Problem with HB

[preciousjovian]

I thought married is a good thing, got someone to care for me, but not true.... After giving birth, me n hb become more distance..... He din hold my hand when we go out, we seldom talk, he wnt talk much to me..... when we talk we will start to quarrel.... haiz, sometime see other friends hb so caring and mine like SHIT!!! When we go out, he will carry his baby and walk very fast, and wnt wait for me, i need to chase behind him...... sad :embarrassed:

I dunno izit i am fat and he feel that go out with me is very shame, i feel sad myself too, who wants to become fat like pig, right!!! He wnt said me fat, but i can feel it myself.....

 

[Blurblur MTB]

Have you try to sit down and talk to him.. no point guessing what's the reason and where is the prob. May I ask how much weight you have put on after birth? If you think weight is the issue, then any way to try to slim down like exercise early morning before your bb wakes up??

 

[preciousjovian]

Have you try to sit down and talk to him.. no point guessing what's the reason and where is the prob. May I ask how much weight you have put on after birth? If you think weight is the issue, then any way to try to slim down like exercise early morning before your bb wakes up??

Haiz i gain about 18kg, my girl will wake me up every 4hrs for milk and i am a working mother, i also need to wake up at 5.45am to prepare to go to MIL for her to look after my girl.... in another word, i also lazy, look after my girl is so tired liao, still need to do housework (no maid) after work.....

 

[eelynn]

I thought married is a good thing, got someone to care for me, but not true.... After giving birth, me n hb become more distance..... He din hold my hand when we go out, we seldom talk, he wnt talk much to me..... when we talk we will start to quarrel.... haiz, sometime see other friends hb so caring and mine like SHIT!!! When we go out, he will carry his baby and walk very fast, and wnt wait for me, i need to chase behind him...... sad :embarrassed:

I dunno izit i am fat and he feel that go out with me is very shame, i feel sad myself too, who wants to become fat like pig, right!!! He wnt said me fat, but i can feel it myself.....

I guess u really hv to hv a good talk with ur hb coz if this drags on, it wnt be good for u n ur hb, even ur child.... Hv u both knwn each other long enuf to settle dwn with a baby? I think u really hv to work on ur relationship with ur hb 1st to find out wats going on b4 u can even do anything. I guess after birth u will definitely loose those baby fats so dnt worry. With the time dat u hv to get up to take care ur baby n work n to do hsework, u will bound to loose those fats fast...... at the mean time u hv to take care of ur health as well....

 

[preciousjovian]

I guess u really hv to hv a good talk with ur hb coz if this drags on, it wnt be good for u n ur hb, even ur child.... Hv u both knwn each other long enuf to settle dwn with a baby? I think u really hv to work on ur relationship with ur hb 1st to find out wats going on b4 u can even do anything. I guess after birth u will definitely loose those baby fats so dnt worry. With the time dat u hv to get up to take care ur baby n work n to do hsework, u will bound to loose those fats fast...... at the mean time u hv to take care of ur health as well....

We know each other for 3yrs before getting married. i trying now, to try communicate with him, hope this will help.... thanks for all the mummy comments:shyxxx:

 

[loveice]

We know each other for 3yrs before getting married. i trying now, to try communicate with him, hope this will help.... thanks for all the mummy comments:shyxxx:

Don't worry too much. things will definetely get better for you. Cheer up k? Stay happy and ppl around you will be influenced de. ancing_wub:

 

[Celina]

u really need a gd talk with him, if this goes on. definately will not do any of u gd.

 

[prettybb]

i agree, you need to talk with your hubby. to b frank,one day while we were out my hubby didnt hold my hands too. after we came home, i had a good talk w him. after that good talk, He never forgot to old my hands. or hug me!

 

[babypris86]

Hi I had the same problems as yours... but then for me.. I just don care...

 

[nickmummy]

me too.. HB never bothered to hold my hands.. and worst of all.. he's a Mr Stubborn.. sometimes when I tried talking to him.. he wont bother much too.. but seriously things need to be iron out anyway.. just say how you feel and one day he'll get to understand.. have faith and patience.. it's not easy when comes to "human relationship" but take one step at a time

 

[Leanne]

Maybe you think too much? Alright, i shall say what's on my mind.

All men are visual creatures.. I guess they don't want their wives to look not pretty...... Be it looks or figure.. Maybe you can try to have a healthy diet & do exercise regularly?

Anyway, don't be too bother bout your figure..

He shld love you for who you are right? Moreover you gave birth to a baby for him!

 

[WeeFee's_Mummy]

men are very different from women. women are smart, while men are ... NOT! lol ... kidding

anyway my point is men handle issues very differently. esp when it comes to huge turning points in their lives. for many men being a father for the 1st time is a very big adjustment.

unfortunately while there are many support groups for women, there r very little for men becos men are expected to be strong & "just get on with it".

mebbe ur husband is going through his own personal issues. mebbe he's having a very hard time adjusting to fatherhood.

just my 2 cents worth which might present a different perspective. in any case, good luck with talking to ur hubby - hope things become better from now.

