quarrel with mil... need to vent out

[Dreamrat]

I just did it. I seldom quarrel with ppl. But I just did it in front of my hubby.

I pointed my finger at her and scolded her,"dun put words into my mouth. I hate ppl do that to me."
Then she said, "we seldom talk. That's why I can remember. U said that, then 我跳黃河也洗不清。＂
Then, I told her, u can ask ur son about my memory. Dun test me!

!

 

[camcamwhambam]

Dreamrat,

I don't know if it's common, but I think a lot of us cannot get along well with MIL. haha! Our husband is their son, and I guess somehow both daughter and MIL will want different things? Like for me, I feel that now I have started a new chapter with husband, but MIL still wants to be involved in everything because it's her son.

I don't agree with my MIL too. She always wants everything done her way, and she won't listen to reason. But so far, I'm just keeping quiet and giving in cause she is afterall an elder. But I don't know how long I can take it before I explode like you?

 

[Dreamrat]

Haha, I only stayed with her for less than 2 months. She ultra sensitive. Even I simple remarks from me, she can link it to other stuff. I only knew that she thought so much for a remark during yesterday's quarrel. Piss off!!!

 

[wenz]

many people went thru this... amd many ppl complaint.... i too went thru this for the past 5yrs...
but then when i put myself into her (MIL) shoes.. i somewhat understand why..
Just imagine when our son grow up and get married.... and imagine if he married a wife with a character exactly like me... will i react the same as my MIL? i asked myself many times and i cannot gurantee cos its always easier said then done... cos i also loved my sons very much....

Slowly i manage to overcome this after a long and painful 5years... this many not work for many... many may disagree too...
but its just my 2cents worth... =)

 

[Dreamrat]

Even I put myself in her shoes, I will not behave like her. As an adult, I will not make my family worry me.

That day, I went back to my mum's place for lunch and dinner (invited mil but she said she preferred to rest at home). My hubby supposed to come back home to eat dinner with his mum. When we both reached home ard 7, we realized she was not at home...

Imagine that she didn't make dinner for her son and went out and only be back ard 9pm? She said she need to 散心。

 

[Sad 33]

dreamrat,
just to share that u are not alone with mil-dil tension-ship. i don't even stay with my inlaws but everytime they come by my place, they spy on what we are eating and gossip to their daughter. the daughter will in turn come up with methods to make hubby feel bad and hubby will go buy 'the topic food' to give to the parents. sianz right. one big merry round bush...i don't mind if they comment straight in our face upon seeing what we are eating or drinking so we can give/buy for them...but they go gossip to the daughter without us knowing what's in their mind. u jia you on yr end!

 

[Dreamrat]

Thank you Sad 33.

Sigh, think just have to "see open" for it.

 

[peppermint]

Omg! You are brave! How did your hubby reacted?

I'm still tolerating those people... The only thing I can do is to wish that they kick the bucket soon.

 

[Fisherman's Friend]

At least u managed to vent it out. Im also staying with my mil and im going crazy anytime. My mil is a 2 faced bitch. In front of her daughters, she act like this kind, loving helpful grandma cum mil, but behind their back, she is this evil, lazy bitch.

She dote on my elder daughter but dislike my younger one. The only reason i can think of is coz my younger girl is not a boy. She will say things like, only jie jie have, u dun have - just lidat in front of my girls. Dumb right? I really wonder whats in her skull... Then she likes to go into my room and look look, touch touch when im not around. Till i got fed up and purposely said to my daughter in front of her:"Don't touch daddy n mummy's things ar, our money is missing already!" She got scared and ask my maid if we really lost money...-_-

Are you getting your own place? If you are then just tolerate bah, if not, better brian-wash ur hubby and get out of there!!

 

[Sad 33]

At least u managed to vent it out. Im also staying with my mil and im going crazy anytime. My mil is a 2 faced bitch. In front of her daughters, she act like this kind, loving helpful grandma cum mil, but behind their back, she is this evil, lazy bitch.

She dote on my elder daughter but dislike my younger one. The only reason i can think of is coz my younger girl is not a boy. She will say things like, only jie jie have, u dun have - just lidat in front of my girls. Dumb right? I really wonder whats in her skull... Then she likes to go into my room and look look, touch touch when im not around. Till i got fed up and purposely said to my daughter in front of her:"Don't touch daddy n mummy's things ar, our money is missing already!" She got scared and ask my maid if we really lost money...-_-

Are you getting your own place? If you are then just tolerate bah, if not, better brian-wash ur hubby and get out of there!!

hi fishermen's friend, i pity your little daughter ....hopefully she does not feel the difference on treatment. so poor thing for such a 'senseless' grandma to treat her this manner.

sometimes the older generations has this weird thinking abt boys are more superior as they bring down family surname than girls. but to us now, they certainly are no differences. i find girls more precious than boys...
my stupid fil told me that since i am married, i shld not bother so much about my parent's side matters and even told me list a lot of things i cannot do for my parent's side. crazy old man.

 

[peppermint]

Yup my in-laws (and the whole lot of them; grandparents, aunties, uncles - all unreasonable people) too think the same as your FIL. Like we DILs have no mother or father except them.

I dislike Chinese New Year. Because I HAVE to spend all 15 days (unless work day) with them, visits, play cards, play mahjong and lo hei. Luckily my family is small but we took second day of CNY to head back to my mum's place for gathering with my Aunty and cousins. Apparently they (in-laws) were unhappy whenever we told them that we are unable to join them. They will insist that we should at least go for dinner with them. Crazy people! Luckily my hubby understands and went with me to my mum's place. And I told my hubby, just because your aunties and uncles doesn't have in-laws, they have plenty of time to spend with your grandparents and stir shit for us, the next generation.

