Anyone else with such a sisterinlaw?

mysonftw

New Member
Hi,

I am a new mummy to an 8 month old baby boy.

My husband has an older sister and an older brother. When we were discussing what they should address themselves to my son, the elder sister did not say anything to us.

Out of the blue, I overheard her babytalk to my son and refers to herself as Mama. For me, i prefer the term Mummy. So she chose to address herself as Mama.

I think this is inappropriate because in the first place I am not close to her, and most importantly, she did not get our approval for that. I dont want my son to grow up thinking he has two Moms.

I think I am also a possessive and jealous mom. So when i heard her refer to herself as Mama, i feel that she is trying to take over my motherly duties to my son. The worst thing about it is, she has a 10 year old daughter whom she neglects emotionally. The girl has to constantly bug me and my hubby (her uncle) for attention and affection. Sure, i dont mind attending to her sometimes, but when im around my son, i want to give my son my full attention. and guess what my SIL would be doing? Fighting for my son's attention too, when her daughter was there almost going crazy for her attention.

The worst thing is that, she has just remarried and she wants my son to call her husband Papa. Can you imagine the nerve?! All these without consulting us.

I don't know how my husband can just ignore it. Maybe he feels that she is his sister, so no harm done.

And i dont think my husband understand how i truly feel about it. I told him many times that I am uncomfortable with her calling herself Mama to my son. In fact, i told him I do not like it. But he choose to ignore it. Maybe even thinking it's a small matter.

But to me, it's not. I feel like she is trying to take my son away from me. She is trying to be a mother to my son. Everyday i will think of ways to lessen my son's contacts with her, but there's no solution for this. Its coz she lives with my mil and we have to send my son to my mil's everyday coz we have to work. I really cant wait till the day where I can quit my job or send my son to CC. But my husband has his reservations (and I share his sentiments) abt sending our son to CC.

My SIL and I were never close before. I used to live with them before we moved out. We hardly spoke much when we stayed under one roof. And then when my son was born, she automatically wants to claim my son as hers.

Currently she is also pregnant. Another thing that made me boil and see her unfit to call herself Mama to my son is that she has been feeding him adult food like chocolates and Godknowswhatelese!!! I didnt even find out abt it until she let it slipped. How like that? Can you trust someone like that? If you are a Mummy yourself or a MTB, im sure you'd do research on babycare and know what are the foods to avoid totally to ensure your baby is healthy.

Please Mummies, any advise on how to get her to stop addressing herself as Mama to my son? I've tried talking to my husband, i've tried talking to my MIL, i've tried talking to my BIL, tried all ways, but still nothing.

How do i put it to her that I do not want her to be a Mama to my son. She is just his aunt. That's all she is ever gonna be.

Everyday i think abt this, the more stressed I become. So mummies, please advise me on what to do. Do you think I am super possessive and calculative? Should I just close two eyes and allow her to call herself Mama and then when my son is bigger, I shall teach him not to call her that? Should I?
 

angelwendy

Well-Known Member
I think the person u should talk to is ur sis in law... call all out for a chat... together.. have dinner... talk about this problem.. since u already feel so stress.. no point keeping to urself & her anymore... things will get worst if u dont direct talk to her about this... say u dislike what she is doing... If for me i will get really piss off as well....
 

apollo

Well-Known Member
i dun think u're over possesive. if i were u, i will feel angry too. why must my son call other MAMA?? Even ds is very close with my brother, we also never let him call him papa and my bro also dont expect ds to call him tt, he just dote him willingly. same goes to my BIL and SIL. We will ask ds to address them as shushu (uncle) and gugu (aunty).

i think next time when ur see ur SIL u shd purposely tell ur son "boy, call GUGU!! this is ur gugu, so you must call her GUGU!!!"
 

mysonftw

New Member
I did that man. I purposely say to my son, "oh you want aunty xx to carry you?" to her face. and because i did that, she never openly address herself as mama.

if possible i dont want to tell her face to face about this coz i think she's the kind of person who does not see other people's point of view. she is the kind who thinks that her way is best. so can you see the difficulty im facing. believe me, if she is easy to talk to and someone who accepts other's opinios and views openly, i would've long time spoken to her about this. afterall, this is a very big issue to me. it's not something i take lightly. i also know that if i sound her out, it might turn into a very big thing and i have to face her as my sil forever, coz i love my hubby you know. hehehe.

ok, if i were to sound her out, how shall i say it? and her being preggos now makes her very hormonal, yes? see, another issue to tackle. but seriously, this thing is getting on my nerve. :(
 

diymummy

Moderator
Did you ask your husband how he feels if your son called your sil's hubby PaPa? Would your hubby like it?

