I want to get out from here..

[confuselostsoul]

Hi mummies, been thinking for months to get out of this marriage.. and decided to seek some help..


I've been married 2years now.. reason was shotgun married (sadly).. After got married (was about 5months preg) , 3weeks later he cheated on me.. I caught him, he beg and beg.. I think i was stupid enough of not to ask any more details of what he have done with that woman..end up i forgive him for the sake of unborn baby but if i wasnt preg, i would def leave him.. From this time i have lost much trust in him..

Nvm, 2 months later or so ( about 7-8months preg), caught him again.. but only thru his sms-es with that woman (same woman).. confront him and that woman, same sh*t.. he cried, begged, promise bla bla bla bla............................. again i forgive him.. totally lost my trust in him..

Baby came, things changes even more.. he didnt help much, no initiative is the word.. Everyday i have to scream and shout at him. Nothing works.. No sex no cuddle no kisses no holding hands (miserable!) till baby about 15months old..Asked him about sex, gave me reason he scared im still in pain.. :we2shocked: I give up in the end..

I started to dress up,go to gym, go out with friends.. clubbing.. and also go out to work.. Nw he starting to worry but still let me do wat i want.. 2 huge quarrel in less then 2months which leads to me asking to go separate way.. but he beg to ask me to try out again.. Which i did try and he too..

I know he have been trying very hard but I dunno why my feeling towards him not the same anymore..I would get angry with little things he do.. I don even let him touch me.. I really don't wan my baby to have a broken family but i just cant face him and deceive myself. I know i might sound selfish, but its really torturing to stay with someone you dont love and yet have to pretend (infront his family). I got nothing.. not much saving.. no house.. dunno where should i go if i were to ask for separation. Parent house is def no no for me.. But i really want to leave him for good.. I don wan to waste his time too..

I hope someone could advise me how should i do here? like what is my next steps after i ask for separation? Please dont ask me to go marriage counseling, im not keen.. I have really made up my mind to leave him..


Thank u..

 

[Amulet]

is he still cheating?

i feel that it's not becoz u don't love him.. it's becoz u are still harboring the hurts he had done to u during those times which he has cheated on u..

i still think u guys should try to work it out.. especially since as u said, this time round he is putting in effort too.. 百年修得同船度，千年修得共枕棉.. marriage is for a lifetime..

 

[confuselostsoul]

is he still cheating?

i feel that it's not becoz you dont't love him.. it's becoz you are still harboring the hurts he had done to you during those times which he has cheated on you..

i still think you guys should try to work it out.. especially since as you said, this time round he is putting in effort too.. 百年修得同船度，千年修得共枕棉.. marriage is for a lifetime..

Hi Amulet,

thanks for replying..

No i don't know if he is still cheating.. He out till late a few times like really late (9am in morn).. But i don't suspect anything maybe becos i don't bother anymore?

Yes he is putting in effort but sadly i don think i could accept him anymore.. I jus wan to finish all and done..

 

[noelsmum]

If you have already made up your mind to leave him, then leave him. But what about your kid? Have you considered your accommodation arrangements, childcare arrangements and other things to be considered before leaving him? So consider and plan properly before leaving him. Because you might find yourself without a roof over your head and your child's too.

 

[jo_mum]

Hi, if you want to leave your husband, you need very careful planning. The most important thing is to get your finances stable first. You'll need to get a job and save up up for future uses. Since you don't really bother what he does already, why not stay on at his place while you save up money so that you can rent a place to stay and support your child. As for legal matter like separation and divorce procedures, you can go to legal aid where they provide free legal services to people who cannot afford the service.

 

[confuselostsoul]

If you have already made up your mind to leave him, then leave him. But what about your kid? Have you considered your accommodation arrangements, childcare arrangements and other things to be considered before leaving him? So consider and plan properly before leaving him. Because you might find yourself without a roof over your head and your child's too.

Hi noelsmum, i have made up my mind and told him about it. He doesnt wan to sign anything or agree to it. He even say he wants to take the baby.
I have everything sort out, accommodation i got it. childcare wil remain the same. now what can i do if he doesnt agree to it? i told him i wil move out but he say he wil never let me take baby away with me. I am so stress up now. i told him if he could agree things mutually, everythin will be easy but now i m stuck.

 

[confuselostsoul]

Hi, if you want to leave your husband, you need very careful planning. The most important thing is to get your finances stable first. You'll need to get a job and save up up for future uses. Since you don't really bother what he does already, why not stay on at his place while you save up money so that you can rent a place to stay and support your child. As for legal matter like separation and divorce procedures, you can go to legal aid where they provide free legal services to people who cannot afford the service.

