I TRUST my partner!!!!

[yuzudinga]

although there r nagging feelings sometimes (as i'm quite not very confident in myself) and especially as i've been through the trauma before (my ex of 7 years cheated on me). i'm now happily married to my husband and i trust my husband. of course there are always highs n lows in our mood, i have to keep reminding myself that although he is a man, i cannot link him with my past negative experiences.

its also important to learn from our past experiences so that we wont fall into the same old cycle. ie: ex bf strayed because i was too controlling, tries to know his every movement and suspect too much even when he hasn't stray yet. quarrel for small issues to make it a big one etc..

i dunno how true it is, but if we keep thinking tat our partner strays and keep suspecting him, he will tend to make it true.. at least it was true for my ex bf, so i wont risk tat thought now.

 

[breakfree]

i was like some of the mummies here. I trusted my husband a lot.Just wan to share with u

He was doing sales and have a lot of time in his hands. In the beginning he used come home in the afternoon. But as time pass, he claim to be busy and started coming home after wee hours of the morning. I trusted him, as i feel he is so hardworking, earning more money for the family, although all those long hours at work didn't make him give more expenses for the family. I have to come out my own money for household expenses, cos he say he needs money to do investment, i trusted him again.

Then things become worse, he claims he is going for a promotion and to accompany the boss, and sometime didn't return home. I also trusted him. During this period, my many friends saw him with same lady many tiomes, and he told me a colleague who work very clsoely with him, i also trusted him.

Even when my mother and mother-in-law came to me and ask me to be careful cos of his long hours not at home, i also trusted him.

On one occasion accidentally I saw mushy sms from his hp, he give me excuse that it's a friend who is just playing with him, i also trusted him.

But one day, he return home and claimed that he is not a good husband to me and decided to move out and stay on his own and cool things down, i also trusted him, ALTHOUGH I DIDN'T LIKE IT.

Then a very good friend of mine told me that my husband behaviour is very strange and get me to engage a PI to see where he is staying(he refuse to let me know who he is staying with and with who).

I then get a PI (as i wan to prove to everyone around me, he is faithful and truth to me) and it's really wake me up!. He was staying with a colleague and they were having affair. In kept quiet and hope he will return after a few months. To me surprise, one day he came back and wanted a divorce. He wasn't truth to me and say there was another women, just saying we can't get along and even give excuse i don't care for him.

This is my story and i hope some mummies are able to see what is happening and what is the truth world outside. Yes, trust is needed in a marriage but don't trust blindly, u will regret it. If i didn't trusted him so much and questioned him or put a stop to all his excuses, maybe i would have save my marriage.

 

[mamapenguin]

I'm sorry some of you mommies have unfaithful hubbies. It must be heartbreaking. It can happen to a man as well, having an unfaithful wife. However, this thread is for people WITH faithful partners. They do exist you know, faithful spouses.

Don't worry about me. I'm not stupidly naive. I just have a super duper faithful partner. In return, I am equally faithful to him. How honest can one be, you ask? He called me from Manila to complain that some woman hopped in his hotel lift and tried to sell him sex. He called me from Bangkok and complained to me about how sleazy his male associates were for wanting to spend their evenings in girly bars. He would rather talk to me on skype in his room. He called me from Taipei to tell me about some Taiwanese model trying to pick him up in the bar/restaurant he was having dinner in. He told her he already have plenty of girls in his life. Two daughters and the mommy! To him, flirting equates cheating thus he frowns upon it. That includes smsing. My hubby doesn't go out with friends anymore. He prefers to hang out with the family.

I understand some people have real issues with honesty. It is truly unfortunate and my heart goes out to you. Perhaps there should be a separate thread for those who do not trust their spouse?

 

[yuzudinga]

i was like some of the mummies here. I trusted my husband a lot.Just wan to share with u

He was doing sales and have a lot of time in his hands. In the beginning he used come home in the afternoon. But as time pass, he claim to be busy and started coming home after wee hours of the morning. I trusted him, as i feel he is so hardworking, earning more money for the family, although all those long hours at work didn't make him give more expenses for the family. I have to come out my own money for household expenses, cos he say he needs money to do investment, i trusted him again.

