Anyone else with such a sisterinlaw?
- Thread starter mysonftw
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rainbow123
New Member
I dun have such a sisterinlaw but if i do , she will be SO DEAD ...
Most probably will be bullet down by my vulguar language . Sorry will not have kinds words for her as it is really too much to feed CHOCOLATES to a 8 month old baby ..
Your hubby is not supportive because it is her sister . To me , it is understandable ..
Anyway , you should not feel regret of having the baby or marry your hubby . Your mindset is very weak (sorry to say this ) . Must have good fighting spirit and fight back this negative thoughts. Be strong for yourself and for your baby .
People can bully you because you let to , not because they are stronger .
It is time to show some color also ... :001_302:
Most probably will be bullet down by my vulguar language . Sorry will not have kinds words for her as it is really too much to feed CHOCOLATES to a 8 month old baby ..
Your hubby is not supportive because it is her sister . To me , it is understandable ..
Anyway , you should not feel regret of having the baby or marry your hubby . Your mindset is very weak (sorry to say this ) . Must have good fighting spirit and fight back this negative thoughts. Be strong for yourself and for your baby .
People can bully you because you let to , not because they are stronger .
It is time to show some color also ... :001_302:
@rainbow123 you are so lucky not to have any sister in law. 
and the chocolates was given to my son when he was 6-7 months like tat. and i only found out a few weeks back! dunno how long she's been giving these kind of things to my son. dunno how to take care of baby still have the cheek to ask my son call her mama! @$#@#!
but im kinda halfhearted to tell her off. coz i dont know if my telling her off will pay off. if i tell her to stop calling herself mama to my son, she may back off and start addressing herself as aunty. this is the desired consquence.
but if she turn the other way and make it into an ugly scene. then everytime i go to my mil's house i have to endure see her @#$! black face. dunno how long this will go on.
or i could just endure and wait till my own son tell her that he dont want to call her mama. but this is not a good solution coz i am reaching the point of maximum endurance liao. like anytime can burst out.
should i just risk the peace reigning at my in-laws and tell her off. or should i endure longer. dilemma dilemma!
and the chocolates was given to my son when he was 6-7 months like tat. and i only found out a few weeks back! dunno how long she's been giving these kind of things to my son. dunno how to take care of baby still have the cheek to ask my son call her mama! @$#@#!but im kinda halfhearted to tell her off. coz i dont know if my telling her off will pay off. if i tell her to stop calling herself mama to my son, she may back off and start addressing herself as aunty. this is the desired consquence.
but if she turn the other way and make it into an ugly scene. then everytime i go to my mil's house i have to endure see her @#$! black face. dunno how long this will go on.
or i could just endure and wait till my own son tell her that he dont want to call her mama. but this is not a good solution coz i am reaching the point of maximum endurance liao. like anytime can burst out.
should i just risk the peace reigning at my in-laws and tell her off. or should i endure longer. dilemma dilemma!
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rainbow123
New Member
hi , i do have a sister in law , but she is a weirdo ..:001_302: So far only see her twice this year even though i go back to my in law place for dinner every week .@rainbow123 you are so lucky not to have any sister in law.
but im kinda halfhearted to tell her off. coz i dont know if my telling her off will pay off. if i tell her to stop calling herself mama to my son, she may back off and start addressing herself as aunty. this is the desired consquence.
but if she turn the other way and make it into an ugly scene. then everytime i go to my mother in law's house i have to endure see her @#$! black face. dont know how long this will go on.
or i could just endure and wait till my own son tell her that he dont want to call her mama. but this is not a good solution coz i am reaching the point of maximum endurance . like anytime can burst out.
should i just risk the peace reigning at my in-laws and tell her off. or should i endure longer. dilemma dilemma!
Just wondering how much can you endure ? If burst then .... You need me to prick it ? hahaha .. Just joking .
My take is just tell her off since she cannot be reason with ..
