Are you ashame that u are a single mother?

J

JoyBliss

Member
Thanks ladies,

Good to know that we have friends here facing the same situation. Ya, already my neighbours casting a doubtful look, never seen my "husband". For those who know about "my husband oversea", ya, thaks Amulet on the suggustion on Divorced. I'm planning to do that. At workplace, I just keep quiet even when they ask why I'm back so fast from the maternity.. wht I'm married... bla bla bla... I just smiled and divert the topics... very siansiah to entertain such pple.

It's an imperfect world we are living in indeed... be it whether it is out of concern or curiousity, it's just not the right time right place to ask such question. Sometime I wonder whether anyone will come back to me asking "Hey, you are Joybliss on SGMummy right! Know it from your writing style"... Good also... a relief, nothing to be ashame, at least we single mummy are brave enuff to face our mistake. I wonder how many pple can do that? We shd be proud and I am

I'm getting pranoid I think... stay for bonus bonus, dont think so much 1st... $$$ is very impt. Cheers! :tlaugh:
 
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meiteoh

meiteoh

Well-Known Member
Perhaps it's because I'm married to an angmoh and exposed to his culture that I take a very liberal view about what & how people lead their lives. Over there, being single with a kid is not a big deal, and neither is having a kid without getting married (as a couple). It's not because morals are loose but because you achieve NOTHING by judging people. In fact, in France (where my husband is from), single mothers get more support and welfare than couples because the government realised that it's single parents who have difficulty providing a good life for their children. You don't see kids rushing out every day to be single parents!

I believe that NO ONE starts out wanting to be a single parent and that life has a shitty way of throwing curveballs at us when we least expect it. Sometimes it's a small thing and sometimes it's a huge thing like a useless/abusive/crappy/etc partner.

IF being a single parent means taking responsibility for your actions in any way whatsoever, then you have my support and respect. It's not easy to be a parent, let alone a SINGLE parent.

Single parents especially single mothers are often judged to have loose morals and such but no one ever questions the responsibility or actions of the other party involved in the whole baby-making thing - the father. We are quick to label unwed pregnant mummies as sluts and make them feel guilty for wanting to carry a child to term and care for him/her but what about the father who refuses to do anything or be responsible? Most societies dont't even care to provide child support to single parents or make sure that the father pays some form of child support - this is wrong. It takes two to make a baby.

While we shouldn't encourage such practices openly, we also shouldn't sideline and punish those who have already made a mistake. Two wrongs dont't make a right. I feel that single parents should be given more protection and support legally as well as socially NOT just labelled as mistakes and then sidelined.
 
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J

JoyBliss

Member
meiteoh said:
Perhaps it's because I'm married to an angmoh and exposed to his culture that I take a very liberal view about what & how people lead their lives. Over there, being single with a kid is not a big deal, and neither is having a kid without getting married (as a couple). It's not because morals are loose but because you achieve NOTHING by judging people. In fact, in France (where my husband is from), single mothers get more support and welfare than couples because the government realised that it's single parents who have difficulty providing a good life for their children. You dont't see kids rushing out every day to be single parents!

I believe that NO ONE starts out wanting to be a single parent and that life has a shitty way of throwing curveballs at us when we least expect it. Sometimes it's a small thing and sometimes it's a huge thing like a useless/abusive/crappy/etc partner.

IF being a single parent means taking responsibility for your actions in any way whatsoever, then you have my support and respect. It's not easy to be a parent, let alone a SINGLE parent.

Single parents especially single mothers are often judged to have loose morals and such but no one ever questions the responsibility or actions of the other party involved in the whole baby-making thing - the father. We are quick to label unwed pregnant mummies as sluts and make them feel guilty for wanting to carry a child to term and care for him/her but what about the father who refuses to do anything or be responsible? Most societies dont't even care to provide child support to single parents or make sure that the father pays some form of child support - this is wrong. It takes two to make a baby.

While we shouldn't encourage such practices openly, we also shouldn't sideline and punish those who have already made a mistake. Two wrongs dont't make a right. I feel that single parents should be given more protection and support legally as well as socially NOT just labelled as mistakes and then sidelined.
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Yep, Mei, sadly it is still a very much asian culture here. Not to be political about it, but how many times i was knocking at doors that shut on me... But I respect the policy established, but I really hope there are more bodies that can help single parent, unmarried ones...