Otherwise, after her child is born, ask her child to call you MaMa as well.
 

angelwendy

Well-Known Member
I did that man. I purposely say to my son, "oh you want aunty xx to carry you?" to her face. and because i did that, she never openly address herself as mama.

if possible i dont want to tell her face to face about this coz i think she's the kind of person who does not see other people's point of view. she is the kind who thinks that her way is best. so can you see the difficulty im facing. believe me, if she is easy to talk to and someone who accepts other's opinios and views openly, i would've long time spoken to her about this. afterall, this is a very big issue to me. it's not something i take lightly. i also know that if i sound her out, it might turn into a very big thing and i have to face her as my sister In law forever, coz i love my hubby you know. hehehe.

ok, if i were to sound her out, how shall i say it? and her being preggos now makes her very hormonal, yes? see, another issue to tackle. but seriously, this thing is getting on my nerve. :(
]

maybe i'm a very straight forward person.. so even i know she won't listen i still will tell her off... tell ur hubby that this is making u upset....
 

mysonftw

New Member
@diymummy i did ask him. he said, he's ok with it. i think the thing with men is that these terms are no biggie. because according to my hubby, at the end of the day, he knows that our son knows he is the father and not other ppl. to him it's just a term. but to me, i dont see it that way. to me the term Mummy and Mama is sacred. you dont go around calling elder women mummy or mama right? only the one who give birth to you and really put in her entire soul into ensuring you grow up right and healthy should be called mama. not any old how.

@angelwendy i have told hubby umpteen times. but he also doesnt like to talk to his sister abt this. apparently their entire family do not like to "discuss" these things with her. like they all prefer to just suffer than to make her angry that kind of thing. they dislike to get into a confrontational with her.

i am thinking of letting her know of this. but im still figuring out what is the best way to do it. either face to face or other methods. either way, i would like to get views from you mummies. i dont just want to blow my top at her and then found out at the end of the day that i am being unreasonable. i want to find out what you ladies think, am i right to be offended when she slyly addressed herself as Mama to my son?
:(
 

Amulet

Active Member
u are not being possessive..

infront of her, if u hear her teaching ur son to call her mama or her HB papa, thn tackfully correct 'ur baby' (which is actually for her ears), 姑姑,姑丈 loud and clear..

if she teaches behind ur back, maybe u can juz close one ear lo..

ur baby will not be confused, especially if u have been taking care of him more than ur SIL.. n soon, wen he learns to speak, he might even correct them himself.. '你不是妈妈, 你是姑姑"

don't worry :)
 

mag_huiling

Member
If for me, I think i'll do the same as apollo... maybe slightly different...

I'll deliberately catch her asking bb to call her "mama", then go forward and tell bb, "I'm MAMA! She's GUGU!" LOL~
 

mysonftw

New Member
you are right ladies.
best is to tell her straight when i catch her doing it.

@amulet that was one of my plans too. to actually close all eyes, ears, mouth and ren. ren until my son grow up already then teach/drill him that she is gugu and i is mummy! but i have to really tahan lor. i doubt my self-control can last that long.

furthermore, i hate this feeling now because everytime i see her carry my son, i will resent her. coz i already got a bit of distrust of her. i know this kind of feeling very unhealthy for our relationship. but i just try my best to prevent any tension in the family.
 
I did that man. I purposely say to my son, "oh you want aunty xx to carry you?" to her face. and because i did that, she never openly address herself as mama.

if possible i dont want to tell her face to face about this coz i think she's the kind of person who does not see other people's point of view. she is the kind who thinks that her way is best. so can you see the difficulty im facing. believe me, if she is easy to talk to and someone who accepts other's opinios and views openly, i would've long time spoken to her about this. afterall, this is a very big issue to me. it's not something i take lightly. i also know that if i sound her out, it might turn into a very big thing and i have to face her as my sister In law forever, coz i love my hubby you know. hehehe.

ok, if i were to sound her out, how shall i say it? and her being preggos now makes her very hormonal, yes? see, another issue to tackle. but seriously, this thing is getting on my nerve. :(
My sil is also this kinda person!! She thinks that everything she do is correct but what others do are all wrong! This kinda person is the most irritating one, coz they always like to poke their nose into other pple's business and want everyone to listen to her.

