I'm Soo lost & confused.

[Newmumi]

I've been feeling Soo down that I want to commit suicide but don't have the courage to do so seeing my 1yr old boy growing... I'm a young mother. I married at the age of 19 & had my son with my boyfriend of 3yrs.. Both parents side objected our marriage. Even up to date , they don't accept our marriage. My husband is a alcoholic just like his father. Runs in the genes I suppose. Relationship has not been very good with both my husband & myself. We quarell & have fought violently before. Now we have yet to hit each other. Recently, the court charged him of hitting me at my work place & currently I'm waiting what the sentence will be on the 11. My parents has helped me in caring for our son since he was born. But now they start pushing it everything on me leaving me in a lurch knowing what's my situation. I'm Soo lost. I wonder why my parents & husband torture me mentally. I'm working long retail hours.. I feel so tired. Just felt like sharing my story. (

 

[elyn]

You have to stay strong n think positive. U can send ur son to child care if nobody look after him.

 

[Newmumi]

I'm Soo lost & confused.

Yes currently my son attends infant care. But there is no 1able to fetch him.. Thought of quitting my job,but due to financial constraints,I've to stay on.. It's Soo tough. I'm stuck in midst of my husband & parents. I slog all day just to support everything.. All they do is to pressure me.. My father even reported to MCYS to take away my son from us since we don't have a proper housing. I still have got to wait till 2015 for our flat. It's so frustrating when the MCYS officer keeps having home visits & asking me to attend counselling wen I'm so tight at work & all my off days are wasted on this.. I can't divorce my husband at all. Everyday I'm just counting my days...

 

[Newmumi]

I'm Soo lost & confused.

Yes I'm getting full subsidies on his infant care.. However my parents make all decisions & even control my money. They want me to give them money knowing that my husband's job is not very stable. My parents are not supportive Bt yet they still dote on their grandson. When I'm Soo down, I've no one to share my problems.. I don't have much friends as I isolated myself after getting married. I just believe in the name of HOPE.

 

[Mandy Wong]

is your hubby like this before you all get married?

 

[Newmumi]

I'm Soo lost & confused.

No he wasn't like that. He would drink occasionally but after his brother committed suicide, he drank more & since he's working in a labour intensive environment , he drinks heavily. As for raising his hand on me, started after I gave birth & keep insisting on divorce cos of my parents. Now he dosent violently abuse me...

 

[dinnie]

Re: I'm Soo lost & confused.

No he wasn't like that. He would drink occasionally but after his brother committed suicide, he drank more & since he's working in a labour intensive environment , he drinks heavily. As for raising his hand on me, started after I gave birth & keep insisting on divorce cos of my parents. Now he dosent violently abuse me...

from what u written, i guess your parent play a part. Since u are already marry to him, should be more independant of your parent. Don't let them control u anymore

 

[Newmumi]

I'm Soo lost & confused.

I still feel like a child & can't get my own freedom. Even though, I try to outlive their expectations, they will never be satisfied with me. All I ask for is peaceful & happy life.. But my parents at also apart for my unhappiness.

 

[linuspine]

Re: I'm Soo lost & confused.

There are many ways to handle your problems.. u seem like wanna secure your job and protect your job bt yet had given up the marriage... do you stay with your hubby or he already seperate with u? When life goes in and out, we always lacking to put ourself into other pple shoes.. THIS IS NEVER BE EZ.. but problem is reali lay on ur hubby.. if you can bring your hubby back on track i thk u solve ur problem.. no matter when u get marry at what age or giv birth at wat age.. u ever in love with your hubby and same to him.. u sure knw what ur hubby is and who is him. u shd knw wat thing can reali make him thk.. if fail to knw abt him means the past you jus blindly live with him without knowing him well.. jus thk a way to make your hubby thk.. and he will return and change in some times.. go into his shoes for awhile first... u knw the problem since u can identified it, y not move extra mile to fight for it.. gain will still go to u if you put in effort... wife and husband wont get seperated so ez de..

