Keep the baby or abort the baby???

B

barbiebeth

New Member
the father says he wants to bring me for the check-up .. so far i haven gone for any check ups yet because i was on the bridge of an abortion or keeping .. now that i have decided to keep the baby, i know i have to go for the check up to make sure the baby is growing healthy and is fine .. the father says he wants to bring me to some clinic to check it up .. but i feel that there is a high chance that he may MIA means that he may not turn up or i don't know what is up his sleeve ... i feel doubtful and i do not know if i can still trust him or anything he says ..... what do you all think?
could it be anything good?
i know that no matter what he says, i know he will not marry me neither will he ever think of giving me anything needless to say a single cent.
 
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shircsl

New Member
He said he wanted to bring u to clinic n u hv doubts n started to worry shows tat u do nt hv faith in him n do nt want to b disappointed. It is hard for u to cut off wit him for the moment but u hv to start making decision n doing things without him like going to d clinic. If u hv expectation from him n he cannot fulfill u will get disappointed n sad. Your emotions affect the baby. Since u hv decidedd to raise the baby yourself u do nt wan a angry n sad baby. Go to the check up as scheduled,u r not alone, your baby is accompany u.
 
happymummyo7

happymummyo7

Member
If u r really very very very strong. Go through this alone. If not, find support. My mum use to acc me for all my checkups cos she dont want me to go alone. As in when u r in the clinic everyone's with their hubby all so loving but u r like just yrself. My mum dont want me to feel 'uncomfortable', though im fine with it but i really appreciate her efforts. If u haven confess to yr parents, do u have any friends whom u r really close with n can share the news? Get them to acc u. Or, schedule yr checkup on sat, i dont mind acc u. =))
as for the man, now that uve decide to keep the baby. Make decision whether u wanna give him 'another chance' or 'kill yr heart'. If yr choice is the latter, if u know he is hopeless n wont b able to give u n yr child a husband, a father, then chop off the ties. The longer u drag the deeper the hurt would b. Dont waste yr time.
N yes, babies get affected by yr mood. When i had my lil one, my emotions kept going up n dwn. Thinking of abortion, selling him away. Even when im in labour ward abt to give birth i still thought if it would b a better choice to sell him off. Its like deep in my heart i know i want him but my mind kept telling me not to keep him. My boy was a really difficult baby when he was born. Of cos, as he grew, we fall in love with each other as days pass. He is now a happy cheeky 2yrs old.
N, like shircsl says, u r not alone. Yr lil one is with u. U will nvr b alone amymore!
 
Amulet

Amulet

Active Member
dear barbiebeth

if you are very sure that he won't come back, let alone providing anything for u n baby, then it's better to cut him off totally.. A missing father status is better than a 'part-time' father who comes n go as and wen he wans.. it would cause you and baby more anguish and frustration in future to come.. Even if he wans to be a father, he won't do it in the light.. You and baby will always be hidden in the dark by him.. That is very hurtful, especially for baby..

Seek support from your friends and family instead.. I attended my first pre-natal checkup by myself.. Subsequently is accompanied by my best friend.. When she is not free, my mum will accompany me or i will just go on my own..

Be strong in your heart.. If you are a believer, pray for strength.. (I prayed to God even I was a pre-believer since my ex is a Catholic so I thought I would pray to his God.. Hahaa!) I am lucky to be someone who has a cheerful personality.. Emotions was quite stable since I am very clear that I will raise the baby myself.. Thankfully my girl is someone very strong and cheerful too..

Negative emotions and thoughts can affect baby in some ways.. Negative hormones can increase the risk of baby getting cleft lips/palate.. Though not really proven, but negative thought will affect baby's subconscious too.. and it can stays with him/her for life..

So cheer up and be strong!

We have quite a good support group here.. ^.^
 
happymummyo7

happymummyo7

Member
Amulet said:
dear barbiebeth

if you are very sure that he won't come back, let alone providing anything for u n baby, then it's better to cut him off totally.. A missing father status is better than a 'part-time' father who comes n go as and wen he wans.. it would cause you and baby more anguish and frustration in future to come.. Even if he wans to be a father, he won't do it in the light.. You and baby will always be hidden in the dark by him.. That is very hurtful, especially for baby..

Seek support from your friends and family instead.. I attended my first pre-natal checkup by myself.. Subsequently is accompanied by my best friend.. When she is not free, my mum will accompany me or i will just go on my own..

Be strong in your heart.. If you are a believer, pray for strength.. (I prayed to God even I was a pre-believer since my ex is a Catholic so I thought I would pray to his God.. Hahaa!) I am lucky to be someone who has a cheerful personality.. Emotions was quite stable since I am very clear that I will raise the baby myself.. Thankfully my girl is someone very strong and cheerful too..

Negative emotions and thoughts can affect baby in some ways.. Negative hormones can increase the risk of baby getting cleft lips/palate.. Though not really proven, but negative thought will affect baby's subconscious too.. and it can stays with him/her for life..

So cheer up and be strong!

