Pregnant and depressed

[jojoki]

I've had a very hard time for the past 34 weeks... since i got pregnant. I am blessed with very good health despite being diabetic and havin to inject insulin daily and prick finger 6 x a day. However I was discriminated at work, got demoted, huge pay cut... and had to swallow false allegations pertaining my work performance. And of course with the demotion also came a lot of bullying... like being put on long and late shifts. (until 11pm)

I try to stay strong for my precious daughter... after 2 miscarriages and 1.5 years without ovulation I tot I will never have a child of my own. N God is good and blessed me with this pregnancy. So i try to tell myself that no matter wat comes along.. its all tolerable and worth it

Now that I'm delivering soon... my company still wants to make things difficult for me by not allowing me to take 16 weeks continuous maternity leave. THey only want to give me 8 weeks meaning i have to resume work whn my bb is 1 mth 1 week!!!! Now that I'm about to go on leave I'm all stressed up having to try to fight for my leave.

N to top that... being diabetic everymonth I have to fork out a lot on my medical bills.. gynae fees, endocrinologist fees, etc.. and i pay for everything myself!!

my useless hubby doesnt support me at all not even a single cent!! And just today i had to pay for his 3 months phone bill of $330+++ i'm so stressed bcos i;ve wiped out all my savings to settle his bills 3 yrs back when he got into a huge debt. and i never managed to save back bcos i had to pay the bills, insurances, tv license, groceries etc..

now that i'm pregnant i have to buy all the baby stuff, pay fr own bills, on top of watever i've been paying.

I have no idea how much my hosp bill is gonna be at raffles but I'm so tired n stressed out! whenever i try to discuss about our financial management he'll blow up.. like today and he said he din wan our baby!!!

at that point i just felt like giving up!! on myself and baby!! but i love my baby so... much!! i felt really bad that i had to channel this negative feelings to her.. i would never want her to feel UNWANTED!

Until now my hubby who earns more than me refuse to fork out one single cent for our baby!! but he can buy ciggies, buy 4d buy toto!!! 2 months after i coughed up my savings to settle his bills, he chalked up another 18k debt!!!
and forced me to be his guarantor but i refused and he threaten to strangle my dog!!!

Somtime i really wonder how long more i have to suffer.... but i tell myself to keep sane for my child!!!! but i just feel like i'm gonna explode any minute wth my stupid company tormenting me and my husband irresponsibility. I always wonder why did he marry me was it for my money?

for all the money he pilferaged more than $26k.. he had never bought a single thing for me and he never had once explained what he spent on!!!

I am so on the verge of giving up!!!

 

[DanikasMom]

ohno. i feel your pain. isnt there any protection for pregnant women in the workplace? I thought that in the event that company and employee cant reach a decision on the leave, then the default would be to take it straight. it is explained on the maternity declaration form. although it doesnt apply to me, the included notes on the declaration form states it there.

our babies are precious. i draw strength and inspiration from them. i too have some proble,s but what keeps me going are my daughter and this baby i am carrying.

if you need to talk to someone, pls email me or call me. i am on leave beginning today.

 

[jojoki]

u know.. its really tiring. fighting for pay for leave. I am a foreigner and when my permit was near to expiry my company had threaten to not renew my permit unless i agree to a new contract, which involved pay cut and demotion. they even made this statement that if i did not agree with to the terms,, what else can i do? how am i to find another job being pregnant.

I had tolerated and suffered staying with the company bcos I needed a job to survive. Otherwise I have no idea whos going to pay for all my bills, insurance, and with a baby coming.

I feel bad... bcos i had really wanted a happy pregnancy for my baby. I feel so sorry that i have to make her go through this with me.

 

[CanCanMum]

I've had a very hard time for the past 34 weeks... since i got pregnant. I am blessed with very good health despite being diabetic and havin to inject insulin daily and prick finger 6 x a day. However I was discriminated at work, got demoted, huge pay cut... and had to swallow false allegations pertaining my work performance. And of course with the demotion also came a lot of bullying... like being put on long and late shifts. (until 11pm)
Your employer is really inhumane.....i feel sorry for you...