The special group set up here brings so much joy and relief to me really. Just the sharing of thoughts is already a big consolation... i suppose I shd read up more on single parent parenting.... any good recommendation my dear friends?
 
Ting

Ting

Well-Known Member
meiteoh said:
Perhaps it's because I'm married to an angmoh and exposed to his culture that I take a very liberal view about what & how people lead their lives. Over there, being single with a kid is not a big deal, and neither is having a kid without getting married (as a couple). It's not because morals are loose but because you achieve NOTHING by judging people. In fact, in France (where my husband is from), single mothers get more support and welfare than couples because the government realised that it's single parents who have difficulty providing a good life for their children. You dont't see kids rushing out every day to be single parents!

I believe that NO ONE starts out wanting to be a single parent and that life has a shitty way of throwing curveballs at us when we least expect it. Sometimes it's a small thing and sometimes it's a huge thing like a useless/abusive/crappy/etc partner.

IF being a single parent means taking responsibility for your actions in any way whatsoever, then you have my support and respect. It's not easy to be a parent, let alone a SINGLE parent.

Single parents especially single mothers are often judged to have loose morals and such but no one ever questions the responsibility or actions of the other party involved in the whole baby-making thing - the father. We are quick to label unwed pregnant mummies as sluts and make them feel guilty for wanting to carry a child to term and care for him/her but what about the father who refuses to do anything or be responsible? Most societies dont't even care to provide child support to single parents or make sure that the father pays some form of child support - this is wrong. It takes two to make a baby.

While we shouldn't encourage such practices openly, we also shouldn't sideline and punish those who have already made a mistake. Two wrongs dont't make a right. I feel that single parents should be given more protection and support legally as well as socially NOT just labelled as mistakes and then sidelined.
Click to expand...


agreed totally. :)
 
austrina

austrina

Member
my dear... u shldnt & muznt b ashamed dat u r a single mother, b it unwed or divorced... itz nt ur fault dat u choose 2 bcome 1... circumstances forced it...

my mum & my MIL r oso single mum bt so wat? they still carry on w their lives & no 1 oppse or wat coz other ppl noe y they choose 2 b a single mum...

those ppl who despised single mums coz they dunno wat gg on... they simply hv prejudice against single mums...

so my dear dun b ashamed of it... if u r ashamed of bein a single mum den wat will happen 2 ur child when he/she grows up? u 1 him/her 2 hung their heads dwn when they walk? b brave... stand up w pride & then ur child will feel e same 2...

no1 shld discriminate single mums... they r e bravest mothers...
 
A

Ashbaby

Active Member
I just realise tt the thread started in flowerpod not here. Why not channel ur views over there, at least let the TS over the other side hear ur views. He/She cant see anything here, unless he/she is a member here.
 
J

Joan

New Member
Hi everyone... I just give birth to a lovely son and i am a single mom... And i really wish to know more and make friends with single mom out there... Being single mom is tough... we need as many friends as we can get...
 
SunShine07

SunShine07

Member
Joan said:
Hi everyone... I just give birth to a lovely son and i am a single mom... And i really wish to know more and make friends with single mom out there... Being single mom is tough... we need as many friends as we can get...
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Hi, joan. nice knowing u....welcome here.... :)

i have a 20 month old son....staying tampines...whats ur age?

are you doing ur confinement now?
 
