Private Investigator

[skirtdressnsuch]

Then you gotta weigh in yourself which is more impt to you...

Even if he is really doing it to make your evidence invalid after 6 mths or just so that he won't have to part his assets or he wants to fight for custody of your child... What is the extent of this love which you are professing?

For him, are you willing to bear it IF he is getting back for those raesons listed above?

It's a 50-50 scenario. He might have turned over a new leaf.. Or he might really be buying time.

Is your fear greater than your willingness to trust him again?

It is a personal choice you gotta make and if you are clear of what your expectations are, you won't be disappointed. I think every decision in any matter, will come with expectations.

As for the requirements, he can agree with his mouth, but he must do with his actions. If he is with his friends, set a curfew. Like he must be home by 10pm or even 9pm.

curfew.............................is that a little harsh?

 

[diymummy]

My point is, look forward, don't look back. Let the past decide what measures you want to implement for the future. Learn from it. Don't dwell on it.

Words are easy to say but hard to do I know... But don't be discouraged. You child needs you.

 

[dinnie]

i have actually told him all the so-called "requirements" that he has to fulfilled to prove that he is willing to change and make things work. he agreed to ALL of them.. but how true and long can he last?? it's a matter of trust now, cause he has betrayed all the trust i have in him all these years.. it's so hard for me to believe all his words.....



he told me he still needs friends and that he will still want to go out like 1 or 2x/wk but he will call and inform me who and where he will be. but how true again?? he may lie to me again without me knowing, i can't be following him always...

as for the handphone, i asked for it and he agreed readily and show me immediately. i checked and nothing unusual was found. what does this mean?? he has turn over a new leaf?? or he is prepared that i may check, thus already deleted whatsoever....

well, in fact, i think just like you... i think he is doing all these now is because:
1. he feels that i asked for too much should we divorce and he is not willig to part that much of his assets to me

2. he is trying to buy time, so that after 6mths, all evidences will be invalid.

but women are soft-hearted creatures.. because i still love him, i keep telling myself that he may be TRUE this time, he really learn his lesson, etc... but on the other hand, i am not confident that he will change....

haizzz... i really don't know what to do...........

yes, if he really turn over a new leaf then by all means forgive him.

But have really made sure he is not pretending for the above reasons.

Calling u and telling you where he is no use, u are and there to see.

 

[missixty]

Then you gotta weigh in yourself which is more impt to you...

Even if he is really doing it to make your evidence invalid after 6 mths or just so that he won't have to part his assets or he wants to fight for custody of your child... What is the extent of this love which you are professing?

For him, are you willing to bear it IF he is getting back for those raesons listed above?

It's a 50-50 scenario. He might have turned over a new leaf.. Or he might really be buying time.

Is your fear greater than your willingness to trust him again?

It is a personal choice you gotta make and if you are clear of what your expectations are, you won't be disappointed. I think every decision in any matter, will come with expectations.

As for the requirements, he can agree with his mouth, but he must do with his actions. If he is with his friends, set a curfew. Like he must be home by 10pm or even 9pm.

My point is, look forward, dont't look back. Let the past decide what measures you want to implement for the future. Learn from it. dont't dwell on it.

Words are easy to say but hard to do I know... But dont't be discouraged. You child needs you.

hey diymummy,

i tink u are right... "look forward and dun look back"
and let the past decide on the measures to implement for the future....

i know it's a personal choice of mine and only myself can weigh the amount of love i have for him... frankly, he has been nice to me these few days.. and i am sort of quite "touched" and so soft-hearted that i have the urge to forgive and go back to him. but, i clearly know that should we be together again, i want him to:

1. wear our wedding ring from now onwards so that he will be reminded that he is a married man
2. renew our vows again
3. go for marriage/ family counselling

do u think this work??

yes, if he really turn over a new leaf then by all means forgive him.

But have really made sure he is not pretending for the above reasons.

