

    Pwiincess Member

    How much was your CL? For how long??
  10. Rainbow

    Rainbow New Member

    I had a terrible experience with my confinement lady too :(

    This confinement lady in her 50s from Ipoh (Malaysia) claims to be so experienced and good and even brat that she was once asked to go for an overseas confinement assignment turns out to be my biggest confinement nightmare!!!

    These are what went wrong:

    1) 1st day back home from hospital discharge - I woke up at 1am and to my horror found her blowing TWO fans at my 5-day old baby. She used a nappy cloth to cover my baby but didn't tuck it securely under the baby and when I stepped into the room, the cloth was covering my baby's nose and mouth, revealing only her eyes. I had to remove 1 fan from the room and tell her not to do that in future. Her response? My baby is feeling very warm and she went on to give an example of her own grandchild who sleeps in aircon room as early as few days old.

    2) Applied my baby's Avent bottom balm on my baby's buttocks, GENITALS, NECK AND FACE!!!??! When told not to do that, she stubbornly claims it can be used that way! Subsequent days, she continued to do so.

    3) I noticed that my baby's breathing is not very smooth so took her to the GP and was told she was having running nose. When I returned home, I told the confinement lady not to direct the fan at my baby and if she (confinement lady) feels hot, she is free to use the fan but fix it in her own direction (don't oscillate). I woke up in the middle of the night to discover that my instructions were ignored again. I fumed to see the fan again blowing at my baby; furthermore it was raining and windy that night. Woke her up to give her a piece of my mind.

    4) Cut to make the hole in the teat bigger so that my baby can feed faster, No wonder my baby is always choking on her milk. On one occasion, she was gulping down so fast that she threw up all the milk.

    5) Refused to use nappy cloth and insisted on using pampers. She claims that nappy cloth can only be used after the 1st month (basically after she leaves lah...) cos the friction between the cloth and my baby's skin will cause redness. Pure nonsense!

    6) Her job scop entails doing me and baby's laundry, cooking for me, simple household chores like vaccuming and mopping the floor.

    a) My laundry - I have to constantly remind her to wash my laundry if not my soiled clothes will forever remain in the laundry basket. Sometimes, I even ran out of clothes to wear.

    b) My baby's laundry - My husband discovers that she never washed my baby's bath towel. For 1.5 weeks, she has been sunning the baby's towel to dry it after use and then re-using it again the next day to dry my baby after bath. She makes my baby wear the same set of clothes the whole day and night. She also doesn't wipe / clean my baby in the evening.

    c) Vaccuming and mopping - She has to be told before she does it. My in-laws told her to vaccum the floor. She obeyed but only vaccumed the living room and then stopped after my in-laws left for the market. Instead of vaccuming, she sat in the living room and switched on the TV to watch SCV.

    On another occasion, my in-laws told her to mop my bedroom floor (as the floor was oily after my massage session). Yes, she mopped! She only mopped the part of the floor where I placed my mattress for the massage session ie. only 1 third of the bedroom floor.

    d) Cooking - Dishes are so super salty; soup super blend. Feedback on her cooking falls on deaf ears. Subsequently, she is even too lazy to use the wine in the cooking; only use soy sauce with ginger. At the end of 16 days, she had not even finished a bottle of wine for my confinement cooking.

    7) Her daily routine - Some mornings, she is the last in the house to wake up. So while she is still enjoying her sleep, my mother-in law helps to attend to my baby. After lunch (my baby usu sleeps a lot in the afternoon), she will sit down on my modular L-shape sofa to watch TV, then take a nap there, after nap, she will read newspapers. When guests come over to visit, she will sit down and join in the chit-chat. Sometimes, many guests came the house and there were insufficient seats, she is so 'bu zi dong' as to continue sitting on the sofa and watch her tv. At night, some days, she closed the bedroom door at 8:30pm and went to bed, leaving the baby with us (my husband and me) in the living room. No night duties for her as I could not trust her to look after my baby after all the earlier incidents. I took over the baby to look after 10pm (but she is retiring to bed at 8:30pm??!?!).

    At the end of 16 days, really cannot tahan her terrible attitude and laziness. We decided to terminate her service. So jialat - cannot cook, lazy to do housework, got time to watch TV/read newspapers/nap but no time and initiative to do my laundry and clean the house, don't follow our instructions, cannot look after my baby...etc.

    Not much point keeping her in the house! Got to pay her ($1800 for a month) and feed her and watch her relax and laze around in my house - really buay tahan! Paid her 16 days' wages plus $300 as compensation for early termination (my in laws' idea; to me, she doesn't deserve any compensation! Terminated as performance not up to the mark) and $50 as transport allowance for her to return to Malaysia.

    Mummies out there, be very careful with selection of your confinement ladies. And do wake up at least 1 or 2 times in the night to check on your baby and don't be overly trusting and think that the confinement lady will take good care of your baby at night (when no one is watching).
  11. eileen

    eileen Member

    Hi CynCyn

    I'm looking for a stay in CL who can help to take care of baby and mummy . My Edd is sometime early Apr. Is it possibe to get more details from you on your CL as i need someone knowledgable and reliable.