I try to stay strong for my precious daughter... after 2 miscarriages and 1.5 years without ovulation I tot I will never have a child of my own. N God is good and blessed me with this pregnancy. So i try to tell myself that no matter wat comes along.. its all tolerable and worth it
Yes i am sure you will be a very very good mother....you are indeed blessed....

Now that I'm delivering soon... my company still wants to make things difficult for me by not allowing me to take 16 weeks continuous maternity leave. THey only want to give me 8 weeks meaning i have to resume work whn my bb is 1 mth 1 week!!!! Now that I'm about to go on leave I'm all stressed up having to try to fight for my leave.
They are doing that because u r a foreigner! They are not entitled to claim from the government your extended maternity leave. According to the labour law they are only required to pay you 8 weeks of maternity leave other than that its considered no-pay leave.

SEE:"Eligibility of Extended Maternity Leave for a foreigner or PR working in Singapore

The employee is entitled to maternity leave benefit if she is covered under the Employment Act, , regardless of her nationality. She will be paid for the first 8 weeks of maternity leave if she has fewer than 2 living children (excluding the newborn), and she has worked for the employer for at least 90 days before the birth of the child. Beyond the first 8 weeks, maternity payment from the employer is voluntary and the employer is not entitled to claim any reimbursement from the government. " from MOM

N to top that... being diabetic everymonth I have to fork out a lot on my medical bills.. gynae fees, endocrinologist fees, etc.. and i pay for everything myself!!
Tats really hardship financially and emotionally.....any friends or your family can help you out? Can u get help from your family overseas? Or your siblings?

my useless hubby doesnt support me at all not even a single cent!! And just today i had to pay for his 3 months phone bill of $330+++ i'm so stressed bcos i;ve wiped out all my savings to settle his bills 3 yrs back when he got into a huge debt. and i never managed to save back bcos i had to pay the bills, insurances, tv license, groceries etc..
Dun settle for him...let the bill pile up....he is not paying for your stuff why must you pay for him????

now that i'm pregnant i have to buy all the baby stuff, pay fr own bills, on top of watever i've been paying.
i have a lot of baby stuff can pass to you coz i dun intend to have no.2. Where do you stay???? I CAN BRING OVER TO YOUR HOUSE.

I have no idea how much my hosp bill is gonna be at raffles but I'm so tired n stressed out! whenever i try to discuss about our financial management he'll blow up.. like today and he said he din wan our baby!!!
I am not sure about pricing at raffles but i think its gonna be expensive. But as long as baby is delivered safe and sound will be the most important issue at this point.

at that point i just felt like giving up!! on myself and baby!! but i love my baby so... much!! i felt really bad that i had to channel this negative feelings to her.. i would never want her to feel UNWANTED!
dun ever give up! She is your precious baby....blessed after so many accidents! You shd treasure her and yourself.

Until now my hubby who earns more than me refuse to fork out one single cent for our baby!! but he can buy ciggies, buy 4d buy toto!!! 2 months after i coughed up my savings to settle his bills, he chalked up another 18k debt!!!
and forced me to be his guarantor but i refused and he threaten to strangle my dog!!!
dun bother about him la....wads he doing?????

Somtime i really wonder how long more i have to suffer.... but i tell myself to keep sane for my child!!!! but i just feel like i'm gonna explode any minute wth my stupid company tormenting me and my husband irresponsibility. I always wonder why did he marry me was it for my money?

for all the money he pilferaged more than $26k.. he had never bought a single thing for me and he never had once explained what he spent on!!!

I am so on the verge of giving up!!!

if u r unable to get any help from anyone perhaps the only one that you can turn to will be either your parents or your husband. He seems like in a state of self-denial....any way that you can sit down and talk things over?