Hi jo_mum, I've got a job and its quite stable for now. finances wise, i have to jus sort it out and save alot.

my plan was stay in the same house till i got a place (my fren place wil be ready in aug to move in) but now he is making things difficult which make me wan to move out asap. But Im afraid he will take my baby away from me. How wat can i do now? Pls help me.

 

[rainbow123]

I guess now is to get a good lawyer to fight for custody and $$$ and whatever you can laid your hand on ... You are not doing it for yourself but for the little one .
Sorry if i sound crude ..

Since u mentioned he cheated on u , any photos to back this up ? It might come in handy..

 

[confuselostsoul]

I guess now is to get a good lawyer to fight for custody and $$$ and whatever you can laid your hand on ... You are not doing it for yourself but for the little one .
Sorry if i sound crude ..

Since u mentioned he cheated on u , any photos to back this up ? It might come in handy..

Hi rainbow123, no photos nothing and it happen quite sometime back.

Can i use evidence that i have been taking care of her like her hospital stays wen she sick etc etc?

What should i not do now in case he find it as a evidence to "shot" me in court?

 

[Mandy Wong]

I think its better u consult a lawyer screatly first since lawyers are the professionals one. they can surely advise you.

 

[confuselostsoul]

I think its better u consult a lawyer screatly first since lawyers are the professionals one. they can surely advise you.

Hi Mandy, yes i am lookin for a cheap lawyer now. thank u.

 

[rainbow123]

As said , get a good lawyer to fight it out .. This money cannot saved one .... One time painful nia ...
As for what you should not do now ...
As a outsider , i do not know you ... but in any case , make sure you hold on to your job , take good care of your little one and i hope you are not attached to anyone emotionally now as this might "bite" you back in court ...

 

[confuselostsoul]

As said , get a good lawyer to fight it out .. This money cannot saved one .... One time painful nia ...
As for what you should not do now ...
As a outsider , i do not know you ... but in any case , make sure you hold on to your job , take good care of your little one and i hope you are not attached to anyone emotionally now as this might "bite" you back in court ...

Do u hav any idea agak2 how much will i need for this type case? I will be more careful in watever i do now.. thanks..

 

[rainbow123]

Based on reading so many threads on such cases .. The range can be from 3K-8K ..

Some threads got recommendation on certain cheap and good lawyers . So you have to search abit on it .

 

[confuselostsoul]

Based on reading so many threads on such cases .. The range can be from 3K-8K ..

Some threads got recommendation on certain cheap and good lawyers . So you have to search abit on it .

3k-8k? *faint* lol..

ok thank u, i will go search..

 

[Gem2505]

hmm. sorry to know about this. but i have a few advises.
1. you have to be strong. cannot let ur emotion overcome yourself. u have to be hard on such case. like u said, u forgive him even thou u know he cheated on u, etc. i believe u're a soft hearted person.
2. if u can gather information he cheating on u, it will help alot in ur suit. use ur hp snap picture of his sms, find all ways to have images of his actions.
3. I believe u would want to save up $ for ur kid rather than spending. but if he really goes out of track n cheat on u, hire a PI. nego with them. once u have evidence, u're on a winning side.
4. for such case, u definitely ask for ur kid's custody. never never let him have ur child since he dont even look aft ur child since ur child came to earth. no mum would want to leave their child.
5. ask for monthly maintenance from him. squeeze him out of it. he has his duty to provide u n ur child. however, once u get into the nx marriage, he will stop giving u the $ already.
6. There is a high possibility that the court would ask u both to seperate for 3 years before you say bye to this marriage. unless u have v strong reason, then the court can give immediate divorce. I have a friend, whom wanted to leave her husband badly coz she really cannot tahan him anymore n asked for nothing from him coz she just want to get out of everything soonest. n the reason for filing divorce was non-consumate ( which u cant file it coz u got a child ). but u may ask the lawyer on the part " he doesnt want to ML with u ever since ...."
7. u may find ways to make him drop into ur trap? like, sms him or email him on ur child matters or whatever which his reply will be very negative all that, have these as evidences.
8. like others said, careful on all ur doings now. how u treat ur child. whether ur child fall sick/fall down all that. he may bite back say u dunno how to look after ur kid.. never have a partner now coz that makes no difference of him n u.

good luck.