 

[adele]

sorry, mummies for my long msg...but i really got a lot of unhappiness to pour out.

did you ladies experiencing problems communicating with the husband ?
i know we need to tell our husbands how we feel....but sometimes dun you all feel that they kind of mental block....no matter how much you say , they just dun understand...

i have 2 boys, 1 4yr old, 1 4mths old...but i feel like i am taking care of 3 boys including my husband....
basically he look like a man when at work, when at home, he like a boy.
he just sit there watch TV, he dun noe wat he should do, i have to instruct him every time to shower the elder one, to make milk for the elder one, to do this, to do that etc.....
sometimes he just dun bother, he always say his favourite phase - "they prefer you" , true that the boys are sticky to me but i really need the extra hands.... he just dun understand......i think i will break down one day. how i wish i can dump the 2 kids to him and go oversea myself for a break.

worse still, when i say NO to my elder boy, his father will say ok or yes....so in the end, my boy never listen or obey at all......kind of fustrating...


sigh...i wont go talk to him cause he is mental block....

 

[CanCanMum]

yeah i do experienced that when my boy was an infant/toddler. I did everything myself. Change diapers, feed, put him to sleep, wake up at night, bring him to my mum, pick him up after work, bring him for checkups, bring him to doc when sick etc and etc, all u could think of.

And sometimes when i am late to pick my boy up i will be shocked to find that he is already at home when i returned, as early as 6pm when i had to rush likka mad woman and reached home only at 8+ to 9pm, no time to rest and still have to attend to the baby.

He wouldnt even volunteer to do the picking up for me. And if i asked if he could he will freak out and then i will say :"aiyah forget it i do it myself"

And...he LOVES:wong19: watching the tv more than watching us, like yr hb, wont be initiative at all. Same thing lor!

I am not sure why but after our son began to talk and is able to communicate, things changed. If i cannot make it earlier to pick up my boy and if i call him if he is 'free', he will do it for me, willingly. Although he will complain a bit but not so bad as last time. And he started to enjoy the baby more.

I did ask him why but he said he felt our son a bit of "ma fan" when he is younger (cries all the time, craves for attention, etc) and he just dont feel like doing the baby stuff. He even said that on some days he dont even feel like going home.

I think this is what the experts call "daddy blues" or "daddy post natal blues".

But i do agree that hbs do not always open up and talk and it is diff to ask them to talk. Or sometimes they just dont bother to talk...or communicate, or dun seem to understand.

maybe tats why the famous quote says :"Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" :we2Randy-git:

 

[SunShine07]

Hi Mummy,

I do experence the same thing as well, at first i really tot that he is the only father behaving like that.

He dun like to watch tv, but spend his extra time online and of cos do bit of his work as well. I keep asking him to change diaper for baby, to feed baby but he just simply dun care and pretend that he didn't hear it. He dun even know how to made milk for baby.........

Actually, i don't really need that help from him, but i just want him to having bonding with my son. that kind of father and son bonding, that hopefully they can behave like friends in future rather than what me and my hb's father relationship. (talk only when necessary)

Sigh....maybe some hb just take wife for granted, knowing that we will surely do all the stuff for baby if not, they will say that we are not a good mother!

Being a wife is already not easy, let alone a wife + a mother

 

[Endoh]

Some men doesn't realize that after delivery, life is going to be very different. Not just for the marriage, not just for his wife, but for himself too. Some feels that even with a baby, life should remain the same as before but is it really true? I think parents in this forum already know that's a myth. It is, and WILL BE, different.

I am not going to say much, because I can really type a long long post and make you read until you sleep. Some earlier members can testify to that.

I am going to leave you on a blog post from Steven Chia (Channel News Asia), who's a great father himself I feel. I am a keen follower of his blog in my RSS feed reader. He touched a little on "involving fathers" in modern families. If you can get your husband to read it, better still.

There are fathers who wished they could do more but they're being shut out by their wives. Now he has a chance to be involved with parenting, don't lose it.

 

[CanCanMum]

yeah..some things will not be known unless u went thru it urself.

 

[tommyBoi]

I thought married is a good thing, got someone to care for me, but not true.... After giving birth, me n hb become more distance..... He din hold my hand when we go out, we seldom talk, he wnt talk much to me..... when we talk we will start to quarrel.... haiz, sometime see other friends hb so caring and mine like SHIT!!! When we go out, he will carry his baby and walk very fast, and wnt wait for me, i need to chase behind him...... sad :embarrassed:

I dunno izit i am fat and he feel that go out with me is very shame, i feel sad myself too, who wants to become fat like pig, right!!! He wnt said me fat, but i can feel it myself.....

Mayb u can read the attach link http://www.mummysg.com/forums/f13/do-u-still-keep-yourself-good-shape-after-married-3866/


Cheers!!

 

[CanCanMum]

is it really really imp to keep good shape? Besides the self confidence thing? Why is it that in some couples hb is good shape but wife plump but still they are so loving???

 

[tommyBoi]

is it really really imp to keep good shape? Besides the self confidence thing? Why is it that in some couples hb is good shape but wife plump but still they are so loving???

Dear, There is no thing 100% guaranteed in this world. Even a doctor will say 99% of the operation will be successful. There are alway some exceptional cases in everything we do or face in our life... so no point mentioning about those cases, we r talking about in general.

Of coz u can choose not to agreed with me and some mummies in the link.. but utimately, i feel that a long term marriage is not only thru 'talk' or 'communication' ONLY, physical do play an impt role.

Cheers!!