I am lost...Need help....

[vinder79]

I am so lost i am late about 8 days and i feel very sore.(SAME FEELING I HAD WHEN PREGNANT WITH NO 1 & 2) I took a pregnancy test 1 week before due date of mens cycle.Now i am scared to take another one.My 2nd son was born with 4 kidneys and i told myself no more.I went on the pill but last month a few days i 4got to take it as adjusting to new house.Now i am really worried my 2nd son is only 8mths and oldest is 22 mths.What do i do????? I AM TOLD 2ND SON PROBLEM IS GENETIC.It could have skipped a couple of generations. Any advise????????????I dont wanna share this with my hubby as i know his attitude he will never understand

 

[Angelmum]

I dont wanna share this with my hubby as i know his attitude he will never understand

Dont understand doesnt mean u shld bear the consequences.
Maybe u shld share yr worries with hubby cos birth control/having another child doesnt involve 1 party.

If no3 on the way, u shld also discuss how - mentally prepared. If u 'lucky' (false alarm) u shld also work on birth control method both comfortable with. This wk there was an article on PILL - forgot myPapers or Today

 

[rae]

i will be very straightforward abt my view on this. i hv discussed the possibility of another child with my husband and we have both decided tat it will be very tough on us if we hv another child becos :

- we hv no help frm our families. both side parents are too old/frail to take care of children
- maids are ultra unreliable. now @ maid 11 in 6 years
- when both child demands for our attention, we dun noe who to give to
- my ger is currently not mobile, which means tat she can be left alone to play on her own. which also means when 2nd child starts to move ard, 1st child will be left alone since more "safe"
- i babysat my niece and the above was exactly wat happened. other than tat, i hv to shut ger in a room as niece will roam ard her and is at risk to fall over her.
- if ger is sick (which may happen often), who to take care of 2nd child?
- during my pregnancy, i cant take care of ger even if she is sick
- i had bad MS during 1st pregnancy. think 2nd will also be the same.
- currently on single income, which is barely enuff cos still need to save up for further (possible) medical expenses.
- we are finally in a "stable" situation where we can handle day-to-day happenings, not keen to add more "challenges"


so i am on contraceptives to prevent this from happening. not tat i dun want another child, but based on our constraints, we are not confident on handling another child, so we will have to take steps to prevent further misery to us and also our child(ren).

 

[vinder79]

Yup ladies i am still on pills just forgot to take them and on Monday going to take THE TEST. My dearest hubby has been brought up in very rough conditions so he believes that we can still manage but i dont believe so.He makes me sick cause everytime ppl talk abt kids he would wish 4 a girl but u are only the financial provider you cant understand the emotion and heartache i feel every time someone draws blood from my 2nd one.How to explain or try and talk pros and cons with him i dont understand.

 

[epicurean]

vinder79,
My hubby and I had many quarrels about having a second child and now we're at a deadlock. He really wants another child (preferably a girl) coz we're not getting younger ... for Seb to have a sibling ... he wants a child who will be with us when Seb is no longer around ... for a more normal parenting experience. My reasons are pretty much the same as those shared by rae. We're at a stalemate coz we see the validity of each other's reasons but are unable to offer solutions. But at least the lines of communication are open and we'll keep discussing the issue tho' we disagree and butt heads about it.

I do think you need to let your hubby know how you think and feel about the issue. He won't understand or empathise straightway and you guys may have to go thru' a few rounds of talking, explaining, sharing etc ... main thing is to bring the issue out into the open with all worries, concerns, anxieties, fears, reservations, factors to consider, so that whatever decision you guys make, it's an informed decision.

 

[vinder79]

MENSUS CAME AFTER THIS CYCLE GOING TO INSERT IUD! I feel that i can nvr be ready for any more kids.

 

[yummymummy]

Same as rae and epicurean,

I didn't want another child either. Vera was all I needed. Vera needed my all, esp when sick.

So when I got pregnant by accident, was even considering aborting.

I insisted to my hubby we couldn't cope esp with Vera's medical needs.

But I couldn't bring myself to abort. So what's it like looking after a newborn and Vera?

It is true that:
1) Vera gets left alone more. But it is also true that she's become more independent exploring n exercising her limbs since no one is around to entertain her.

2) Both parents are preoccupied with d newborn. However, this is temporary. I know it will come a day when Daen is running around on his own and I am focused on Vera again.

3) Finances are tight on a single income. We crimp and save more.

4) You need a good maid more than ever. And you need her trained to be as good as you at looking after your special child. Esp if help is not available from grandparents. This I have to accede. It would not be possible for me to look after a newborn and Vera at the same time....with the tube feeding, suctioning, bipap mask issues.

5) Support from hubby is crucial. If he able to take care of newborn type then also makes it more manageable.

all said, it's boils down to support network. You need 3 to take care of 1 special needs child and 1 normal baby.

anyway, 2 is max. My little ger deserves at least 50% of me!

 

[katz]

Hi

Well, since menses came, don't worry for the moment.

My eldest is special needs (now 5yrs), we have gone thru many surgeries, pain etc with her. She will still need more surgery. I nvr thot i would want another child as long as i lived!

We "accidentally" got another child (he's now 4yrs). I was so afraid thru my pregnancy. We chose to keep him eventho' we had millions of fears. And still going thru a lot with my eldest.

BUT you know, it doesn't mean every pregnancy will turn out bad, I am glad to have both my kids. One makes me love her becos of all the hardships we share and the other one makes me love him for all the joy he brings me. He is a balm for my heart, he soothes me when i am down.

So as we all know, we cannot control whatever happens, we take things as they come. And remain positive at the end of each trial. So that we can help our children.

At the end of the day, I am glad to have taken a chance to have my 2nd kid. I am special because I was chosen to mother, love and help a spcl needs child.


Cheer up and look up, be bold and positive so we can help our children and ourselves.