I have not been speaking to my husband for a month. There's so many cold wars that I cannot recall all the triggers that started them. All were small matters but were I believe were cumuation of many 心病 over the years. He would never think that he is in the fault and every time when he throws his temper, he would always expect me to apologise. He wants me to be submissive for my own good he says. We went to see my psychologist. Psychologist after talking to him for less than 15 mins said he is too prescriptive (I agreed and wonder why I can never pinpoint the issue budging me before), advised him to enjoy the joy of making decisions together and at times the aesthetic way. He interpreted it as let me go bang wall. I can never know when things are ok and when things are not. We "talk" but it's always one way - he would have his views and all mine are not valid.
I would have walked out of the marriage if not for my kid. I felt obligated to him to try to stay in the marriage. But I am breaking apart each day having to live like stranger - one that behaves more and more spitefully as the day pasts. Many a times I felt like just say sorry and behave like a pathetic soul and things will be ok. But it keeps coming back and I felt very mentally tortured. I am scared 'cos if divorce, I dont want to live one night without my kid by my side. I am scared also I dun know what he will do next. I keep harbouring the hopes that we'll be one happy family again but deep inside I know this is not going to happen. We do not have trust, I dare not share anything with him 'cos somehow it'll come back and bite me and all these feelings inside also do not make me feel like being intimate with him. What's left?
How to save? Can it be saved? I need to swallow and be meek again to seek forgiveness? At times, I just wish that the marriage fail 'cos of adultery or gambling which makes me decisive and not look back.
I am scared and depressed but not willing to share with anyone except to write anonymously here... and behaving like a happy fella. I think I am going to have split personality soon. What am I suppose to do now?
I would have walked out of the marriage if not for my kid. I felt obligated to him to try to stay in the marriage. But I am breaking apart each day having to live like stranger - one that behaves more and more spitefully as the day pasts. Many a times I felt like just say sorry and behave like a pathetic soul and things will be ok. But it keeps coming back and I felt very mentally tortured. I am scared 'cos if divorce, I dont want to live one night without my kid by my side. I am scared also I dun know what he will do next. I keep harbouring the hopes that we'll be one happy family again but deep inside I know this is not going to happen. We do not have trust, I dare not share anything with him 'cos somehow it'll come back and bite me and all these feelings inside also do not make me feel like being intimate with him. What's left?
How to save? Can it be saved? I need to swallow and be meek again to seek forgiveness? At times, I just wish that the marriage fail 'cos of adultery or gambling which makes me decisive and not look back.
I am scared and depressed but not willing to share with anyone except to write anonymously here... and behaving like a happy fella. I think I am going to have split personality soon. What am I suppose to do now?