 

[Judyn3o]

I'm Soo lost & confused.

Maybe u can try talking to your hubby. Talk nicely about both of your feelings. Since MCYS had arranged the counseling for u. Just go. I think it helps too. If possible, ask your hubby to go along too.

Communication is very important among any sorts of relationship. Talk more to your parents, in laws and your hubby. Let them know, u care and u need their cares and support. And when talking, don't shout, don't lost temper. Control. Once u lost ur cool, things will turn uglier.

Committing suicide is definitely not a solution. Don't think too much. Ur child needs u. I know it's easier for us to just say cos we r not in your situation but I hope u try.

I wish u good luck. Cheers.

 

[linuspine]

Re: I'm Soo lost & confused.

Maybe u can try talking to your hubby. Talk nicely about both of your feelings. Since MCYS had arranged the counseling for u. Just go. I think it helps too. If possible, ask your hubby to go along too.

Communication is very important among any sorts of relationship. Talk more to your parents, in laws and your hubby. Let them know, u care and u need their cares and support. And when talking, don't shout, don't lost temper. Control. Once u lost ur cool, things will turn uglier.

Committing suicide is definitely not a solution. Don't think too much. Ur child needs u. I know it's easier for us to just say cos we r not in your situation but I hope u try.

I wish u good luck. Cheers.

Strongly agree... communication is the problem.. when time flies, both of you will sure have diff tot and self idea in life.. not say u both nt in love is the distance is moving off away. eg. i use to njoy soccer, but sudden i like fishing or maybe due to age getting older.. that is something human always thk that everyone will be the same always.. tat nt reali true... MCYS may help n may cause ending relationship. when will MCYS come in is when u both r in the dirvorce point and who will take care ur child. in such case, i dun thk it help.. cos end out both of u still tgt, but if goin to dirvorce will be diff is, either end it or take it...

 

[posh]

Re: I'm Soo lost & confused.

Stay strong and dont give up no matter what happen for the sake of your child.

 

[Newmumi]

Re: I'm Soo lost & confused.

There are many ways to handle your problems.. u seem like wanna secure your job and protect your job bt yet had given up the marriage... do you stay with your hubby or he already seperate with u? When life goes in and out, we always lacking to put ourself into other pple shoes.. THIS IS NEVER BE EZ.. but problem is reali lay on ur hubby.. if you can bring your hubby back on track i thk u solve ur problem.. no matter when u get marry at what age or giv birth at wat age.. u ever in love with your hubby and same to him.. u sure knw what ur hubby is and who is him. u shd knw wat thing can reali make him thk.. if fail to knw abt him means the past you jus blindly live with him without knowing him well.. jus thk a way to make your hubby thk.. and he will return and change in some times.. go into his shoes for awhile first... u knw the problem since u can identified it, y not move extra mile to fight for it.. gain will still go to u if you put in effort... wife and husband wont get seperated so ez de..

Yes we were separated for close to 1 year since the birth of my son due to the strained relationship with my hubby & parents.Up to date,it's still the same.Had been busy for awhile & now had the time to reply.Recently,few days back,I had a meet up session with MCYS officer & the superior.Was very surprised that my own father called up them to make false allegations over me & hubby saying that we never pay for his expenses & that hubby punched my son's face which is soo untrue.My son had a fall from the bed cos of my own negligence & hubby was at work.

Hearing at this ,Im soo mad & yet I choose to shut my mouth about it & not further make things worse with my parents as Im staying wid my boy there till end of the mth.We are in the midst of finding a place to rent as Hubby needs to work back to back to save money for the rental.He had recently paid a fine to court for hitting me & yet he has never blame me for it.Im just praying nothing bad happens..Hubby has refrained from drinking for about close to a month.Thank GOD. Still Im' not sure when the 'HONEYMOON' period will last still.Staying positive.