 

[confuselostsoul]

hmm. sorry to know about this. but i have a few advises.
1. you have to be strong. cannot let ur emotion overcome yourself. u have to be hard on such case. like u said, u forgive him even thou u know he cheated on u, etc. i believe u're a soft hearted person. back den i forgive him is becos i was preg still but if i am not. I'll def ask to divorce as i don tolerate all this even in my past relationship (gf & bf time)
2. if u can gather information he cheating on u, it will help alot in ur suit. use ur hp snap picture of his sms, find all ways to have images of his actions.
no more evidence, all he deleted it away..
3. I believe u would want to save up $ for ur kid rather than spending. but if he really goes out of track n cheat on u, hire a PI. nego with them. once u have evidence, u're on a winning side. i doubt he will cheat on me now.. Becos he is not willingly to divorce/separate so i think he will be "guai" till i accept him.
4. for such case, u definitely ask for ur kid's custody. never never let him have ur child since he dont even look aft ur child since ur child came to earth. no mum would want to leave their child. I am sure gonna fight for it.. For sure..
5. ask for monthly maintenance from him. squeeze him out of it. he has his duty to provide u n ur child. however, once u get into the nx marriage, he will stop giving u the $ already. I thought if he would wan to settle it peacefully, i would jus ask him to provide for my gal childcare and some cash for her. But if he wan to push me then i will not give face.
6. There is a high possibility that the court would ask u both to seperate for 3 years before you say bye to this marriage. unless u have v strong reason, then the court can give immediate divorce. I have a friend, whom wanted to leave her husband badly coz she really cannot tahan him anymore n asked for nothing from him coz she just want to get out of everything soonest. n the reason for filing divorce was non-consumate ( which u cant file it coz u got a child ). but u may ask the lawyer on the part " he doesnt want to ML with u ever since ...." can count as 3 years frm my marriage date right? but also provided he agree to it?
7. u may find ways to make him drop into ur trap? like, sms him or email him on ur child matters or whatever which his reply will be very negative all that, have these as evidences. trap like wat?? example?
8. like others said, careful on all ur doings now. how u treat ur child. whether ur child fall sick/fall down all that. he may bite back say u dunno how to look after ur kid.. never have a partner now coz that makes no difference of him n u. she is always with me when she is sick.. i too leave/mc to look after her most of the time unless i really couldnt leave work den they will take over. can it use it as part of the proof?

good luck.

Hi gem2505, my reply in red.. thank u..

 

[Gem2505]

the 3 years starts from the date u file for divorce. imagine those married for 10 years, they also have to wait 3 years.

as for the traps, when ur child not feeling well, u sms him? den if his reply is v negative, that shows he is not responsible?

taking leave to look aft child. dunno can consider as proof anot . but if nv take good care of child, leading child to fall sick, may be negative towards u.

guys like that, dont need to give face one. but like u say, he's guai now, u're not considering accepting him? i know its difficult. many people close 1 eye becoz they want their child to have a complete family.

we're not encouraging u to file a divorce or living in a hell life. if things can be resolve if 1 gives in, that maybe a good solution, but provided, he treats u n ur child well. many relationship goes well after some communication.

 

[confuselostsoul]

the 3 years starts from the date u file for divorce. imagine those married for 10 years, they also have to wait 3 years.

as for the traps, when ur child not feeling well, u sms him? den if his reply is v negative, that shows he is not responsible?

taking leave to look aft child. dunno can consider as proof anot . but if nv take good care of child, leading child to fall sick, may be negative towards u.

guys like that, dont need to give face one. but like u say, he's guai now, u're not considering accepting him? i know its difficult. many people close 1 eye becoz they want their child to have a complete family.

we're not encouraging u to file a divorce or living in a hell life. if things can be resolve if 1 gives in, that maybe a good solution, but provided, he treats u n ur child well. many relationship goes well after some communication.

Awww... sick! need to wait another 3 yearS?! canot back date ah?

u know he ever so STUPID and feed my baby the wrong dosage of medication! U see this type of thing also he can make a mistake so how am i gonna put the trust that he can look after her?

I am not accepting him back for sure. i am very firm about my decision liao.. Now i need to consult a lawyer and see what i can do la..

 

[wenz]

yes u needa wait for 3 years (seperation) if you got no evidence that he is having adultery or being abusive etc...

years back seperation fees was about $500 - $800 and divorce is about $2.5K - $4K

not sure how much is it now....

do whatever you deem is the best for you can your child... usually if u holds a stable job and income and your kid is young, the chances of you getting the custody is higher... provided you can prove that he is not responsible and not capable of taking your kid....

anyhow... GOOD LUCK!