Pregnant again.. 4 months after giving birth

[aurelia]

I just had a beautiful baby girl in November 08. She is now almost 4 months and I just found out yesterday that I am pregnant again!

I didn't plan to have another baby so soon. I know we should have taken precautions, I know I want to say "But we only did it once after I delivered" but nothing can change the fact that I am pregnant now.

Having another baby so soon is definitely not in the cards for me. I want to be able to roll around with my girl, chase her around the house as she starts to toddle, etc and I can't do all that if I am heavily pregnant (am just 6 weeks pregnant now). Plus I find that my firstborn has not spend enough time with me.. I mean, you know how I would have to juggle my pregnancy and her at the same time. Sometime in September this year, when she is 10 months and moving about so much, I can hardly move myself with a big belly..I don't want to lose sharing her first year with her and just her alone.

Yesterday morning, when I saw the positive test result, I was so sure that I wanted to terminate my new pregnancy. My husband is very supportive but he just didn't want me to feel guilty afterwards if I decided to go ahead with the termination. I went for a scan yesterday but my gynae said I am too early on to have an abortion. He wants me to go back to his clinic in 2 weeks' time. That gives me a LOT of time to think about my decision.

The reasons why I wanna have a abortion is because I just can't bear to see my little girl having to share my attention with another new baby just so soon. Plus my mum will surely tell me off for having another baby so soon (she warned us against having sex the first 3 months after my delivery) but the issue with my mum is secondary. Currently I am the one sending my girl to and fro the nanny's place which is about 30 minutes drive away from my place. I can't imagine doing all that alone while being pregnant. I can't get my husband to help me out there as he works in a different part of town. Plus we live alone so I don't think I can manage taking care of my daughter and another newborn when they are so close in age.

But of course, there is another part of me now holding back. Having delivered a beautiful baby girl naturally just a few months ago, it pains me to not have this baby. Having experienced a whole 9 months of pregnancy, I realise it is such a special journey.

My brain is telling me to terminate the pregnancy but my heart, the heart that is now a mother with a real baby in her arms, is telling me to have the new baby. Yet, each time I look at my baby girl's face, I wonder if I am being fair to her should I decide to keep my new baby.

I really don't know what to do. My husband and I actually wanted to have 2 children but my current pregnancy is here just too soon.. What should I do? I am so confused.

 

[Queenbabe]

R u working or SAHM ? Perhaps u shld get a maid if u r SAHM , at least there is someone to help u out coz if ur mum & mil cannot help u

 

[aurelia]

I am working. My husband does not like the idea of having a maid around. If I do intend to keep my baby, we'll definitely have to send her to the nanny 'cause my mum is working (she can't quit as she has to support my brother who is still in school) and my MIL only knows how to play with babies, not take care. Even though she is not working, she also never offer to take care of my 4-month old girl. She claim she's not good at taking care such young babies.

 

[Anaqi]

first of all, congrats to u..

i strongly feel that u shouldnt go for abortion. my thinking maybe wrong...i truly understand that the initial part of taking care of 2 kids whose age gap isnt far is tough + tiring + challenging. but when they grow up & start to go to sch etc...then it'll be easier, rite?...

 

[preggie188]

hi all,

I read it somewhere that you are more fertile immediately after giving birth.

 

[Queenbabe]

I am working. My husband does not like the idea of having a maid around. If I do intend to keep my baby, we'll definitely have to send her to the nanny 'cause my mum is working (she can't quit as she has to support my brother who is still in school) and my MIL only knows how to play with babies, not take care. Even though she is not working, she also never offer to take care of my 4-month old girl. She claim she's not good at taking care such young babies.

Ic but do u think ur nanny can handle two kids at the same time or look for another nanny ? How did ur husband react when he know this ?

 

[Queenbabe]

hi all,

I read it somewhere that you are more fertile immediately after giving birth.

Ya , my fren also 6 mth only then pregnant again now also having headache .

