divorce or stay on

[Dreamrat]

I am not an emotional person. Actually, I am more rational according to numerous physiological test. But my mil is getting my nerves. She will scold me (why didn't change bb's clothes? Why wear such a tight socks?). She bad mouthed my mum (SMS me and exaggerated my mum's behaviour). She didn't reflect on herself.

Recently, bb was sick and developed Bronchitis. Brought her to see PD. PD told me can't wipe bb with wet cloth after perspired. It must be the reasons why her normal cough has worsen. Now, bb has recovered after following the treatment that PD prescribed.

My hb thinks that i dun like his mum. but he refused to put himself in my shoes cos his mum put in a lot of effort to take care of bb as she claimed. my sisters and father dun dare to come over my home cos they knew mil dun welcome them. only my mum thick skin enough to come almost daily.

i felt that my world has changed from a carefree one to a prison. need to pit on mask, need to tolerate her attitude.

i am thinking of divorcing my hb to get rid of my mil. is it too it irresponsible?I am pissed with mil know-it-all attitude.

 

[Chewysee]

I think you shld try talking to ur husband a few more times, must think of ur daughter. the mil is really too much la. how can she just directly say abt ur family members like that? then u never say her back? I also facing mil probes. it became worse when bb was out. but I try to tahan also.. I don't know how long I can tahan, but frankly speaking, it's because I have a very understanding husband that made me endure

 

[Dreamrat]

I did say her back before. She said ppl misinterpreted her. Denied! Now my fil also think my mum is bad. There is no way we can explain cos fil is in China. Mil SMS him and her relatives. My hb received SMS from them, scolding him for siding me ( in fact, he just stayed neutral). Mil is so evil! Think she sacrificed a lot. Which patents are not?

 

[heartsmich]

Any ways of moving out? I think if you decide to divorce your husband becos of your mil that would be too unfair to your husband....

 

[Gena]

Don't worry it will get better. Btw ask yourself do you love your husband? Ask yourself again, who you wanna spend your rest of your life with? Lastly when you all are dating that time, you have already know his parents right.

 

[dFixa]

I am not an emotional person. Actually, I am more rational according to numerous physiological test. But my mil is getting my nerves. She will scold me (why didn't change bb's clothes? Why wear such a tight socks?). She bad mouthed my mum (SMS me and exaggerated my mum's behaviour). She didn't reflect on herself.

Recently, bb was sick and developed Bronchitis. Brought her to see PD. PD told me can't wipe bb with wet cloth after perspired. It must be the reasons why her normal cough has worsen. Now, bb has recovered after following the treatment that PD prescribed.

My hb thinks that i dun like his mum. but he refused to put himself in my shoes cos his mum put in a lot of effort to take care of bb as she claimed. my sisters and father dun dare to come over my home cos they knew mil dun welcome them. only my mum thick skin enough to come almost daily.

i felt that my world has changed from a carefree one to a prison. need to pit on mask, need to tolerate her attitude.

i am thinking of divorcing my hb to get rid of my mil. is it too it irresponsible?I am pissed with mil know-it-all attitude.

Dear friend,

Please stay on. I understand your situation but please don't punish your hubby by divorce for his mum behaviour. Your baby needs you and your hubby furthermore. Find a good time for you, your hubby and his mum to sit down together under one table and communicate and find a solution to avoid further conflictions. If its impossible, I think its time to find a good space.

Don't think too much ok. Take care of yourself and your precious baby.

 

[MamaDT]

Hi babe

I agree with all mummies... Stay on.

If you don't want ur mum to be accused by the falseful words that ur mil says, ask ur mum not to come over. U bring baby go over to ur parents house and stay for a night (eg fri night or sat night) so that they can play with bb and create bonding. talk to your hubby about this proposal. This way, it will create less friction between both ur hub and ur parents... And ur mil can't say anything bad Abt ur mum

As for what your mil wanna says... Well just listen in and come out from the other side. Don't need to argue, don't need to correct, just nod ur head/smile and then if u do not agree, don't tell her, straight away discuss with ur hubby, hear his opinion in the matter first and see if it makes sense to u. reason with your hub and let him handle with his parents if he disagree with his mum as well. If he agrees with ur mum, u just listen to why he agrees. This will help make u a happier dil & feel better as a wife yah heehee
Coz no matter what ur hub understands ur mil's pattern better than u. Try to avoid causing friction between u and ur mil.

Can understand ur hub's stress from the scolding of relatives. All I can say is u gotta support him and try to give him best comfort can tell ur hub cares a lot about u. So don't think about divorce ok

 

[rainieong]

Sweetie.. I also agree with all the mummies.. I am facing mil problems also.. But I tell myself no matter wat decision I make I must think of my child. Trust me.. The best way is to move out. No matter is getting your own place or moving back home with your hubby, this will definitely reduce conflict. I can understand how u feel abt your hubby neutral.. But u must also think for him, he can't possibility scold his mum. The only thing he can do is remain neutral. If he side u, his mum is only got to treat u worst. Stay strong!!

 

[Smurfete]

I did say her back before. She said ppl misinterpreted her. Denied! Now my fil also think my mum is bad. There is no way we can explain cos fil is in China. Mil SMS him and her relatives. My hb received SMS from them, scolding him for siding me ( in fact, he just stayed neutral). Mil is so evil! Think she sacrificed a lot. Which patents are not?

i was also considering for a divorce in june this year. long story.... pil is involved, something similar to your case. in fact, i am determined for a divorce and voiced it to him seriously. however, i advise you to stay on. from what i observed in friend's cases, daughters need thier dad and love their dad no matter what. she will be unhappy if she leaves her dad following your divorce. if your child is a boy, i will agree to a divorce cos son will tends to side with mum more

 

[purpur]

dreamrat, big hug to u .. I can feel n understand ur situation as my mil is oso " one kind " they would think that they r oways right ..I oso can't b bothered to talk to her at times normally i will avoid her la to lesser conflicts. if possible dun stay together will b e best .. divorce is not a Gd solution to get rid of her .. if u loved ur lil family .

