HELP !!! I am like a "Money-Tree and "Maid".

[integrasky]

to be honest...from a man's perspective... i am sad for ur husband. to have you slapping and treating him in those manner for that purposes... i seriously think he shld considered letting u go and find some rich ass somewhere...

 

[DodoTan]

integrasky is a bit harsh with his words, but I do agree with him. Seriously, you listed down exactly how much money your husband spends on food, transport, etc. That's too controlling. Even my husband doesn't know my expenditure breakdown, and neither do I know his. And about giving money to his parents, it's his parents and his money. You really have no right at all to disapprove of him doing so. You don't give money to your parents is your business but you can't stop him from giving money to his. It's not like he spends all his money on them. The way you put it, what if one day your in-laws have no where else to go and your husband wants to take them in to live with you? Are you going to divorce him for being a filial son?

 

[seraph]

at least you have a maid,
at least he contribute his 80% salary...

poor man, what does he get from his life? what left with him?

complaining wife, dare not contribute to his parents, 1 sex a quarter!! -- is a quarter of day, or week, or month or a year? poor man, how to prove his manhood...

cheer up, you have husband, with a beautiful daughter, with an interesting job, even with a maid to clean your house, why being so upset?

 

[earlene29]

Be grateful that he never say divorce before you do, Never bring this up for such a small matter.

WELL SAID!! Ali50n

 

[Mum2bee]

No one is perfect....from what u written here....ur husband is consider very very gd alrdy....

only get 20% of his income for himself....contributing 80% to the hsehold....and cant contribute $ to his own parents ...what u expect from him somemore...

maybe u should tink in tis way u r alot more lucky than alot of people alrdy....dun expect him to change or do anyting....maybe u urself should also reflect...

sorry to say tis...as a woman i feel sorry for ur husband

 

[CanCanMum]

husband always say that he has a job and has to work, never show concern and play active role to take care of this family.

Lately, I were so mad that i slapped him a few times. He just stand there didn't defend or hide.
Left him slept in the study room.

Since he is not contributing and sharing my burden,
I dont't want this man, he dont't deserve to stay in this house.

Please help advice what can i do??
How to show him to improve... Divorce ??

certain things i agree with you, as in making choices for your child. All along i was like u, making every single choice on my own, for Baber (my 5yo son).

up till today, Husb dont even noe these things:

1) which school Baber goes to
2) who is his fav teacher
3) wads his fav subject
4) which areas he needed more guidance
5) which doc baber sees when he is sick
6) when is Baber's graduation
7) what are Baber's favorite foods
8) what are his fears/likes
9) many many more minute details

he might want to do tat, but as u said u have put him down by saying he makes silly mistakes or wrong decisions. I believe some guys aint good at some things as women do. So whoever can make the better decision decides. There is not right or wrong or who should do wad. Its more of whoever can make the better/wiser decision can decide.

u mentioned he plays wif his daughter, which is in fact good.

as for slapping/turning to violence, it shd not have happened. It really puts a man down and its the worst thing to have happened to a grown up man. Next time try to talk things out instead of resorting to violence.

like all others mentioned, i think due to your constant travelling and coming home not seeing things as u wanted them to be, it has caused u to be stressed up and angry at all the incomplete stuff and messy things to be attended to. Especially u mentioned u need to deal with everything in the house.

cool down and get some time off to talk about it wif your husb. From wad i read and gather it doesnt seem like your husb is a bad person, in fact he is ok. Perhaps both of u lack some communication.

it takes a lot of energy and time to make a family work, as well as marriage life. :wong19:

 

[regitte]

Since he is not contributing and sharing my burden,
I dont't want this man, he dont't deserve to stay in this house.

Please help advice what can i do??
How to show him to improve... Divorce ??

yes please, divorce is the only way, for you..

from all the stupid excuses you gave, you are giving yourself reasons to divorce. imo you are just looking for someone to share the same sentiment and support your decision.

he's already contributing 80% of his income, how much more you asking for? 101%?

1 sex per quarter, omg that is pathetically sad. i feel for him.

anyway, please put yourself in his shoe before you make all these comments.

and yes, i support your decision....

cause, he deserve better...

