getting over with a bad confinement? share and how?

annawt

New Member
staying with in laws , really give lots of problems.
I stay with my in laws too.
Starting was alright, I didnt care much and my parents in laws were pretty fine.
But then, when times goes by things started to stir especially the period after I gave birth to my girl.
My husband was the eldest with a younger sister and brother. He love his family very much and he always stood by them, i am not asking him to take side actually but sometimes it just hurts.

Especially his mother, I could not tolerate her at all and seriously i hate her a lot.
When I was pregnant, our relationship is still fine. I just basically thought that helping her with the housework, buying her food and chatting with her was part of a daughter in law job. But then I realised she took me for granted.
I was 5-6 months pregnant and she insisted I changed the bedsheet when I said when my husband come home then change.
I was working part time throughout my pregnancy and my job requires standing, so during off day I wished to nap but she forbids me to do it by saying if I sleep alot my child will become very lazy. When I nap and i closed my bed room door she asked my father in law to come in and wake me up to eat or do other things. And when I locked my bedroom door,they complained say I keep lock my door.
Then she promised to do confinement for me and it was totally a mess.
During the first night home with my baby, my husband went to sleep in with them saying tml he need to report to camp and she didnt even bother to help me. I was so restless and with my newborn I only slept 30mins that night and woke up by her insisting that I should wash up and eat breakfast but I was really very shag. Then my mum told her do not cook liver for me as research shows if I going to bm, liver should be avoided. But she still cook and a huge bowl of 2 dishes and a big bowl of rice which she asked me to have it for lunch and dinner, I said I could not and tears are going to burst already she still insisted ended up I felt so breathless with a pale face I went to my gynae. Then, nvm every morning instead of helping with my meals she helped her precious youngest son even pouring a cup of water. And everyday, I have to wait for my mum to rush down from her work to help me along, I felt so terrible that I cried all day and night. She cant even bathe my new born properly, she took a long time bathing her and blow at my girl belly button saying this can get rid of the water. I was so shocked then after I made milk she open the bottle of milk and then say by doing that the air will go out. The first 2 weeks, I looked after my nb for 24 hours alone till she offered to help in the night. So everyone around me said I have to let her tc before I collapsed, thus I agreed. But it was worse.there was once, my nb happened to be having slight fever as it was spread by my husband. She dont even know she say my girl very cranky, then say very tired. Straight after the next day, when my nb just recovered, she asked me go eat lunch and she seize the chance to bring my just recovered newborn to the other end of corridor to talk to another neighbour.I was so afraid when I could not find my baby. My confinement period was the world cup period too, she gamble nvm but she carried my nb and watched soccer from 2am- 4 am in the morning. We asked why she dont put her in cot she said she too anxious on the match. There was a morning , she carried my nb over to me and said she very cranky and been crying for a hour and so when I can already smell the odor of my nb poo from a distance just because she wants to make milo for her godson who came out from malaysia. Then everyday she woke up around 11 am plus and then went to market for around 2 hours. I always chewed on bread that my mum helped me bought and I have to make my own bathing water. During these 3 weeks, it was hell and due to poorly taking care of myself, I ended up in the hospital for serious backache which led me unable to bm anymore. I felt so depressed that I asked my mum to bring my nb and me home straight after my girl first month celebration.
And the idea of her tc my girl was totally tear off.
When my girl grew older, every weekend she will go there.
She played with her and she asked her to kick her doll head. I was surprised. Then she let her played with coins after much warning she still repeating and said nvm later can wash hands. She asked my girl called those "tiko" (pervert) uncles whom she know from downstairs "korkor" (brother). Then she happened to quarrel with my husband, she asked my girl beat her own father and say ur dad is so noisy. And etc. . .
So I was so pissed off with her, that now I even moved back to my parents' house and go over only on weekends.
Her house was also ever dirty and messy.
Till now, I will always nightmare about the whole period and wake up crying. I could not know what to do?
Anyone have a situation like this?:wong21:
 

Starla

New Member
My mil was no better.. She fed my no. 1 some Chinese herbs to rid the jaundice.. Bb ended up puking brown stuff and she blames it on me.. She was on good terms with my hubby's ex.. Though hubby and her totally hasn't contacted at all.. On one day, the ex visited.. My mil insisted my hubby keep in touch with her remain as friends.. This caused a big tension between hubby and me.. And once hubby and me quarreled over an ex's SMS.. My mil said y I want to get in my hubby's way of making friends.. I told her nicely that I bore him a child, shouldn't he be more mature to avoid getting in touch with his ex? Hubby kept quiet.. But my mil said just a grandchild, no big deal.. If she wanted grandchildren, she might as well ask her son to bear with other woman... She didn't know I was expecting my no. 2 then.. I aborted the bb becoz of her words..
 

chiro san

Member
Anna, it's a good choice to move back with your parents. How about your husband? Did he move back w you?