    Hope to hear from u soon.

  12. mAmA

    mAmA Member

    hi eileen,
    adv to engage a CL once u r preggy coz normally gd CL r not so easy to find n they got booked very very early so they might hv "confirmed appointment" that whole year..
    juz in case if u r still looking for 1, u may contact my prev CL who is quite talkative, luv to share experience oso make sure u know how to take care of bb b4 she leave u aft 28days (her name is Hua Jie: 019-7326355)
  13. ~m3m~

    ~m3m~ Member

    hi gals, I think it wld be better if we state the names of the CLs too else how others know if they had gotten the right or wrong one right?

    I know one by the name of guilian or what fm msia too. she has a hubby staying in TPY. she claimed to be so gd but she sucks! On the day the mother got home, the CL on the fan but shouldn't she knows that mothers doing confinement should not kena wind all these?! the CL was sleeping in the same room. so throughout the whole mth, the mother even needs to wrap herself up with a blanket whenever the CL on the fan. imagine the weather is already hot enough and the mother still needs to wrap herself up! the CL can still tell her all these nevermind one! juz because she's hot?!

    I think she's the one doing the confinement instead of the mother! besides cooking and sleeping more than the mother, the mother basically looks after the baby full time more than the CL and even needs to prepare her own water for washing up, to clean the body, wash her own pails, even drinking something or anything, including breakfast...ALL need to call and tell the CL etc etc etc or she will not give you!!! by right the CL should know and should serve or ask the mother if she needs any drink all these but no no no! the mother basically is doing EVERYTHING herself except cooking and washing the dishes! so why is the CL so busy? so busy that she doesn't have much time to look after the baby?

    well, most of the time she was watching tv in the living room, also naps most of the time - in the living room too (she got to sleep and nap don't know how many times when the mother had NONE at all because she needs to take care of the baby 24/7!!) and always on the phone (at least every 1/2hr or an hr!). and whenever she's outside in the living room, she did not even bother to come in to check on the baby at all! the CL can even bathe the baby 1/2 way and when the phone rings, she can faster pick the baby up WITHOUT putting on any clothes for him 1st then faster rush to answer her call! and she really talks on the phone, not telling the caller to call bk then faster hang up leh! although got towel on the baby but it was not properly wrapped! It's not as if it's some urgent call, can't she wait till she had settled the baby 1st then rtn the call?!! Also don't even help to clear and wash the mother's clothings unless she was told to. Always trying to persuade the mother to let baby wear disposable diapers than a cloth one saying that it will cause nappy rash! Nonsense! It only happens if it's been wearing for too long and did not change. She's plain toooooooo lazy to change and wash!

    there are still a lot more about her but mothers who need CL, PLSSSSSSS, NEVER EVER engage someone by the name of Guilian who has a hubby staying in TPY! She is TOOOOOO LAZY already! :bmad:
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2008
  14. mAmA

    mAmA Member

    hehe.. the CL Hua Jie tht I engaged few mths back is quite ok only quite talkative loh..
    I didnt like her at 1st coz I prefer to be alone or rest quietly but she kept talking n talking.. until I find her a bit annoying (think I m kind of weird type prefer someone to do her work then keep quiet, stupid rite)
    on the 28th day when she was abt to leave my hse then only I find her very nice loh ( kinda late) coz she taught me so many things like how to take care of bb n prepare the food for myself aft she left, even pack the chinese herb n ingredients seperately nicely for me so tht I can just dump everything into the slow cooker to cook..
    she gave me pieces of adv how to take care of bb n myself well before she leave..
    make sure we bath bb correctly..
    I feel so touch til I shear tear when she kiss gdbye to my bb..
    Planning for 2nd bb now n we'll look for her again

    Agreed with ~m3m~, advisable to state the name so that other mommies wont engage such CL to go thru the PAIN..
    shld deserve wat we pay for
  15. ~m3m~

    ~m3m~ Member

    wow urs so nice. my whole hse was so dirty, oily and sticky and messy (esp kitchen) after my CL left :mad:
  16. mAmA

    mAmA Member

    sm ppl hv higher expectation so no matter how well the CL perform still cant meet their requirements :nah:
    at 1st I thought I've engaged a nasty one coz she dun like to go ard the bush when talkin so sm ppl might not b able to accept
    but CL wf be wf us for 28days leh so y not juz clarify then keep it to urself..
  17. ~m3m~

    ~m3m~ Member

    Oh this of course I agree. But what is the MAIN duty of a CL? To take good care of mother and baby, at least, right? EVen if it's not taken good care of, but at least take care?

