Are you ashame that u are a single mother?

Amulet

Active Member
i'm not.. but obviously, some people think we should be ashame of ourselves..
But for girls, I won't want to dig deep into it.......

We won't want to see so many single mothers popping up and declare that they are proud to be single mothers.....

Some underlying social problems were created by these self-denying individual trying to put on a so-called bravefront infront of others. They can't put themselves straight and gave out wrong signals to the young.

It is not right.
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EforEileen

Member
Im a divorcee with 3 kids.
Here my opinion and personally exp.

When I had my daughter I was not married.
My parent insist me to get married although they nv really understand and like my ex hb. They think that being a single mum unmarry is shameful thing.
I was planning to be a single mum cos I really dont want to get rid of my bb.
But I listen to my parent.
I get married.
For 6 yrs, he cheated on me for countless times.
I gave him far too many chances and I tink its time to let go.

I often think to myself,
What if I nv listen to my parent, then wont my life be better than now?
I wouldnt have 3 kids with him and I sure I will be more happier as a single mum with my dd.

So nv be ashame to be a single mum.
SO what if there are alot of single mums out there?

Being single are not just our fault.

So being single with kids are a wrong signal to kids, then what about married and then divorce? Not wrong?
 
so pathetic eh. she's just jealous she has to depend on men la. cannot survive without them. unable to be as strong as single-mummies. tsk tsk.
whats there to be ashame of. the same old words, at least we do wrong, make mistake, we dare admit our mistake. n r responsible for it lo.
 

stupidyeye

Member
wad for to be ashame???is not our fault and want to be a single mum...we got no choice???or maybe say dat at least we are more responsible then those IDIOT???everyone make mistakes...we are human being too..wemake mistakes too...bt at least wwe dare to face our mistakes and we are responsible to our mistake....is not dat we don't wan marry..bt is dat those bastard don't want to have commitment...so wad can we do???so wad even force to be tgt???end up divorce also e same...isn't it???must well face e prob now...better then in future hurt e innocent kids more....
ashame or not is just a matter of FACE...but to me..face is something dat cnt eat.....and i dn wan end up regretting....people always say...don't scared of making a mistake...but worry of making urself regret.....so...i dn wan maself to regret...so i can only take and accept dis mistake....
 

Ting

Well-Known Member
i'll just copy n paste from my post in the other forum. :)

hmmm, im proud to be a mother cos i know im doing a good job bringing pin up. but i hv to admit, im not proud to be a single/teenage mum or anything.
well, i made a mistake and in a way or another, pin is paying for it too. cos she doesnt hv a daddy bcos of tt.
well, cant help it tt the father is useless but in also, we hv ourselves to blame for not being able to "open" our eyes big enuf be4 plunging in.

but then, i dun feel ashame that im a young single mum.
i bring my kid up well, i feed her, teach her n give her a happy childhood.
that's not something that some married older mum can do.
yes, i got help from my family, but who doesnt?

if we're doing a good job, we dun hv to really take other ppl's comment so seriously, its our own lives afterall.
n that person who made tt remark, obviously did nt go thru wat we did.
so who's to say tt he/she can make a better parent?
but i think tt in the end, we just hv ourselves n our kids to answer to.


JMHO.
 

Ting

Well-Known Member
it was not by choice that we choose to be single mums, it was under circumstances where we decide to. :)
 

EforEileen

Member
Just be yourself. Why care how others think as long as we are living happily as a single parent?
I am living happier as a single parent than I'm married to my ex husband.
 

Ting

Well-Known Member
i think most ppl see single mum as young n unmarried mothers. not those who r divorced.
therefore, the stereotyping. :)
 

Ting

Well-Known Member
eh...check from internet.....

A stereotype is a phrase relating to all the members of class or set. The term is often used with a negative connotation when referring to an oversimplified, with the class due to his or her membership in it. Stereotypes can be used to deny individuals respect or legitimacy based on their membership in that group.
Stereotypes often form the basis of prejudice and are usually employed to explain real or imaginary differences due to race, gender, religion, ethnicity, socio-economic class, disability, occupation, etc. A stereotype can be a conventional and oversimplified conception, opinion, or image based on the belief that there are attitudes, appearances, or behaviors shared by all members of a group. Stereotypes are forms of social consensus rather than individual judgments. Stereotypes are sometimes formed by a previous illusory correlation, a false association between two variables that are loosely correlated if correlated at all. Stereotypes may be occasionally positive.


but to cut short, means like condemning like tt lor. normally its not a good thing la.
 

Amulet

Active Member
it was not by choice that we choose to be single mums, it was under circumstances where we decide to. :)
agree.. which one of us here doesnt hope that we and our child could have a complete family? but things juz changes under some circumstances and we have no choice but to take onto the path of single parenting (provided that abortion was never and option to us)
 

EforEileen

Member
agree.. which one of us here doesnt hope that we and our child could have a complete family? but things just changes under some circumstances and we have no choice but to take onto the path of single parenting (provided that abortion was never and option to us)
totally agree...
 

EforEileen

Member
eh...check from internet.....