Then things become worse, he claims he is going for a promotion and to accompany the boss, and sometime didn't return home. I also trusted him. During this period, my many friends saw him with same lady many tiomes, and he told me a colleague who work very clsoely with him, i also trusted him.

Even when my mother and mother-in-law came to me and ask me to be careful cos of his long hours not at home, i also trusted him.

On one occasion accidentally I saw mushy sms from his hp, he give me excuse that it's a friend who is just playing with him, i also trusted him.

But one day, he return home and claimed that he is not a good husband to me and decided to move out and stay on his own and cool things down, i also trusted him, ALTHOUGH I DIDN'T LIKE IT.

Then a very good friend of mine told me that my husband behaviour is very strange and get me to engage a PI to see where he is staying(he refuse to let me know who he is staying with and with who).

I then get a PI (as i wan to prove to everyone around me, he is faithful and truth to me) and it's really wake me up!. He was staying with a colleague and they were having affair. In kept quiet and hope he will return after a few months. To me surprise, one day he came back and wanted a divorce. He wasn't truth to me and say there was another women, just saying we can't get along and even give excuse i don't care for him.

This is my story and i hope some mummies are able to see what is happening and what is the truth world outside. Yes, trust is needed in a marriage but don't trust blindly, u will regret it. If i didn't trusted him so much and questioned him or put a stop to all his excuses, maybe i would have save my marriage.

so sorry this happened to u. yes. i agree tat we should not blindly trust our partner.
i also believe in setting boundaries for each other to know what our partners can take or cant.. please learn from the experience not to accept all rubbish ur partner throws to u. if u have a new partner in future, do communicate with him when u feel uncomfortable with his plans. its good to be supportive, but do have ur own opinion as well. meanwhile, do take good care of urself. jiayou!

 

[yuzudinga]

I'm sorry some of you mommies have unfaithful hubbies. It must be heartbreaking. It can happen to a man as well, having an unfaithful wife. However, this thread is for people WITH faithful partners. They do exist you know, faithful spouses.

Don't worry about me. I'm not stupidly naive. I just have a super duper faithful partner. In return, I am equally faithful to him. How honest can one be, you ask? He called me from Manila to complain that some woman hopped in his hotel lift and tried to sell him sex. He called me from Bangkok and complained to me about how sleazy his male associates were for wanting to spend their evenings in girly bars. He would rather talk to me on skype in his room. He called me from Taipei to tell me about some Taiwanese model trying to pick him up in the bar/restaurant he was having dinner in. He told her he already have plenty of girls in his life. Two daughters and the mommy! To him, flirting equates cheating thus he frowns upon it. That includes smsing. My hubby doesn't go out with friends anymore. He prefers to hang out with the family.

I understand some people have real issues with honesty. It is truly unfortunate and my heart goes out to you. Perhaps there should be a separate thread for those who do not trust their spouse?

this is the same situation with me and my hubby as well.
no matter if we have same thread or not with ppl who dun trust their husbands, its a fact tat not all men/women are the same and it is also a fact tat there are unfaithful men or women out there.
just do not be affected by the negativity of others and keep communicating with ur hubby.

relationship is a ship which needs constant maintenance!

 

[Unforgiven]

I'm sorry some of you mommies have unfaithful hubbies. It must be heartbreaking. It can happen to a man as well, having an unfaithful wife. However, this thread is for people WITH faithful partners. They do exist you know, faithful spouses.

Don't worry about me. I'm not stupidly naive. I just have a super duper faithful partner. In return, I am equally faithful to him. How honest can one be, you ask? He called me from Manila to complain that some woman hopped in his hotel lift and tried to sell him sex. He called me from Bangkok and complained to me about how sleazy his male associates were for wanting to spend their evenings in girly bars. He would rather talk to me on skype in his room. He called me from Taipei to tell me about some Taiwanese model trying to pick him up in the bar/restaurant he was having dinner in. He told her he already have plenty of girls in his life. Two daughters and the mommy! To him, flirting equates cheating thus he frowns upon it. That includes smsing. My hubby doesn't go out with friends anymore. He prefers to hang out with the family.

