plushcritters
New Member
couple therapy can save your marriage...this world really sucks, but do hang in there and hold on to your marriage.
divorce or stay on
- Thread starter Dreamrat
- Start date
I raised the divorce thing on thurs after learning that mil scolded my mum when she went over to fetch my daughter. That was the last straw. I took urgent leave to move back to my mum's home together with baby.
Informed my hb I wish to divorce him, he initially was saying we can resolve it in other way. Today, when he came to see baby, he agreed to sign the paper and said I am the one initiated it. If i think it is good for baby, then respect my decision. I told him, u forced and implied to me on it. He said I am pushing all responsibilities to him and his mum...
Sigh...
Informed my hb I wish to divorce him, he initially was saying we can resolve it in other way. Today, when he came to see baby, he agreed to sign the paper and said I am the one initiated it. If i think it is good for baby, then respect my decision. I told him, u forced and implied to me on it. He said I am pushing all responsibilities to him and his mum...
Sigh...
If I were you, I won't bother too much with him. His mother is selfish and wants to keep her son. Her son never sees the point and worship his mother like god. One day, when his mother gets old and dies, he will be left lonely and helpless at old age.
My father-in-law is this kind. He wants to keep his son with him in his own country. He is scared if one day he dies, his unmarried daughter will be alone. He hopes his son will remain single and stay with his sister. Of course, my hubby thinks its because his dad loves him too much. I told my hubby... if he wants to return. by all means. Don't verbally abuse my mother or me or my baby. I will not hestitate for a divorce. set us all free, i don't owe his dad anything.
My father-in-law is this kind. He wants to keep his son with him in his own country. He is scared if one day he dies, his unmarried daughter will be alone. He hopes his son will remain single and stay with his sister. Of course, my hubby thinks its because his dad loves him too much. I told my hubby... if he wants to return. by all means. Don't verbally abuse my mother or me or my baby. I will not hestitate for a divorce. set us all free, i don't owe his dad anything.
I raised the divorce thing on thurs after learning that mil scolded my mum when she went over to fetch my daughter. That was the last straw. I took urgent leave to move back to my mum's home together with baby.
Informed my hb I wish to divorce him, he initially was saying we can resolve it in other way. Today, when he came to see baby, he agreed to sign the paper and said I am the one initiated it. If i think it is good for baby, then respect my decision. I told him, u forced and implied to me on it. He said I am pushing all responsibilities to him and his mum...
Sigh...
Hi Dreamrat, I hope this post is not too late. Can I ask if u are a PRC or local? From your post, it seemed to me you are a non PRC. I think there is a lot of cultural differences between them and us. I lived in China for 5 yrs and I do see a lot of different levels of behaviour of ppl there. I am not too sure if yr in laws are highly educated/affluent with wide exposure or they are just from a normal family. From what I have seen, it is common in China for young couples to leave their baby with their parents to take care and to they themselves go to other cities to work, they prob go home to see their baby only on public holidays. So maybe your in-laws have the same expectations. Further they probably have a different way of bringing up a baby, yes they do not wear diaper at all, they wear shorts with a big hole at the bottom for the baby to pass urine and motion, so yr MIL probably do not understand why we let baby wear diaper here. I would not judge which way is better but what I am driving here is there is a huge cultural gap and a lot of conflicts between you and your MIL could have originated from there. Yes, her behaviour is not good in the sense that she should not complain and scold others like your mum who is also trying to help out, it just reflects badly on her. Yr husband is probably a single child? Its very hard for him to be in the middle as well and I do agree given your MIL behaviour, she probably has been poisoning his mind. The birth of a child is a happy and yet a test of the strength of love for your husband. Ask yourself do you love him enough to tolerate and give your baby a complete family. Baby will grow up and things will just become better. I do hope that you can work things out with your husband, cos I do not think it is fair to you or him or the baby for someone else to drive a wedge through your family. Don't give up, perhaps tell your husband that both of you have a cool down period with MIL out of the picture. I had thoughts of divorce as well when my child was first borned, also had problems with in laws but I realise as baby grows, things will just be better. Hope my thoughts will be of use to you.