We have quite a good support group here.. ^.^
Click to expand...
Amulet! Serious bout the lips thingy? Thank god my terrorist came out healthy... If not i wont forgive myself eh... His emotions part, when newborn was a ultra difficult baby. Till now still abit timid over sudden noise. Funny thing is when he newborn he wasnt afraid of sudden noise like thunder or door slamming. As he grew older suddenly he became afraid. Now better he overcomed the thunder part. But sudden noise like drilling or loud knockings from upstairs downstairs he will b frighten. Will whine n make sure im within his sight.
 
B

barbiebeth

New Member
i am on my own without the support of my family ..
financially and emotionally .. im on my own on everything ~~~
they wont help a single cent ..
i have tendered my resignation already .. this sat which will be my last day of work ..
i have to stop becoz my hours are really long and i feel like dying each day i work .. 10am to 1130pm .. my energy is drained each morning i awake even without lifting a pen .. needless to say i have to life hot pots of charcoal and carry heavy stuff ...
the motor that runs loudly all the time to suck up the soot from the BBQ meat makes me sick too ..
i know i def have to stop ...
 
P

Princekitty

Member
barbiebeth said:
i am on my own without the support of my family ..
financially and emotionally .. im on my own on everything ~~~
they wont help a single cent ..
i have tendered my resignation already .. this sat which will be my last day of work ..
i have to stop becoz my hours are really long and i feel like dying each day i work .. 10am to 1130pm .. my energy is drained each morning i awake even without lifting a pen .. needless to say i have to life hot pots of charcoal and carry heavy stuff ...
the motor that runs loudly all the time to suck up the soot from the BBQ meat makes me sick too ..
i know i def have to stop ...
Click to expand...
Without a job, are u able to survive finacially for the coming mths and to support the bb when born?
Is really not easy to be a single mum when u have no support. I walk thru the tough path and at times i will think my life will be much better if i had not chosen to give birth thou i have full support from parents and relatives. .But of cos
when i see my pretty gal i feel better. I think u really have to consider a lot of factors before making decision.
 
Amulet

Amulet

Active Member
happymummyo7 said:
Amulet! Serious bout the lips thingy? Thank god my terrorist came out healthy... If not i wont forgive myself eh... His emotions part, when newborn was a ultra difficult baby. Till now still abit timid over sudden noise. Funny thing is when he newborn he wasnt afraid of sudden noise like thunder or door slamming. As he grew older suddenly he became afraid. Now better he overcomed the thunder part. But sudden noise like drilling or loud knockings from upstairs downstairs he will b frighten. Will whine n make sure im within his sight.
Click to expand...
Yeah.. Just happen to read about it somewhere wen i just found out about my pregnancy.. Thus i was so determined to get over my ex and stop weeping for him..

my girl was born with a horrible temper but that, i believe, is 'inherit' from my ex as he got a bad temper too.. but thanks God, nature VS nurture, as she grows, her temper has improved tremendously now!

Kid's fears comes n go in phrases.. my girl wasn't afraid of vaccum cleaner noise wen she was a baby.. after having that fear after 1.5yrs, now she outgrow it again..
 
Amulet

Amulet

Active Member
barbiebeth said:
i am on my own without the support of my family ..
financially and emotionally .. im on my own on everything ~~~
they wont help a single cent ..
i have tendered my resignation already .. this sat which will be my last day of work ..
i have to stop becoz my hours are really long and i feel like dying each day i work .. 10am to 1130pm .. my energy is drained each morning i awake even without lifting a pen .. needless to say i have to life hot pots of charcoal and carry heavy stuff ...
the motor that runs loudly all the time to suck up the soot from the BBQ meat makes me sick too ..
i know i def have to stop ...
Click to expand...
have you let ur family know? at least for emotional support..

you never knows, but most of the time, our parents are the one who stands by us through life crisis like this..
 
W

willows

Member
Hi, I agree with Amulet. Most of the time is our family that standby us.

Like now I am in the process of going through a divorce. My family plays a very important role. They help me through all my emotional roller coaster and also help me financially. They also give their many love and concern to my girl. But... There are sometimes my mum will gave me pressure and nag at me or gave me some negative stuff. But I still thank her. If it wasn't her and my family I couldn't have move on.

So likewise go to your parents, they will help you through.
 
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barbiebeth

New Member
Anyone can recommend a good gynae from Mount Alvernia Hospital? I intend to go there to do my first checkup and sign package to deliver the baby .. Its very nearby my house .. Pls let me know
 
K

KarenToa

New Member
It's a major decision only can be decided by you.

Your future
1) Do you capable to raise the child (financially) if you're a single parent (in case)
2) Can you resist any social pressure in your community?
 
D

Decipher

Alpha Male
Sad to hear your case is as such, but as a Guy I've been thru this alone too.
My ex didnt bother about our boy since birth & left us for another guy since he was 8mths old.

I work/look after kid till he is 4 now, I mean.. Woman should be better at such things isnt it? Change diapers/ Shower Baby/ Daily chores etc. Thus so many of you ladies have made it alone. I believe you can do it too ya?

Plan and take 1 step at a time, things can be resolved no matter how hard it is.