Reasoning only work with people who bother to listen . If not , you can talk till the yellow river dry up also no use...
One way or another , you are already SO unhappy , so why you so scare to see her black face ? :001_302:
Even no payoff , at least you shiok to get it off the chest , at least you tried.
If you dun even bother to try and tell her off , then sorry you put yourself into such situation and will continue to be so unhappy .. My dear , why are you choosing to suffer in silence ?
Not trying to teach you bad or what and start a world war 2 , but I will never put myself in such position anymore.
Last time i also make such a mistake, i give in to the first nonsense thinking if i endure , the thing will go away . And the same nonsense come up again few months later . Immediately i call up and blast the person off . Now no more such nonsense . Peace finally....
Then i come up with the rainbow123's theory , put a stop when it first crop up before the bad roots get too deep to uproot ... :001_302:
Ting
Well-Known Member
wow, your SIL wants a son til she goes crazy??? or perhaps she only like babies, thats why she doesnt bother abt her 10 yo....
u know, sometimes my mum like to do that, telling pin to call her mummy, saying pin is her baby.. and sometimes i will get annoyed too.
but i know my mum is joking, so im ok with it.. sometimes my cousin also do that.. when we r out, she claims my daughter as hers, telling everyone she is the mother.. LOL.
though she is also kidding, but the feeling is still, annoying.
honestly, if i were u, i will just jolly well send my son to infant care than to let someone poison my son's mind, and feed him food that he shldnt be eating.
i will nvr let my kid call someone else mama or mummy, cos HELLO!!!!!!!!!! i didnt go thru all the preggers sh*t and labour pains and bringing her up just to hear her call other ppl MUMMY. possessive? NO. why possessive?? the child IS YOURS. u hv the right to be possessive (for now that is.)
now, when someone (my mother or cousin) say pin is her daughter, i will just tell them:" so hard up for a daughter, go hv one lahs." or " wah, haven slp, day dreaming alr??" or " yah, u really WISH u hv a daughter like pin."
LOL. evil, bad, mean, whatever lorr, daughter is mine.
u know, sometimes my mum like to do that, telling pin to call her mummy, saying pin is her baby.. and sometimes i will get annoyed too.
but i know my mum is joking, so im ok with it.. sometimes my cousin also do that.. when we r out, she claims my daughter as hers, telling everyone she is the mother.. LOL.
though she is also kidding, but the feeling is still, annoying.
honestly, if i were u, i will just jolly well send my son to infant care than to let someone poison my son's mind, and feed him food that he shldnt be eating.
i will nvr let my kid call someone else mama or mummy, cos HELLO!!!!!!!!!! i didnt go thru all the preggers sh*t and labour pains and bringing her up just to hear her call other ppl MUMMY. possessive? NO. why possessive?? the child IS YOURS. u hv the right to be possessive (for now that is.)
now, when someone (my mother or cousin) say pin is her daughter, i will just tell them:" so hard up for a daughter, go hv one lahs." or " wah, haven slp, day dreaming alr??" or " yah, u really WISH u hv a daughter like pin."
LOL. evil, bad, mean, whatever lorr, daughter is mine.
ya lor.. i sometimes also fee like i have no control over my son's life. i want full control, but since im working, i have to just pray hard that his 10 hrs with my mil is fulfilling, enriching and safe. hehee.
wish i had really put a stop to it when i first heard it. but like i mention she did it slyly before. she never told us, let alone clear it with us before calling herself mama to my son. i only overheard it when she accidentally let it out. usually if we are around and she babytalk to my son, she wont refer to herself at all.
anyway, i think i will sms or email her abt this lah. coz i know if i talk to her direct, sure flood one. i cry until flood lor! hope she understand lah. if not i dunno wat to do liao lor.
wish i had really put a stop to it when i first heard it. but like i mention she did it slyly before. she never told us, let alone clear it with us before calling herself mama to my son. i only overheard it when she accidentally let it out. usually if we are around and she babytalk to my son, she wont refer to herself at all.
anyway, i think i will sms or email her abt this lah. coz i know if i talk to her direct, sure flood one. i cry until flood lor! hope she understand lah. if not i dunno wat to do liao lor.
