Dealing with In Laws

[pkshl]

wow, lookin at all the posts here really worries me as my mil had volunteered to take care of my baby after im back to work. but what worries me is how is she going to cope with 1newborn & 2kids? currently shes lookin after her 2nd son 2 kids(20mths & 8mths). occassionally will hear her complain very tired or BIL did not give her enough $.

now, she even plan for me, tel me that my baby will be at her house from mon-fri & i can only bring baby home on fri nights. & 1more thing, i cannot interfer in her way of taking care of baby. (this really piss me off). lucky my hubby agrees to bring baby home daily. so i think is best to get our hubbies on our side.

 

[Catty]

occassionally will hear her complain very tired or BIL did not give her enough $.

My mil is also the same as ur mil, complain tired, here pain there pain and did not give enough $ !!!

Really dunno what all this old people wants, we as their son/daughter-in-law don't want them to tired themself so intend to put our child to childcare yet they don't want, let them carry on take care of our child than they will have lots of complain this & that.. ~Stress~ :nah:

 

[rainypink]

Im intending to be preggy and am starting to think abt MIL liao. She is v dominant back at her own home and i am so afraid she say she will move in and live with me!!

The other time when I got pregnant first trimester, i was so stressed u know! Everyday, she will observe me liddat. Scold me this, scold me that, this cant eat, that cant eat. As if I dnt care about my bb liddat.

Change my diet completely, ask her not to tell anyone until after 3 mths, she go tell everybody in the family of 10 people.

She says so that they can help. But we dont see them at all only once a month cuz all married got own family, so i really puzzled why she tell them for wat?

i felt like my trust being betrayed lor. I lost my bb miscarriage still the family of 10 ask me how i feel after i lost it for alrady 2mths. :embarrassed:

Im trying to forget n move on. but they keep askng me funny questions like am i used to it? am i ok or not? to me, it doesnt look like concern, it look like sarcasism and stupid questions.

Then when i was preggy e heater spoil, i boil water to bath ma, cuz too cold, i just cant bathe at all, its been my habit since growing up then they all say i spoiltbrat?

Then MIL say why order meals fr catering and pay them, why not give her $$ to cook for me?

But she every other 2 days play mahjong at home when i was preggy fr morning till evening. then dnt bother with me at all.

Say will cook red dates for me but only when she free n feels like it.

so i thought better off ordering fr catering, at least i am assured of food evryday at my choice.
If give her $$, i know she will froze meat for long time , spread over period of time to gimme which i dnt like because i get diarrhea from eating food that are kept for long or over night food also imy stomach will get upset.

i also know she wont keep to it and keep cooking the same food for e sake of convenience.

so to me, i will hire CL to take care of me and i stay home to take care of my bb. MIL only can come 2 days once or smething because i will want to learn how to take care of my own bb my own way and increase my own confidence. If MIL live with me, sure kanna fr each other, fight quarrel or wat...
she is the kind to complain n complain and insist her own way and will do things behnd my back person.

So i dnt trust her lor.

I sound v stubborn hor? hahha.. I just dnt want anybody to teach me how to take care of my bb, can guide me, but dont interfere.

:nah:

 

[pkshl]

My mil is also the same as ur mil, complain tired, here pain there pain and did not give enough $ !!!

Really dunno what all this old people wants, we as their son/daughter-in-law don't want them to tired themself so intend to put our child to childcare yet they don't want, let them carry on take care of our child than they will have lots of complain this & that.. ~Stress~ :nah:

totally agree with u. i also dunno what all these old folks want. i dun wan mil to take care baby, but she insisted, worst thing is, she even told me she can also help on wkends. i told her i don't need her help on weekends as its the only time for me to spend time with my baby. c her face, black black. y even want to 'steal' my baby from me on wkends? totally dun understand. wkends is for mil to rest yet she want to do this. i hope she don't come knocking on my door early sat & sun morning. seriously don't she get it? can't we even spend time alone as a family, just me, hubby & baby? y must she come & disturb us on wkends? dun understand old folks.

 

[rainypink]

ya! I also want to spend time with hubby n bb..
but i knw she will come and disturb me!! =(

because she goes to my husbands brother place to disturb them too every other weekends.

she only want to play with grandchildren but wont take care, u know wat i mean?
:nah:

 

[pkshl]

ya! I also want to spend time with hubby n bb..
but i knw she will come and disturb me!! =(

because she goes to my husbands brother place to disturb them too every other weekends.

she only want to play with grandchildren but wont take care, u know wat i mean?
:nah:

i tink u can tell yr mil that u need to spend time together as a family which is (u+hubby+baby). if after u hint to her she still dun get it, tell her straight. if she still continue to disturb u after u told her, get yr hubby to deal with her. for my case i intend to do this way because my hubby will be piss if his mum or dad comes & disturb us on our family weekends. & now i had already told my hubby that in future, wkends will only be ours, occassionally we can ve family gatherings at his mum's or my mum's place BUT NOT EVERY WKEND. maybe once a month. heng he agree with me.

my mil won't just play with her grandkids. she will sometimes interfer with our ways of dealing with kids(which totally piss me off), in fact if she does tat, i will tel her straight(in a nice way). she must know that shes just the grandma not the parent & cannot cross the line.