Calling you and telling you where he is no use, you are and there to see.

well, i know that if he really turn over a new leaf, i have to forgive him. afterall, married couple are meant to go thru everything "thick and thin"/ "good or bad".. but however, all these need time to prove, which many of my friends said "humans make mistakes... and everyone deserve a 2nd chance... we cannot penalised him a death sentence if he has been nice for the past 10 years and only make 1 single foolish mistake now!!!

come to think about it... i think the above statement is quite true....

if we were to turn the picture the other way round, meaning i am the one "eating out" now... i also will ask for forgiveness and expect to have a 2nd chance too.....

so, i guess, for now, i will still wait for a while and see how he performs these few days... before making a final decision.

 

[mtan]

hey diymummy,

i tink you are right... "look forward and dont look back"
and let the past decide on the measures to implement for the future....

i know it's a personal choice of mine and only myself can weigh the amount of love i have for him... frankly, he has been nice to me these few days.. and i am sort of quite "touched" and so soft-hearted that i have the urge to forgive and go back to him. but, i clearly know that should we be together again, i want him to:

1. wear our wedding ring from now onwards so that he will be reminded that he is a married man
2. renew our vows again
3. go for marriage/ family counselling

do you think this work??



well, i know that if he really turn over a new leaf, i have to forgive him. afterall, married couple are meant to go thru everything "thick and thin"/ "good or bad".. but however, all these need time to prove, which many of my friends said "humans make mistakes... and everyone deserve a 2nd chance... we cannot penalised him a death sentence if he has been nice for the past 10 years and only make 1 single foolish mistake now!!!

come to think about it... i think the above statement is quite true....

if we were to turn the picture the other way round, meaning i am the one "eating out" now... i also will ask for forgiveness and expect to have a 2nd chance too.....

so, i guess, for now, i will still wait for a while and see how he performs these few days... before making a final decision.

why not u pretend u forgive him, and when he say he going out with the friends, get the PI to see is it truth? Yes, u might incurred more cost, but money can't buy a peace of mind. If he really stopped seening that women, maybe can consider forgiving him.

 

[minako85]

why not you pretend you forgive him, and when he say he going out with the friends, get the PI to see is it truth? Yes, you might incurred more cost, but money can't buy a peace of mind. If he really stopped seening that women, maybe can consider forgiving him.

Ya I agree. U pretend to forgive him but the next time he gg out w frens, get a pi to follow him. Treat it as giving him final chance... N see if he really tells the truth. If the pi gets nth, then u may really wann to forgive him cuz he's telling truth. If nt, then that's it... Wat he says r really just to buy time.

 

[missixty]

why not you pretend you forgive him, and when he say he going out with the friends, get the PI to see is it truth? Yes, you might incurred more cost, but money can't buy a peace of mind. If he really stopped seening that women, maybe can consider forgiving him.

u think will still work? cause he already knew that i have ever engaged a pi to check on him...

u may be extra careful now!!

 

[mtan]

you think will still work? cause he already knew that i have ever engaged a pi to check on him...

you may be extra careful now!!

if he really careful, he will not wan to go out with friends in the night. If he have nothing to hide, he will not need to be careful anymore.

Maybe u should discuss with the PI and ask them to be more careful and alert.

 

[diymummy]

hey diymummy,

i tink you are right... "look forward and dont look back"
and let the past decide on the measures to implement for the future....

i know it's a personal choice of mine and only myself can weigh the amount of love i have for him... frankly, he has been nice to me these few days.. and i am sort of quite "touched" and so soft-hearted that i have the urge to forgive and go back to him. but, i clearly know that should we be together again, i want him to:

1. wear our wedding ring from now onwards so that he will be reminded that he is a married man
2. renew our vows again
3. go for marriage/ family counselling

do you think this work??

Hi missixty,

I think going for marriage counselling is good.

Whether it works really depends on his heart. If he is willing and has really changed, whatever you do will work. But if he hasn't, then no matter what you do, will not work.

I feel that at least you have tried, one last time, to give him another chance. I hope that he will cherish it and I'm sure you hope that too. I know hope can be painful and fragile but I also know you're doing this for yourself and your daughter.

I really hope the best for you. Stay strong for your daugther.

 

[missixty]

if he really careful, he will not want to go out with friends in the night. If he have nothing to hide, he will not need to be careful anymore.