I understand some people have real issues with honesty. It is truly unfortunate and my heart goes out to you. Perhaps there should be a separate thread for those who do not trust their spouse?

i don't see the reason why he must tell u all this? so that u won't suspect him? He is portraying to you like Manila, BKK and taiwan gals all get prostitutes going around? If that man didn't indicate to them he is approachable, why would someone try to pick him up from bar and lift? I don't think that is the real scenario.

yes, faithful spouses do exist. But if some women are too confidentially to trust their husband, things will happens. As outside world, many things can happens.

 

[yuzudinga]

i don't see the reason why he must tell u all this? so that u won't suspect him? He is portraying to you like Manila, BKK and taiwan gals all get prostitutes going around? If that man didn't indicate to them he is approachable, why would someone try to pick him up from bar and lift? I don't think that is the real scenario.

yes, faithful spouses do exist. But if some women are too confidentially to trust their husband, things will happens. As outside world, many things can happens.

actually, i've seen it for myself.. as long as the men r alone walking, there will be girls who approach.. some are even daring enough to approach men who have their partners with them.. not to say overseas.. this happens even in singapore which is why i believe tat if a men wants to stray, they can do it anywhere. if they dont want to, they wont no matter where they are.

 

[mamapenguin]

i dont't see the reason why he must tell you all this? so that you won't suspect him? He is portraying to you like Manila, BKK and taiwan gals all get prostitutes going around? If that man didn't indicate to them he is approachable, why would someone try to pick him up from bar and lift? I dont't think that is the real scenario.

yes, faithful spouses do exist. But if some women are too confidentially to trust their husband, things will happens. As outside world, many things can happens.

Why does he tell me? Coz he believes in honesty. Why should I suspect him? He is a good looking man after all. Actually I respect him for telling me what's going on around him. Model in Taiwan, not prostitute. I have been to MNL and BKK so I know what's it like there so I'm not surprise. He gets picked up by flight attendants too and I find that flattering. I tell him when men try to give me lifts when I'm walking out of our condo or when strangers ask for my number when I'm standing at the bus stop. More scary than flattering for me. Again, what's wrong with honesty?

Why do you have doubts in my husband when I do not? He is a handsome, confident man who happens to love his family more than life itself. He has done everything, EVERYTHiNG, in his power to ensure that should anything happen to him, we will be well taken care of. While I love him so much for that, I'd rather have him alive and well.

He gets picked up by other women... and gay men. I've seen it so I believe it. So what. By the way, we do not wear wedding rings

 

[crystalpink]

yes, certain degree of trust is needed in a marriage. BUT, blindly trusting your husband will have dire consequences.

I have hear many story of cheating husband and many mummies trust their husband too much and give them too much freedom and in the end, ended in the marriage breaking up.

Mummies, this is the real world, u can't deny this is happening. What i mean is, don't trust your husband 100%. If there is anything suspicious behavior or sms, make sure u take some time to check. Temptation are all around.

Yes, I strongly agree. For me, though i trust my hubby but I will not trust 100% totally, the most 80-90%, I shall leave 10%-20% for me to "safeguard" myself. As thgs may change, sometimes a husband who always has a "clean record" may be smart enough to make use of this privilege to do thgs which will not arouse his wife's suspicion. I agree one's character may chg over time, but will not be over suspicious, if not life will be miserable. I always feel it is better to be safe than sorry. All women need to safeguard themselves, I hv a real life experience with a colleague's husband whom everyone feels is a "Hao hao sian sheng" (gd husband) married with a kid but ended up with a mistress carrying his baby. Surprisingly, he chose to divorce his wife n didn't even care for his son! Thereafter he married the mistress! So, sometimes with a kid doesn't mean can "tie his heart". Not trying to scare anyone out there but it was really a real life happening.

