If u hv a choice, wld u live with ur MIL?

babylemon

Member
I think it is jus a matter of time tat tis is gonna happen. But I hope to hv some advice. Shld we e DIL live with our MIL (no FIL as divorce aldy) ??? If we dun, is it being not filial? :eek:
 
i think in this modern society doesn't mean not living with MIL means not filial. if given the choice it's better to live without MIL because when you live together surely will have friction and then your relationship with her will turn sour. if you stay apart from her you can still maintain the good relationship with her. to me being filial means visiting them regularly(every weekend) and being there when they need us(e.g sick/hospitalized) and trying to provide their needs(giving allowance).
 
Not in a million yrs! My mum-in-law oso divorsed my father-in-law many yrs ago... The father lived on his own since... My hubby is the only son... And only 1 sis-in-law too who don't even want to live with her own mum! So I don't have much choice but to let my mum-in-law stay with us... Sometimes really so pissed that I wanted to give up my own happiness and move on with my own life... But when I cooled down and think back, I can't possibly make everyone's life miserable given the fact that he's being filial to his mum rite?! Moreover must say my hubby's v gd to my own parents too... So I guess it's oso depends a lot on the husband...
 

snowbear

Well-Known Member
Well, it really depends on how's your relationship with your mother in law. I lived with my parents-in-law for the first few months of my marriage coz we were waiting for our house. Things were fine coz i did everything her way (she's a cleanliness freak) and put everything i used back in its original place. But the relationship became strained once my dear daughter was born. My mother in law wanted to control the way i did everything in my house. She cooked for my confinement month so she stayed over at my place. From then on, she wanted to control everything - from the way i place my stuff to what brand of dishwashing liquid i use... it's really terrible to have such an interfering mother in law and honestly i'm really afraid of having a second child now coz just thinking of her doing confinement for me plus having to look after 2 children, i think i will go berserk.

But well, in the long run, yes, possibly we may have to stay with her somehow coz she may want to divorce my father in law if the conditions are good. However i think my hubby kinda knows that it's really quite impossible for his mum to live amicably with us coz she just can't quit her habit of being a control freak. He used to call the guest room his mum's room since the confinement month but after a spate of unhappy events, he's back to calling it the guest room. Anyway, my hubby's also very nice to my mum so i try to be nice to his mum too whenever i can (and when she doesn't step all over my toes)...:D
 

apollo

Well-Known Member
definitely NO!

currently, my relationship with my mil is quite good... i listen to her she listen to me. i dont wanna to ruin all these... xiang jian rong yi tong zhu nan...
 

annie

Well-Known Member
wont cos i dun even like staying with my mum! lol. main reasons:

1. i prefer to have my own freedom n privacy in my own house
2. i hate ppl nagging n nagging (telling me wat to do or wat not to do)
3. i cant relax with an elder in my house (worry if i do something she might not like. eg, dosent clean house that often, let my girl play alone, let her cry at times n hackcare her etc)
4. i bet she will try to feed my girl things that i wont like her to (eg snacks)
5. its not easy living with ppl (need to accept their living habits)
6. i like my home to be very quiet (im wierd maybe but i really get headache if my house is too lively lol)
7. im already very busy with my girl PLUS a dog n got no time to take care of another person as yet! lol
8. me n hubby stop having sex in bedrm cos i worry my girl will wake up etc thus we have it in the living rm. if MIL stay together means no sex forever? haha.
 

Ashbaby

Active Member
I will not cos I know my temper way too well. Back at my parent's place, I use to quarrel with my parents and my parents are the one who gave way every single time.

Unless she is physically unwell, then yes I stay with her so easier to tk care of her.
 

Jan

Member
I will not stay with my in laws. I know very well of myself that I am not an easy-going person, I will show my black face if someone or something that displease me. So I don't think I want to sour my current relationship with my MIL.

Like Ashbaby, if my MIL is physically unwell, then I will have to bring her in to take care of her.
 

pink_daisy

Member
I think it is just a matter of time that tis is gonna happen. But I hope to have some advice. Shld we e daughter in law live with our mother in law (no father in law as divorce already) ??? If we dont, is it being not filial? :eek:
if your hubby is the only son then no choice, have to stay with her...
my hubby is the one and only son so have to stay with mil.... my hubby feels tat being the one and only son, he shld be taking care of her mother including staying with her till old age else is considered unfilial.. somemore relatives will start to ask and talk aka gossip...there are thousands of problems between mil and me... but then, not all mil are the same..
 

shiseru

Member
It depends, do your husband feels okay to stay together, what about your MIL? It's not just our own feeling about this.

My parents were divorced 10 years ago, but they are both staying with me coz my brother wanted to follow me. Considered my brother still small, my mum is not working, my father is pretty old so I am worried if he stay alone. My husband and I talked and we both agreed it is best they stay with us. My husband don't really like the idea, niether did I but becoz of the situation, we cannot leave them alone.