If you really don't feel comfortable confronting your sis-in-law then I would suggest you correct baby (actually correcting your SIL) whenever you hear her telling your baby to call her MAMA. Don't ever wait till your child is old enough to correct him because your SIL might think it's ok for her to do that then.
And you're definitely not possessive! Like Ting says, you been through the whole pregnancy, labour pains, etc. NOT to hear your son call someone else MAMA. I would be just as annoyed as you are if I were you.
And you're definitely not possessive! Like Ting says, you been through the whole pregnancy, labour pains, etc. NOT to hear your son call someone else MAMA. I would be just as annoyed as you are if I were you.
like tat wont make her offended meh?
i dont want to offend her. coz i dont see a point in offending her. will only make my life miserable in the long run cozz need to avoid seeing her (if i offended her lah).
tats why i wish my son is of speaking age now. then can teach him to call her aunty.
actually after venting it out here, i am happy to know that i am normal in feeling this way. and yet i feel sad that my sil cannot see and think that her action is not a rationale one.
i dont want to offend her. coz i dont see a point in offending her. will only make my life miserable in the long run cozz need to avoid seeing her (if i offended her lah).
tats why i wish my son is of speaking age now. then can teach him to call her aunty.
actually after venting it out here, i am happy to know that i am normal in feeling this way. and yet i feel sad that my sil cannot see and think that her action is not a rationale one.
Ting
Well-Known Member
yes she will feel offended, but then, it is indirectly offending her..
just do it in a innocent way lorr. haha~
like my mil n sil, they also like to feed pin with chocolates and stuff.
once we step into the hse, they can immediately start offering 3-4 packs of chocolate n snacks, then ask if she wants yakult, fruit juice, soft drinks and everything.
i dont directly tell them NO, i just say to pin: hmmm, u know u can only eat ONE pc right? if not u will fall sick n hv a bad cough AGAIN.
so they will get the "hint" and tell her: yes, eat ONE only ok?
just do it in a innocent way lorr. haha~
like my mil n sil, they also like to feed pin with chocolates and stuff.
once we step into the hse, they can immediately start offering 3-4 packs of chocolate n snacks, then ask if she wants yakult, fruit juice, soft drinks and everything.
i dont directly tell them NO, i just say to pin: hmmm, u know u can only eat ONE pc right? if not u will fall sick n hv a bad cough AGAIN.
so they will get the "hint" and tell her: yes, eat ONE only ok?
@diymummy she havent know the gender yet. but can see she really really really hoping for a boy. all her symptoms also same kind like me when i was preggers with my boy. but even her mother thinks her symptoms abit more gua zhang than mine. and ya i agree with you. if she get another girl, then it'll be more difficult for me lor. cfm she stick to my boy like glue.
@ting i will try lah. but kind of hard u noe when i say things like tat then got no one support me. then those over there will give secret looks to each other like want to say i overly sensitive or overly protective like that.
@ting i will try lah. but kind of hard u noe when i say things like tat then got no one support me. then those over there will give secret looks to each other like want to say i overly sensitive or overly protective like that.
I don't feel it's offensive if you use the indirect approach which is to 'correct' your baby because you are merely stating the truth. Say it in a nice-neutral tone, should be ok. Just don't sound like you're angry or annoyed, say in those 'talking to baby' tone. In fact you're even giving her a nice way to step back.
Fisherman's Friend
Member
Actually I can fully understand how u felt like not wanting to offend her or make things ugly coz I had been through it. But I can tell u, the more u worry about all these, only you will be suffering in pain! My sil was the main cause of my depression and I was so badly affected that, when I know we were gg to have any family dinner and she will be around,I'll have trouble sleeping the night before already.
