First Love

NeedASmile

New Member
This post is attention to guys...
I would like to know is first love really so unforgettable?

Recently my husband lied to me that he went to Johor with his friends. Fate has it that my friend actually spotted him with another lady. Consider it fortunate that he could not recognize my friend. So my friend secretly took photos of him and this lady, then sent it to me.

The moment I saw it, I was devastated. Upset that he lied. There were no signs of intimacy in the photos. But my friend described to me as "they had a comfortable silence between them". She was definitely someone he had known for a very long time.

For a few days to a week, I kept silent about my knowledge of this lie. But he was exceptionally nice to me after he was back from that trip. Or at least I felt he was. He offered to pick me up from work for 3 days in a row. Now that was really exceptional, especially when my work place was far from his. This sudden abundance of gentleness actually hurts me. It made me cry in secret a few times. On top of that, he became extremely sticky with his phone. Finally I could not take it anymore, I asked him, "Can I see your phone?" He struggled to say, "Okay..."

The minute I got his phone, I opened up his WhatsApp. Just then a fresh new message from a pretty faced lady came in, "Ok la I need to sleep already." That lady was from the photos I saw. The previous conversations had been deleted intentionally. He panicked and tried to snatch the phone back from me. I gave it back to him in the end, saying, "Do you know I am aware of her existence for quite sometime? Do you know how hard I tried to keep it within me?" With that, I broke down infront of him. We had a small argument but I sensed his guilt. He came to say sorry to me and promised he would not contact this lady again.

I thought I could be at ease for a while but my sixth sense told me I could not trust him still. When he was not aware, I checked his phone again. This time I noticed he had a lady contact named "M". The picture was the same lady. I confronted him again.

After a few days of questioning, he finally told me who this lady was. The name's Irene. The very first girlfriend of his life during his school days. As I recalled, he once told me he ran into her while shopping one fine day. That was years after they broke up. He got her contact from then and after sometime they started hanging out like friends all over again. She was already married but had an unhappy marriage. He told me that soon after their feelings rekindled but broke up shortly because she already had a son and could not divorce because of that. Few years later he met me.

He clarified to me that he looked her up again solely as a status of a friend.

Obviously I could not trust that. At the same time, I could never really blame him. I admit that our relationship had gone downhill based on a few factors. One common factor is in-laws. But very often during our quarrels, he threatened to go out and find someone, which made me doubt his feelings even more.

To make matters worse, I told him I was really hurt. He told me he was hurt by me as well. When I asked him how had I hurt him, he could not answer.
Why is this so?

And the question again: is first love really so unforgettable?
 
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Chewysee

Member
I really think your husband is being really inconsiderate. If he cant forget his first love. Then why get married in the first place and waste your time? I think ppl who decides to get married to another shld love him/her whole heartedly... from the information you've given abt, he seems to be really in love with her in the past. And i believe you can't 'just be friends' with someone you love deeply before. Do you have kids tgt with him alr?
 

Jouline

Member
To me, yes. First love is unforgettable. Even I have been married and has a baby now. If time can turn back, I will not let go of him again. However, back to the thought of my baby. If I hadn't married my husband, I wouldn't have a baby so cute. So, still too late for everything. Just live with it. For my case.
 
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NeedASmile

New Member
Chewysee
Thanks for your support.
I was really upset with him for making this move. It becomes a scar in my life forever.
Till this day he still insisted they are just friends.
But a friend that needs to meet in secret.

Jouline
no offence but hope you wont end up deciding to meet your ex on a friend basis too.
 

keefu

Member
I feel that your husband's first love has a special place in his heart... That's why he will still want to contact her even though both of them are already married, and the most dangerous part is his ex is having an unhappy marriage now which might make her find comfort from your husband instead... Have a talk with him, tell him how uncomfortable it is when he meets up with her and ask him if you we're the one who still hangs out with your ex will he agree to that? I once had a serious relationship with my ex and even though if I'm upset with my husband once in a while, my ex never trigger in my mind as I feel that my current is still the one who we have mutual trust with, even though he is very unromantic. I will say no, first love is not really unforgettable...

Jouline, I hope you are not thinking of going back with your ex. Getting married with your ex can have another set of marriage problems too. Nobody can
guarantee you can sure be happy with him even if you go back to him... If you are happy with your husband, I'm sure you wouldn't thinking about the past. Look forward, you choose the current man, make the marriage work and in laws problems can be tricky, but never ever always quarrel because of them. They are the outside factors of your family. For the sake of your happier marriage and baby's upbringing, put in effort to make it work... Good luck...
 

tigermama

Member
Hi, to me, in laws must never be a problem that you always fight about, that's so unhealthy why let that affect both of you? And why would he threaten to look for someone else when you quarrel? That is so insensitive... unless he really has it on his mind?

Did you feel you both have problems even before finding out about this ex-gf?

If he truly cares and love you, he will do what is necessary to make you feel good and secure. Why don't you ask to be introduced to the ex-gf? I heard that usually have the deterrent effect for them to go any further than necessary.

Have you tried to dress up and meet with your male friends, how does he react? Trust you fully and ask you to enjoy or get jealous and question why?
 

NeedASmile

New Member
tigermama
thanks for your advises.

i did ask him that if that is just a friend, why not we meet up.
somehow he was frightened by my question.

previously i tried to meet up with male friends and was being stopped by him because he was mindful of it.
after that incident he said that it's ok i can just go ahead.
i wonder why the 180 degree change

i am just very curious about a guy's thinking. was 1st first love really that unforgettable to them?
to me i still remember my 1st boyfriend but not to the extent of a so-called "friendship" that i had to be so secretive about it.
my 1st boyfriend is just an ordinary friend now.
 

colpini

New Member
well, no doubt first love is unforgettable, but if you have married then you should be sincere with your life partner
 

Lush

Member
Yes i agree, my hubby also betrayed me once while texting her ex gf saying he really misses her alot and that she will only be the girl he love most in his life, it really hurt me alot to the extent that i almost went on seperate ways with him, i am somenone that really cannot stand any form of betrayal. Though after that i forgive him due to love , i didn't really forget the incident till now. I do understand your pain but i feel that the most important thing is to have a heart to heart chat with him. Ask him what he really wants , Marriage is a combined effort between two persons and if he is not even willing to do a simple change that says alot about him.
I guess first loves are really unforgettable to them but i agree with the point that marriage is a marriage, and he cannot cross that boundary.
 

NeedASmile

New Member
thanks all for the comforting words.
my husband and I have already talked out hearts out. we even went for counseling.
although still some things when I ask he don't wish to say. like where have I hurt him and such?
I am just sharing my story because I felt it is common, and hope to have some views from gentlemen ;)
 
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