babies from hell?

[jaybaobei]

hi all mummies,

hv u even wonder if yr bb r fm hell?

I alway feel they r fm hell to torture me. they can made my day so miserable, almost everyday.
they alway like to scream n shout esp my gal. smtm I feel so breathless n helpless.
I feel so guilty cos they made me so mad until I feel my mind is nt functioning. I always hv to take the cane wherever I go at home. the moment I drop the cane, they will start again.

some said they r angels fm heaven but I don't think so. I even hv evil thought that just dump them at home n walk out. I know shd nt hv that kind of thought but they r really pain in ass sometime....

can someone teach me what to do?

I really helpless...my hubby n maid oso can't help much...only me alone..
no help...nt even my mil...

 

[Triquetra]

I understand that babies or kids are not easy to handle.
I believe every mother has her own share of difficulties and helplessness when it comes to parenting.

You need to speak to your hubby and let him know how you are feeling. Many mommies go into depression after giving birth, we all need support. Jia you!

 

[shiyi]

u should speak to your hubby to let him help take care of your girl. babies scream cos they cant tell u what they want.

 

[hpc]

Jiabaobei,how old are ur kids?

 

[ast0212]

There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do and it is very normal. Motherhood can be difficult especially when you feel you are alone, overwhelmed and unable to cope. But you are not alone. It's good that you have voiced out your feelings even though it is online. It is important to seek help about this as you wouldn't want these feelings to get worse.

Is it possible to speak about this to your GP? Bring your husband along so he can understand what is going on as well.

Also, this checklist may be able to help see where you stand at the moment:

beyondblue: the national depression initiative - Signs and Symptoms

The checklist is not a diagnosis but an indicator for postnatal depression, so it's really best to see your GP. Postnatal depression is very common although it may not understood by those around you. Please don't let that or the stigma of depression stop you from getting the help you need

 

[noelsmum]

hi all mummies,

have you even wonder if yr baby r fm hell?

I alway feel they r fm hell to torture me. they can made my day so miserable, almost everyday.
they alway like to scream n shout esp my gal. smtm I feel so breathless n helpless.
I feel so guilty cos they made me so mad until I feel my mind is not functioning. I always have to take the cane wherever I go at home. the moment I drop the cane, they will start again.

some said they r angels fm heaven but I dont't think so. I even have evil thought that just dump them at home n walk out. I know should not have that kind of thought but they r really pain in ass sometime....

can someone teach me what to do?

I really helpless...my hubby n maid also can't help much...only me alone..
no help...not even my mother in law...

!) How old are you?
2) How old are your kids?
3) What are the reasons that you cane them?
4) How much help are you getting?
5) Do you think you're depressed and need help?

I know it's hard at times especially when the babies are really young. Be careful with the cane, it's easy to end up abusing your children with the cane. It's better to discipline with love and not fear. Fear ca derive more screaming and crying from the kids.

 

[jaybaobei]

Jiabaobei,how old are ur kids?

Last mth turn 2yrs old

 

[Fisherman's Friend]

I think most mummies here will have such a moment when we feel somehow like you. But always rmbr that you are not alone. Ur girl is at a age where she is learning very fast and she wants things her way- FAST. And since she is still learning how to speak, there are times when she tried to convey a message to you, but you can't get it, so she got frustrated, that's y she screams, throw tantrums. It's pretty normal, my girl is lidat too.

Just try to walk to a corner, take a deep breath then tell yourself, its not ur fault, its not her fault, both of you are still learning, then walk to her again. Slowly teach, dun lose it.

 

[jaybaobei]

I think most mummies here will have such a moment when we feel somehow like you. But always rmbr that you are not alone. Ur girl is at a age where she is learning very fast and she wants things her way- FAST. And since she is still learning how to speak, there are times when she tried to convey a message to you, but you can't get it, so she got frustrated, that's y she screams, throw tantrums. It's pretty normal, my girl is lidat too.

