Father in law

[felicity]

most of u hv problem with your MIL but i hv problem with my FIL!

i stay with my in-laws. no choice, hubby is very filial type, kinda promised them that he will always live with them... MIL has been doing all the chores and kept very busy at home and helps me with bb too but i am v possessive and do most of the stuff myself or stay in my room to latch her. FIL does nothing, sleeps and eats at home in the day, now will also carry baby at home ever since bb joins the family, and without fail FIL will go drinking downstairs everyday.

just now FIL back from drinking, MIL had put bb into cot b4 that while i was bathing, but when i finished bathing and came out, bb woke up... but playing quietly so i just leave her. then i went into living room and FIL saw me and asked abt bb, i told him bb playing in cot, he happily rush in and carry bb. bb can lie quietly in cot why go and carry?! and come out say... oh bb haven't slp, need me to carry.. then bb poo while he carrying.. then he just keep saying... u poo poo, smelly.. in chinese. and keep repeating. i dun wan her first words to be 'poot poot' or 'chou chou' can?! i wan her first words to be 'mama'! then he rock her so hard, another time told him off in front of my mil already saying rocking bb will cause damage to bb's soft brain, luckily mil is on my side, say she heard of news where the maid rock too hard caused damage to bb... then he stopped that time. but he still rock her just now!! he rock her, she cries, he rock harder, she cries harder la omg... so i quickly carry bb over...

later gonna complain to my hubby once he comes home.. he's still outside, tonight got work function. now come here to vent first grrrr..

 

[lsy]

Just wanna advise u no need complain to ur hubby.
If he's filial he will surely label u as naggy or petty for being upset on "minor" things.
Most older generation men I would say know nuts bout caring or educating babies all they know is PLAY. Luckily u still have an understanding MIL.

 

[felicity]

Thanks lsy. I just wanna tell him no need him to scold them.. So if he observe himself he can tell them. He went prenatal class w me he knows not to rock bb etc. but sigh, in the end he called.. Not coming home tonight, leave me alone at hm w bb n his parents

 

[Cyp86]

Most mummy only either face mother in laws or Father in Laws but for me I have add on 2 unmarried Sister in laws.... they are really pain the neck.... which causing me everyday mentally torments.

The whole family yell and talk loud like market like that ..
If I have to list down everythings ,3days3nights also cannot pour out finish ... argh... I am stress out by them , I have never regret any choice that I make until now except Agree to live with Monster In laws.... Should not have soften my heart so easily.....

 

[felicity]

Cyp can vent here if u want... Anyone is welcomed to vent in this space..

I still rem when I was younger my mum says when grow up dun live with in laws, and I was like, over my dead body lor I die die wont live with in laws one.. But now? :/

 

[ilovebbdylan]

no matter what we can never be as close compared to our own parents.

during confinement, i had such problem with my MIL instead. i told her not to carry him if he i not crying. guess what! when bb have slight movement, awake fr sleep or making those frustrated noises, she told bb "mummy say cannot carry u " , "u cry la, cry out loud then grandma carry u la"

i was totally piss, but i got to give that respect so i kept quiet. but was venting my frustration at my bestie but there are times of countless such angry situation that i show my black face because too much for me to bear liao. i took care of bb myself fr birth , it took great pains, so i only want my way not hers.

but after looking back, i must admit, sometimes i over reacted. because of the few unhappiness, friction existed so no matter what they do, we tend to be very piss off. but if things were to be done by our own parents, we might react better. and maybe bb is their first grandchildren? they tend to be "excited"

seeing yr situation, u are already not satisfied with yr FIL because he goes drinking, so what he did will affect u , even the slightest mistake
i totally understand.

as for the baby's first word like "chou chou" etc, not within our control. i must admit i do speak such to baby telling him how smelly he was when he poo because as long as grandparents exist, bound to have such problems.
but look, if such words comes from friends/others, we might not be so much affected compared to words coming out fr him.

 

[felicity]

I guess when u say bb smelly u wont do it nonstop for 5 good min?? Anyway thanks ilovebbdylan, u always hv to hear me whine in forum.. Haha..

Sigh.. Like my parents if after wash hands n still wet wanna carry bb, I will scold them.. I did during my confinement.. But my in laws also always wash hands already hands all wet and cold and carry bb.. I can't say anything cos it's my in laws n I stay with them and I dun wan to hv conflicts arising so close one eye.. But yea lor v pissed n frustrated so come here to vent. I dun like ppl to keep calling my bb "smelly" or "rotten egg" (in mandarin) cos I believe as infants we should give them a positive environment to grow... But my in laws always use negative words to call her she is not that bad wat! I only associated "rotten eggs" to ppl like wanted criminal! if come from friends I will say them! But because Iive with my in laws and the upbringing is so different (they always use negative words on my sil nephews also which i totally cannot stand, like if climbing up the chair they will say 跌死你! but my parents don't allow me to say such "curse" since I'm a kid, cannot use the word 死 on others) I always try to close one eye to not hv conflicts... Urgh..