 

[Nostalgic84]

yes please, divorce is the only way, for you..

from all the stupid excuses you gave, you are giving yourself reasons to divorce. imo you are just looking for someone to share the same sentiment and support your decision.

he's already contributing 80% of his income, how much more you asking for? 101%?

1 sex per quarter, omg that is pathetically sad. i feel for him.

anyway, please put yourself in his shoe before you make all these comments.

and yes, i support your decision....

cause, he deserve better...

Sorry, I read this from another forum, and I really couldn't help myself but create an account here to voice out at TS.

I really don't know how to make this sound nice, but to put it simply, if I know you in real life, I'd probably slap you good and hard to wake up your idea.

The first blatant thing I noticed is that you said that your husband contributed 80% of his salary to household expenses, and the 20% remainder of his salary is spent on his own necessities, and I don't see him spending on things like his own personal likes, like maybe a car, a computer etc. One other fact I need to know, is how much are you contributing to the joint account? are you both contributing equally? If your husband is the sole contributor to the joint account, and you are only topping up when neccessary, then I seriously feel like slapping you.

I don't see how anyone with remotely any common sense at all, can't see that he can't help but spend your money when you all go out for restaurants (which I have a feeling is because you wanted to go out for restaurant dinners, and not him. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong). I also can't see any way for you both not to use your money for your child's tuition, ballet lesson, piano lesson, or whatever (I seriously don't care what lessons your child is taking).

If you're so indignant about having to spend your money on your child, then the only solution I see is that, either you contribute more to the joint account, freeing up your husband's expenses so he can spend on the child too, or stop some of your child's unnecessary expenditures.

With regards to the hotel 81 thing, I sympathize with you, because as a guy, I know that often, after a hard day's work, all I want to do is just zone out, be left alone, and destressed. But unlike you, I make the effort to understand the other gender's genetic make up. The problem here isn't a character problem, but it's how males and females are created differently.

So let me share with you what I know. Guys, when stressed, they just want to be left alone. They just want to zone out, and think about nothing. They don't want to talk, they don't want to be nagged at, they don't want to have to deal with anything which may add to their stress.

Girls, when stressed, they want to talk, they have to talk. They are genetically created to talk when they are stressed. It's how they figure out their feelings, it's how they de-stress, it's how they feel emotionally connected with their husbands.

So you can see, how these differences clash with each other and create tension.

So, think from a guy's point of view. A guy already, instinctively don't want to have to think or deal with anything and anyone which contributes to their level of stress, would they want to deal with you, a nagger which reminds him of an irritating dripping faucet at best, and a violent disrespectful raving beast in the worst case scenario.

So, let me tell you something, you both need to compromise on this. You have a need to talk out your feelings and voice out your thoughts. I understand it, and I don't fault you for it. It's a female thing, it's natural for you. But can't you do it nicely? Can't you compromise by creating a peaceful environment where he will be encouraged to engage you in a conversation for you to talk to. It's a win win situation right? You get to talk your heart out, and he don't feel additional stress while engaging you.

As for sharing responsibility for the household chores. Again, using the above method, create a peaceful environment for you both to converse like civilized human beings, discuss how you both can share responsibility to bring your child to her lessons or whatever.

As for beating your husband. As a stranger, even I cannot forgive you for that. A husband, above all, needs respect from his wife, just as a wife, above all, needs love from her husband.

Your respect, motivates him to love you more, which motivates you to respect him more.

Your disrespect, motivates him to love you less, which motivates you to respect him less.

There are only 2 cycles to this, do you want the positive cycle, or the destructive cycle?

And about the sex issue: I'm surprised that your husband can feel anything in him to want to have sex with you at all! Just reading your post, don't make me feel like holding your hand, much less an intimate session of sex.

Guys share their emotions through sex. It's how we can properly tell you how much we love you, how much we desire you. It's a common misunderstanding that guys view sex as just sex. Yes, we can be aroused, without having to add love into the equation. But while guys find it hard to connect to their emotional side, they actually do it while making love.

So think about it. If I am right, I think your quarterly sex isn't initiate by your husband, but actually initiated by you. Again, correct me if I am wrong. IF I am right that your "free" sex every quarter is actually initiated by you.. Then you are in trouble, because your husband don't even desire you at all anymore, and I cannot blame him.