 

[Catty]

That's why we woman would rather our "OWN" mum to help us at least we will feel more comfortable with it and even if there's arguement at least won't feel embarrassed as i believe the arguement won't involved our DH in it, if we have arguement with our in-law than our DH will be stuck in between BUT too bad i got no family support as my mum is the lazy type of woman who don't wanna take care of grandchild or help daughter do confinement..

Just pray hard all those "BAD" in law will give us peace and DON'T interfere our family matters..

**My in law don't even care nor concern about me when i'm pregnant, they ONLY care and concern of our child when they are born!!! :wemad:

 

[Catty]

i tink u can tell yr mil that u need to spend time together as a family which is (u+hubby+baby). if after u hint to her she still dun get it, tell her straight. if she still continue to disturb u after u told her, get yr hubby to deal with her. for my case i intend to do this way because my hubby will be piss if his mum or dad comes & disturb us on our family weekends. & now i had already told my hubby that in future, wkends will only be ours, occassionally we can ve family gatherings at his mum's or my mum's place BUT NOT EVERY WKEND. maybe once a month. heng he agree with me.

my mil won't just play with her grandkids. she will sometimes interfer with our ways of dealing with kids(which totally piss me off), in fact if she does tat, i will tel her straight(in a nice way). she must know that shes just the grandma not the parent & cannot cross the line.

How i wish i can only see them(in law) once a mth too but too bad my DD is look after by them so still gt to see them weekly.. Just pray hard my 3rd coming DD is not taken care by my in law so i just need to bear for 1 or 2 yrs than i can offcially put my 2nd DD in childcare liao, than that will be the time whereby i can tell my hubby just visit them(in law) ONCE a month..

 

[rainypink]

Im not yet even pregnant yet but im alrady thinking abt this alrady. since my miscarriage, she keeps asking us when will bb again?

siao lor . we are newly weds only 7 mths old. i no need to rest first meh after miscarriage?

then got so many other siblings married for over 4 yrs nvr go and ask them for bb, why ask me?

she is basically not bitchy at all MIL but she can be quite stubborn and i know even if we teach her not to,she will secretly do behind our backs the kind like feeding water or watever food or change diet for bb or wat.

got once i got delivery package to my place and she just unwrapped the present w/o my permission can!

then when i got home, of cus i angry! she say she dunno its for who and she open and see. she nvr bother to call and ask.

then when my husband say her abit and teach her not to open w/o permission, she cry!

win liao lor. cry means v big.

nvr even yell or wat, just say to her nicely.

so can u imagine next time she live w me n help to take care my bb?

i will go crazy lor. i mean, i know i am easily sot wire kind and quite a hands on person.
I now beginning to brain wash husband liao.
so that when the time comes, he will know and better understand.

when i was preggy the othet time, the brother smoke within e house u know! one day at least 3 times. after every meals! Then i nicely tell MIL pls advise him not to smoke in the house so much lah. he is e only smoker in e entire family. That time i told MIL to keep my pregnancy a secret becaus not 3 mths yet ma, so i naturally thought the brother dunno so can forgive him.
later did i reaslied that actually they all knowim pregnant all along!

So sickening right the brother?
MIL say to me, " this is his house, and its his habit. we cannot do anything to him."

WTH?

 

[pkshl]

rainypink, yr mil seems to be trying to get attention from u all. crying, etc doesnt work on me. when my mil fainted at work(last time b4 she resigned), i simply drag myself to the hospital & was very piss when we r made to stay there for 4hrs, so at 10pm, i simply told my hb's aunty im very tired & nxt day need to work, den she told us all to go home. so silly, what can we do there at the hospital? endup that very night she went home, is minor thing lor. & i can c that my hubby's siblings r piss with my attitute but i heck care them.

last yr my mil oso kept asking me when are we gg to ve baby, i simply tel her to ask my hubby instead, den my hubby juz tel her if have, she will b the 1st 1 to know, after that she stopped asking. we also married for 3yrs, every time she also ask when got baby, for a period of time she stopped asking. theres even once when her neighbour asked iszit i got problem, WTH lor, my hubby hear liao very piss, told his mum dun go n gossip to those gossip neighbours la.

of course, my hubby doesnt always side me. sometimes he will side his mum & we quarrel, last year because of his parents we also quarrel & almost separated. after we cool down, we felt tat its not worth getting separated over his parents, so sometimes also must give & take.

being DIL is no easy task lor.. im still at a stage of how to handle my inlaws.