As for your outrageous and horrible company, when are you supposed to be on leave? After your confinement if you are able to get your parents or anyone to help you look after your DD, during the 5th week you can start looking for a job. Or send your resumes via email??? Think the pay may be lower but whats more important is the environment. Take things slowly. Find if there are ways to settle the debts in installments? So that you do not need to fork out huge sums of cash. Have you gotten a nanny or going for infantcare???

And lastly if everything of the above is more or less stablised, you can start applying for a PR status. It is better in this society with some handful of lousy employers around. It gives u more "power" to be able to choose.

 

[CanCanMum]

u know.. its really tiring. fighting for pay for leave. I am a foreigner and when my permit was near to expiry my company had threaten to not renew my permit unless i agree to a new contract, which involved pay cut and demotion. they even made this statement that if i did not agree with to the terms,, what else can i do? how am i to find another job being pregnant.

I had tolerated and suffered staying with the company bcos I needed a job to survive. Otherwise I have no idea whos going to pay for all my bills, insurance, and with a baby coming.

I feel bad... bcos i had really wanted a happy pregnancy for my baby. I feel so sorry that i have to make her go through this with me.

have u renewed the contract?

 

[jojoki]

thank can can mum...

my hubby is one person u can never talk to! yes u r right he in self denial!! that is thanks mainly to his mum. Whenever he gets into debt, he just stretch out his hands to loan from cousins, uncles, etc until the latest one no rendered any more help cos he never returned their money.


My siblings are doing well, and i know they are more than willing to help me financially. But I am a married woman with a working spouse. Both of us are working in fact and even after paycut our combine income is around 3.6k which to me is enough if we plan financially. I do not want to borrow money for my delivery. I am about to be a mother! and if i have to go around asking for money just to deliver her i cant imagine wats life gonna be after that.


I need my hubby to go through this with me. I want him to buck up and start planning financially. I dont need a luxurious life... but i want a debt free and simple life.

Really appreciate u wanting to give me bb stuffs.. but since i started buying whn i was 8 weeks preggy... i had more or less got most of my stuffs. I had to spread it out over the months so that it wont rip my pockets if i were to buy everything when she arrives.

I have renewed my work permit and will quit after maternity leave. I will look for another job, nearer to home , office hours preferably. After i quit i plan to write in to my mp, and also the press about how my company have treated me since I got pregnant.

My opts manager who is the guy mainly responsible for all my misery made this statement once when he first found out i was pregnant. "She's fat and will have a lot of problems in her pregnancy. She will not be able to perform at work" He discriminated me being overweight right from the start and jumped into conclusion that i will be taking a lot of mc. Since i was pregnant pre pregnancy 70kg i'm only 75 kg now. and I've only took 1 day mc all the way due to carpal tunnel syndrome.

 

[jojoki]

and I'm not soo worried bout finances to be honest bcos 3 years back i already knew i can never count on this man.. so when i conceived I prepared mself mentally like a single mother. But honestly, i love my husband and pray everyday that we can work things through, but it is sooo difficult and i everyone ask me to leave him but i stayed on time after time, when he lied, when he turned violent, when he walked out. because I'm also a christian, i really dunno if that is wat God wants me to do,, to walk out of him.

 

[SH74]

jojoki > i really SALUTE u!!! it must be really diffi for u to handle all that stress esp when u r preg. U DESERVE A BETTER HUBBY AND JOB!!!!!! n u'll definitely b a vvvvv good mom.

i feel that there's no pt talking to ur hubby anymore. n u shouldnt help him pay any of his debts. these ppl wont learn their lessons 1, until 1 fine day NOBODY is around them, in their lives, then they'll start to self-reflect. these ppl wont change unless something vvvvvv serious n big happen to them. no pt hoping that u can change them.

y not tell ur parents abt ur situation (hubby + work)? c if they can help or not. i guess they r the best ppl to help u. or ur close relatives?

n is it possible to start finding another job? once found another job, then quit this STUPID job.

seems like ur hubby dun acknowledge the bb at all. if so, y not try to change ur mindset. tell urself that u r a single mummy. i dun think ur hubby will care if u r going to give birth soon or wat. wont even care at all, aft u deliver. wont care a single bit at all. so y not change ur mindset 1st to avoid any disappointment n hurt? dun think u can rely on him on anything at all. u can ask ur mom or close fren to go into the labor suite w u instead of hubby.

i know u'll def hope ur hubby can change n b more concerned abt u n bb. but prep for the worst 1st. at least if he becomes good, u'll feel happy. if not, u r alr prep for it.

dun let this (hubby + work) affect u too much. bad for bb leh. not ez but try.