Seriously, you should just tell her in her face, if not, then text her. there's no other better way liao, trust me. I had been going through this sil war for some time, and i finally used the last resort, which is to have a showdown! LOL now she no longer come and poke her nose into our affairs, at least not to what i know!:Dancing_wub:

It may put your hubby in a very difficult position, but there's no choice. It's either you continue to live in worry, or you can choose to end it all. For me, after i had the showdown with my sil, i immediately told my hubby about it, i told him how much stress his sister is giving me all these while, and how unhappy i am while she is around (just in case the sister go complain 1st!)

So now, we seldom meet or went out unless its a family affair like the mother bday etc. Anyway, the cousins also dislike her..lol

Dun worry about the hubby part, im sure he will understand as long as you explain it properly in a calming manner to him. :)
 

stonston

Well-Known Member
Everytime she carries your son, just loudly exclaim,"WAH! GOT SO MUCH ENERGY TO PLAY WITH MY SON, CAN'T EVEN PLAY WITH YOUR OWN DAUGHTER?"

Actually, I suspect she favours boys over girls; therefore neglecting her girl and showing your boy so much attention.

Do you stay together? If yes, then it must be clear that she is NOT to ask your boy to call her MAMA.
If no, then don't worry, your boy will not be close to her and reach a certain age, will refuse to call her mama.

If your hubs thinks 'it's just a name', then teach your son to call him by his name; instead of Daddy or Papa. IT'S JUST A NAME AFTERALL.
 

mysonftw

New Member
@fisherman's friend wah!! a person who is going through what I have to go through. it sucks right to have to endure such a person!

@stonston luckily we are not living with her. so whenever i am not working, i ensure very minimal contact between her and my son. i dont mind if my son has more contact with my mil though, coz he is afterall her grandson. but unfortunately for her, she lives with my sil, so minimal contact for her too lor. and sometimes i pray for the day where my son can talk to come sooner so he will be the one to tell her that he dont want to call her Mama. but at the same time i want him to remain a baby longer coz the time i spend with him now is so limited as it is and i want to treasure every single moment and hope that he can stay a baby longer.

you gals understand how i feel right? like half-half like that.
 
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i guess she likes boy than girl that's y she neglect her daug n ask ur son to cal her mama..

or she feel if ask ur boy to call her mama, then she will has a boy..
 

mysonftw

New Member
@lovely0315 actually ya she is kinda hoping for a boy. to the extent of not wanting to look at girls' stuff when at shopping centres. terrible.
 

TANZHENZHI

Active Member
My sister also has the same problem as yours. But when her kids grow up they gradually know that the gugu they use to address her as mama. Now they also call her gugu. I know you're worry but since she's those type that won't listen then you also can't do anything. My sister use to argue with the sister-in-law and she just ignore her until now she also has her own child then she move out from the house.
 

joeyinn

New Member
Hi,
Really understand how you feel.. Perhaps you can just indirectly... right when ur sister in law ask your bb to call her mama.. you can just go ahead.. correct your bb that "this is ur gugu ya.., call gugu" at least it wont be too obvious that show your reject /dislike ..

Your bb will also know the actually address for your sister in law.. no point discuss with all people ended up .. no solution at all..

Have a nice day ahead!
 

mysonftw

New Member
for me i dont want to end up argueing with her. coz if i argue confirm will not patch up easily one. and if tat happens my husband will confirm headache lor. wife and sister argue, who to side with.

sometimes it got so bad that a slight regret would creep in to my thoughts. like regret for not considering his sister first before agreeing to marry my husband. and also sometimes i will think all this might not have happen if i dont have my son now. but i will feel very guilty once i think of that. coz i really love my son and he's not in the wrong, but my sil's action makes me think all these stupid nonsense. because of this, i really dislike her. she never consider other people's feelings and thoughts. and because of her thoughtlessness i have all these foolish thoughts which makes me angry and guilty with myself.
 

mysonftw

New Member
so just ignore your sister in law.. and concentrate your baby .. life will be happier
ive been trying to ignore her all these while. 8 months lioa leh i endure her.
but the more i try to push her nonsense away, the more irritating she becomes. like give my baby chocolates and even dare claim that is his favourite!! @$#@%$ angry anot! there i was trying to ensure my baby is healthy and work so hard to feed him healthy things, and she sukahsukah go and give rubbish. if she want to do her own children do lah. dont have to be ya-ya think she know a lot just coz she has a 10 yr old daughter.

thanks ladies for listening. i just need to vent this out lah. i did vent to my husband, but he's just not as supportive as you gals.
 
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