Lastly I'm not very good at comforting or giving advise, please ignore any portion of this message if it sounds wrong hahaha

Regards,
SDW1K
 
fioncess

fioncess

Well-Known Member
wow decipher, u r really a great dad!!
im sure ur boi will b v close to u... when hes older you both can do "guys stuff" together.. bball, soccer...
 
B

barbiebeth

New Member
i went to meet up with the father of the baby to settle.
He said that he would provide for the baby but his family cannot find out about me or the baby.
His other baby will be due early septemeber in malaysia.
Then he will ROM with that malaysian girl in Singapore and bring her over here with their baby.
I was wondering as i told a fren about this and he stressed to me that when he is legally married to that malaysian girl, everything will be different his status would be married and if i were to show up or let his family know about the existence of me and my baby, the family and all others would deem me as being the third party and trying to break up a family.
If i were to keep quiet about my whole pregnancy, and what if he does not keep his word that he has promised, i will loose out on everything.
I do not want to loose out in this. I wanna fight for whatever i can for the baby and myself.
How should i go about ?
Should I let his family know about me? which i really wanna but at the expense that I wont get a single cent from him and on me n him turning all sour.
I know that I will be at the loosing end if I do not let his family know.
I do not want to loose as I have already been loosing all this while...
 
S

shircsl

New Member
U don't trust him right? Ask him to write everything in black n white , his promise. In legal , u can sue him for financial support with his son DNA. Better get a lawyer to testify too. Or demand a one lum sum in case in future he does nt pay u monthly. By d way, asking money from ppl tat don't care about u is very hard n not comsistent. Don't victimise yourself, he is more scare than u, he will lose even more if they know about this. u can anyime tell them wat he did to u , your choice , but ask yourself a question who is priority in your life now? Him or the baby? Worth going thru this emotional roller coaster again?
 
W

Worrywort

Member
Barbiebeth,

Please let anyone of us here know if you need any support. My mom stays at the upper thomson area (sin ming to be exact) and i go back very often. Though yes, all of us here have not met each other before (i assume), but i don't think that matters compared to having someone to guide you thru this phase. Let me know if you need anyone to be with you during checkups or just someone to meet up and talk to.

Ultimately, the choice is still yours, but i agree with all the other mummies - don't victimise yourself. The other mummies have said most of the things i wanna say - such as rather not having a father from the beginning than a part time father. Moreover, you and your bb will be living in the dark if you were to continue with him. The fact that you have doubts about him already shows how little you trust him, and though it is difficult to cut him off (after all, you two were very once in love before yes?), but think long term... nothing is more important now than the baby - everything else can wait, and i believe there is always a way out.

Although i have not been in a situation like this, but i'm now a mom to a 3 week old 'tigress' baby (she's born in the year of a rabbit, but she behaves more like a tiger!) and she has been my bundle of joy..all the pain, suffering and what not, were all worth it. U're a baby lover - you probably understand what that means.

And the part that you wrote about losing again - personally, winning or losing doesn't matter anymore at this juncture. You may feel indignant about letting him off like that but as what i've mentioned (and so did the rest), baby comes first.

Does 'revenge' matter so much?

What good does it do for you if his family knows about it? Think about the possible reactions that his family may have and how you'll respond to it.

I understand why you want to fight for everything u can for u and ur baby, but emotions and the well being of the child matters more than material gains. Because even if you have managed to get a lump sum from him, but you are always sad and depressed (and this goes to baby too), what good can the $$ do?? It's like someone having alot of $$, but plagued with 100001 health problems.

Don't put yourself through anymore waiting, hoping, disappointment and everything else because your mood affects your little one. Now that you've decided to keep the baby, it's your responsibility to care for her/him because you're his/her mother.

Please keep us updated ok?
 
Last edited:
Amulet

Amulet

Active Member
barbiebeth said:
i went to meet up with the father of the baby to settle.
He said that he would provide for the baby but his family cannot find out about me or the baby.
His other baby will be due early septemeber in malaysia.
Then he will ROM with that malaysian girl in Singapore and bring her over here with their baby.
I was wondering as i told a fren about this and he stressed to me that when he is legally married to that malaysian girl, everything will be different his status would be married and if i were to show up or let his family know about the existence of me and my baby, the family and all others would deem me as being the third party and trying to break up a family.
If i were to keep quiet about my whole pregnancy, and what if he does not keep his word that he has promised, i will loose out on everything.
I do not want to loose out in this. I wanna fight for whatever i can for the baby and myself.
How should i go about ?
Should I let his family know about me? which i really wanna but at the expense that I wont get a single cent from him and on me n him turning all sour.
I know that I will be at the loosing end if I do not let his family know.
I do not want to loose as I have already been loosing all this while...
Click to expand...
if you are worry about the 'wont get a single cent from him' thing, no worries.. as long as ur baby DNA shows tht he is the father, he will be made to pay the child maintence legally..u can choose to sue him to jail if he defaults the payment n u got the time for it..

as for letting his family know, the decision is up to you.. do u know his parents? hw was ur relationship with them? if u wan to let them know, then do it early before the girl get married to him..

if you are in that girl's shoe, would u wan to know the truth? or would u rather be kept in the dark and marry the man blindly?
 
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