do u give $ to MIL who help 1 mth confinement period for u?

[rainypink]

As topierc.. DO you give your mother in law some $$$ after she finish you rmth of confinement?
You didnt give her monthly fee because still owe some house debts and bills to handle . planning to wait till better off then give her monthly allowance then but now she gonna do your confinement.. should we feel paiseh not giving her allowance at the end of the day?

and we have to spend about $200- 300 to buy her a bed frame plus gd mattress because she says she only used to sleeping in those got spring ones and hard..
and because she says she will have a hard time to climb up if she sleeps on e floor, at first wa quite pissed because only use one month then throw.. bt after some thoughs, she about 58 yrs .. should buy.

but that would means she gets even lesser $$ at e end of the month..
just wonder if you all give her?

 

[mag_huiling]

As topierc.. DO you give your mother in law some $$$ after she finish you rmth of confinement?
You didnt give her monthly fee because still owe some house debts and bills to handle . planning to wait till better off then give her monthly allowance then but now she gonna do your confinement.. should we feel paiseh not giving her allowance at the end of the day?

and we have to spend about $200- 300 to buy her a bed frame plus good mattress because she says she only used to sleeping in those got spring ones and hard..
and because she says she will have a hard time to climb up if she sleeps on e floor, at first wa quite pissed because only use one month then throw.. bt after some thoughs, she about 58 yrs .. should buy.

but that would means she gets even lesser $$ at e end of the month..
just wonder if you all give her?

giving $$ after MIL complete confinement for you is a must for chinese. for a lucky ("heng heng") purpose.

give a small sum, an amount that you think you are comfortable with, afterall, it's just a token. Dont think it can be considered as allowance ba...

 

[Spiralng]

giving $$ after mother in law complete confinement for you is a must for chinese. for a lucky ("lucky lucky") purpose.

give a small sum, an amount that you think you are comfortable with, afterall, it's just a token. Dont think it can be considered as allowance ...

Fully agreed wif Mag. During confinement time, we r considered "dirty" therefore, whoever help u wif the confinement also become "dirty"....the $$ in a red packet is a must cos it's like giving good fortune to the person who help....in your case your MIL. The sum inside does not matter.....unless your MIL super $$face...then u hv to increase the sum inside the ang pao.

 

[rainypink]

thank you maghuiling and spiralng.
How much should i be giving?
I really no idea and she not very money face but i dont want to give her too little or what ..

i dont know about the "dirty" thing untl you guys said but maybe she dont know.
she is the kind before 3 moonths pregnant, she tell everyone, and funerl also ask me go and other peoply baby shower ask me go.. she dont know about such things one..

but she will pantang thingslike cannot use scissors and needle.. ?!

:tlaugh:

usually when do we give to MIL the ang pao?
when she come first day or at the end of the day?

 

[Spiralng]

thank you maghuiling and spiralng.
How much should i be giving?
I really no idea and she not very money face but i dont want to give her too little or what ..

i dont know about the "dirty" thing untl you guys said but maybe she dont know.
she is the kind before 3 moonths pregnant, she tell everyone, and funerl also ask me go and other peoply baby shower ask me go.. she dont know about such things one..

but she will pantang thingslike cannot use scissors and needle.. ?!

:tlaugh:

usually when do we give to mother in law the ang pao?
when she come first day or at the end of the day?

Hee..hee..intially i also dun know until my mum highlight to me. When i was doing confinement for my first kid, my MIL just accept the red packet she gave us back the money cos at tat time i am not working and hubby hv many debts. But I guess u can give whichever amount u r comfortable wif.

 

[mag_huiling]

thank you maghuiling and spiralng.
How much should i be giving?
I really no idea and she not very money face but i dont want to give her too little or what ..

i dont know about the "dirty" thing untl you guys said but maybe she dont know.
she is the kind before 3 moonths pregnant, she tell everyone, and funerl also ask me go and other peoply baby shower ask me go.. she dont know about such things one..

but she will pantang thingslike cannot use scissors and needle.. ?!

