between my daughter & him

hi all

as above topic, single working mother, 9 years old daughter & him.

5 years relationship with him, planning to divorce his wife & married me later.
both of us love each other but my daughter dont accept him as her future stepfather.

when ever he comes over to stay, my daughter dont like it, she will show her temper.
lock herself inside the room, dont want come out for lunch or dinner even dont want to
talk to me later.

what should I do, between my daughter & him ?
 
Last edited:

mic2

Member
"Xiao San" mean 3rd party.

Take one step at a time.

I would advise u, till the time u really see the divorce petition, then believe what he say. Many men 'eat' outside always say not on good term with wife n getting divorce, and many times it doesn't happened.

Since he have not settled his divorce ask him to stay away. U can't always still meet him outside. And take this time to talk to your daughter to find out why he don't like him. Maybe your daughter knows his status, and don't like him as she think he is chaeting u.
 
Ya it means third party in his marriage. Anyway u have been with him for five years, why he still not divorcing his wife? Did you ask him why? I mean five years is a long time. If he really love you, he will divorce his wife n be with you. It's like he is having the best of both worlds now. I think you should not let him drag on anymore. If he doesn't divorce his wife, then you should leave him to seek for your own happiness. Find a man who is willing to give you a status.
 
we seldom meet here, mostly JB or comes over my place.

why she never accept him because her father pass away when she is still small, never have the feeling of father & daughter before,
also 1 of her classmate say her stepfather always treat her badly, always beat her mother, comes home drunk, etc.
told her not all stepfather is like that, some is good like uncle, both of them never "click" well too.
 
even thou we been together for 5 years already, is only last 2 years back he say want to divorce his wife & married me later.
ask him before why is taking so long to divorce his wife, always say he need sometime to settled some personal issues 1st with his wife.
I know everytimes he comes over is to have sex with me only, why I give him even thou I knew it is because both of us love each other,
he willing to divorce his wife for me even I have a daughter 9 years old too.
 

mic2

Member
if really he love u, he would have divorce his wife to be with u instead of making use of u this way.

U are a women, u know how sad when your husband betray u for another women. Is this what u want to teach your daughter?

Sorry i sound a bit harsh, but u should not let him make use of u, and make u become a 3rd who break up another women marriage.

Some men will run away when u ask for commitment. He say he have personal issues with the wife to settle, then it might be he can't leave his wife.

Don't force him to divorce or u will be the culprit who destroy another person marriage
 

miccghar

Member
if he can't settle the personal issues with the wife for the past 5 years, do u think he can settle with her in the near future?

Let say now, u talk to your daughter and She begin to accept him. Then, he turn around and say he can't leave the wife. U break off with him, and look for another man. How will this affect your daughter.

I think u better settle issues with him first before u think about getting your daughter to accept him./
 
nobody betray anybody, my husband never betray me, he met an accident 7 years ago, same as him too, both of them cannot get along, marriage turn "sour" etc,

I not 3rd party who break another women marriage, I'm a women too, is just coincidence I appear at this time when both of them is having some problems, I never
force him to divorce his wife for me, both of us love each other, he did tell me his problems with his wife.

she will never accept him as I know her well, she is my daughter.
 

miccghar

Member
if really his marriage have turned sour, it have being 5 years, shouldn't it already end?

He is still a married man, and he are having a sexual relationship with him as he have problem with his wife. Aren't u the 3rd party now?

Do your daughter know he is a married man?
 
u might not want to admit it. But by u being with him, when he is still legally married, then u are the 3rd party.
No one will see whether he and the wife have any problems or not, but if u have a affair with him, ppl will say u are breaking up another women marriage.
Stop now if u can. Let him settle with his wife then be with him.
If he love u, he will understand. And if u love him, u must also break off with him till he have settle everything
 
I really dont understand why you all say, I'm 3rd party, when I know him that time, both of them already got problems,
is just coincidence I appear at the wrong timing only.