But then again, your question is "if we have a choice" I bet over 90% will prefer NOT TO. MIL loves to be "a mother" and tries to run our lives sometimes, telling us what to do and what not to, what's right and what's not, and if we get piss off, our husband is gonna be sandwiched. It has restrictions and needs a lot respect towards one another to stay under 1 roof.
 

Ting

Well-Known Member
if i hv a choice, no i wont.
bf's mum is also divorced, n bf is the only son.
i did mention to him, im fine with his mum staying with us in the future, but he said his mum probably wont. so im not sure also.
 

shopaholic

Member
Given a choice, I wouldnt want to. I want privacy and want my home to be a place I can return to for solace. That means I can black face as and when I want or demand that the kids switch off the TV when I needed peace etc... Dont think it'll be nice to do that if MIL stays with me. Also, her ways of handling things/kids is largely different from mine and our hygience standards is different. She can be a stubborn woman too, so best is not to stay together to avoid conflicts.
 

Catty

Member
Definatley "NO".............

My mother in law has been taking care of my 2nd gal since birth till now and i'm appreciate her for helping us BUT i totally got no right or say to my 2nd gal as in i cant put her in childcare or let her study pre-nursery next year (my mother in law sure got things to say) and my 2nd gal is now totally spoilt by my in-laws, she dont even wanna follow us back home on weekends and my in-laws will tell my gal say "dont wanna go back than dont go back ", worst part is they totally dont punish my gal when she did something wrong (eg: snatch toys with her cousin or beat her cousin)..

Somehow i feel that my mother in law is my gal mother and not me!!! :bmad:

I'm also a person who needs privacy, freedom and enjoy times with family (My hubby and all my gals) no matter is at home or outside..
 
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babylemon

Member
Thank you so much to all who hv shared with me ur opinions and experience!!! Really appreciate it! Actually I m also a person who hv my own habits and sometimes I want to hv e freedom to do thgs e way I wan. Even living wit my own parents b4 marriage, my parents let me hv those freedom.

But sometimes my hubby hint hint to me tat his mum is old liao (leg pain) n she had worked her whole life almost 24 hrs a day to earn $ when she was young to take care of him n his bro. So I feel bad if I prevent him fm living with her. But I really phobia cos my hubby's brother's wife (SIL) also cld not live with her. B4 I was married, my SIL n BIL lived with my MIL for abt a yr. I think one fine day my SIL cannot tahan (not sure wat issues) aldy then they bought their own flat.

Aiyo, how ah...
 

New Mama

Member
i think in this modern society doesn't mean not living with mother in law means not filial. if given the choice it's better to live without mother in law because when you live together surely will have friction and then your relationship with her will turn sour. if you stay apart from her you can still maintain the good relationship with her. to me being filial means visiting them regularly(every weekend) and being there when they need us(e.g sick/hospitalized) and trying to provide their needs(giving allowance).
Totally agree with HoneyLicious. I get along well with my parents-in-law but I will not want to live with them because our daily habits are worlds apart. We travel to JB to visit them every week over dinner.
 

Catty

Member
Thank you so much to all who have shared with me your opinions and experience!!! Really appreciate it! Actually I m also a person who have my own habits and sometimes I want to have e freedom to do thgs e way I want. Even living wit my own parents before marriage, my parents let me have those freedom.

But sometimes my hubby hint hint to me that his mum is old (leg pain) and she had worked her whole life almost 24 hours a day to earn $ when she was young to take care of him and his bro. So I feel bad if I prevent him fm living with her. But I really phobia cos my hubby's brother's wife (sister In law) also cld not live with her. before I was married, my sister In law and brother in law lived with my mother in law for about a your. I think one fine day my sister In law cannot tahan (not sure what issues) already then they bought their own flat.

Aiyo, how ...
How about telling your hubby that if both stay apart is for both of u and his mum good, at least won't have any conflict and both can have freedom, life will be much more easier and happy, maybe can go over his mum house for dinner everyday after work.. :001_302:
 

PinkDiamonds

Well-Known Member
If both live apart, fewer conflicts, and when you meet each other don't feel awkward and will be friendlier. Rather than you live together until got conflict and everyday give each other sulky face.

For my case, even my hubby don't want to live with his own mother. LOL.
 

Ting

Well-Known Member
pinkdiamonds, cant help but laugh.
but i do agree some ppl cant stand living with their own mothers too.
like my sch teacher cant stand her own mum cos she is a clean freak n keep changing her maids cos her mother say they not cleaning the house well enough!

but for me, i would LOVE to live with my mum, cos maybe she does everything for me? HEHE.
but my mum tell me dun wan, ask me to faster marry n move out, she will just keep pin with her.... -.-"
 
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