 

[MilkBunnySingapore]

Felicity I encountered same thing b4 wif my FIL. When baby was younger he keep du du - du du or chuchu chuchu. I beh tahan and ask him what is chuchu chuchu. He say is grandchild in malay. It is cucu not chuchu. And come on la like what u say good 5 mins non stop one lor. Then I also hinted to my hubby ask FIL to speak "human" language, my daughter need to learn to speak like an adult not making funny animal sound.
When I teach my FIL ask him stop all those words and speak proper words he even answered me they are babies how would they understand adult words.@faints@

 

[ilovebbdylan]

i recall that my MIL said to bb, "time to drink (leng leng)" . i ask her what is this , she said milk. told her on the spot not to speak such weird language to baby. no such word as (leng leng), i even ask her what dialect is that, she dont even know and say her MIL used to say.

they really can get onto our nerves!

felicity, you are right need to really close one eye since u are staying with yr in laws. taking bb is already a tiring job, plus facing in laws, haiz... even tiring.

but u can vent out all yr anger here

 

[Cyp86]

living with them is such a mental torment. I have been bearing and tolerate it from the start of my marriage and things got really nasty and worst when Baby came....

I am not living with sucn my in laws but The whole family including the unmarried sister in laws.

My Mil n my elder sister in law like to yell and talk v.loud in the house and they like to say foul language like greeting .. I do not want my child before learning the correct word but say foul language like ABC, I have been telling my hubby several times from before my boy is birth untill now is still the same. Not only they like to say foul languages , they take my boy like a animal like that when they in the mood, they kiss and told him how much they like and dote him etc but when they are not in the mood, they are yelling and shouting at my baby for cry. And My Mil have been yelling infront of my boy , due to that my boy like to yell and learnt to yell alots and almost everytimes yell at her then she can twist and tell my boy don't yell , I don't like people to yell etc.... how can you teach and coach my boy the correct things when u are doing it everydays.
I have been one taking care of my boy ever since He is born even is during my confindment, I make it amust for bathing my boy coz I totally cannot trust her bathing my boy. So my boy have been very sticky to me and will cry for me if they suddenly just carry him away, my mil actually call my son a sissy. Just because he is sticking to me and not to her and she is calling my 9months old a sissy.

My mil n elder sis in laws is a Bird freak and like to keep Birds as Pet. I am alrights by they taking as hobby. but nightmare and problem is they like to set the damn bird out of cage flying here n there.. Damn it is so unhygenic when i am feeding my boy and the bird keep flying and flapping its wings , which mother on earth will lets this kinds of situation happens even I told my hubby also still the same.

Just by yesterday which make me damn boil blood, my elder sister in law actually use my boy finger to play with the bird and use his hand to touch the bird. If I never step out of my room and saw what happen is she going to tell me that she use my boy hand to play with bird? then if i don't know and she never mention anythings , then my boy just put his hand in his mouth without washing is she going to be able to responsible if my boy got mouth foot hand disease ? No, she can't even take care of ownself. She is already 30+ but. behaving like a child. and My PIL still treating her like a kid.

Its really stress living with them .

 

[Rodorsany]

Well my fil not that bad... In fact he over loved my kids... So anything kids do... My fault.. Diff to latch bb cry big hoo haa...

But i do appreciate my ils.. They help me clean up my room like mopping n washing my clothes etc... Just at times over do it.. Fil will mop like 3~4times..

Felicity u knew them even b4 u move in tgt... Bear with it bah... At least ur mil uds...

 

[kylnn]

Felicity, at least your MIL is sensible.

Sometimes it's difficult to tell the in-laws what you want. It's like they deaf... whatever we daughter-in-laws tell them, the words seem to fly over their heads never enter inside.

At the start, my MIL carried baby in awkward position, so baby got scared kept crying. Me & hubby showed her the proper way to carry, and also that way would be much less strenuous on the arms. But the next visit, she again carried baby in her that stoopid position, so baby cried, hubby reminded her again the correct position. 3rd week again! She continued her stoopid carrying pattern, baby cried again, and MIL black face say baby don't like her.

Then when feeding baby, I showed MIL must fold the tissue up to baby's chin. Cannot just place unfolded tissue on chest or else when tissue wet with milk, it would flow down to the base of tissue which is at chest so baby chest will be wet. She ok ok. Next feeding... MIL again just place unfolded tissue there!

Also, I dunno why MIL kept doing this shhhh shhhh shhhh (urinating whistle sound) to baby. Baby automatically can pee what. Why make that sound to her????? I don't think it's a good sound for baby coz it might affect her peeing habit. So I told her don't make that sound not good. So she went ok. Then subsequent visits, she again made that retarded sound!!! I got so angry until finally I told hubby "why ur mom making that sound?" and I guess he agreed that it's a stupid sound to make so he told off his mom. And finally she stopped.