Sometimes,I feel like a adopted child.My parents have give me a hell out of life since I was 15.It's not easy.My father keeps using the law to threaten me & Im' relieved that Ive just turn 21 so that He can't make an accusation on me saying Im' a teenager or whatsoever.Im might be young but to think about it Im a lot more wiser & Im' also glad that I earn a lot more higher than friends of my age.My parents are aware of it but still they keep insisting that Im useless.

 

[Newmumi]

Re: I'm Soo lost & confused.

Stay strong and dont give up no matter what happen for the sake of your child.

Thank you.Yes Staying optimistic

 

[Newmumi]

Re: I'm Soo lost & confused.

Strongly agree... communication is the problem.. when time flies, both of you will sure have diff tot and self idea in life.. not say u both nt in love is the distance is moving off away. eg. i use to njoy soccer, but sudden i like fishing or maybe due to age getting older.. that is something human always thk that everyone will be the same always.. tat nt reali true... MCYS may help n may cause ending relationship. when will MCYS come in is when u both r in the dirvorce point and who will take care ur child. in such case, i dun thk it help.. cos end out both of u still tgt, but if goin to dirvorce will be diff is, either end it or take it...

Divorce hasn't been an option when I started having problems did Hubby.But due to the brainwashing of my parents,I was almost on the verge.Even till now,I've yet to take a PPO as I down wish to trigger the whole situation.It's either he changes for the better or the worse which is murdering me.MCYS only looks more on the welfare of the child & they would laws find a way to separate the child from parents when spousal abuse is there.im' not favorable to the either of FOSTER parents looking after my child in anyway.I've strongly put it straight to them that,Hubby & I will never agree to letting go of our child for adoption/foster care even though we dun have a proper shelter..

Now Im expecting a closure to my case from Child protection to have a peace of mind.What they worry is my father keeps calling up MCYS with new allegations & it might not be zoo soon to close the case.This is beyond our control & Im boiling :realmad:

 

[Hakida]

Re: I'm Soo lost & confused.

Hi,could it be because your hubby has abused you that's why your dad trying to protect you out of love making up these false allegations?

 

[linuspine]

Re: I'm Soo lost & confused.

No matter wat.. u had sort out your prob n now u mus solve ur current prob first. tok to your hubby in wat way work out a plan tat can support ur own family... ur in law or your real parent is jus someone outside ur own family now.. there no choice bugging so much on them.. objection so.. it a path tat u had choose.. leave it or take it.. bt wat abt ur son.. is it gd for him? in future, how u goin to explain to him? can u move one step back to let ur hubby tok abt it or wat can he suggest.. rem.. everythg start from basic.. eg. normal time can hav 3 meal tat all with meat, nw cant.. y not start from bread, porridge or can food etc.. b flank.. even now i having 2 child and own hse. i still make my family eat can food or porridge.. cos i cant let them forget that we actually been thru all these.. n sometime i even have control tat we onli can spend $10 for a family of 4... or $200 a month for the whole month dinner.. my theory of living is, nv live comfortablely.. if u did, u wont knw one day u cant maintain it and u gt difficultie to change...

Problem = Solve.. when u solve den problem come again.... communication is really impt... dun jus keep ur tot inside,, open it out..

 

[edy]

Re: I'm Soo lost & confused.

Your hubby needs to stay sober. talk to him in a good way what he would lose if he continues his drinking habit and staying sober is the key for 3 of you including your boy to move forward

I am sure he would love to build a peaceful and safe environment for you and your son. Stay Sober!

 

[cherrycheery]

I'm Soo lost & confused.

Hi newmumi, somehow I feel the same as you. Just a little different but on the whole 90% similar. Maybe we could be friends as I also do not have anyone to share my problems to.

 

[Newmumi]

I'm Soo lost & confused.

Linuspine: I dun hold anythin against my parents/in laws. It's the other way round. I try to abstain my self from all. But I dunno why my father gives me a hard life. It's easier to be said den done. Yes I know I'm still in my comfort zone as we are able to afford good food & etc. for every problem to be solve, I'm taking things slowly & amicably. Definitely I dowan things to turn ugly.