Just try to walk to a corner, take a deep breath then tell yourself, its not ur fault, its not her fault, both of you are still learning, then walk to her again. Slowly teach, dun lose it.

actually my girl speaks clearly than my boy although both are same age. my girl hv better understanding than my boy. my boy is the bo chap kind. despite my shouting or cane threatening, he will still continue his mischief. whereas my girl will stop when she saw i'm staring at her. she will tone down when she saw i'm taking the cane.

 

[jaybaobei]

!) How old are you?
2) How old are your kids?
3) What are the reasons that you cane them?
4) How much help are you getting?
5) Do you think you're depressed and need help?

I know it's hard at times especially when the babies are really young. Be careful with the cane, it's easy to end up abusing your children with the cane. It's better to discipline with love and not fear. Fear ca derive more screaming and crying from the kids.

1) me 32yrs old
2) both boy & girl turn 2yrs old last month
3) tonnes of reasons - climb sofa or bed and jump, draw walls, throw things/toys out of the windows (we r staying on 12th floor), throw toys out to corridor, spit out the bread on floor (they asked for bread), play with fan, throw their shoes everywhere, play the water in my master bedrm toilet bowl (esp my boy), my girl will pull her little bro hair or push him, etc...still have many more....
usually they will do together so thats y i feel tried. have to stop one 1st then can stop the other one...most of the time, my girl is the follower...
4) only my maid & me during daytime. my hubby will help abit at nite time when he cm back fm wk. but i will also tried not to seek his help cos he already tired after a day of work.
5) i really really really need help. my mother in law can't help although she is staying few blks away. my mother who can help have left my family & me 3yrs ago. actually i can seek help fm my dad but stay too far away (amk & tampines).

actually i know using cane is not a wise move but smtm i'm really feeling so helpless & stressed out. so now i will only use cane to threaten them. like this morning, i use cane to threaten my girl but punish by telling her to stand at a corner.
i also afraid my anger will lose control and hurt them. in the end, i'm the one feeling guilty. i will asked myself how can i hv the heart to cane my cute angels (looked at them when they r sleeping).

 

[jaybaobei]

although i have a maid but smtm i feel she is helping enuf.

i have to do certain tasks & not my maid.
1) made formula milk (me do)
2) shower for them (me do)
3) cut their nails (when necessary) (me do)
4) put them to sleep (me do)
5) play & look after them (me do. my maid look after them when i'n having lunch or go toilet)
6) change their diapers (me do most of the time)
7) feed them (lunch, dinner & snack time) (maid & me - each person feed one)
8) change clothings for them (me do most of the time)

many people asked me why not teach her to do. she can't commit cos she is the blur kind. i even hv to check the stove gas, fridge door before bedtime cos she tends to be more careless & forgetful type. there was 2-3 times she didn't closed the fridge door properly. despite my warning & explanation, she didn't admitted her mistakes...forget it...tired

my maid quite phobia to look after my boy. probably he more active. my maid is the slow motion kind. she can take 1 hr to cook 2 dishes for dinner (that 1hr exclude preparation).

my gf said maybe she wks too long for me and started to "grow horn". that is few occasions she say dont't want to work when argued with me.

so tired...

 

[noelsmum]

jaybaobei,

You've put a lot of things into perspective. Well, you have twins and that can be very trying and tiring. Maybe you can rewards positive behaviour instead and praise them for good behaviour? You can have a sticker chart for each child and place them in their view. For every praise or good behaviour, give them a sticker and when they get 10 or 20 stickers, give them a present or toy. I'm not saying that using the cane is bad. I believe in sparing the rod and spoiling the child. But use the cane for serious matters so that they'll understand when they are in big trouble. Try the positive reinforcements first. Hopefully, this will bring about a change in their behaviour and then it'll make you happier too.

 

[noelsmum]

Alamak! Now you also have to teach maid! No wonder you have such a hard time! I feel for you

 

[jaybaobei]

jaybaobei,

You've put a lot of things into perspective. Well, you have twins and that can be very trying and tiring. Maybe you can rewards positive behaviour instead and praise them for good behaviour? You can have a sticker chart for each child and place them in their view. For every praise or good behaviour, give them a sticker and when they get 10 or 20 stickers, give them a present or toy. I'm not saying that using the cane is bad. I believe in sparing the rod and spoiling the child. But use the cane for serious matters so that they'll understand when they are in big trouble. Try the positive reinforcements first. Hopefully, this will bring about a change in their behaviour and then it'll make you happier too.

do they understand the reward "scheme" at their age? it did came across my mind but do they understand?