For me, I believe in solid evidence, whether sms, emails or anyone telling me seeing him with a lady etc, will do my own part without fail , will never ever ignore it nt becos I don't trust him but I rather say I want to protect myself fm getting hurt if it really turns out to be true! The earlier I discover, there may be higher chances of marriage being saved if not the impact of getting hurt won't be that great too compared to being betrayed for yrs!! I do not want to live with regrets...so long I hv tried my best to look into the matter n if nothing progresses, I just leave it. If not, tackle it n won't keep silence! Women hv our rights!

 

[Ting]

i don't see the reason why he must tell u all this? so that u won't suspect him? He is portraying to you like Manila, BKK and taiwan gals all get prostitutes going around? If that man didn't indicate to them he is approachable, why would someone try to pick him up from bar and lift? I don't think that is the real scenario.

yes, faithful spouses do exist. But if some women are too confidentially to trust their husband, things will happens. As outside world, many things can happens.

thats not true leh.. my fiance is working PT as a hotel reception/concierge in aussie. he is WORKING there but yet there r still girls who try to pick him up. they go the lobby desk n offer him gifts (snacks/stuffs they bought while shopping) n try to hv small talk with him. they even pass him their numbers n asked for his contacts. i dun think he is portraying himself as approachable at all, bcos there r even guests who wanna hook him up with their own daughters!! not only so, beginning when he went to aussie,a girl friend of his friend tried to hit on him KNOWING he has a gf..our pics were all over his room n stuff n SHE knows he has a gf alr but yet she still tried her luck.. n NO, he rejected her all the way n refuse to speak to her at all.
my fiance DO tell me abt those girls tried to pick him up n stuff.. but i dun feel that he is trying to prove to me anything. its just part of our convo.. after all we are in diff countries so we update each other on this n tt. i do tell my fiance if guys try picking me up in clubs or stuff and we both just laugh it off. we r not trying to prove to each other that we r faithful bcos, we dont need to prove, our actions shows it all.
i think as a woman, u shld be able to trust ur OWN judgement. u chose this man to be ur husb. but if u hv any doubt abt him, then i believe the trust u hv in him is very vulnerable and can be broken at the slightest touch.
of cos, i cannot say tt my husb will NVR ever betray me, cos i dont know abt the future. all i know is he loves me too much NOW to do anything unfaithful to me. i dont want to live a life of worrying n thinking whether my husb will betray me or cheat on me one fine day or not.. cos for all i know, this ONE day might nvr come..
but if that one day really comes, then just too bad for me that he has a change of heart...

 

[Ting]

Why does he tell me? Coz he believes in honesty. Why should I suspect him? He is a good looking man after all. Actually I respect him for telling me what's going on around him. Model in Taiwan, not prostitute. I have been to MNL and BKK so I know what's it like there so I'm not surprise. He gets picked up by flight attendants too and I find that flattering. I tell him when men try to give me lifts when I'm walking out of our condo or when strangers ask for my number when I'm standing at the bus stop. More scary than flattering for me. Again, what's wrong with honesty?

Why do you have doubts in my husband when I do not? He is a handsome, confident man who happens to love his family more than life itself. He has done everything, EVERYTHiNG, in his power to ensure that should anything happen to him, we will be well taken care of. While I love him so much for that, I'd rather have him alive and well.

He gets picked up by other women... and gay men. I've seen it so I believe it. So what. By the way, we do not wear wedding rings

LOL! my husb gets picked up by gay men too! my gay buddy n his friends keep telling me im lucky to hv a cute husb!

 

[AugBoyz]