I know marriage isn't easy, but hey, there is a saying. If you have an ox in the barn, you are going to have to deal with ox poo. But remember, much is gained from the strength of the ox.

There are other things too, which will help in communications. But if you want to know more, go watch this marriage seminar video: Laughing to a better marriage.

I know talk is easy, practice is hard, I myself forget to apply these principles, but don't ever give up. Try again.


In a word of fairness: A husband should not think he has already done his part because he contributed almost all his salary for household expenses. I can understand how he is led to feel this way though. I, and another forum member, agree that it might be better that he contribute lesser in the joint account, and contribute more in being involved in the family.

 

[lylie]

You are lucky if your husband hasn't asked for a divorce from you. Your husband will be one happy chap if you divorce him. You are working and it means you have the Earning power. You are lucky if the court grant you a monthly maintenance of 20% from his monthly pay. Your husband will have more Spending power , such as spending on his parents in the first place.

Are you a petty wife? Yes, you are. I hope your future son-in-law will disapprove your daughter from contributing to your old age. What you are going through right now is very norm to a lot of household, but you magnified them in order to make yourself looked good and noble. I hope he will divorce you because you don’t deserve him at all. You slapped him, and that shows you have no respect for the man who fathers your child.

 

[meiteoh]

Wow, I did a search and found that this thread is being discussed here as well.

To be honest, I'd would give this any more "hits" - the TS hasn't came back to explain herself or reply to any of the posts and I doubt "she" (in quotes because we really don't know who she is now, do we? Could be some sick joker for all we know) will after looking at all the replies. Hai, don't bother loh. At the end of the day, what goes around comes around...

As for the other thread, I'm coming across lots of "this makes me think twice about getting married" or "reading this scares me". We shouldn't think like this as every couple and relationship is unique. All the more reason for us to learn from other people's mistakes and ensure that it doesn't happen to us - we shouldn't fear things like this. Not getting married for the fear of being henpecked shows how little we trust our own judgement (that is used in choosing a life partner).

 

[angelwendy]

Wow, I did a search and found that this thread is being discussed here as well.

To be honest, I'd would give this any more "hits" - the TS hasn't came back to explain herself or reply to any of the posts and I doubt "she" (in quotes because we really dont't know who she is now, do we? Could be some sick joker for all we know) will after looking at all the replies. Hai, dont't bother loh. At the end of the day, what goes around comes around...

As for the other thread, I'm coming across lots of "this makes me think twice about getting married" or "reading this scares me". We shouldn't think like this as every couple and relationship is unique. All the more reason for us to learn from other people's mistakes and ensure that it doesn't happen to us - we shouldn't fear things like this. Not getting married for the fear of being henpecked shows how little we trust our own judgement (that is used in choosing a life partner).

Ya true! we never know who she is... maybe she just playing around here.. because i never see her reply to any of this thread...:err:

 

[PTB7476]

as a woman ... i think she deserved 2 tight slap on the face, the hb IMHO is considered good and always giving in to her..so what she has earning power...who dun... having earning power doesnt mean u can do whatever you want... afterall your money is not really used to contribute to the household expense but to fulfil your wants for yourself and your kid

 

[Fisherman's Friend]

Wow, I did a search and found that this thread is being discussed here as well.

To be honest, I'd would give this any more "hits" - the TS hasn't came back to explain herself or reply to any of the posts and I doubt "she" (in quotes because we really dont't know who she is now, do we? Could be some sick joker for all we know) will after looking at all the replies. Hai, dont't bother loh. At the end of the day, what goes around comes around...

As for the other thread, I'm coming across lots of "this makes me think twice about getting married" or "reading this scares me". We shouldn't think like this as every couple and relationship is unique. All the more reason for us to learn from other people's mistakes and ensure that it doesn't happen to us - we shouldn't fear things like this. Not getting married for the fear of being henpecked shows how little we trust our own judgement (that is used in choosing a life partner).

Totally agree!! This story may not even exist at all!!