Maybe you should discuss with the PI and ask them to be more careful and alert.

well, that maybe true.. "if he has nothing to hide, then no need to be extra careful".. once again, i dun want to engage PI anymore to follow him cause it's really quite taxing mentally. The thought that PI is following him and that PI will tell me which girl and which girl he is out with, this kind of feeling is torturing!!

i think what diymummy said is true.. it all depends on his heart, if he is willing to change and put all efforts to make this marriage goes further, then it will works, otherwise, it will be back to square 1. it's all about his will-power!!

but to be frank, till today, i still dun see and feel this kind of determination and will-power from him..... haizz

he keep telling me:
1. that if i were to give him another chance, i must forget about all that happened
2. that i must trust him again
3. that i must learn to be more open-minded and let him hang out withy his friends

all i can say is, till now, he still dun feel REALLY remorseful that he has done me wrong and doesn't even give me any promises that he will change or what kind of efforts is he going to do to prove to me that he is willing to change and no assurance from him as well. he keep pointing the finger at me (like what i said above), expecting me to do this and that while he doesn't assure me anything on his part...

Hi missixty,

I think going for marriage counselling is good.

Whether it works really depends on his heart. If he is willing and has really changed, whatever you do will work. But if he hasn't, then no matter what you do, will not work.

I feel that at least you have tried, one last time, to give him another chance. I hope that he will cherish it and I'm sure you hope that too. I know hope can be painful and fragile but I also know you're doing this for yourself and your daughter.

I really hope the best for you. Stay strong for your daugther.

hey diymummy,

i dun have a daughter.. i am childless..

if i have one daughter, i will not hesitate to forgive him.. but beacuse, i dun have one, i am still in dilemma if i should forgive or divorce

 

[diymummy]

hey diymummy,

i dont have a daughter.. i am childless..

if i have one daughter, i will not hesitate to forgive him.. but beacuse, i dont have one, i am still in dilemma if i should forgive or divorce

Oopss.. Please accept my apologies... :x

Read too many posts blur liaooo...

 

[missixty]

Oopss.. Please accept my apologies... :x

Read too many posts blur liaooo...

it's ok....

u have been nice to advice me so much...

 

[mtan]

well, that maybe true.. "if he has nothing to hide, then no need to be extra careful".. once again, i dont want to engage PI anymore to follow him cause it's really quite taxing mentally. The thought that PI is following him and that PI will tell me which girl and which girl he is out with, this kind of feeling is torturing!!

i think what diymummy said is true.. it all depends on his heart, if he is willing to change and put all efforts to make this marriage goes further, then it will works, otherwise, it will be back to square 1. it's all about his will-power!!

but to be frank, till today, i still dont see and feel this kind of determination and will-power from him..... haizz

he keep telling me:
1. that if i were to give him another chance, i must forget about all that happened
2. that i must trust him again
3. that i must learn to be more open-minded and let him hang out withy his friends

all i can say is, till now, he still dont feel REALLY remorseful that he has done me wrong and doesn't even give me any promises that he will change or what kind of efforts is he going to do to prove to me that he is willing to change and no assurance from him as well. he keep pointing the finger at me (like what i said above), expecting me to do this and that while he doesn't assure me anything on his part...





hey diymummy,

i dont have a daughter.. i am childless..

if i have one daughter, i will not hesitate to forgive him.. but beacuse, i dont have one, i am still in dilemma if i should forgive or divorce

OMG!!!, The way he is saying like all this is your fault;
1. that if i were to give him another chance, i must forget about all that happened, - u at fault for not forgetting the incident.
2. that i must trust him again - blaming u again for not trusting him again.
3. that i must learn to be more open-minded and let him hang out withy his friends - again blaming u for being not opened minded.

he didn't reflect himself all this is cause by himself. There don't seem to be any efforts by him to win your heart back. And pushing all the blame to u. like that how to forgive and forget.

Can i know the what did the lawyer say about the evidence, is it strong enough to file divorce?

 

[missixty]

OMG!!!, The way he is saying like all this is your fault;
1. that if i were to give him another chance, i must forget about all that happened, - you at fault for not forgetting the incident.
2. that i must trust him again - blaming you again for not trusting him again.
3. that i must learn to be more open-minded and let him hang out withy his friends - again blaming you for being not opened minded.

he didn't reflect himself all this is cause by himself. There dont't seem to be any efforts by him to win your heart back. And pushing all the blame to you. like that how to forgive and forget.