Thanks Lowe80. I have moved back home. Hope things will be better like what u mentioned. I was born in china but I left at 5 and went to Hong Kong. Then 12 to Singapore. He is the only child. His family is just a normal family with some houses.
I just hope baby will not learn from his mum. So sensitive and blind. She can't see facts cos she always distort facts.
I just hope baby will not learn from his mum. So sensitive and blind. She can't see facts cos she always distort facts.
Lowe80, what did u think now when my hb wanna split the joint account and get back his share of money? Btw, after he asked for it, he told me to calculate clearly. It happened to be negative amount. So I do not need to give him a single cent.
This Aug, mil wanted to bring baby back again, suggesting 20th Sep till oct, asking for 1.5 month, claiming she dunno when i am delivering #2. i told hb that i need baby more than ur mum or father. We can go back during CNY. He said we dun need to go back if i dun allow baby to be back in sep. Hb thinks I am unreasonable for not letting baby to go back. After another quarrel, I told him I can only agree on Aug +3weeks. At least my tummy is not that big and I still able to manage to fly again to fetch my daughter in any event that they refused...
This Aug, mil wanted to bring baby back again, suggesting 20th Sep till oct, asking for 1.5 month, claiming she dunno when i am delivering #2. i told hb that i need baby more than ur mum or father. We can go back during CNY. He said we dun need to go back if i dun allow baby to be back in sep. Hb thinks I am unreasonable for not letting baby to go back. After another quarrel, I told him I can only agree on Aug +3weeks. At least my tummy is not that big and I still able to manage to fly again to fetch my daughter in any event that they refused...
San20sg, u are right. But I believe that u have a supportive or reasonable hb. My hb is pity his mum a lot and think that her sacrifice is not appreciate if i dun allow my daughter to follow her back to china. The emotional stress and mental stress that I am going thru are too much. The end result that I wanted is a complete family for my daughters. I am too tired to play game with in law, especially I just stepped into 3 rd trimester this week. I need to maintain good mood for the unborn. Both my stakes are high. Either I dun let her go and end the marriage now, or I let her go and risk losing her.
Hi Dreamrat, I have gone through somewhat similar experience as u. I certainly agree with san20sg. There is a song, "the greatest love of all is to love yourself". Every mother wants to have a complete family for their kids. But if hb and family are unreasonable, it gives stress and pain to the wife. In time to come, wife may succumb under the pressure. If wife dies, kids will have no mother and the family will still be incomplete. Worse thing is, kids will grow up to think that they have a great dad and granny who bring them up painfully after their mother die. Is this sacrifice worth it? who is the happiest? MIL lor Another thing is, I will not let mil take care of my bb without me around. Got to supervise her cooking. Even if she may love her grandchild a lot, who knows if she will cut ends at the cooking due to laziness. Is an emotionally happy child more important or a healthy child?
Think my hb will die first before me. He slimmed down quite a lot ever since we are in this strained r/s. Emotionally, or mentally, I am a very strong and rational person. Mil will not cut corners in doing things. But her way of cooking is too old fashioned to me. Have u seen ppl add sesame oil into steam egg? When I feed baby, I will pour it away. She is quite restless too though she can keep laughing/ playing with baby. I will keep an eye on baby and question hb on baby's injuries. I hope I can do more. But facing this kind of ultra sensitive ppl, I have to be careful. Wait she go and suicide, all blame will be on me.
Mandy Wong
Member
Hi dream rat, if I'm you, I will also not giver mil to bring my child to china without me around. It's too risky. I understand that you don't have supportive husband and you want to save your marriage. I think it's just so insensitive of them to do this to you knowing that you are pregnant now n shouldn't be angry or upset. So ridiculous of them!