    What if they are not even doing this at all? Mother has to look after herself, prepare everything herself, do everything herself, no sleep and nap both day and night time cos needs to take care of baby as well. And if the job is just to cook (not every meal some more) for the mother, might as well get a confinement caterer, do not have to spend a bomb getting angry over a stranger and ruining one's health (doing confinement is to have ample rest and proper meals etc in order to build up the mother's health). What's your take in this?:wemask: I know some are very fussy and expect a lot from others but not all are so. Same as not all CLs are so lazy and bad. Same as getting a maid, it all boils down to luck at the end of the day and of cos, the employers attitude contributes too. :eek:

    No offence. Just voicing out my opinion here only. :wink:
  18. mAmA

    mAmA Member

    no worries, ~m3m~
    of coz i can understand how u feel if u ever had such bad encounter before.. :we2Randy-git:
    my bro oso engaged a nasty one before..
    wat we mother need during the confinement is to rest, nothing but REST coz aft CL left we will take all the responsiblity liao..
    so is better to take ppl recommendation loh rather than find ur own CL..
    must be more careful if u go thru agency coz CL dun only wait for agents to find jobs for them, most of them hv their own "lobang"
    when CL found their own customer sure will reject agent ones so we mother will suffer by taking the replacement who might be inexperience, hot tempered etc..
    CL can earn more from their own direct customer coz they no need to pay comm. to the agents mah..
    but if u hv maid at home, may neg the rate wf CL one
  19. elaine01

    elaine01 Member

    mine was simply a cant do w/o.

    even DH who favours & side his mum was thumbs up:red:for her cooking, attitude, open-mindedness, modern & flexibility.

    she's simply a 2nd mum to me:Dancing_wub:
  20. mum-of-3

    mum-of-3 New Member

    I din engaged confinement lady for my 1st 2 child. Frens encouraged me to get one to recuperate and I did. Now full of regrets. at one point worrying I might end up post-natal blues after her stay with me. My husband said I was too sensitive. U be the judge.

    1) My babies jaundice are unusually high and takes 2-3 mths to recover.. But she tell me this several times a day: [FONT=&#23435]你的[/FONT]baby[FONT=&#23435]会死,[/FONT][FONT=&#23435]你知不知道![/FONT]

    2) My baby vomited milk. She insisted we bring bb see doc. But dint at 1st. To us, normal if it happened once in a while due to air in stomach. She flared up and no choice we brought bb to see doc. Doc laughed at us and said it was due to overfeeding. When I rely the message, she scolded the doc for being stupid and tell me: “[FONT=&#23435]你的[/FONT]baby [FONT=&#23435]啃死,[/FONT][FONT=&#23435]你不要来找我![/FONT]After the visit to doc, I started monitoring. she gave my baby 4*120ml milk over 6 hours!!!!

    3) My younger son is very close to the maid. When maid went on Xmas leave, son cried for her. She gets irritated and complained to me that son very noisy. I ignored her. At the end, she went to my 2 yr old son and told him at his face: [FONT=&#23435]你没有你[/FONT]auntie[FONT=&#23435],你是不是会死?[/FONT]

    4) Younger son caught a viral infection and has no appetite. So when he asked for pocky, I gave him. She told him: [FONT=&#23435]你在找死啊!生病还吃[/FONT]pocky!! Luckily my son does not understand Mandarin.

    5) ask me to express out foremilk and give only hindmilk.

    6) She wants me to eat early lunch and dinner. There was once she even asked me to take dinner at 4.30pm. I told her too early. I will eat at 5.30pm. She raised her voice and said[FONT=&#23435]:你每次浪费我时间!![/FONT] IF she is not the same age as my mother, I would have told her: [FONT=&#23435]你甘催叫我三点吃晚餐![/FONT]

    7) I wakes up at 8/9am, considering I still wake up to breastfeed. She said : [FONT=&#23435]你非常懒惰。睡到这样晚![/FONT]”Is 8/9am late? Pissed…

    8) She set the temperature of the washing machine to 90 degress...the washing machine cannot take the heat and “exploded”. When I removed the clothes from the washing machine, I found a FLOOR RUG inside, together with the baby clothes.

    9) My maid does not have a handphone and her frens are calling the house directly. She kept askng me to get maid to buy her own hp.

    10) My maid went out for Xmas leave and came back at around 6pm. She hardly went on leave so I did not give her a curfew. But CL was so unhappy that she returned late and keeping asking what time she is coming home and why I do not know. She nagged at me the entire afternoon….. feel like sewing up her mouth

    11) She can scold at everything. Sometimes my brother will send the tonics which my mum bought for me on his way to work. She scolded my husband for being lazy cos he did not went to pick up himself. Why must my husband need to take the trouble to drive 1 hr (to & fro) when my brother’s office is just 5 mins drive away.

    12) I was running a fever & had rash on my 2nd week of confinement and went to see doc. She scolded me for going out during confinement. Is she going to be responsible if anything happens to me?

    13) She always holds the bottle by its teat with her hand. When I told her off, she said her hands are clean.
    14) She used the money which I gave her for marketing to buy utensils tt she preferred. end up my hse got so many extra utensils at the end of confinement.
    15) My kids do not like to eat the food she cooked. They are used to plain diet. She kept scolding them stupid in front of them.
    The CL is called Xiao Li, mid 50s. Mobile: 97372***. A Singaporean married Malaysian, stayed in Choa Chu Kang area.
    My other regret is I recomended her to one of my frens whose confinement was 3 mths b4 mine. When I asked fren abt CL's performance, then i realised tt she broke down several times during her confinement bcos of her. I am so guilty towards her as tt was her 1st bb and she does not have much family support. Yet I have indirectly brought her so much stress.

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