 

[noelsmum]

Oh they will! Kids are very smart. It might take some time, maybe like a few days. But they will pick it up. Especially when one behaves and the other one behaves. With twins, they can see it even more when the other twin is getting stickers and praises for good behaviour.

 

[Fisherman's Friend]

Oh they will! Kids are very smart. It might take some time, maybe like a few days. But they will pick it up. Especially when one behaves and the other one behaves. With twins, they can see it even more when the other twin is getting stickers and praises for good behaviour.

I agree with this method and it will sound fun for the kids!! As for the maid wise, maybe you should consider changing a new one since this current one isn't helping much, but adding more to ur probs...furthermore, u are paying her!! Cannot let maid climb on top of u de, you will never know what they may do next..

 

[ping26]

although i have a maid but smtm i feel she is helping enuf.

my maid quite phobia to look after my boy. probably he more active. my maid is the slow motion kind. she can take 1 hr to cook 2 dishes for dinner (that 1hr exclude preparation).

so tired...

Hi jaybaobei mummy

wow, you have twins. That's nice

Twins are twice the fun & challenge.

Kids are smart these days. I think they'll prefer to play with water than stickers. Making a mess is so much more fun. hee.
reward system - anything as long as it works. I would use bath toys eg no bath toys if he messes with water. His twin can get the bath toys if she behaves.

throwing things - plan daily throwing activities eg 4-5pm ball pit, or ball tent or tumbling blocks. If they misbehv in the morning, no BALL time in the afternoon. Toddlers love to mess up stuff. I don't try to stop them. I direct them appropriate way of playing.
A) Divide & conquer


I think u shld send the boy to school & let the teachers 'train' him. School can also use up excess energy.

B) outsource

I used to want to do everything for my baby. But I really couldn't bathe my baby due back problem. So I supervise the bathing.
After I outsource certain mundane chores like feeding & bathing, I have enough energy left to do the playing.

I work as a special needs therapist, I have to be energetic and engaging, talk talk & play with kids almost all day.

Most slow-motion maids don't like active boys. They can't keep up even if u dangle $200 more in front of them. Maybe let her take care of your girl. Managing maid requires a lot of patience & skills. Cos u r too busy & stressed over the kids now, I don't think u can re-train a new one unless u are able to divert one to childcare/school/parents for a while. With 2 kids running ard, a new slow-mo maid will forget everything. very confusing for slow learners.


Hope this helps!

Don't worry, this "messy-messy" period will pass I used to do finger/hand painting with my girl (she's also turning 2 yrs old). She'll smear everywhere, even use her feet. Now she uses brush only

BTW u wanna join her playgroup? PM me if u r interested

 

[littlehelper]

Agree with the reward system but you will also have to be very consistent and fair if not jealousy between the 2 may occur.

Don't worry you are not alone, and anyway they are in their well known "terrible twos" and you have 2 of them. All the best. Kids learn fast, teach them young and you will have less trouble in future.

 

[noelsmum]

Give the reward system a try and let us know if it works. Kids love stickers!

 

[Cheyenne]

Hi,
Have you try to play them Children DVD eg. Barney, Hi 5 etc ?

My 2 yrs old boy also super active. But once we play the DVD, we have at least 30mins time to go for quick bath, wash up etc. Or, I play him the video from the Thomas & train website, while teaching my P1 girl her school work. He also want to play computer when I'm using. Sometimes, I will bring him out to market / jai jai so that my maid can quickly clean up the house and prepare the veg/meat etc.

I believe you need to talk to your maid. There must be a basic expectation between the 2 of you and a time grace to earn back the trust and commitment level, else it's time to change one.

Cane is no use now. They are not afraid on them. Must show reward. And teach them to earn it.

Best of luck.