Can i know the what did the lawyer say about the evidence, is it strong enough to file divorce?

the lawyer said the evidences are sufficient enough and together with my statement that he drink till dead drunk and come home only at 4,5am, i am able to get a divorce.

i told my dad about everything that he told me (as above). My dad was very mad and ask him for a talk yesterday. when my dad asked him if he is willing to change and assure that such things will not repeat again in future.... guess his answer!! he said he is not sure and cannot promise anything!!!

I cant believe that he will give such answer!! so goes to my dad... and my dad said he is hopeless and asked me to divorce him..

 

[BETRAYED]

the lawyer said the evidences are sufficient enough and together with my statement that he drink till dead drunk and come home only at 4,5am, i am able to get a divorce.

i told my dad about everything that he told me (as above). My dad was very mad and ask him for a talk yesterday. when my dad asked him if he is willing to change and assure that such things will not repeat again in future.... guess his answer!! he said he is not sure and cannot promise anything!!!

I cant believe that he will give such answer!! so goes to my dad... and my dad said he is hopeless and asked me to divorce him..

Luckily u get the evidence and see his true colour. He will definitely regret what he did.

Did u regret getting a PI to get u the evidence? And now the truth is out u have to leave him.

 

[missixty]

Luckily you get the evidence and see his true colour. He will definitely regret what he did.

Did you regret getting a PI to get you the evidence? And now the truth is out you have to leave him.

no, i dun regret getting the pi cause i am quite sure that if i dun find out the truth, he will continuing to be the way it is like going out very often and come home only the next morning!! cause all these while he has been trying to come home later and later, from 3am to 4,5 am and sometimes the next morning 7am... i think he is trying to test my tolerance and acceptance to this... thus, if i dun expose him, this thing is sure going to continue and who knows it may be worse!!

well, it really hurts to leave a man that i have been living with for the past 10years and loving him more than myself... i am struggling, struggling to learn to live my life without him!!

 

[Unforgiven]

no, i dont regret getting the pi cause i am quite sure that if i dont find out the truth, he will continuing to be the way it is like going out very often and come home only the next morning!! cause all these while he has been trying to come home later and later, from 3am to 4,5 am and sometimes the next morning 7am... i think he is trying to test my tolerance and acceptance to this... thus, if i dont expose him, this thing is sure going to continue and who knows it may be worse!!

well, it really hurts to leave a man that i have been living with for the past 10years and loving him more than myself... i am struggling, struggling to learn to live my life without him!!

Miss Sixty, I am in the same situation like u. Just don't understand why men behave in such a way.

I am really grateful to Dinnie for recommend the PI, if not I still will not know the truth

 

[flyaway]

well, it really hurts to leave a man that i have been living with for the past 10years and loving him more than myself... i am struggling, struggling to learn to live my life without him!!

*hugs* My heart goes to you...

Pick up a new interest/hobby, you will meet new friends etc. Learn to live without him cos ur hubby probably anticipate that you cannot live without him. Sometimes, men think that we women are weak and dependent of them. We should show them we are not.

For your case, at least u have no children, so things are less complicated.

Stay strong.

 

[llcyahoo]

Hi can i know how much you all spend for the PI?

 

[missixty]

Miss Sixty, I am in the same situation like you. Just dont't understand why men behave in such a way.

I am really grateful to Dinnie for recommend the PI, if not I still will not know the truth

ya.. i also dun understand by men are like this!!

btw, how's ur case? forgiven ur hubby?

*hugs* My heart goes to you...

Pick up a new interest/hobby, you will meet new friends etc. Learn to live without him cos your hubby probably anticipate that you cannot live without him. Sometimes, men think that we women are weak and dependent of them. We should show them we are not.

For your case, at least you have no children, so things are less complicated.

Stay strong.

hey, thanks!!

i know i must stay strong however, it's really very difficult!! now that i have aldready moved to my mum's place, i still think of him everytime. and whenever i go back to my own house to take things, everything there remind me of him, of us together, then uncontrollably, i will cry again and again..

dun know when then i will finally get over all these.. haizzz...

Hi can i know how much you all spend for the PI?

maybe u want to pm me instead? better this way..