 

[preggie188]

hi again,

I dont think you should abort because you dont want to divert the attention away from the newborn. It is not fair to the foetus. Think of the positive sides of things? Like the newborn will have a younger brother or sister soon.

 

[Anaqi]

hi again,

I dont think you should abort because you dont want to divert the attention away from the newborn. It is not fair to the foetus. Think of the positive sides of things? Like the newborn will have a younger brother or sister soon.

yes yes...i agreeancing_wub:

 

[SH74]

good thing abt having 2 kids w v close age gap :
- hv companionship all the way.
- will b closer to each other all the way 'cause age gap v close.
- can share alot of things together (e.g. clothes, books, shoes,....)

the only bad thing :
- parents n relatives tend to compare school results.

 

[aurelia]

first of all, congrats to u..

i strongly feel that u shouldnt go for abortion. my thinking maybe wrong...i truly understand that the initial part of taking care of 2 kids whose age gap isnt far is tough + tiring + challenging. but when they grow up & start to go to sch etc...then it'll be easier, rite?...

Yeah, part of me prefer not too but thinking of how I'm going to manage all by myself is making me worry.

Ic but do u think ur nanny can handle two kids at the same time or look for another nanny ? How did ur husband react when he know this ?

I don't know yet.. My husband is neutral about it. But I think he would prefer to keep the baby. But he did tell me also that he will respect whatever decision I make since I am the one having to go through the pregnancy.

hi again,

I dont think you should abort because you dont want to divert the attention away from the newborn. It is not fair to the foetus. Think of the positive sides of things? Like the newborn will have a younger brother or sister soon.

I know.. But the thought of having no babycare support is really daunting.

Somehow I know when I hear the baby's heartbeat in 2 weeks' time, I'm going to break down.

Why does something so right feel so wrong?

 

[Anaqi]

good thing abt having 2 kids w v close age gap :
- hv companionship all the way.
- will b closer to each other all the way 'cause age gap v close.
- can share alot of things together (e.g. clothes, books, shoes,....)

the only bad thing :
- parents n relatives tend to compare school results.

i think parents & relatives will also compare among cousins... for example, my SIL gave birth to a son in feb 08, my cousin gave to a son in april 08 & i gave birth to my boy in oct 08... i think when 3 of them grow up, relatives will start to compare them... & i may feel the pressure coz my son is the youngest

 

[apollo]

hello, i think if your husband can afford, den maybe u can consider quitting your job n be a SAHM for this few yrs.. I hav an ex-colleague, her 2 kids age gap also abt 1 yr, she said initially really very tired but now her kids grew up alrdy, she feel relieve as she said tired at one go..

just an advice though =)

 

[autumn82]

I just had a beautiful baby girl in November 08. She is now almost 4 months and I just found out yesterday that I am pregnant again!

I didn't plan to have another baby so soon. I know we should have taken precautions, I know I want to say "But we only did it once after I delivered" but nothing can change the fact that I am pregnant now.

Having another baby so soon is definitely not in the cards for me. I want to be able to roll around with my girl, chase her around the house as she starts to toddle, etc and I can't do all that if I am heavily pregnant (am just 6 weeks pregnant now). Plus I find that my firstborn has not spend enough time with me.. I mean, you know how I would have to juggle my pregnancy and her at the same time. Sometime in September this year, when she is 10 months and moving about so much, I can hardly move myself with a big belly..I don't want to lose sharing her first year with her and just her alone.

Yesterday morning, when I saw the positive test result, I was so sure that I wanted to terminate my new pregnancy. My husband is very supportive but he just didn't want me to feel guilty afterwards if I decided to go ahead with the termination. I went for a scan yesterday but my gynae said I am too early on to have an abortion. He wants me to go back to his clinic in 2 weeks' time. That gives me a LOT of time to think about my decision.

