between my daughter & him

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friendlypinky

Member
maybe I'm used to be with him even thou is not 7 days he is here, when I have problems or moody he is there to console & talk to me, house problems such as changing of light bulb, tap leakage, minor repairs, etc. he will come over to help, nobody take advantage of anybody, maybe sometimes, very seldom only he had the urge desire, sometimes he do give me some money.
 
quincy1986

quincy1986

Active Member
between my daughter & him

friendlypinky

i understand your feeling as a single mother.
i understand the loneliness, the helplessness sometimes.
if u really have to rely on him, dont consider him as a husband or a father. because he may not get divorce from his wife in the end.

so your daughter dont need to consider him as a father at this moment.

but if he wants to marry you one day, i hope u let him prove himself that he is a good father. this is for the sake of your daughter.

no matter how much you need him, you have to keep telling yourself you need to respect your girl's feelings also.
 
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Alisa

Active Member
ppl here are all mothers, wifes of their husbands, u expect us to give u our consent to continue with yr affair? very funny! why ask ppl here when u know what u wan? what ppl advise u do not listen then we are all wasting our effort in trying to save HIS FAMILY! u don even wan to save yr own family in the 1st place if not u will not having problem in choosing between yr OWN daughter with ANOTHER WIFE's HUSBAND. seems like u do not really love him, u only need a FRIEND to talk to, change yr light bulb, fix yr leaking pipes etc... all these can ask friends, family members or contractor to do. do u have other family members? relatives? don u have friend? who do not need sex benefits? u are really making yrself very low. pardon me but u still don seems to wake up from yr dream!
 
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HoneyLicious

Member
I feel sorry for you but More for your daughter, she has lost a father figure and now you're not putting her as 1st priority.
to be truthful, after becoming a mom myself i can't help but put my children first.. Their happiness and well being is the most important for me. But of course secondly I have to think about hubby and my own happiness.
So back to your case.. He is a Married man.. And your daughter does not accept him. So since you posted here for advise, mine is simple. First, leave this men. Second, get closer to your daughter, I'm sure all this while you have become distant from her. Have a close and strong relationship with her, and teach her the purpose of a father figure in a family. After she understood, lastly you can date others, find one that will suit you and your daughter.
 
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Fisherman's Friend

Member
friendlypinky said:
maybe I'm used to be with him even thou is not 7 days he is here, when I have problems or moody he is there to console & talk to me, house problems such as changing of light bulb, tap leakage, minor repairs, etc. he will come over to help, nobody take advantage of anybody, maybe sometimes, very seldom only he had the urge desire, sometimes he do give me some money.
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Honestly speaking, you sound like in denial to me. There is no such thing as used to or not. Do you have any close friends whom you can tok to about your probs? Y dun go to them instead? If the probs you mentioned here are those related to the relationship you had with this man, and you dun wana let your friends know, then it always be a prob that will never be solve unless you decide to leave him coZ this relationship is the biggest prob here. House stuffs, changing of light bulbs etc. I believe if you try to put your hands on it, you can do it too, no such things as its a man's job. I too change the bulbs myself, or just call in a handyman to do any repairs needed. Maybe you should re-read the posts you had posted, and you may realized, all along you are just wanting to convince yourself with the 'make-believe' romance you are having.
 
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Wendy7788

Member
between my daughter & him

Ya definitely . Why not think who is more important ? Your daughter or that guy with a wife and 3 sons ?! And if he really want to divorce his wife and marry he will do it long way before and not keep delaying. If i am you I will just leave the guy and look after my daughter. Just my 2nd cent .
 
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MsKoh1973

Member
He is just using you for sex, if he is serious, you tell him no sex till he divorce, he w sure get angry n run away. dont think little of yourself just becos you r a single parent. Think you need a friend, you need someone to share n listen to you, you r very lonely tats y you fall for him. For d seek of yourself n your gal n your future Mr Right, left tis man.

dun b his sexual satisfaction tools.
 
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friendlypinky

Member
can he submit the petition for divorce even thou his wife dont agree ? takes how long the process ? he say he submit last week but didn't show me the documentation.

now that he already done what he promise me all this while, divorce his wife already, now is my daughter problems, both of them is important to me but my daughter is my priority first.

I know sometimes he comes for over, just for sex only as quite sometime he didn't have sex with his wife already.
some of you might think, I like to do until I forget my own daughter, no, I really dont like to do also.

even my friends or colleague, they dont know our relantionships, I never bring him or introduce to them before, that why I in this Forum, seeking for advise. I dont wish to be some third party in their mind or thinking.
 