My situation is rather similar to yours, jus that I had to deal with both FIL and MIL. Everything was alright after getting married as my husband n I were busy working so we seldom interact. But after I was preggy, they did weird stuffs. My FIL bought pineapples and asked me to eat. He even bought those chinese tonic that could cause miscarriage due to too 'liang' for me.
And knowing I get nauseous over herbal and garlic, they cook herbal soup n added lotsa garlic to dishes everyday on table until I stopped havin dinner with them anymore. My mummy n hubby will come fetch me out for dinner after my work. I had to either come hm at 8plus when the smell subside or hide in my room until then.
When I was heavily preggy at 8months, my FIL purposely chose location so far from hm and expect me to walk there. Hubby refuse n end up we din go out for dinner with them, and he passed sarcastic remarks. My FIL sprayed pesticide on our dishes, luckily my MIL saw and warned us.

When my DD was born, more drama happened. Knowing that my MIL only mops the floor once a MONTH, hubby and I asked her to mop on alternate days before baby was born, she agreed but did not do so. My MIL told me that she won't be doing my confinement and not taking care of my DD so my mummy n grandmother did my confinement. But strange things happened, the meat and anchovies my mummy bought keep going missing!
And my MIL quarreled with hubby over mopping of floor, and she hit my c sect wound as she was too acted up.
My FIL even peeped into my room when I was breastfeeding! And he always asked for baby to play, but the way he handles my DD is far too dangerous! He refuse to carry her over waist level, he purposely wanted to carry from above his head! He is very unhygienic too, he wipes the dirty prawn water from market on his shirt and digs his nose n asked to carry DD, will you give yr baby to him? Ask him to wash hand he say we overprotective.

There are so many more, its really a nightmare. And I'm still staying with them. Have to be cautious n I avoid contact with them. I can totally understand how you feel now, you are not alone.
 
Anna, it's a good choice to move back with your parents. How about your husband? Did he move back w you?

My situation is rather similar to yours, jus that I had to deal with both FIL and MIL. Everything was alright after getting married as my husband n I were busy working so we seldom interact. But after I was preggy, they did weird stuffs. My FIL bought pineapples and asked me to eat. He even bought those chinese tonic that could cause miscarriage due to too 'liang' for me.
And knowing I get nauseous over herbal and garlic, they cook herbal soup n added lotsa garlic to dishes everyday on table until I stopped havin dinner with them anymore. My mummy n hubby will come fetch me out for dinner after my work. I had to either come hm at 8plus when the smell subside or hide in my room until then.
When I was heavily preggy at 8months, my FIL purposely chose location so far from hm and expect me to walk there. Hubby refuse n end up we din go out for dinner with them, and he passed sarcastic remarks. My FIL sprayed pesticide on our dishes, luckily my MIL saw and warned us.

When my DD was born, more drama happened. Knowing that my MIL only mops the floor once a MONTH, hubby and I asked her to mop on alternate days before baby was born, she agreed but did not do so. My MIL told me that she won't be doing my confinement and not taking care of my DD so my mummy n grandmother did my confinement. But strange things happened, the meat and anchovies my mummy bought keep going missing!
And my MIL quarreled with hubby over mopping of floor, and she hit my c sect wound as she was too acted up.
My FIL even peeped into my room when I was breastfeeding! And he always asked for baby to play, but the way he handles my DD is far too dangerous! He refuse to carry her over waist level, he purposely wanted to carry from above his head! He is very unhygienic too, he wipes the dirty prawn water from market on his shirt and digs his nose n asked to carry DD, will you give yr baby to him? Ask him to wash hand he say we overprotective.

There are so many more, its really a nightmare. And I'm still staying with them. Have to be cautious n I avoid contact with them. I can totally understand how you feel now, you are not alone.
Your in laws are so scary!!! Esp your father in law, how can he peeped in when you are breastfeeding?! Even own father oso won't do that lor! And why did they do such things on purpose?? Issit coz they didnt want you to get preggy??

Will you be getting your own flat?? its really not safe to be staying there, not safe for u, not safe for your girl as well! So who looks after your girl when u go to work?
 

simon73

Member
daughter in law and MIL always can't get along....maybe 6-7/10 marriage couple are in this situation.
Very sad both can get along well but after married things started to change......haiz
 

chiro san

Member
Your in laws are so scary!!! Esp your father in law, how can he peeped in when you are breastfeeding?! Even own father oso won't do that lor! And why did they do such things on purpose?? Issit coz they didnt want you to get preggy??

Will you be getting your own flat?? its really not safe to be staying there, not safe for u, not safe for your girl as well! So who looks after your girl when u go to work?
I have no idea. Would there be elders who doesn't want to have a grandchild? Moreover i was having their first grandchild, and that's what they did. I've seen so many elders wishing for one.

I yearn to move away ASAP but my queue number is too far behind despite MCPS and first timer. Currently my mummy will take care of my DD while I'm working.
 