 

[jojoki]

i cant let my mum know about my marital problems bcos she has high blood..if i tell her she'll have hbp.. n start falling ill. She has to take of my grandma as well. so i dun wan to trouble them. I've once left him.. i packed my things and moved out for 2 months but no it din affect him apparently. He just couldnt be bothered. He definitely can live without me and it seems like he prefers to live without me.. n now without us. All because he simply doesnt wants to be responsible for anything.

 

[sugarcookie]

jojoki, honestly your situation will not get any better as long as you stay with this man. It seems like he will never change and you should not expect him to as it will never happen.

After your baby is born, it would be best if you could look for another job and leave him. In the meantime, garner as much support as you can from friends and family; you will need their support to go through what lies ahead.

I hope things eventually become better for you.

 

[Ah Cheng]

Hi jojoki,
It's really tough for you to been through all these hard feeling.
Not easy.

Got to try to talk to you hubby again and share with him your problem. Or turn to the 2nd closest person to you. Cos after delivery, you may face other problem on hospital bills, confinement matters, baby injection, other issue. It's best to have someone to at your side to talk to when you need help.

Hope Everything will be better and smooth for you in the OX Year. Cheer up.

 

[SH74]

i cant let my mum know about my marital problems bcos she has high blood..if i tell her she'll have hbp.. n start falling ill. She has to take of my grandma as well. so i dun wan to trouble them. I've once left him.. i packed my things and moved out for 2 months but no it din affect him apparently. He just couldnt be bothered. He definitely can live without me and it seems like he prefers to live without me.. n now without us. All because he simply doesnt wants to be responsible for anything.

since ur hubby doesnt bothered n treasure ur presence at all, y not lie to ur mom that u want stay at her plc to do confinement n stuff. at least settle ur confinement 1st. not good to stay w that guy aft u give birth 'cause aft delivery, due to hormones change, we might suffer post natal depression. even b4 u've delivered, u r alr feeling depressed. i'm worried that aft give birth, u'll feel even worse. it's better to hv ur mom and grandma ard. at least u r not alone n dun feel alone.

try to stay at ur mom's plc as long as possible. once bb slightly older (abt 6 months or more), try to find plc to rent.

i really think staying w that guy a minute more will only make u feel worse n more harmful for ur bb's development. moreover, u've done more than wat is expected as a wife. i know i should encourage u to try iron things out w ur hubby but i really feel that there's no pt anymore. this guy is really beyond hope.

if no matter wat cant go to ur mom, how abt ur close frens? ask if they hv spare room. pay them rent n stay there.

stay strong k?

 

[CanCanMum]

My opts manager who is the guy mainly responsible for all my misery made this statement once when he first found out i was pregnant. "She's fat and will have a lot of problems in her pregnancy. She will not be able to perform at work" He discriminated me being overweight right from the start and jumped into conclusion that i will be taking a lot of mc. Since i was pregnant pre pregnancy 70kg i'm only 75 kg now. and I've only took 1 day mc all the way due to carpal tunnel syndrome.

wah lau!!! he has any email???? i send him spam mails and viruses to FLOOD his PC!!!!

6$#$%#$%$%@$#$#$$$#$#$#$#$$#$#$#$(*&(&*

 

[CanCanMum]

After i quit i plan to write in to my mp, and also the press about how my company have treated me since I got pregnant.

