Behavioral Problems and Teenage Sex

flowerchild

New Member
I love my son - I had him when I was 20 years old, and he has been the one joy that I had the pleasure of living for many years. My world was all about him. I divorced at 24 but my focus was completely on him. When he reached 10, I started dating again and a year later, I remarried to a nice gentleman, with whom he also adored. Then he turned 12 and I had my second son.

My older son has just turned 15 and for the past one year, he has been a completely different person. I don't need to be a genius to know why - he started dating a girl (I don't believe it is her "fault" as it takes 2 hands to clap) and in my eyes, he was with a very mature girl (same age) but he is just a child who couldn't handle the intrincacies of a serious relationship.

When things started to blow up (between him and me, him and girlfriend, him and everyone at home) constantly, I started to pay much more attention to him. Anyway, things begun to heat up still - till one night, when we had an argument, he hit me. :elvis:That was 3 months ago. It is taking me time to forgive him (and it doesn't help with his constant lies). But I then found out that he had sex with his girlfriend since last year.

It happened that he was at his dad's for the mid year holidays (in Malaysia) and because of the constant promises that he won't have sex (my condition was that after 16, he can do what he likes even though I prefer when he is much much older) but I made him promise. I said to him very frequently: I don't approve of you having a girlfriend, but I rather you not hide stuff from me, so I have no choice :we2Randy-git:but to support you. I don't have my eye on you 24 hours, but if I ever find out that you have had sex before your are 16, you are out of my house.

So, after that, I called him (he was in Malaysia) and told him that he is not coming home and staying with his father. He started shouting that he would never see me again if I did that to him and hung up on me.

It has been only 10 days since that decision, and almost a month which I haven't seen him, and now that he is not around, I do miss him. :embarrassed: Alot. I am starting to think why I did not forgive him for hitting me? (As I have been quite mean to him (rather than I love you, sweetie, it was like go to your room and don't irritate me). My husband says that hitting his mom is a very bad thing (of course my very un-understanding ex says that I should get over it as it was 3 months ago).

I was hoping that when my son was away for 2 weeks that I would have some breathing space and when he returns, our relationship would improve.

Anyway, I am just sad and a little confused.:err:I am not sure what I am asking, but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for your patience in reading my saga.
 

tika

Active Member
Hi Flowerchild,

You must be in alot of heartache. I hope things will work out for you and your son eventually.

I don't quite understand why he 'hit' you. Is it because you found out he is having a sexual relationship with his gf and you were against it?

Teenagers are very hormonal beings (if not more than same like pregnant women I dare say). I guess as parents, we must always practice patience with our children. Of course this is also easier said than done. One thing i know for sure, whenever something points to the direction of an argument, emotions should stay out. Again, easier said than done. But it does truly help if both parties are calm and not screaming at each other.
 

edy

Administrator
Staff member
Consensual sex below age 16 or was it 18 is illegal and your son could be jailed if i am not wrong.

If i were you in your shoe, i would not know what i should do ... maybe bring him for counselling ...

Good Luck!
 

Ting

Well-Known Member
TS, i think u need to hv a good talk with your son, rather than shut him out completely.
he is still very young, n at a very rebellious age.
i can honestly tell u, this kinda thing, u cant avoid nor help it.
since he alr did this, then try to educate him more on sex.
in this society, alot of boys their age r hving sexual intercourse alr.
try to be open with him, since alr happen, n u know its hard to change his mindset, why not educate him more on safe sex?
yes, he is young, but alr has a mind of his own.
have a good talk, let him know your concerns.

at his age gg thru puberty all his hormones are raging! n also, peer pressure.
could it be his gf initiated it?u nvr know.
as parents, of cos we want whats best for our child, let him know that sex can lead to many consequences which he is not able to bear right now. eg, STDs, pregnancy.

by shutting him out like tt, dont u think it is too harsh? he is still young n immature n need much guidance from u n your husb, n from what i see, your ex may not do a gd job in guiding him.
let him know u n your husb care for him very much n tell him u will be there for him but, he has to be responsible enough to shoulder such huge responsibilities, ask him, is he ready?
STDs, is he ready to ruin his life?
pregnancy, is he ready to be a father? or to kill an innocent life by asking his gf to abort?

u cant change the fact tt it happened, what u can do know is to minimise the damage n prevent further damage to occur.


JMHO. :)
 

DodoTan

Member
I think it's better to get him to go back home. Whatever happens, it's better that he's at home. You never know what he can get himself into if he's fending for himself outside.

Say you were upset and over-reacted or something. Get him home first then worry about the rest.
 

virgo2829

New Member
flowerchild,

is your son back home with you?

me also a divorcee when my son was 3 years old and I was 29 years old then. I remarry when he was 6 years old and my son is 13 now...

With him in mind, me and hubby decided not to have a 2nd child so that we will not be bias (just in case we dote on the younger one). So we focus 100% on him....he is a good boy even though he is a teenager now and yet to be rebellious but nothing makes him feel motivated to study...i would say he is still very childish and not in the least mature...
 

Anti-HIV Champion

New Member
I think that if your son is sexually active, it is vital to get him to go onto this site- www.vir.us and become educated on HIV. It is a great animated site- really funny yet very informative and directed for the 15-24 year olds age group so it is perfect for your son. Let me know if this helps. I think you are right, it is important to make sure that everything is out in the open, and this site makes sure that at least he is having safe sex.
 

ping26

Member
I love my son - I had him when I My older son has just turned 15 and for the past one year, I was hoping that when my son was away for 2 weeks that I would have some breathing space and when he returns, our relationship would improve.

Anyway, I am just sad and a little confused.:err:I am not sure what I am asking, but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for your patience in reading my saga.
Hi flowerchild,

I think you should seek advice from a youth counsellor, fr church or maybe Youth challenge or Fei Yue FSC.

You have to get him home asap so that his O levels will not be affected. A teenage boy in heat can do many angsty and irrational things.

Pls seek advice on how to handle situation before u speak to him to prevent further deterioration of ties & communication lines.

Good youth counsellors can bridge the generation gap & re-connect the communication lines.

take care.
 
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