The reasons why I wanna have a abortion is because I just can't bear to see my little girl having to share my attention with another new baby just so soon. Plus my mum will surely tell me off for having another baby so soon (she warned us against having sex the first 3 months after my delivery) but the issue with my mum is secondary. Currently I am the one sending my girl to and fro the nanny's place which is about 30 minutes drive away from my place. I can't imagine doing all that alone while being pregnant. I can't get my husband to help me out there as he works in a different part of town. Plus we live alone so I don't think I can manage taking care of my daughter and another newborn when they are so close in age.

But of course, there is another part of me now holding back. Having delivered a beautiful baby girl naturally just a few months ago, it pains me to not have this baby. Having experienced a whole 9 months of pregnancy, I realise it is such a special journey.

My brain is telling me to terminate the pregnancy but my heart, the heart that is now a mother with a real baby in her arms, is telling me to have the new baby. Yet, each time I look at my baby girl's face, I wonder if I am being fair to her should I decide to keep my new baby.

I really don't know what to do. My husband and I actually wanted to have 2 children but my current pregnancy is here just too soon.. What should I do? I am so confused.

No one can tell u wat to do. We can only offer some advice. Frankly speaking, it is unfair to abort the foetus just coz u want to spend quality time with ur DD. Not everyone can conceive that easily.. Every life is precious, and a baby is a God's gift.

I also have some frens who got preggie soon after delivery and they chose to deliver it coz he/she is their own flesh. I know it is not easy to look after 2 kids ard the same age. But then again, they would have company to play wif, eat wif, sleep wif & study wif.. blahblah.. Look at the bright side!

 

[Anaqi]

y not u 'plead' to ur MIL?.. i think she can help in some way

 

[SH74]

i think parents & relatives will also compare among cousins... for example, my SIL gave birth to a son in feb 08, my cousin gave to a son in april 08 & i gave birth to my boy in oct 08... i think when 3 of them grow up, relatives will start to compare them... & i may feel the pressure coz my son is the youngest

ya... mine too. now my sis's son n mine only 7 months diff. next time sure will compare. i think we as parents jus hv to make sure we dun compare n also tell our kids not to care so much abt wat relatives say.

but actu come to think of it, really not bad to hv kids w v close age gap. alot of things can b shared. jus that financially a bit more shiong.

 

[Anaqi]

aurelia, do u still BF your baby?...

 

[Catty]

If this kinda case happen to me, i won't go for abortion, no matter what they are still our own flesh and who knows "IF" we go for abortion and in future when we try to conceive and found out that we cant conceive anymore? Will you feel regret? Furthermore, they all are innocent and we should give them the best in this world, we must be responsible for our doing and should willing to suffer as they are god gifts to us..

 

[CanCanMum]

......My brain is telling me to terminate the pregnancy but my heart, the heart that is now a mother with a real baby in her arms, is telling me to have the new baby. Yet, each time I look at my baby girl's face, I wonder if I am being fair to her should I decide to keep my new baby.

I really don't know what to do. My husband and I actually wanted to have 2 children but my current pregnancy is here just too soon.. What should I do? I am so confused.

hi aurelia,

aborting a healthy pregnancy is undesirable....no matter wad, its your own flesh and blood....ALL mothers have the hidden ability to handle all odds.

all things have a bright side and a gloomy side. Look at the brighter side of things....will help get u somewhere. Imagine next time your DD will have a companion of an age gap about slightly one year apart. Is'nt wonderful? And you can confidently step down the reproduction stage after that, with 2 kids + a loving hubby. Its hardship for the first 3 years, after that its fine. Hang on for the first 3 years. Very soon will past.

hope this gets u somewhere....

 

[joeichen]

We all understd that taking care of 2 kids at 1 time is tired but since u r a mother now urself i believe in being fair 2 both child. All you mentioned was feeling guilty towards ur 1st but wat abt the unborn? If u dun wan the unborn i believe bb can feel it oso. I agreed wif Catty, if u cant conceive again i believe it will be the deepest regret ever. I suffer 2 miscarriage and i was so guilty towards them feelin that i didnt take care of myself well enough to cause the miscarriage so i'm sorry that i cant understd y woman can go for abortion esp if u r a mum urself.