Lemme know if u need supporters to write testimonials or something.....can be witness for u!!!

support u!!

 

[CanCanMum]

and I'm not soo worried bout finances to be honest bcos 3 years back i already knew i can never count on this man.. so when i conceived I prepared mself mentally like a single mother. But honestly, i love my husband and pray everyday that we can work things through, but it is sooo difficult and i everyone ask me to leave him but i stayed on time after time, when he lied, when he turned violent, when he walked out. because I'm also a christian, i really dunno if that is wat God wants me to do,, to walk out of him.

dun think too much dear, concentrate on your new baby....she is popping out any time near EDD....take care.

 

[Dee Ho]

Hi! Jojoki;

My suggestion will be like wat most of them had posted....Leave this man...

Sigh ... tink u have given much hope & chance for him... but still ...maybi you life and yr bb ll ve a better life w/o him?

...gather all the help frm family, relatives & Friends...maybi u can get yrself freedom of heartaches/ heartache (that is the most painful) and worries that u re sufferin...Though it might be diff for u ...ealier said than done

As for job...take care of yr health and yr little one first then during yr maternity leave can look out for job... hopefully by then can get a new and better job...*What type of job u re looking for? I can look out for u... (^_*)

One step at a time... but have to take the first step first...

Be strong..for yr self and baby...be good to yrself...and of cos ..yr little precious one....Cheers

 

[jojoki]

i cant go do confinement at my mum's place! my mum lives in malaysia! in fact she's coming over with the confinement lady.. another stress bcos i really did not want a confinement lady due to $$$$ but she insist that I have one otherwise she will be very stressed!! and offer to pay half for me... my family is very kind to me and i know they will finance me if i ever need it.. but that makes me feel even worse!!! bcos i'm already a working adult!! and at 30 i still need to take money fr family?? Its very humiliating and "se pai" (failure)

as for my opts manager yes he's really a )@*&(*#&(*&Q! But my ex superior who happens to be a christian also... she always encourage me to let "God deal with him" and not get too worked up over it. In a way I do believe what goes around will come around. At this point I just cant wait to leave the company bcos I work in stress everyday not knowing what new evil ways they are going to come up with.


As for my husband... sigh! Its really gonna take a lot for me to leave him. Because I truly love my husband and wants things to work out. I know he can but its gonna take a lot from me... and his family is also another problem. He comes from a very dysfunctional family and as I encourage him to save and be prudent and stay away from gambling,,, his mum on the other hand sends him to buy 4d toto etc...and when he gets into trouble,, she merely just pawn her gold and loan him the money. hers is another headache altogether!!

Anyway,, thanks everyone for the sisterly support! Its truly a great help to be able to rant and vent here. Problems aside.. I sincerely wish all of u here a Great and prosperous CNY!! May u all be blessed with a happy family, wonderful health, comfortable finances, and lots lots lots of laughters and love from friends and family!!

 

[jojoki]

things cant get any worse for me i guess, my husband asked for a divorce, on chinese new year eve. He doesnt even wants our daughter. Its really time for me to wake up.

 

[jojoki]

Guess when all seems bleak and hopeless.. we can always count on God. And you'll never know how He works, in wonders. My hubby came back home at night and aplogized for his behaviour and for screaming at me. this is probably the 2nd time he takes the initiative to apologize first.

Although I do not know when history will repeat itself again... I remain hopeful that this family will work out. Praise God!

 

[CarolOng]

It mus be really hard on you all these while.

Thank God for a supportive family that you hv. Maybe yr siblings can help to let you stay with them during yr confinement so that you won't have to face yr hb unreasonable behaviour. It will do yrself & the baby good. Cause you never know how he'll react to the baby's crying or anything that the baby might do. That's wat i'm worried abt.

Take heart & don't give up. If divorce is really needed, maybe it's God's way for you. Sometimes we do make the wrong choice & i'm really glad that you didn't blame God for it. Keep praying specifically & stay focus.

All the best to you & your baby!!!

Will be praying for you, baby & hb.