Frankly speaking,no point in using indirect ways or whAtsoever,coz they these kinda pple wun listen de. You gotta tell her directly what u think and what u want. You are ur son's mother, u have every rights to decide how he should be brought up,what he should n shouldn't be fed with.
Dun worry if no one supports u,coz u r doing the right thing as long as you said it to her calmly and not shout or scolding manner. Yes, ur hubby may be in difficult spot,but as time goes by,things will subside and most importantly u managed to show her u r the REAL MAMA of ur son!!
Frankly speaking,no point in using indirect ways or whAtsoever,coz they these kinda pple wun listen de. You gotta tell her directly what u think and what u want. You are ur son's mother, u have every rights to decide how he should be brought up,what he should n shouldn't be fed with.
Dun worry if no one supports u,coz u r doing the right thing as long as you said it to her calmly and not shout or scolding manner. Yes, ur hubby may be in difficult spot,but as time goes by,things will subside and most importantly u managed to show her u r the REAL MAMA of ur son!!
hi ladies, thank you for all ur encouraging words. i finally did it. i wrote her an email and sent it to her.
and as expected, she blew her top.
i wrote a very neutral tone email asking her to put herself in my shoes coz she's also a mummy so she must be able to understand why i want that exclusive Mummy/Mama title to only refer to me. I also told her that I dont want her husband to be referred to as Papa. I told her that she already has a daughter and a soon to be born child who will refer to them as Mama and Papa, so pls let me and hubby enjoy this privilegded title with our son.
SHE BLEW HER TOP and scolded everyone. She even scolded her own mom coz she said her mom sided with me. But my mil is very fair person. she knows what is right and what is wrong.
When my husband asked her what she was angry abt, she started scold mother scold fatehr again lor. Then my husband ask her, u not happy my wife ask u to call urself gugu? she no, she's ok with that. then she say, why must email? and why must write like that? why cannot just write like a normal talking way? or why cannot just talk? then my husband say, she email u, u take ur time to read u still angry like mad, imagine if she talk to u, u confrim will be angry like siao lor!
then in the end, she say, then why must email in english? why cannot just like normal tone?
so she's angry that i emailed her in english? OMG!!!
then she even told my husband that she dont want to talk to me ever.
since she scolded and troubled my mil, i decided to be the bigger person and apologise to her to let her be at peace and therefore there will be peace in my mil's home. but she never responded to my apology sms lor. i know she must be thinking that she has "won" coz i apologised to her. i wish i can tell her in her face that i apologised coz i consider my mil's feelings. unlike her, who, consumed by her own anger and thinks the world revolves around her, did not even consider her OWN MOTHER's feelings. what kind of daughter is that?!
and the "best" part is her husband go and tell my MIL that he thinks i am being mean for telling his wife that she has no right to call herself Mama to my son. my MIL, thankfully, told him that his wife really has no right what. coz his wife is not the mother of my son.
i'm still pissed at her coz here i am trying to bring peace to a matter which was made chaotic by her in the very first place (with her calling herself Mama with no regards to our feelings), and there she was, being childish and refuse to close the matter. i've already apologised even though none of it is my fault, yet she still dont want to acknowledge. i've done my part, if she still want to ignore me, then ignore me lor. coz i dont need her to live. all along, the only important ones in my family-in-law has always been my MIL and BIL and his wife. My husband is of utmost importance of course.
I hope my SIL will get her just desserts when her baby is born. Then she will get a taste of what I've been through.
and as expected, she blew her top.
i wrote a very neutral tone email asking her to put herself in my shoes coz she's also a mummy so she must be able to understand why i want that exclusive Mummy/Mama title to only refer to me. I also told her that I dont want her husband to be referred to as Papa. I told her that she already has a daughter and a soon to be born child who will refer to them as Mama and Papa, so pls let me and hubby enjoy this privilegded title with our son.
SHE BLEW HER TOP and scolded everyone. She even scolded her own mom coz she said her mom sided with me. But my mil is very fair person. she knows what is right and what is wrong.