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MsKoh1973

Member
U ask him for the documentation, said u need to show Ur gal to gain her support as she disapprove Ur relationship w him cos he is a married man. Tell him to help u to improve your relationship w Ur gal, also to mk her feel better abt her mum. If he really loves u n care for your gal, he w show u d proof. Otherwise, he may just b buying time.
 
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Alisa

Active Member
u ARE A 3RD PARTY! u still don understand do u? from what you mention, all of us can see that HE is MORE IMPORTANT THAN YR OWN FRESH & BLOOD! till u see the final result of divorce then u can believe him since u LOVE him for much, u can wait for him and like wise IF he LOVE u that much he can wait for his SEX!
 
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MsKoh1973

Member
Even if he divorce, doesn't means that he w marry u. Come on lah, u r better than this, dun do this to yourself. Ur just lonely, u need a fren, maybe u can turn to your siblings or fren for consolation then to this married man. I noe is not easy, cos most fren / siblings r either marry or have their own family. Maybe u want to get involve in some activites to make urself busy? To make life more meaningful? To get your mind off him? To meet more people? U can consider joining RC activites or do some volunterr job. At least better than wasting your time on this man. If he can cheat on his wife, betray his wife, leave his wife due to some "personal problem", u think you both r a perfect fit? He won't come up with another "personal problem" between u and him?

Ur gal is your fresh n blood, u bring her to this world, u hv the obligation to take good care of her within your means and capability. To me, I think u care for more for this married man then your own child. Pls wake up.

Go take up cooking lesson, cook some food for your gal.

School holidays coming up soon, there r lots of free activities at the library on weekdays / weekends. Go sign up for some, make ur girl. I have signed up for some activities, if u interested, we can meet at the library oso. Just PM me.
 
quincy1986

quincy1986

Active Member
between my daughter & him

friendlypinky: if i were u i will just consider him as a friend with benefits for me.

just come and help me when i need to fix like a light bulb or keep me company when i need someone.
 
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fiiefiie

New Member
babe..
im a single mother same as u too.. after being so much i dont care if thers a fatherly figure in our nucleus or whatever. if the right man didnt come along, actually i have already prepared myself not to get involve in another marriage anymore! if just bf is still fine
our daughter is our main priority.. she is the only person that survive and stick w us thru thick n thin during this single parenthood
the man is different. he might leave you one day, he might just be making use of you but your daughter will never ever be like this
if you insist your stand and eventually neglected her, you are breaking the bond.. furthermore she is getting older n older, reaching the rebellious age soon.. once you lose that bond during her rebellious period, IT IS VERY HARD to get back again. and lets say the man leaves u, you are left with nothing.
 
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paulinepoh80

Member
Personally I feel that definition of 3rd party means an additional existence of a person to a relationship which is only meant for two. It is not only confined to a home wrecker or relationship breaker. I know u don't like to be a 3rd party that's why u keep defending urself by emphasizing that their marriage has problem before u involve.

And whenever u say u love him, u will continue with "as he love u". How do u measure? I am worried u love him more than he do.

I also feel that u relationship with him mean more that ur daughter's growth emotionally. U wan to hv a happy relationship, by doing this, it caused negative impact on ur daughter. What if one day she think u don love her, and anyhow turn to a man for shelter and love, if is the wrong man her entire life is ruined.

I am not criticizing but just my 2 cents. Don pin too much hope for this man. If he is a good man he won't cheat on wife. He will set her free since he don love her anymore. So I feel this man still wan to keep his family. Take care.
 
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friendlypinky

Member
she seems to be a bit rebellious nowadays, both of us cant really communicate well, always moody, after class or tuition, straight away inside her room whole day even thou he not around, is she something wrong, hormone changes or ? , she just 9 years old only.
 
Missy10

Missy10

Active Member
friendlypinky:790649 said:
she seems to be a bit rebellious nowadays, both of us cant really communicate well, always moody, after class or tuition, straight away inside her room whole day even thou he not around, is she something wrong, hormone changes or ? , she just 9 years old only.
Click to expand...
She hates you.....
 
F

fiiefiie

New Member
friendlypinky said:
she seems to be a bit rebellious nowadays, both of us cant really communicate well, always moody, after class or tuition, straight away inside her room whole day even thou he not around, is she something wrong, hormone changes or ? , she just 9 years old only.
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my daughter is also 9..
but we are very close.. she tells me whatever happens to school everyday, we stick together, watches tv together.
i think its way too early for signs of puberty changes already..
u should really try to leave him away from your house for at least a few months, bring her out often or try to find activities to do more often.
 
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venussnow

Active Member
between my daughter & him

There is nothing wrong with her. You are the one who has everything wrong from ur priorities to your choices. U are just putting all the blame on ur little gal and it's not fair for her. You always choose the guy over her. Wat do u expect? For her to kiss and tell u I love u mummy? It sure doesn't work tt way
 
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