 

[dimsumplum]

man contributes 80% of salary, is not allowed to give to in-laws (bloody shameful). i would regret letting my son marry this kinda woman.

man spends time with the child (thats very good), but its not to your liking. honestly, maybe he is more rationale than you. you cramp your child with all the books and studying, what your husband is doing is giving some balance to the child's development. " all work and no play makes jack a dull boy " its a saying.

i tell you what you got on hand. you got a very responsible and hardworking husband who contributes more money than you do. he balances work and family and he doesnt seem to complain. he comes back from work, he puts work aside and family comes first. give your child attention, then you until 10pm. then he starts on his 'work' again which he takes home, to complete it so his boss wont scream at him.

i honestly, and sincerely feel, in the deepest abyss of my heart that your husband married the wrong woman. what he needs is a more supporting and loving wife. it will do him so much benefit if you divorce him, but cause detriment to the remaining single male population. my husband did tell me, sharing a meal with me at the end of a work day makes all the hard work in the office and the scoldings all worthwhile. when he is coming home late, i pinch a little of the dinner; soup and rice. heat up the rest when he comes home and dine with him. he is tired, but he smiles for me.

some women need to realise that the roles of a woman differ those of a man. i find a appalling that a woman can complain about how her husband doesnt know the little little fine details of the child; fav sub etc. in case you dont know, the role of a father is to teach the child life skills, something a woman possibly cant teach for reasons that cant be explained. i studied in a girls school so i cant say for the boys, but one thing i can say is that all my friends' mothers would be aware of what they are studying to the little details, whereas their dad would be like ' why this subject so bad? ' or ' ohh you did very well, lets go get that doll or a nice dinner '. the ones you see waiting for the child outside the school gates is either a maid or a mother. we did wonder why our dad is never bothered as much as our mom, pretty much explained why we all preferred mommy when growing up. but as we grow older, many prefer daddy.

honestly i trust my husband when it comes to education, he doesnt believe in those enrichment classes and all. partly due to his upbringing, his mother sits down with him and taught him with peter and jane books, and when he met obstacles in life growing up his daddy taught him ways to go around it. did missing out on art class and piano class make him dumb? no he went to a good uni overseas and takes home good pay. not that we cant afford enrichment lessons to make our child's lifestyle 9-5 too, but why kill his/her joy of learning when the child should be on the road of self-discovery and not confined to the 4 walls with a yelling spinster. a child's mind is amazingly absorbent, missing out on whatever classes wont make him silly. my 4 y.o can tell me i took the wrong route, ' daddy always turn THAT way.. ' and i go * shhiittt * of course i dont say it out. i dont know what parents define as bright; able to recite chinese poetry and piano like mozart? or know the way around the world, knowing how and why things are the way they are.

put it simply, if you want your man to be more like you, just go be a lesbian. each parent plays very different roles, if they overlap or are identical; its like a gay couple bringing up a kid, 2 dads or 2 mums.

you my friend, got yourself a real man. you on the other hand, i got nothing to say..

 

[dimsumplum]

Totally agree!! This story may not even exist at all!!

from what i know after being scolded like that, takes courage to even reply knowing the world condemns you. i guess she doesnt dare open this thread anymore.

 

[meiteoh]

we did wonder why our dad is never bothered as much as our mom, pretty much explained why we all preferred mommy when growing up. but as we grow older, many prefer daddy.

Studies have shown that while a mother is important to a child in their younger years, a father is more important as a role model and educator when a child reaches their teens - doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl. We all have our roles to play - no point comparing who is better or does more. For me, as long as my hubby takes the time and effort to build a quality relationship (can be simple things like a bath, playtime, teaching, etc) with Eva, I'm good.

 

[District98]

from what i know after being scolded like that, takes courage to even reply knowing the world condemns you. i guess she doesnt dare open this thread anymore.

at beginning, Actually what i interpret, TS are looking for supporter, at the end, no one support her. ya i also feel she doesnt dare to open this thread anymore.

 

[earlene29]

Bravo!! Nostalgic84.....

I'm not good in replying gd english to shoot these ppl who are full of arogant, think they know everything, etc... in fact I feel that she actualy having an affair and just want to find excuses to divorce her husband.

 

[apollo]

i really hope this lady, instead of going ard to find 'supporters', shd REFLECT herself!!

 

[Ting]

honestly. i just think this TS is a SJB.. lol... maybe i watch too much tv on FOX. =X

haha or maybe this TS doing survey to see ppl's reaction. LOL!!!