I told her before, he is married.
 

mic2

Member
I really dont understand why you all say, I'm 3rd party, when I know him that time, both of them already got problems,
is just coincidence I appear at the wrong timing only.

I told her before, he is married.
It's simple. He is married, and he have sex with you. There are other kinds of problem in the marriage that they were having, but they are still illegally married.

Every family there are problems; for eg, financial difficult, mother-in-laws, kids or lack of communication. Some of those problem might take times to solve, but by u having a affair with him, u have become the 3rd in the marriage, it complicated more problem.

I would seriously ask u take a step back and see. Is this man trustworthy, he have a wife and just because he have problem, he run to u and say he love u. If he really divorce, will he do the same to u? During his courtship time, he would have say the same thing to the wife, like what he say to u. Take every step carefully with him. If i am u, make him commit with you. Don't delay his divorce anymore, as the one day he is married, u having sex with him, u will be the 3rd party. If the wife or his relative see u outside with him, u will be disgraced, when they scold u for snatching someone else husband.
 
Maybe you know the whole situation, so you felt you aren't the third party. But for others, as long as they know the man is married, and you are with the man, you are seen as the third party.
 
Hi friendly pinky,

why not you ask him when he is going to divorce his wife? I'm really worried he is not serious about you cus it's so long already. I know you have feelings for him thus not easy for you to leave him but I'm worried he is just taking his own sweet time. You need to think for yourself too.
 

KiBin

Member
hi all

as above topic, single working mother, 9 years old daughter & him.

5 years relationship with him, planning to divorce his wife & married me later.
both of us love each other but my daughter dont accept him as her future stepfather.

when ever he comes over to stay, my daughter dont like it, she will show her temper.
lock herself inside the room, dont want come out for lunch or dinner even dont want to
talk to me later.

what should I do, between my daughter & him ?
if he is married and he have sex with you, do you think he will do so with another woman when he marries you in future?
 
yesterday he came over, we discuss this divorce issue with his wife, he say, havent find the right time to talk to her, once I open my mouth,
quarrel later, no point of talking later.

I really love him, same as he, I know he wont do that after we get married.

actually, I dont really like to do often too.
 

mic2

Member
u know him so long and also commit yourself with him, and he still haven't bring up the issue with the wife.If really he have problem with the wife, then, there shouldn't be any issue y he can't bring it up. I think the problem become u, as u bring the issue of divorce, he will quarrel with u.

He can say he love u, but his action doesn't say so. He might be just taking as as a sex tool. What will happen if u get pregnant?

How much u know about him, like what he work, where he stay, how many kids he have, and is the wife working?
 

mo2xs

Member
Hi friendlypinky,

So sorry if you will feel offended by my words.
it is advisable that you try to give a distance from him. talk to him that you need to clear your mind and think carefully.
and at the same time, you use this reason to let him find a time to settle with his wife.
If he really want to divorce, he will find a time to talk to his wife.

many mommies said you are 3rd party, because somehow society will indirectly see you as a woman who seduced other's woman husband, because they are still married regardless their marriage has already have a problem in beginning before he met you
but, what ppl may think is his marriage may not be this worse if you didnt appear and involve, they will think that you are another reason for him to get divorce.
we may not know if his marriage can be mend or not with or without your involvement.

So try to avoid him, or give two of you some cool off time.
i didnt say that he didnt love you or love you, but by you keep doing this, im afraid you will get hurt more if you realize that he didnt decide to divorce his wife.
and it will become more difficult for you to realize that he has been take adv all this long, by having sex with you since he cant get any sex from his wife.

i know its difficult to take break a while from him since you love him so much and you need some companion as well but i think thats the only solution for you to prevent you to get hurt more.
those stuff he comes over to stay at your place or sex, are just temporary, but for us as woman, we may take it really seriously.

as for your daughter, try to settle your issue with him and see what is the outcome before you talk to your daughter.
 
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