When my husband asked her what she was angry abt, she started scold mother scold fatehr again lor. Then my husband ask her, u not happy my wife ask u to call urself gugu? she no, she's ok with that. then she say, why must email? and why must write like that? why cannot just write like a normal talking way? or why cannot just talk? then my husband say, she email u, u take ur time to read u still angry like mad, imagine if she talk to u, u confrim will be angry like siao lor!
then in the end, she say, then why must email in english? why cannot just like normal tone?
so she's angry that i emailed her in english? OMG!!!
then she even told my husband that she dont want to talk to me ever.
since she scolded and troubled my mil, i decided to be the bigger person and apologise to her to let her be at peace and therefore there will be peace in my mil's home. but she never responded to my apology sms lor. i know she must be thinking that she has "won" coz i apologised to her. i wish i can tell her in her face that i apologised coz i consider my mil's feelings. unlike her, who, consumed by her own anger and thinks the world revolves around her, did not even consider her OWN MOTHER's feelings. what kind of daughter is that?!
and the "best" part is her husband go and tell my MIL that he thinks i am being mean for telling his wife that she has no right to call herself Mama to my son. my MIL, thankfully, told him that his wife really has no right what. coz his wife is not the mother of my son.
i'm still pissed at her coz here i am trying to bring peace to a matter which was made chaotic by her in the very first place (with her calling herself Mama with no regards to our feelings), and there she was, being childish and refuse to close the matter. i've already apologised even though none of it is my fault, yet she still dont want to acknowledge. i've done my part, if she still want to ignore me, then ignore me lor. coz i dont need her to live. all along, the only important ones in my family-in-law has always been my MIL and BIL and his wife. My husband is of utmost importance of course.
I hope my SIL will get her just desserts when her baby is born. Then she will get a taste of what I've been through.
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rainbow123
New Member
Hi TS , you did the right thing .
Trust me , if i am in your shoes , she will be so dead by now . I will not bother to apologise to her since she is so unreasonable .. Waste of bandwidth to even talk to her . You are a nice person . Keep it up .
Luckily you got a MIL who side with you on this subject. Maintain a cordial relationship with your MIL will be good .
I should think that you are more relieve now since the matter is blown up.
Now your sister in law will back off from you and your son which i hope so .
Cheers up ... :001_302:
Trust me , if i am in your shoes , she will be so dead by now . I will not bother to apologise to her since she is so unreasonable .. Waste of bandwidth to even talk to her . You are a nice person . Keep it up .
Luckily you got a MIL who side with you on this subject. Maintain a cordial relationship with your MIL will be good .
I should think that you are more relieve now since the matter is blown up.
Now your sister in law will back off from you and your son which i hope so .
Cheers up ... :001_302:
I think you did just the right thing by sending her the email. I would definitely be pissed off if someone were to get my son to address them as mama. ESP when she cannot be a good mama to her own daughter. Being a mother, we wld have expected her tounderstand. But boy! she definitely has some issues that need to be attended to.
Well, you expressed your feelings and you even had the good heart to be the bigger person and apologise. If she is not sound enough to understand you, well there is nothing more you can do.
Frankly, I think you have been toooooooooooooooooo NICE to her already.
But thegood thing in this is that your mil is supportive and understanding. That is nice to see.
CHEER UP!!!! At least you got her to stop saying she is MAMA!
Well, you expressed your feelings and you even had the good heart to be the bigger person and apologise. If she is not sound enough to understand you, well there is nothing more you can do.
Frankly, I think you have been toooooooooooooooooo NICE to her already.
But thegood thing in this is that your mil is supportive and understanding. That is nice to see.
CHEER UP!!!! At least you got her to stop saying she is MAMA!
Fisherman's Friend
Member
Yeah!!I'm so happy for u that ur sil is finally off ur back!!lol and u should be quite happy n relief that ur hubby and mil are on ur side. well done!!
well done!!