:tlaugh:

usually when do we give to mother in law the ang pao?
when she come first day or at the end of the day?

usually at the end of confinement..

see individual will pangtang or not.. i also attended baby's shower during preg.. but nothing happen...

give ur MIL an amount u r comfortable with, good that she's not $$faced..
My ex-MIL damn $$faced... i gave her $68 still complain to her relative.. not considerate at all.. i not working and her son nvr give me $$, dig out my savings give her so much liao still can complain to relatives..ancing_angry:

 

[snowbear]

I can't rem my mum gave $800 or $1000 to my mil for the confinement...

 

[missblue18]

yes i 'pao' $300 to my mil for doing confinement for me...normally i already give her $500 every month coz i stay with her

 

[pink_daisy]

tat time when i engaged a confinement nanny for my confinement, she asked for a red packet the moment she came.. i forgot how much but not much...juz a small token.. u can mayb give your mil $28 (put inside a red packet) at the start of the confinement and the same amt when the end.. give even number amt.. let your mil noe is juz a small token coz doing confinement is some sort of 'dirty thing' n the red packets is for her to heng heng (lucky lucky) one..

 

[llcyahoo]

i am planning to give my MUM 1.8k market rate for my confinement period and she still ask me how abt buying food to cook leh. Told her i will give seperated!!! sigh.

 

[snowbear]

yes i 'pao' $300 to my mother in law for doing confinement for me...normally i already give her $500 every month coz i stay with her

Normally my hubby already gives his mum $500. For the confinement he transferred an extra $1000 to her... actually i tot it's unnecessary to give her so much $$$ coz she only cooked very simple food for me and hardly anything expensive. The herbs also my mum buy lorrr.. Some more she only did cooking and some simple housework. I looked after baby all by myself...

 

[CanCanMum]

rainypink you can look at a range of $288 thereabouts, nice whole figure....88 = fa fa!!! 2=easy in cantonese~~~

lols~~~

mother in law rejected my $$ last time coz she said no need worrhh

 

[shchoong]

i still gv my MIL $288 (as a token) even though she only does the "special" cooking for me, housewk has maid and i was looking after the bb myself, incl bathing them (no1 dares to bath newborn bb at hm) & during the nites (breastfeed, hv to wake up anyway)...basically i did not hv confinement period when it comes to the taking care of bb part...

 

[austrina]

i nv gv MIL any ang pow 4 doin confinement 4 me when i gv birth 2 DS 2 years ago... bt did gv her money 2 buy groceries & cook 4 me... she nt e pang tang type so she insisted dun gv her ang pow... bt did gv my SIL ang pow 4 heng heng coz she single & help me in washin baby clothes & lookin after DD...

itz beta 2 gv an ang pow after ur MIL hv done ur confinement... itz like 4 luck & token of appreciation & oso thx her 4 e hard work durin dis 1 mth...

 

[iwan2noe]

thank you maghuiling and spiralng.
How much should i be giving?
I really no idea and she not very money face but i dont want to give her too little or what ..

i dont know about the "dirty" thing untl you guys said but maybe she dont know.
she is the kind before 3 moonths pregnant, she tell everyone, and funerl also ask me go and other peoply baby shower ask me go.. she dont know about such things one..

but she will pantang thingslike cannot use scissors and needle.. ?!

:tlaugh:

usually when do we give to mother in law the ang pao?
when she come first day or at the end of the day?

Hi rainypink,

Usually, beside what maghuiling and spiralng has mentioned, your mother in law, being an elderly who helped you, think you should give a token sum of momeny. Imagine if you engage a confinement lady to look after u during confinement, you would have to pay at least 1.8k(current mkt rate)

I also dont have a bed in my future bb's room where my CL will be taking of my bb, so have to buy a bed. I also understand your financial constrains plus buying all bb's stuff and medical fees for urself and bb in time to come. But
i think it is right that you give her a token sum of money as a form of appreciation. At least she is your MIL, u wont feel so scared/apprehensive to let her handle ur bb and take care after u, at least she is someone close to u and ur hubby, esp ur bb.. Right ?