J

Joan

New Member
liang`jia said:
Hi, joan. nice knowing you....welcome here.... :)

i have a 20 month old son....staying tampines...whats your age?

are you doing your confinement now?
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Hi... nice knowing you too... i'm 22 this year and yup doing my confinement now...
 
annie

annie

Well-Known Member
im not a single mother but then i feel u should not be ashame. in fact if i am, i will feel proud! cos i can bring up my child without the help of a man! how 'wei da' women is! women dosent need a man to survive n single mother proves it all! wats there to be ashame about? if someone feel single mother should feel ashame then i feel they should be more ashame of themselves cos they cant survive without men lol. (i mean if those ppl who despise single mother k? not referring to all 'unsingle' women) hehe
 
glamorousmama

glamorousmama

New Member
Ting said:
well, i guess in the end, it just boils down to how much u love your child n not whether they r from a complete or single parent family.
it's how much we are willing to sacrifice n give our children n bring them up as good people.
as long as we provide well enough for them, n they hv a happy childhood, i doubt they bother they hv a dad or not. :)
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I don't think there is any wrong being a single mother, because me myself is a single mum. In fact , i'm proud of being a single mother, because we work so hard to bring up our kid ourself. I believe when my son grow up, he will understand everything...
 
Ting

Ting

Well-Known Member
it's just tt in the asian society, they r still very conservative in thinking.
in the western culture, nobody really minds whether u r single or married.
just gotta be answerble to ourselves and our kids. :)
i think, parents r parents, mothers r mothers, why shld they be catorgorised into single or not?
 
stupidyeye

stupidyeye

Member
Ting said:
it's just that in the asian society, they are still very conservative in thinking.
in the western culture, nobody really minds whether you are single or married.
just gotta be answerble to ourselves and our kids. :)
i think, parents are parents, mothers are mothers, why shld they be catorgorised into single or not?
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Hmm..true dat asian ppl and western ppl thinkin still a 'big gap'?
well...i agree wid ting..wad we do...so long as we can ans....why bother is single or married???
 
Daddy_Siansters

Daddy_Siansters

Member
Even though how big gap this ang mo n chinese thinking, i can see that more and more single mum or dad brought up their kids to be good manner compare with some act classy type of parents which i hate most. Nothing is impossible and nothing is 100% "sure".
 
little_rabbit

little_rabbit

Member
hi nice to meet you all! i too am a single mum.

to be honest, i am kind of ashame of being a single mum. i lie to my friends and relatives that my "husband" is always overseas hence they dont see him at gatherings. because of this, i hardly go out anymore as they dont understand me at all, they will keep on asking me to show them my husband photo and ask tons of qns about him.

I used to have a very good friend, known her for 8yrs, when she knew i was pregnant and unmarried, she asked me why am i so stupid and adviced me to go for an abortion. since then, i never tell anyone that i am a single mum. Luckily at my previous work place my bosses take it that i am married and did not ask for any document proof, they even gave me childcare leave as well.

I am sad that i have to lie but i do not want people to tell my child that he is so poor thing, not having a father...

btw, do u all still keep in contact with the child's father?
 
happymummyo7

happymummyo7

Member
little_rabbit said:
hi nice to meet you all! i too am a single mum.

to be honest, i am kind of ashame of being a single mum. i lie to my friends and relatives that my "husband" is always overseas hence they dont see him at gatherings. because of this, i hardly go out anymore as they dont understand me at all, they will keep on asking me to show them my husband photo and ask tons of qns about him.

I used to have a very good friend, known her for 8yrs, when she knew i was pregnant and unmarried, she asked me why am i so stupid and adviced me to go for an abortion. since then, i never tell anyone that i am a single mum. Luckily at my previous work place my bosses take it that i am married and did not ask for any document proof, they even gave me childcare leave as well.

I am sad that i have to lie but i do not want people to tell my child that he is so poor thing, not having a father...

btw, do you all still keep in contact with the child's father?
Click to expand...
there's nothing to be ashame about. you yourself cannot accept and look down on yrself. how u expect others to accept n 'look up' to u?
like i always say. im proud to be a single mummy. cause though i made mistake, at least i dare to face it and take responsibility lo.
my whole office know im a single mummy. and im only 21. kinda ah siao ah siao play play pattern. tattoos here and there. was still smoking during when i was pregnant. imagine what they think of me? also like that. but they also never like look down on me or what. instead they helped me alot giving me info about pregnancy, looking after baby etc.
i know i brought shame to my family. my parents. but will lying and running away from problems help? i can lie to relatives my husband where and how. but for how long? paper cannot wrap fire. if they find out i lied, then wont it be worst? i made the decision to be a single mummy myself. so. face it lo. work hard. prove to others, i can do even better being single..
 
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