Whao, seems like the same mil everywhere out there except those I knew like my frds are fine n ok with mil cause they chose not to stay with them. My in laws also funny. They dote their daughters children more than mine. They took care of them except mine. She got 2 daughters, both hv a gal n a boy, all taken care by her. Except mine. Internal paternal grandson k, their surname lor not mine. And the most absurd thing is my son is gg 4 yrs old, fil nv once touches his hand so don't even say carry him once!! Haha.. We stay together.. So it's cfm, they dislike me and no way we are beta cause u all must remember one thing. We are not their daughter.
No matter how bad their daughters did, they always right. So best solution now is to move far away from them and stay in your own nest. Less conflicts , no arguement, happy u see more often, unhappy thn don't see lor..
 
Myusha

Agree agree.. This forum is really surprisingly alot of ladies out here vent anger toward mil, fil, sil etc.. I m not alone.. Is it a trend or sumthing.. Why mil bias, crazy, picky, so many pattern that's absolutely craziness.. Best is to keep a distance.. Prob solve!!
 

annawt

New Member
at: chiro san


Your father in law is insane, so strange of him.
Lucky, my father in law is still consider normal i guess.
Though he did accidentally saw me bm once before and i seriously felt so terrible over it.
Anw,my husband did not shift home with me cause there wasnt any space for him and he was very picky.
Thus, only on the weekend i go back there with my daughter and besides my mum's place was a lot nearer to my workplace.
Also, his house got a lot of people though we have got a room of our own but there is an uncle and his cousin who came out from malaysia sleeping in the living room. But always quarreled with him during almost all weekends due to his mother and this incident.
I really hate her alot, during my pregnancy she also like to boil weird herbs for me then i told her i didnt want to cause my body cannot take it but she always insist ended up i cant sleep well and have fever. Then, not only that like chiro san, your confinement ingredients gone missing my chicken essence gone too.
Cause she drank it up and was caught by mum once, then she just said oh i very tired. She even go to the extend of opening red packets received from relatives for my girl. So rude! And whenever my husband and i interact she likes to interrupt which led us to a quarrel. She is very stubborn too, things i told her dont she like to and insist doing it. She was very boastful as well she go around and said she done a very fantastic job for me in confinement.
I thanks god that I was not disabled now cause I almost cant walk.
 
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annawt

New Member
so sad to hear this, some people just think much for themselves. They dont understand that they are also woman. And grandchild not big deal?! that very mean of her, karma exist !
 

chiro san

Member
@anna
Omg, you almost can't walk? What happened?
After baby was born, with all these incidents, I also quarreled with hubby alot, because it was hard for him to accept the fact as they are his parents, anw I don't expect anything to be done by him so as to prevent him from feeling sandwiched. My hubby now seen their true colours, imagine my FIL laughed sinisterly when me n hubby had disagreement, how evil.
 

mskyliee

Member
Wow. Seeing what happened, seems scary! Tho I don't have to deal with weird behaviors, I had to deal with bad mouthing and huge men ego.

Like what u all experienced, things were okay before giving birth, prolly cos I didn't interact much with them. But after birth was... sigh...

They likes to carry baby, I'm okay with them. But I'm not okay with them carrying the baby to their room at 11plus... I really not the type to show my black-faced... and maybe cos of my black faced, I dunno what my mil told my fil... dramatic stuffs happened, my hubby, me and my son got chased out of the house right after 1mth....

now staying at my mom's house, happier than before... tho I dread weekend when I have to go back every week... zzz

After reading what u all type, really agree with us being not their daughters... when I wanted to do confinement at my mom's house, they strongly disagree to it, I suspect is ego prob... now that their daughter sold her house and wants to temporary stay at their house, they open their doors big for her... my stuffs and bed are still there.... really not happy with them... irritating!!!!!!
 

annawt

New Member
@chiro san
Ya straight after my confinement i have this constant backache that i walk a short distance only,
it was so painful that led to my left thigh then i could not walk at all and all i do was to lie on a bed.
the pulling was pain the doc conclude i had mild arthritis while the tcm say is "feng si", he say if i dont tc of myself i no need to think to have the 2nd child. and the problem still continue especially i sleep in air con room and when it rains you can feel that ache. Omg, ur father in law so weird and my husband still take her side and even say all these happened cause I think too much.
So i just forget it and i'm glad i am able to share it here. at least when we speak it out we felt so much better thanks
 

annawt

New Member
ya i also hate it that they carried our babies around, my father in law kept carried my girl in the noon till once u placed her down she started to cry and every night i carried her walk thro and fro or sit up with her in my arms and sleep. that period really sucks
 

chiro san

Member
@anna,

I can feel how hurt you are that your hubby aint standing by you just by the thought of it. Its not because you think too much, its because he isn't as sensitive as us, we women are more sensitive therefore we can foresee many things, most of e time our intuition are right. I've been thru times like this, I told my hubby it's really no point souring our marriage bcuz of them.
 

Starla

New Member
Yup.. Sometimes we as wives also have to understand that hubby is in a difficult position.. Though I hate his mum so much till this day, I resign to fate that I'm stuck with her till she passes on..At least for my hubby's sake.. Hubby also made it a point that he be my listening ear everything his mum creates a problem..
 
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