thats not true .. my fiance is working PT as a hotel reception/concierge in aussie. he is WORKING there but yet there r still girls who try to pick him up. they go the lobby desk n offer him gifts (snacks/stuffs they bought while shopping) n try to have small talk with him. they even pass him their numbers n asked for his contacts. i dont think he is portraying himself as approachable at all, bcos there r even guests who wanna hook him up with their own daughters!! not only so, beginning when he went to aussie,a girl friend of his friend tried to hit on him KNOWING he has a gf..our pics were all over his room n stuff n SHE knows he has a gf already but yet she still tried her luck.. n NO, he rejected her all the way n refuse to speak to her at all.
my fiance DO tell me about those girls tried to pick him up n stuff.. but i dont feel that he is trying to prove to me anything. its just part of our convo.. after all we are in diff countries so we update each other on this n that. i do tell my fiance if guys try picking me up in clubs or stuff and we both just laugh it off. we r not trying to prove to each other that we r faithful bcos, we dont need to prove, our actions shows it all.
i think as a woman, you shld be able to trust your OWN judgement. you chose this man to be your husb. but if you have any doubt about him, then i believe the trust you have in him is very vulnerable and can be broken at the slightest touch.
of cos, i cannot say that my husb will never ever betray me, cos i dont know about the future. all i know is he loves me too much NOW to do anything unfaithful to me. i dont want to live a life of worrying n thinking whether my husb will betray me or cheat on me one fine day or not.. cos for all i know, this ONE day might never come..
but if that one day really comes, then just too bad for me that he has a change of heart...

"to live a life of worrying n thinking whether my husb will betray me or cheat on me one fine day or not." - this is so depressing n meaningless to a human being if this person choose to do that! I think we have better things to do then to worry ourselves to the graves right?

 

[apollo]

we r not trying to prove to each other that we r faithful bcos, we dont need to prove, our actions shows it all.
i think as a woman, u shld be able to trust ur OWN judgement. u chose this man to be ur husb. but if u hv any doubt abt him, then i believe the trust u hv in him is very vulnerable and can be broken at the slightest touch.
of cos, i cannot say tt my husb will NVR ever betray me, cos i dont know abt the future. all i know is he loves me too much NOW to do anything unfaithful to me. i dont want to live a life of worrying n thinking whether my husb will betray me or cheat on me one fine day or not.. cos for all i know, this ONE day might nvr come..
but if that one day really comes, then just too bad for me that he has a change of heart...

VERY TRUE!!! depends on our OWN judgement. for those whose husbands are obviously lying and seeing someone outside, of cos cannot trust them BLINDLY. but for those whose hubs are not, why shd we keep having doubts and suspect this and that??

 

[hotmilktea]

YES! its like finding fault and picking on yourself and your husband.
i find it emotional draining.

VERY TRUE!!! depends on our OWN judgement. for those whose husbands are obviously lying and seeing someone outside, of cos cannot trust them BLINDLY. but for those whose hubs are not, why shd we keep having doubts and suspect this and that??

 

[Renzie]

YES! its like finding fault and picking on yourself and your husband.
i find it emotional draining.

Agree, it's very emotional draining as well. Life's already full of stress, why add a needless one into the equation? As long as he did not do anything to raise my suspicion, I'll fully trust him. Plus it would be very stressful for him as well if I keep suspecting him of one thing or another, and in the end, I just might be the one who is pushing him away, causing him to do the things I suspect him to do. No one likes to be under suspicion the entire time.

 

[MyHappyKids]

Couple shouldn't doubt one another.
In fact, a "doubting" couple relationship will never be amiable and happy.
So try to do things to build on the confidence level instead.

The problem faced by some mummies here is because they found some leads or hints that their spouse are eating "wild strawberries"....

Yes maybe some mummies had caught their hubs cheating outside but what about those have not? should they doubt their hub as well?? I dont think so. And for those who hub has strayed before, please, if you decided to give him a chance then should trust him from the day you forgive him. I know it is difficult but have to try since alrdy decided to forgive and move on. If keep having doubts and dont trust the hub, what is the point of forgiving and how to move on? =)

 

[missyqiqi]

The problem faced by some mummies here is because they found some leads or hints that their spouse are eating "wild strawberries"....

yap I agree with you, I also trust my hubby but even he himself also say before we can't predict the future (which I agree) most important is now we must trust and respect each other.

I believe all the mommies here will love to trust their hubby, who wouldn't but because of those tell tale signs which is so obvious which they can't ignore and can't blame them for not trusting.

No matter what most importantly, we must love and protect ourselves so that we wouldn't do stupid stuff to hurt or harm our family.