A stereotype is a phrase relating to all the members of class or set. The term is often used with a negative connotation when referring to an oversimplified, with the class due to his or her membership in it. Stereotypes can be used to deny individuals respect or legitimacy based on their membership in that group.
Stereotypes often form the basis of prejudice and are usually employed to explain real or imaginary differences due to race, gender, religion, ethnicity, socio-economic class, disability, occupation, etc. A stereotype can be a conventional and oversimplified conception, opinion, or image based on the belief that there are attitudes, appearances, or behaviors shared by all members of a group. Stereotypes are forms of social consensus rather than individual judgments. Stereotypes are sometimes formed by a previous illusory correlation, a false association between two variables that are loosely correlated if correlated at all. Stereotypes may be occasionally positive.


but to cut short, means like condemning like that . normally its not a good thing .
Oo.. ic.. ic..
 

Ting

Well-Known Member
agree.. which one of us here doesnt hope that we and our child could have a complete family? but things just changes under some circumstances and we have no choice but to take onto the path of single parenting (provided that abortion was never and option to us)

yup, and we r all striving hard to give the best to our child, n thats not wat many complete families can provide too.
cos we feel in a way "indebted" to our child for not able to give a complete family to them, thus we try harder, while some "complete" families take for granted n may not shower as much love n attention to their children.

JMHO.
 

Amulet

Active Member
yup, and we are all striving hard to give the best to our child, and thats not what many complete families can provide too.
cos we feel in a way "indebted" to our child for not able to give a complete family to them, thus we try harder, while some "complete" families take for granted and may not shower as much love and attention to their children.

JMHO.
same thinking here..

at least my girl is also showered with love and attention by me and my family members.. they seriously adores and dote on her..

whereas some complete family, father can't be bothered, mummy also gave up and have her own life.. thats lonely.. if not, the parents will be shouting at each others everyday..
 

Ting

Well-Known Member
well, i guess in the end, it just boils down to how much u love your child n not whether they r from a complete or single parent family.
it's how much we are willing to sacrifice n give our children n bring them up as good people.
as long as we provide well enough for them, n they hv a happy childhood, i doubt they bother they hv a dad or not. :)
 

SunShine07

Member
for me i think, a child can go without daddy but not without mummy. Usually, i realised that those ppl without mother tends to have a very difficult character (like my huband) but i have friends without father and they have very close relationship with their mother and very caring, love.....

That what i think only. But i alwasy think tat mother's love is still the most important.
 

SunShine07

Member
I decided to separated from my husband because i dun want in future my son witness our fightings. My husband is someone without a mother, and he is very insecure kind of person. Always think negative about ppl, he simply can't get alone with ppl, like my family and even his own father and sister. He can't control his emotional and always lead to violence. He abuse me countless times b4 and have an affairs b4 also. And all these i can't simply forget. And i already have 'yin ying' causes me to hate him.

I tot giving my son a complete family also, but how to when my husband hit me in front of my son, now my son may not know what is going on, then what about in future?

Though he promised that he won't do this in future, but i doubt i could trust him anymore. And what if there is really one time which he really can't control his emotions again and hit me in front of my son? By the time my son will see that daddy hit mummy. Only one time to witness it, but the impact will be so great that my son will never forget it.

and what if my son behaves like his father in future because he saw his father doing it to his mother, and he do the same to his wife in future???

Who dun wan a complete family? Everytime my son play with my bro-in-law will make me feel that he is lack of father's love and that's why look for my bro-in-law to play. My heart is aching to see such senerio.

But am i wrong to make this decision?
 

Amulet

Active Member
I decided to separated from my husband because i dont want in future my son witness our fightings. My husband is someone without a mother, and he is very insecure kind of person. Always think negative about ppl, he simply can't get alone with ppl, like my family and even his own father and sister. He can't control his emotional and always lead to violence. He abuse me countless times before and have an affairs before also. And all these i can't simply forget. And i already have 'yin ying' causes me to hate him.

I thought giving my son a complete family also, but how to when my husband hit me in front of my son, now my son may not know what is going on, then what about in future?

Though he promised that he won't do this in future, but i doubt i could trust him anymore. And what if there is really one time which he really can't control his emotions again and hit me in front of my son? By the time my son will see that daddy hit mummy. Only one time to witness it, but the impact will be so great that my son will never forget it.

and what if my son behaves like his father in future because he saw his father doing it to his mother, and he do the same to his wife in future???

Who dont want a complete family? Everytime my son play with my bro-in-law will make me feel that he is lack of father's love and that's why look for my bro-in-law to play. My heart is aching to see such senerio.

But am i wrong to make this decision?
*hug*

family violence this kind of things, there is once, there will be twice.. actually, have u guys been to counselor and see if things can work out?

ur son like to play with ur BIL doesnt simply implies he lacks father love.. kids are like that.. whoever enjoys playing them, they will enjoy playing with that person.. my DD loves to play with my bro also.. maybe becoz guys are better with action funs? my DD love it whn my bro throws her into the air, or let her ride his back like pony.. mummy and grandma surely won have this kind of stamina.. hahaa..

father role is important (especially to daughters), but if the father is absent in the family, as long as there is a male figure the kid can look up to (e.g uncle, grandpa, family friend), i believe they should be fine ba..

seeing daddy always beating mummy and daddy is angry, mummy is sad doesnt makes the kid happier nor emotionally secured even if the 'complete family' image is there.. so if divorce is something u have to do to make everything better, u are not making the wrong move ba..

JMHO
 
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