 

[kylnn]

My advice to all future brides out there... live near your parents, live far far far away as possible from your in-laws! I live 5mins walk away from MIL, and I totally regret getting my house here! Consider it a long-term investment in your relationship.

 

[mskyliee]

I think most dil cannot live with ils... prolly a handful is okay. Majority is not. Sometimes I just close eyes on what my ils do. Mil wants to bathe my son when he was younger... OK lo, u want to bathe right, go ahead. My son cries until super loud I also don't care. So she insists that my son no guts, scared of water.... blahblahblah. Then one day (we only go back once a week BTW), my hub went to check out why my son was crying so loudly, then realized that the bath water is too warm... directly told the mom straight in her face... then then mom accept it.

I really hate it when they have this mentality that they have taken care of children so they know. But the thing is, do they really know? Kids back then and kids now are totally different, how can u use ur old method to take care of them now. I know they dote their grandchildren, but don't spoil them can? Just cos my son cry means giving him what he wants?

Speaking of ils, if really want to rant, really a lot to say.

 

[paulinepoh80]

I also staying with in laws and have problems too. I hv to provide yaolan after I return work because my mil will complain diff to take care n she don wan to do it without it. She always carry my baby n rock him till he sleeps then throw him into yaolan. I don mind if after stop rocking in yaolan n baby can sleep tight. But he is the the after stop he will wake up. So the yaolan no longer serves the purpose that ppl say baby can sleep better in yaolan. My fil also the same. Both of them keep throwing my baby in while day. I dare not to say anything because my mil ever back out n say she don wan take care baby. I really don wan to send him to infant care or a nanny who I don know. So I just keep quiet. My in law hse is a very bad environment. My fil placing bets in horse n watch it everyday. He spout dirty words in front of my son too. Eg my son wet his nappy. Then he will say in hokkien language " lam pa (testicles) wet Liao lo". So angry!!!! I ever tell my mil to correct him n she say she didn't hear it. Probably she listen to it everyday m used to it. My family don say such words. My mum heard it before too m we feel so embarrass

 

[Cyp86]

paulinepoh... I understand how you feel..My MIL n SILs once my hubby them not to they will stop 1 or 2 days but will continue on the 3rd day.

 

[paulinepoh80]

Cyp86,
Bird flying in the hse really sound unhygienic. Are u staying there for long? I will stay here until my baby turn ard 2 yrs when my new hse is ready. But that is damaging enough. Last time before we sell away our hse, whenever my eldest son reach home after come back from Childcare he would play his toy or hold his pencil and do his simple exercise book. Now those things are put aside to collect dust as I really don like him stay in living room n see my fil place bets. Can't wait to move out.

 

[Cyp86]

My in-laws always hv the habits of keeping birds as pet. From those big white parrot to those mini colour parrot. One pass away , another enter the house.
They don't even have the patient in coaching their pet.They just keep because they like. Somehow I always felts sorry to those bird.
My mil always like to set the bird flying around unattended and never look after. Sometime my boy is playing on his plat mat then the bird just flew and walk into the living room. Whenever this happen , I always have to hint her , sometime if she don't get my hinting I will carry my boy back to my room since you want to play with your bird and you don't touch my boy.

Just today she continue to set her bird freely out of cage but never bother , my FIL accidentaly step on the bird. that was then she start to worry.

The House we are living is actually my house , they rental out their house and whole famiy cramp here. Haiz

 

[Cyp86]

My hubby claim that no matter how impatient his mother is but she still able to bring up 3 childrens.

Yes, she may have bring up her 3 childrens but she did not set an example to let her children follow her. All she does is yelling and shouting and saying foul language and all her 3 children including my husband also did follow too, just that my husband know when and where he should and should not unless his 2 elder sisters which is behaving like a kid.

 

[felicity]

milkbunnysg ya, i want bb to learn human langauge, not funny noises! bb may not understand but they will learn, so we should be role models for them to learn the right things! dunno why cant they understand... sigh..

ilovebbdylan, my mil also! she will say "neng neng" n sil's sons also cos she brought them up n spoilt them.. such that now even when they come visit they can be playing or lying in her bed n shout "popo i want neng neng!" and she will quickly make milk for them.. they order her around like a maid!! my mil has been really nice n understanding to me so far so i always close two eyes to avoid spoiling the relationship, but i worry she over pamper my gal too until she no manners like those boys ><

cyp oh dear ur ils sound like a torture to stay with! i cannot stand vulgarities too.. rant all u want here.. thats wat forums r for!

rodorsany yup i appreciate my mil.. she does all the chores.. my fil only slp, eat, drink.. almost same lifestyle as bb >< he never does any hsework one.. yup i know them b4 marrying but i didnt know he will rock bb or call her chou chou ma... ok la whine finish feel better.. thanks!

kylnn yup.. too bad i dun get to live farfar from ils cos hubby promised to live w them.. fyi thus is our flat. they sold theirs already.

mskyliee n pauline.. yup if wanna rant really cant rant finish.. just look at the number of threads here complaining abt mil.. sigh..