Having only one child

bdaygrl

Member
The general assumption is that the only child tends to turn out spoilt or lonely. Is it true that people that have siblings do better than those that don't?
Are there any parents here that have decided on just one child? And how do you deal with the constant "feedback" on your decision?
 

diymummy

Moderator
I don't think a single child tends to turn out spoilt. Whether a kid turns out spoilt or not depends on the upbringing of the child. Children who have siblings can also be spoilt if proper discipline and teaching is not instilled at home.

My hubby and I wnated to have only one child. But when we look at our son play on his own, we feel that he really looks lonely and would like to give him a sibling. This doesn't mean that the 2nd child is not impt or is a convenient choice. If we choose to have another child, we would definitely love him/her the same as our first.

As for dealing with feedback, we do selective listening. Whatever is constructive we accept. Whatever is not, we just nod and brush it off after.
 

Ting

Well-Known Member
hmmm i think boils down to how the parent handle bahs.

i dun find pin lonely though now she is an only child.
she has many friends to play with in her CCC n at home, she hv all of us to play with.
mummy,daddy, grandparents, my sisters n also my cousins...
usually ppl ask me when do u wanna #2, i just tell them, not now lorr n smile it off. :)
 

sugarcookie

Active Member
My hubby and I have decided to have just one child.

Like the other Mummies here, I too agree that whether a child turns out spoilt or not depends on upbringing.

I have an older sister but I was a real spoilt brat when I was small.

As for being lonely, I guess it may the case when the child is small. When he/she grows up and has friends, the loneliness will ease off.

Dealing with comments about having only one child? When people ask me when I'm going to have a 2nd, I just say "Never." Most people stop at that. Some people can be really rude though and keep insisting I should have a second, but I just ignore their comments.
 

CanCanMum

Moderator
Baber is and WILL be my only child :)

He is not spoilt but rather sometimes super strong headed and stubborn, but he is terribly scared of his dad.

Baber will play wif his own toys by himself, talk to his own toys etc when at home. So far he is quite socialable and fun loving lahhh when with others, but many times refuse to listen to instructions lOlssss....... makes me angry till i need to shout at him!!! zzzzzzzzzzzz

in fact u have to be more attentive to your child's needs especially if u only have 1.

i have seen some parents with 3 kids but the eldest is spoilt or the youngest is spoilt. So yes it only boils down to upbringing.
 

apollo

Well-Known Member
i dun think so.. i feel tt it depends on hw to parents educatethe child

i had a neighbour who is an only child. she is now studying overseas, going to have a great ob when she is bk. and she is very well brought up by her parents. they are not rich but her parents educate her very well.
 

Phoebii Cheng

Well-Known Member
Actually when you hv your 1st child, pple will ask you when u r gg to hv 2nd child...and when u hv 2nd child, pple ask again when u r gg to hv 3rd....I think the list will go on.....

I think hvg how many child is a choice made bet husband and the wife, and hvg one child only does not mean tht the child is spoilt, I hv a cousin, who is an only child in the family, but he is filial to his parents and has a good job...
 

thepinkdot

Well-Known Member
i'm the classic case of being the only child and am very spoilt.. firstly, i think those who have one child only is a personal choice between the couple..

i'm currently expecting my no. 2 now as we wanted 2.. i don't take my family for granted.. they're the ones who gave me so much and expect so little in return.. my own immediate family loves me for who i am.. what more can i ask for?

i think having one child or more is up to the parents.. and how they instill moral values into their children ya?

about the loneliness issue, i think its how the only child handles it.. i am pretty self contained even as an adult.. i don't mind spending alot of time being alone doing my own things.. i love company too.. but i am perfectly fine being alone.
 
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Mum2bee

Member
hihi,i am the only child not spoilt but lonely.....hehe
though i enjoy company of friends but till now i will still be envious of people with silbings....

now i am expecting my lst child & have alrdy decided to at least stop at 2
cos i wan my kids to hv company....at least in the future if anything happen to mi & hubby they still hv each other....haha

i tink i reali tink too much :p
 

bdaygrl

Member
From all the replies it seems that we all try to do what's best for our family, but maybe what is best may be different for each family. Some families do better with one child given the lifestyle (e.g. more different social opportunities for the only child), personality of the child, limitations etc... And some do better with more than one. Just as no two people are the same, no two families are the same. Maybe it's another case of "What's best for you might not be best for me"?
 

littlehelper

Active Member
i don't think that only child= spoilt.I agree it depends on upbringing.
But i agree that only child= lonely at times.No matter what being the only child can be lonely.
I have a older brother but seeing my friends with 3 siblings or more i envy them...so i guess one would b really lonely since i have a brother yet still lonely
 

bdaygrl

Member
are there ways to help the child if they are feeling lonely? let them have more time with friends? play with cousins? is that good enough?
 

Ting

Well-Known Member
uhhh even if u hv siblings, but u r not close to them, also bcome lonely wat.
so what difference does it make?

what makes u think your child is lonely?

to me, i see a child is lonely when he/she is neglected by the parents n not having anyone else to play n interact with them.
a lonely child is usually one who is more withdrawn, n do not play with other kids when they see them, they feel unwanted and also ALONE all the time.
if u spend enough time with your (only) child, n fill them up with adequate activities, why would they feel lonely?
doing things alone= lonely ???
i dun think so.
pin watches her DVDs alone, she doesnt feel lonely wat, she enjoys it actually.
sometimes i prefer to do my own stuff like- watching tv, reading, surfing the net alone, but i dont feel lonely.

envy other kids hv siblings= envy. doesnt mean lonely.
2 diff meanings lehs.
 

SH74

Member
it depends on how u educate n bring up d kid la. n also whether ur family (grandparents, aunties, uncles,...) spoil him/her or not. if all hv same method of handling, he/she wont b like those typical spoilt brat. but mixing ard w other kids is vvv impt for only child.

parents n their families mus really b v sure abt their limits. if not, will b v ez to spoil the only child.
 
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