 

[angelababi]

yap I agree with you, I also trust my hubby but even he himself also say before we can't predict the future (which I agree) most important is now we must trust and respect each other.

I believe all the mommies here will love to trust their hubby, who wouldn't but because of those tell tale signs which is so obvious which they can't ignore and can't blame them for not trusting.

No matter what most importantly, we must love and protect ourselves so that we wouldn't do stupid stuff to hurt or harm our family.

I agree too.

 

[ast0212]

I feel so sad for the ladies here who have had cheating partners. How painful it is!

For me I do trust my husband, he is definitely not the type to go around cheating as he places family first. I know his character and how he is. If he does cheat, I know it's because something is wrong.

This would be a different take on cheating as my husband has cheated before, while he was back in Singapore for a couple of months as I was emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted from being his carer as he suffered depression so his parents agreed to look after him there while I get myself better. Unfortunately he did not get better in Singapore, he actually got worse because he was mixing with the wrong group of friends who would be drinking excessively and visiting some kind of Thai nightclub. He became emotionally involved with one of the girls working there. He also became a totally different person while he was in Singapore.

You can imagine how angry I was when I found out and especially the way he told me. He smsed me one day to come to Singapore or he will lose himself to another girl. I was furious because I spent the last 2 years looking after him and trust me, looking after a baby is so much easier than looking after someone who is sick like this.

Anyway to cut the story short, I went to Singapore, demanded he come back to Perth as I knew something was not right mentally. I did some research and found that he had traits of someone with bipolar which then explained why he had the highs - thinking himself invincible and taking risks like this affair. He was just not himself. I brought him back to his psychiatrist and told him the symptoms and we finally got him correctly diagnosed as having Bipolar type II with frequent cycling. FINALLY after 2 years of hell. His meds were changed and he was given the right mix and a couple of months later (after baby was born), he was back to being the same man I married. Slightly damaged, but nevertheless the man I knew and loved.

Yes I know he was sick when he cheated, and even so it hurt very much. It hurt even more knowing that it wasn't all his fault though he did play a part in it. He was very remorseful when he got well and knows he was not himself. I trusted him 100% before this incident and now that it has passed and he is well again, I trust him 100% now.

That's my story

 

[miccghar]

I feel so sad for the ladies here who have had cheating partners. How painful it is!

For me I do trust my husband, he is definitely not the type to go around cheating as he places family first. I know his character and how he is. If he does cheat, I know it's because something is wrong.

This would be a different take on cheating as my husband has cheated before, while he was back in Singapore for a couple of months as I was emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted from being his carer as he suffered depression so his parents agreed to look after him there while I get myself better. Unfortunately he did not get better in Singapore, he actually got worse because he was mixing with the wrong group of friends who would be drinking excessively and visiting some kind of Thai nightclub. He became emotionally involved with one of the girls working there. He also became a totally different person while he was in Singapore.

You can imagine how angry I was when I found out and especially the way he told me. He smsed me one day to come to Singapore or he will lose himself to another girl. I was furious because I spent the last 2 years looking after him and trust me, looking after a baby is so much easier than looking after someone who is sick like this.

Anyway to cut the story short, I went to Singapore, demanded he come back to Perth as I knew something was not right mentally. I did some research and found that he had traits of someone with bipolar which then explained why he had the highs - thinking himself invincible and taking risks like this affair. He was just not himself. I brought him back to his psychiatrist and told him the symptoms and we finally got him correctly diagnosed as having Bipolar type II with frequent cycling. FINALLY after 2 years of hell. His meds were changed and he was given the right mix and a couple of months later (after baby was born), he was back to being the same man I married. Slightly damaged, but nevertheless the man I knew and loved.

Yes I know he was sick when he cheated, and even so it hurt very much. It hurt even more knowing that it wasn't all his fault though he did play a part in it. He was very remorseful when he got well and knows he was not himself. I trusted him 100% before this incident and now that it has passed and he is well again, I trust him 100% now.

That's my story

trust is easy to say but in your heart, do u really trust him. For example if he disappear a few hours and u can't contact him or he ask to go out without telling with who.