 

[rainypink]

im not against them or wat, i just want to protect my baby back then. am i wrong? Who wont want their baby to be healthy and strong? If i can prevent things fr happening, why not? better to be safe than sorry right?

then MIL also nvr help to refrain the smoking brother, then the brother also so inconsiderate?
If his own wife pregnant, he will still smoke or not?

Second hand smoke can affect us you know? Leftover smoke residue causes harm to the unborn fetus too ok, even when they carry our babies also not safe u know?

there will be some left in the clothes of the smokers and on their bodies.i also read that its not good for babies who are still trying to develop their system and thus smoke will affect them and may cause them to suffer asthma and other lung problem.

Now i think of that, i Dont even want my MIL to bring my baby back to her place lor. NO WAY MAN.

IMagine the inconsiderate brother smoking near my baby. If he dont smoke, it will be good for him too. but if he smoke, not himself is affected, by baby too. why cant he just smoke before coming home? or smoke lesS?

i tell u, until now sometimes i think abt it, i will feel so resentful towards him.

so if im pregnant, i rather hire CL then hire a maid, then i will stay at home 24 hours to take care of my own baby, nvr will entrust to MIL to take care because of smoker brother. if he considerate, i can still close one eye, but he liddat right infront me when i was preggy still can smoke near me only about 3 metres away can?, imagine when im not ard , then dunno my baby inhale how much smoke per day lor!!

if they think im being rude or wat, so be it. they no children, wont know how i feel as a first time mummy.

My mum is lazy, MIL cant be trusted hence i think i have no choice but to start saving up and take care ym babies myself.

 

[pkshl]

rainypink, are u staying on yr own or with inlaws?

 

[SH74]

wah... ur MIL really v possessive n queen control. stubborn also. ur hb talk to her nicely, she still can cry. really win liao lor. i think it's really diffi n nothing much u can do to her. unless u n ur hb r more stubborn n persistent than her.

 

[rainypink]

last time i stayed with her when preggy, them after miscarriage i move out.
now staying with hubby. =)

But MIL keep asking my hubby to take up driving, maybe you will say i think too much, but for no reason why u keep asking my hubby to pick up driving????

i suspect its because she wants to be ferried to our place when i am pregnant or come to my place often when baby come out lor.

so i ask hubby no learn even if got license liao, also dnt tell her. =p

lucky we stay far away. if not, MIL cfm will keep coming to disturb my peace.

i mean if I am MIL, i will CFM screw the brother upside down lor if he smoke in front of preggy woman, but my MIL just gimme me i cant anything look. make my heart cold.

fr that time she cry, then myhubby scold me u know? he say why i make old people cry?

than i say, since when i make her cry, its you who spoke to her, then he say why i kick up a big fuss over a small thing?

i say i didnt scream or wat, but its not wrong for me to be angry right?
then i black face abit cannot meh?

i nvr even say a word, i just say who open wihtout permission?
than i walk away.

but since then , i dont like MIL anymore.
For me is, i dont care who you are, or how old are you, if you are wrong, either you shut up, or apologise, dont gimme crap like crying lor.

 

[pkshl]

rainypink, poor u..but heng u stay far fm ur inlaws. but hor yr mil is crazy, small things also cry, is obvious shes trying to tel ppl that u bully her. this type of ppl, u can juz heck care them. old ppl are like tat, they think juz bcos is they old means they got privilage, dun even know that they irriate ppl.

last time when i just got my house, my fil say he wants to help supervise the workers cos last time the contractor is his friend, so my hb give lor. then after finished renovation, hb ask his father for the key, he say he pass to mil, so when hb ask for her the key, she say, aiya give her spare key lor, seki we lost how, den tat time my hb blur blur let her hold on to the key. who knows, disaster strike , when we were cleaning our house(on wkends), fil came up without informing hb, den hb abit angry, but he dare not say his dad, ok, den never mind, who knows, another wkend, mil bring her neighbourssss to our house when we cleaning the kitchen cabinets, again, did not inform hb.so that day i show BLACK FACE TO THEM. i keep quiet & read newspaper.

that day onwards im very angry with hb cos he keep quiet. i told him to get back the key fm mil or else im going to change the main door lock. he say ok. ok ok but also never do. so i just went along to change the main door lock. den hb told his parents tat we change the lock cos old lock spoilt, & know what, mil still got the cheek to ask for our house key, so he just say not convenient la, & that day onwards, mil say im very fussy, unlike her 2nd daughter-inlaw. anywae i just heck care them.