And best part is, when they assume that it was me who unable to bear any children, they tell me to ask my mum (who used to be a career woman, and not a home maker) if she knows of any soup or stuff that will solve 'my' problem.

When there's a problem, it is to 'go to my mum'. Credit goes to these idiots in-laws.

This year most of his cousins just got married and have their in-laws to visit, I see lesser gatherings. The uncles and aunties who used to make life difficult for me now shuts their mouth because their own children have to make time for their in-laws now. Hahah!

Coming back to fertility issues. They refuse to understand that it takes two for pregnancy to occur. They immediately pointed at me that it's my fault no matter how I politely told them that I am perfectly ok after my detailed checks. Hubby didn't want to tell them that he's the one with the problem. Anyhow, I respect his decision. And I have to bear all these insensitive remarks from his family members. It was tough on my ears but somehow this incident brought my relationship closer with my hubby - we became stronger and he was much more caring towards me and treats me like a family member. He seeks my opinion now even for attending a family gathering or not. But of course I will never make things difficult for him. I will always make him look good infront of them too. Believe me, we used to have fights because he feels that his family is more important than me, his wife.

I have tolerated for a long time, and am still tolerating my in-laws' nonsenses. I keep sane by talking/discussing about them to my mum, friends and forum.

I know that I am getting good at something and that is, a stronger and loving relationship between my hubby and I. It was a long painful process but it was worth it.

 

[peppermint]

I'm not staying with my in-laws. Luckily hubby promised me that he will never pass them the keys to our house. My in-laws also like to inspect and give silly comments or remove my things without my permission. I am always traumatized whenever they visit, even when it's just once a year during CNY. They can really be a pain.

 

[noelsmum]

peppermint, you'll have to tell your husband that he has to tell his parents that you're not the issue with fertility probs. If he doesn't say anything, they will always think that you're at fault and it's always you. And honestly, why should you shoulder the blame?

 

[Dreamrat]

Omg! You are brave! How did your hubby reacted?

I'm still tolerating those people... The only thing I can do is to wish that they kick the bucket soon.

He tapped my legs, signalling me to stop. After that, when I was in my room, he told me that he trusts me. His mum also twisted his words before. He explained to me that his mum's thinking is like a child, we should not be angry with an ignorant person...

Btw, I am not staying with in law. She only came over because I was in confinement and we need help to take care of the baby. Now she left. I am relieved though tiring. She will be back later (ard late jul)

Sigh, I think I'll just keep the conversation short and avoid talking to her...

 

[Dreamrat]

Fisherman's friend, ur mil really senseless! How can she say that in front of a lil gal. It will affect them.

My baby is only 6 weeks old. I already pissed off when my mil says things that are annoying to me. E.g I was using a room for massage (guest room that we let her stay) . She told my gal that I am chasing them out... Wth.

 

[peppermint]

This was said by his grandma. She even told me that she will bring me to see doctor but don't let my hubby know. Then of course my in-laws are the sort who talks a lot but when come to dollar and cents, do not expect actions from them and not like I want to go with her either!

Grandma even told my hubby to bring ME to go see fertility doctor. She even asked me if I have a problem. She always think very highly of her Lim family, that everyone under the Lim family is high almighty and very perfect and everyone else non-Lims are just crap. Once, I couldn't take it anymore and told his grandma off infront of my hubby. I said, "Why don't you ask your grandson?!!'. Well, he said something that he was the one because he is too stressed at work and that I am perfectly ok. And from then she stopped all these nonsense at me but direct them at him.

My parents in law doesn't nag at me on family planning. I feel that they especially my MIL didn't want us to have babies. Both of them is another set of headache, I would say even more so compared to grandparents in law.

My friends described my MIL as scheming, sly, hypocrite. None of their MILs are as scheming as mine.

 

[peppermint]

Fisherman's friend, ur mil really senseless! How can she say that in front of a lil gal. It will affect them.

My baby is only 6 weeks old. I already pissed off when my mil says things that are annoying to me. E.g I was using a room for massage (guest room that we let her stay) . She told my gal that I am chasing them out... Wth.

Gosh, is she trying to brainwash your girl?!! Best is not to let her be so close to your baby. I have seen how my MIL brainwashed my hubby on how bad his father is. The things that she said were quite nasty. And till now, my hubby never speak or even greet his father.

 

[Fisherman's Friend]

My mil is really brainless la, her daughter explained saying coz she is lowly educated. Pls la, lowly educated doesnt mean no common sense right? She is just BRAINLESS!

Dreamrat, u should start telling ur mil to stop saying that to ur girl liao, if not will be like mine in the future.. >.<

 

[peppermint]

My mil is really brainless la, her daughter explained saying coz she is lowly educated. Pls la, lowly educated doesnt mean no common sense right? She is just BRAINLESS!

Dreamrat, u should start telling ur mil to stop saying that to ur girl liao, if not will be like mine in the future.. >.<

My hubby also gave the same excuse for his mum that she is not highly educated that's why she always talk like an Aunty.

I said but your grandparents (who obviously have no money for proper education in those days) doesn't speak and behaves like her!! And his mother has been a civil servant for the longest time. Her last post was a clerical officer with AVA. No education???

 

[Dreamrat]

Fisherman's friend and peppermint, totally agreed. "less" educated doesn't mean no common sense. My mum is even less educated, but she got much more common sense than mil... Mil always emits out the negative energy... Really dislike that. I will be careful. Not to let her talk too much to my bb. Later, my bb grows up to be a pessimistic person.