Hope you don't mind me nosey. sometimes some elderly don't mind helping their children or even sacrifice their sleep and time for their children. But they just want us to appreciate them. A simple thank u or treating them nice and filfial is a good way to show that u appreciate them and love them.

As for the token sum of money for ur mil, i would suggest you give her a reasonable sum of money that u are comfortable with. It is both lucky for u and ur self and bb

 

[rainypink]

Hi rainypink,

Usually, beside what maghuiling and spiralng has mentioned, your mother in law, being an elderly who helped you, think you should give a token sum of momeny. Imagine if you engage a confinement lady to look after you during confinement, you would have to pay at least 1.8k(current mkt rate)

I also dont have a bed in my future baby's room where my CL will be taking of my baby, so have to buy a bed. I also understand your financial constrains plus buying all baby's stuff and medical fees for yourself and baby in time to come. But
i think it is right that you give her a token sum of money as a form of appreciation. At least she is your mother in law, you wont feel so scared/apprehensive to let her handle your baby and take care after you, at least she is someone close to you and your hubby, esp your baby.. Right ?

Hope you dont't mind me nosey. sometimes some elderly dont't mind helping their children or even sacrifice their sleep and time for their children. But they just want us to appreciate them. A simple thank you or treating them nice and filfial is a good way to show that you appreciate them and love them.

As for the token sum of money for your mother in law, i would suggest you give her a reasonable sum of money that you are comfortable with. It is both lucky for you and your self and baby

Its not that im so uwilling to buy, but because its only for amonth after which is would be useless. And i might as well give her that amount as ang pao than pay for a bed and a hard spring matress she requested?
yes, she is helping me but i am so stressful. I would rather hire a CL because they are much more experience with a newborn and know what to cook.
mother in law have not touch a newborn for about 18 or 19 years already and her thinking is so old traditional and she has never breast feed any of her four children and she seems like she is not very encouraging with total breast feeding. She is also a kind who doesnt really listen to instructions and like to argue back with her stupid logic she gets from another bunch old aunties. While i understand that some may be true and helpful but she might think otherwise. she keep thinking i can bring up my 4 children therfore i dont need to really ask and she just assumes she knows alot things without wanting to update herself. when we pass her some books to read on how to take care baby and what to cook and what to expect and why breast feeding is good, she refuse to read and say she knows. and say other babies mix FM and Breast milk, baby ok. that baby drink FM big and healthy and strong and can hold own neck at few months. I find everything very irritating and in the end i keep quiet because i dont wanna snap at her and makes things difficult for hubby.


The reason why i took up her offer to help because this is her first grandson and out of respect since she herself volunteered to help, so we let her. If im gonna pay her as much as a CL, imight as well hire a CL for my sanity sake, you know what i mean? I wanna hire CL but hubby wanna save $$ and believe that his mum will not harm our baby.

Now i worry whetheri will go into depression or not because am wondering if she will argue or insist her ways or do silly things to my baby.

CL can scold, and change or ask CL to get lost.

But, mother in law cannot!!!

Bear in mind tat she has not done anything so far for my pregnancy because i dont want her to spend $$ on me also and also because she dont know what to cook. The other time she cook DANGUI soup for me when im a few months pregnant you know!!!!

I also dont wanna ill treat her so i want to now what reasonable sum is reasonable enough to give her as an angpao.

Since we gonna buy her a bed, then so sorry, her ang pao got to less liao.

 

[janephang]

my sis paid CL market rate for her mother in law who helps.
My opinion, if not comfortable, then don't accept her help, hire a CL instead.