"I hate you Mummy"

[ahpei]

Yesterday was my birthday. I found out that my gal was telling lies abt her lunch box. I talked to her very nicely for almost half an hour and only get myself more confused. Then only I realized she got her story mixed up and i asked if she lied, she said yes. I got really angry and asked her why she told lies. She only kept crying. Thereafter, she wrote on a piece of paper "Mummy, I don't like you"
Thinking that was the end of it, and I told hubby not to bring up the matter today. So we had happy hours today, had lunch outside and had a peaceful day today. She was practiczlly happy today and passed happy and good remarks.
Then just now, I was joking with her that we shall go to the library tomorrow instead of swimming. Library is also one of her fav spots. She started to throw tantrum, throw the pillow on me, and kicked the chair towards my direction. She later wrote on the paper "I hate you mummy"
I hv failed in my parenting. It's really pain deep down my heart.

 

[happymummyo7]

Hugs~ can imagine the pain.. Im a single mummy n my only fear is one day my boy will tell me he rather not to b borned. I feel that way n wished my mum hadnt gave birth to me often, though i really love her..

I think, she doesnt really mean that she hates u. She's sad n disappointed n frustrated n hurt. Its cos she loves u soo much that it made her so hurt. Try placing urself in her shoes n im sure u can understand her feelings more.
How old is she? Instead of asking her y she lied, y dont u think abt y she lied yrself? Whats the lie she said abt her lunchbox?

I was a child myself before, u were too dear. Have u never ever told a lie in yr whole life? Y do we lie? To cover up for something we did. For children, younger ones lie bcos they cant rmb the exact things that happened. Older kids lie bcos they wish it had happened. No parents want their child to b a lier. But focusing the her mistake doesnt help.

Do u always make plan for something n change yr mind last min n change the plan? Like the swimming n library part? When u made plans to take her swimming, she has probably been excited n looking forward to it. Yes she may enjoy library trips, but when u had 'promised' swimming n changed to library it becomes breaking yr promise to her. It may b just a little joke to u, but have u thought how serious n important it meant to her?
Kids r kids. To them, every word from us matters. Us acknowleging their efforts, us unplease with their wrong behaviour, our promises. It may b a small thing to us but to them it really means alot.

Imagine yr boss telling u increase yr pay then next moment tells u he change his mind. Its that serious to children.

Rmb, to children, parents r their everything. At least before they grow up n have their own world. If u keep 'breaking' yr words, u'll make her lose trust in u. N if she cant even trust her mummy who is soo soo soo impt to her, who can she turn to?? U r crushing her world, though thats the last thing u wld ever wanna do.
Also, girls tend to b more sensitive n emotional. As children grow they change. This lil joke that didnt bother her ytd may mean so much today.

Parenting is like a course. N our child is our result slip. U may fail this subject today. R u gonna give up? Study hard n im sure u'll do better the next paper. Its ok to make mistake. Parents r childrens' 'god', but we r actually only human. Jiayou mummy!!

 

[lyra]

I love your reply, happymummyo7. I will keep this in my heart too. Thank you.

 

[happymummyo7]

I guess its a mistake all parents make. We definitely want the best for our child. But often we forgot to think in th child's shoes. Whats best to us may not b the best to the child. N many times, what children see, wants, think, r very simple.
Give a 3yo a lollipop n a thousand bucks note, guess which will he choose?
Jiayou all mummies!!!!!

 

[Natashasingh]

I feel in this busy life style we are not so much connected with our kids.... Just give her a long hug..and try to know what ur child actually want....good luck....