 

[cn naz]

stay on, please. can you and your hubby move out?

 

[Alisa]

u was in the Divorce situation mid this yr too all bcuz of MIL problem! i told him if u wan it, i will divorce but luckily we sort it out and our flat will be ready next so we told ourselves to endure 1 more yr! he also got unhappiness with his mom, not bcuz of me but bcuz of her way of doing things, actually not only MIL problem, its PIL problem. They wan their say in how we take care of OUR son!

talk to yr husband, it is totally not worth to divorce bcuz of MIL problem. like what so many mummies said, move out if u can, if not really have to shut both ears and eyes.

 

[Dreamrat]

Thanks gal. I am not staying with in law. The flat belongs to us. Mil has flew back to china in dec 12. To maintain this marriage, I gave in. I let my daughter to go China. Thinking that I can fetch her back in this Apr. I let her go for my hubby to fulfill his "filial son's role", so that fil can have bonding time with her too.

After I sent baby to China together with hb, we returned to Sg. Only to find mil's further accusation in letters. She wrote it and let in the room for us to read. Ok, I get over it. Now, it is Mar. I just need to wait one more month to fetch her back. They Chu pattern again. My hb asked whether I can let baby go there for 1-2 months later. I told him a straight no.

He get upset. He said they love her a lot. Then what about me? As a mum?

It really upset me. What's wrong letting baby stay with them for 1-2 months? He asked. I told him I have missed her 4 months of development. Why I can see my own daughter growth? If really need to go, I can accompany her. Obviously, pil just want alone time with my daughter. I told him my daughter is not a replacement of ur ansence!

 

[Dreamrat]

I have approached Family Service Centre and make an appointment on 12 Jun to see whether can resolve the issues.

Updates: my hb dun sleep with me anymore. He has been sleeping in living room for 3 weeks. Asked him why. He said weather is hot and turning on Aircon is not good for baby. But he dun really talk to me heart to heart anymore.

Two days ago, we had an argument on nappy rash. Current baby's day care arrangement: my mum takes care of baby from 10am to 4pm, mil for remaining times. Definitely, my mum will be the cause cos we let her wear diaper. Mil let her wear shorts only., Just a bit of redness, he was very unhappy about it. I told him dun be so particular on my mum, yet so "merciful" on ur mum. Why are u so bias? After this argument, he removed his ring again.

I dunno what info his parents are feeding him. he thinks baby is bored here. Intended to send baby back for 1.5m in Jul. I cried. He said he dunno how to make me understand that china is better than Sg now. Furthermore, his mum is bringing baby back alone. I proposed to send them back together. Then I will fly back in a week. Not yet received an answer from him. He only explained it will be safe only inconvenient like what I explained to him ( how ur mum make milk in airport single handedly? How she goes toilet?)...

I seriously think he has brainwashed by his parents too much and too long without me knowing...just to vent out...btw, they are not harsh on me cos I am in my 2nd trim.

If they are forcing my child to be away from me, I will file for divorce since he is no longer the same. He is so blinded now.

 

[Acy]

Omg.. Dreamrat.. I am sorry to hear that. Guess you are going through a hard time now. All is d cause of your pil. But if u were to divorce your hub, the greatest sufferer is your child. Probably finding a counsellor might help. Consider. So both u n hub can be counseled by the counsellor.your hubby is showing negative sides now. And this is very critical and important. Do settle it fast, quick find a counsellor and before that, have a good talk with hub so he could go for the counseling. Good luck

 

[Alisa]

i really hope yr marriage can still be safe...

 

[Dreamrat]

Yes, I am going for Counselling in 12 Jun. I dunno what they are plotting. I will be careful not to bring up the topic of divorce.

 

[Acy]

Dream rat,
Tats good. Remember, words could kill a relationship.. Be careful in your words, ESP during this vulnerable period.. Good luck

 

[Smurfete]

Yes, I am going for Counselling in 12 Jun. I dunno what they are plotting. I will be careful not to bring up the topic of divorce.

Hi Dreamrat,

reading your posts, i think your hubby really love your daughter and it will be good to stay on the marriage for the sake of your daughter. As for the diaper issue, i agree it is better to let her wear shorts at home and diapers outside. A girl private part has many folds. wearing diapers will cause bacteria to grow. So, your hubby and mil may have well intentions. less diapers help to save environment and money too.

There are some reasons why your hubby behaves the way that he does. I am not siding him but that is what some of my male friends say to me. Obviously, a man loves his mum more than his daughter and love his daughter more than his wife. My friends told me they can have new wives, more daughters (with other woman) but they can only have 1 mother. Worse still, one of my friends said to me... whatever his mum has done wrong, in his eyes, she is always right cos she is his mum. Imagine this men have siblings will think like that. For a man who is the only child, surely his parents are his everything. I am an only child myself. I know how my parents avoid to have another kid so that they can give all to me. To make sure I am not lonely, my mum spends all she has on my toys and sends me to playgroup to play with other kids. We are not rich but my mum rather eat bread only and give me all she can

Many PRC feels that China is superior than SG. My PRC ex-classmates tell me, " Singapore is a transshipment port. The capable PRC use SG as a stepping stone to US and EU. The lousy PRC stays on". I don't know whether to feel sad or funny or ridiculed to hear this.

 

[KiBin]

yes, they love their country and i can see a lot of them patriotic...

is your hubby going counselling with you? Hope everything will be fine for you..