problems with step kid

[belbel11]

I have a major problem accepting my hb's first daughter of 10yo.
i am w him for 8yrs and married for 3yrs.. I do not know what is my problem n why i just have the major hurdle in accepting her. cut story short, she stays w the mom as the mom got full custody of her. the father (my hb) fetches her back to our house on Saturdays nights and she spends the Sundays with us. every time I see her,I will get so unhappy w my hb cos I always feel that the hb is spoiling her way too much. he gives her whatever she asked for when she was young and I know that's his way of making up to her. but he bought her expensive toys and she never learnt how to cherish it cos probably she was "trained" since young that her father is loaded. FYI, my hb and me have a 2yr old daughter and a newborn baby coming soon. his monthly maintenance fees to the step kid is $1200 monthly. and after paying that, we have little money for myself and my 2 kids left. the step kid only wishes to eat I'm air-com places during weekends with us as his father brings her to restaurants for meals every weekend.
I am so torn inside as I hate the way he spoilt her. wherever I try to show my displeasure, he will end up showing me his black face n we will not talk for days. this is badly affecting my weekends. the stepkid's mom's already remarried with 2 of her own kids too and lucky her, she is a SAHM whereas I have to work even during my confinement. i did ask my hb to take back the custody but i donno if i can take it. what can I do now?

 

[Mandy Wong]

Better for you to not let your hubby take the custody of his kid because doesn't it means you have to face her everyday? I dunno about you but I sure cant face her everyday without being irritated.

 

[nicepeople]

This is a sensitive topic.
Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Be honest but understanding of where he is coming from. Compromise is a huge part of marriage especially when there are kids from a previous relationship. Let your husband know your worries gently and maybe he'll have some ideas to make thing smooth during her stays.
When you took on your husband, you took him on knowing he had a child to another woman. You also took him on for better and for worse. Personal relationships are the most important relationships we will ever have. When I read some of the things you wrote, I worry for you. Not because of the step daughter, but because of you. If you have not learned to handle the situation by now with them, how are your children going to be raised? Will you think your newborn baby is a stress on you too?
If you are stressed out learn to relax, simmer down, and be the best person that you can be. Put all of your worries in a box and bury it - metaphorically. Everything else will take care of itself if you are loving and not selfish in any way. Learn to delegate and be a step-mom (if you have too), then being a mom will be much easier because the can "help" more than "hinder". Involve your husband and let him know that you need him to step up and let the step-daughter know they need to give you space, and to be on their best behaviour. I feel that asking your step-daughter to stay away is a bad idea and will only cause issues later on.
Good luck!
Ps, if you need to know more of how to handle step-child, PM me and I’ll ask a friend who is a professional counsellor.

 

[quincy1986]

yes i agree a good talk will be good, even though it might be difficult to put things into words

by discussing finance issues is a good topic

 

[mrinstinct]

Folks,

guess before you make an assumption, we must think of this... Do u prefer him to be an irresponsible father or responsible one? Yes you are tormented as he shows love and dote on her maybe according to you is the wrong way but come to think of it, he only get to see her once a month. I guess that money is so call alimony? I'm not too sure but if you wana talk to him, be prepared him being defensive and in the end quarreling and he might see you as a green eye monster and can't accept her. Might end up worsen the situation. I'm not saying you should not talk but pls pls pls be extra careful with all those sensitive words.

Yes your current life may not be good as quite a portion of the $$$ was taken out but think from another perspective, you have got a great responsible man. A lot of my friends just leave their family behind and gone with another woman.