 

[rainypink]

PLs lor! couple need some privacy can?
Scarly make love halfway, they just come up to ur house w/o permission meh?? wah lao eh. liddat whr got mood? like hear abit of noise will think its ur PIL coming lor! :nah:

Too much lor. At least should show abit or respect by asking permission. HOw can anyhow just drop by liddat?

if ur hubby dnt say a word, then u take charge lor. CHANGE LOCK. TELL HUBBY, U DNT DARE TO SAY, THEN DNT SAY AND DNT GIVE THEM KEYS ANYMORE.

how can anyone just come up to my place ?
for me, i abit cleaniness freak, if got so many people come to my house, i will need to sweep and mop and disinfect after they leave my house.

 

[Working mummySG]

hi all,

need some advise. I hv a problem....weeks ago, MIL had a HUGE argument with hus (i wasnt ard that time) and nw almost 3 wkn, hus keep insist that we dun go back to PIL place even during CNY we wont go back. the problem is that, hus work schedule is so busy that he gt to work on cny eve so he suggest this yr we hv reuion dinner on cny 1st day... ...MIL gt wo work up & keep say my hus ONI listen to wife & in law side....dun bother her liao... ...dun bother to go back visit her...etc etc

this is so unfair lor....hus nw work shifts so most wkn he need to work yet we always make it a point to go back every wkn with our bb to visit her...let her play with bb... ...we bring her out to shop & eat out once every fortnight. a few days b4 the quarrel, hus juz bought her alot of clothings...SHE FORGOTTEN... she oni remember we didnt go back the last wkn & scold us for it...

in fact out of her 4 sons, my hus is most fillial 1 lor...thats y she is jealous & worry i snatch him away... ...

at 1st i was very happy as MIL has been a problem to me & when i know i can no need go back every week to see the other family face, i was on cloud9

We hv too many different thinking esp when come to baby sitting, to me she didnt hv the HEART to do lor & she is SUPER JEALOUS towards ME, always do things which i forbid my girl to do. such us no sweet @ 14mths, feed food with no msg till 7yrs old....she isnt happy & always feed my girl behind my back weekly...wen we are out for shopping, if i say no biscuit for bb yet as my girl kenna choked by biscuit so WE forbid biscuit for the time being, she aware bt she say i am a FUSSY mummy behind my back to other ppl... ...

She cant help us out when we hold function at hm or chalet, yet still hv the cheek to keep say we treat her unfairly, y never wait for her cut cake with my girl... ...etc etc..hus was so angry abt her keep digging out past things to argue/complaint.


wat shld i do nw? shld i call her to check? my husband is so insist on his way though i told him wat i worry with happen in future. i believe that i wont hv gd time with her anymore.

 

[rainypink]

Er..
i think you should act as a mediator lah.. because since you guys dont live together, visiting them once a while is a must ba.. to show respect for them lor as they are old.

quarrel until new yr also no meet no gd leh. when your child grows up, no ah ma dote or wat, also funny ma.

just go lah, wont die also.. MIL alraedy think u snatching her son liao, if u still dont go, then she will surely kpkb?

haha.

new year must go lah. show face. it reflects your own upbringing lah. nothing to do with them. if you go, they still black face, then you just pack and go home lor.

like this, no one can complain say you no manners right?

 

[pkshl]

PLs lor! couple need some privacy can?
Scarly make love halfway, they just come up to ur house w/o permission meh?? wah lao eh. liddat whr got mood? like hear abit of noise will think its ur PIL coming lor! :nah:

Too much lor. At least should show abit or respect by asking permission. HOw can anyhow just drop by liddat?

if ur hubby dnt say a word, then u take charge lor. CHANGE LOCK. TELL HUBBY, U DNT DARE TO SAY, THEN DNT SAY AND DNT GIVE THEM KEYS ANYMORE.

how can anyone just come up to my place ?
for me, i abit cleaniness freak, if got so many people come to my house, i will need to sweep and mop and disinfect after they leave my house.

ya, i changed my main door lock liao hahaha i was so happy after i change the lock. & his stupid mum still got the cheek to ask hubby for keys. lucky he did not give or else i will change & change & change the lock again. heehee

 

[happygolucky]

IL and DIL hahaha never ending stories. Nobody is perfect. I stayed with IL so I know what all of you went through. Just hope that one day I do not need to stay with my DIL and I won't be the same as my MIL ancing_tongue: