scary MIL? idk

[KAmum]

So my boyfriend and I are planning on getting married. Although we haven't fixed a date both our parents have given their approval.
So I've been going over to his house with my 4 week old baby ( like, his house in the afternoons, mine at night because no one is at home to take care of me lol) but his mum is one hell of a scary woman. She wants things to be done her way and if she doesnt get it she screams and yells the whole house down . The other day I was using a sterilizer to sterilize my baby's bottle and about to breast feed her when his mum came home from the market and started yelling at me . I don't have sufficient BM for my baby but she didn't have to let the neighbors know. Embarrassing much :/
I told my boyfriend about this but I told him not to go ask him mum about it in case she gives me more problems when he's not around.
His dad and grandfather....let's just say they're far worst than she is hahaha. Anyone has any idea how to please her in the future? Considering she's gonna be my MIL :/
Oh and they're Muslim and all. Religious. I can't buy gifts to please them because they see it as bribery

 

[peppermint]

Please her? Well, I think you should just stay a distance from her, less talk less misunderstanding. Next is to get a house of your own...best not to be neighbors too.

 

[Fisherman's Friend]

Wow...i totally agree with peppermint! Stay away!!! Hurry up and go apply for a flat, so that you will not be facing her day n night...

 

[KAmum]

Yeah please her.....like make her nag less!!!! Haha le boyfriend and I wanted to stay w my parents but it'll look so weird will see how it goes :/

 

[KAmum]

Wow...i totally agree with peppermint! Stay away!!! Hurry up and go apply for a flat, so that you will not be facing her day n night...

flat expensive my friend!! ok :0

 

[noelsmum]

Since you mentioned that they are religious muslims, have you considered that she's probably pissed that you guys have a baby before getting married? Maybe the way she reacts towards you stems from her frustrations. Probably bf's father and grandfather feel the same too. My advice would be for you and your BF to sit down and apologize for having the baby out of wedlock first. Seek for their forgiveness and see if their attitudes towards you change. And if it doesn't think you have to think of your next step.

 

[KAmum]

Yes we have already done that. I took a whole afternoon (some exception when the baby's awake) to apologize and explain why (I couldn't really explain lol so it's more of apologizing for not thinking.) you're probably right. And considering my age, no wonder she's so mad. But now we're okay (kinda.) she's being really nice and helping with the baby.
The two men however are still very cold towards me hahaha and his grandpa even says he deserves better and that our daughter isn't cute. WUT

 

[noelsmum]

They are probably giving you a hard time because they're mad. Try to win them over with your sincerity. I know it's hard to eat the humble pie but you'll have to eat a bunch of them now because you're living with them. Prove to them that you're going to be a good wife and mother and they'll eat their words.

 

[Sad 33]

Since you mentioned that they are religious muslims, have you considered that she's probably pissed that you guys have a baby before getting married? Maybe the way she reacts towards you stems from her frustrations. Probably bf's father and grandfather feel the same too. My advice would be for you and your BF to sit down and apologize for having the baby out of wedlock first. Seek for their forgiveness and see if their attitudes towards you change. And if it doesn't think you have to think of your next step.

My fil is so upset we postpone our 'baby' plan after marriage and he told us straight in the face that wedlock is preferred!!!! Everyone seems the 'burden of joy' differently. ;D wink wink...

 

[Sad 33]

Please her? Well, I think you should just stay a distance from her, less talk less misunderstanding. Next is to get a house of your own...best not to be neighbors too.

Yes, pls listen to Peppermint!!! It's really not easy to handle inlaws no matter how hard I tried initially. I have long given up... Stay a good distance away!!!

 

[KAmum]

My fil is so upset we postpone our 'baby' plan after marriage and he told us straight in the face that wedlock is preferred!!!! Everyone seems the 'burden of joy' differently. ;D wink wink...

WHY YOU SO LUCKY? Hahahahaha sigh ): but she's happy, say at least I got a dragon baby even if she's not Chinese. Lol ha ha -.-"

 

[KAmum]

They are probably giving you a hard time because they're mad. Try to win them over with your sincerity. I know it's hard to eat the humble pie but you'll have to eat a bunch of them now because you're living with them. Prove to them that you're going to be a good wife and mother and they'll eat their words.

I don't even know if they men want me in their house LOL. Sigh. Plus they live in a 4 rm flat with 4 young kids (my boyfriend is second oldest but they're all under 20.) if I move in I'd take the youngest sister's room and she'd move in with the boys. That's no fair so I wanted to ask if I can stay w my parents instead cuz I'm an only child and we're living in a 5 rm flat....'more space :/

 

[KAmum]

Yes, pls listen to Peppermint!!! It's really not easy to handle inlaws no matter how hard I tried initially. I have long given up... Stay a good distance away!!!

huh hahaha you sound like you have bad experience xB I'll see what can be done :/

 

[noelsmum]

Yes, pls listen to Peppermint!!! It's really not easy to handle inlaws no matter how hard I tried initially. I have long given up... Stay a good distance away!!!

KAmum, well, you could stay away and keep a good distance but if you're going to live with her and need her help to look after your baby? How are you going to do that? My take on this, be nice if you can. You need their help. And honestly, you need their help more than they need you. So be nice and when you're financially independent, yes you can voice your opinions now. But if you think that you can do without them, move back to your parents and strain the relationship with your partner, by all means do what you like. You've got to understand it from their point of view. I'm sure you don't want your son to bring home a girl one day and announced that he made her pregnant and what and how will you think of her. Sorry, I don't mean to offend but I'm looking at it from a mother's point of view too.

 

[Sad 33]

WHY YOU SO LUCKY? Hahahahaha sigh ): but she's happy, say at least I got a dragon baby even if she's not Chinese. Lol ha ha -.-"

Kamum, frankly it's really courageous of you and bf to face this together. Til this day peoPle still does not accept wedlock. But the fact that both you and bf choose to take responsibility and keep the baby is really one of the toughest decision in yr life cos both of u are so young... A lot of couples just abort their babies
away but u 2 are so brave to face nasty looks from people and gossips and unplesantness..Yr parents ESP mum seems to take this well and supportive

 

[KAmum]

KAmum, well, you could stay away and keep a good distance but if you're going to live with her and need her help to look after your baby? How are you going to do that? My take on this, be nice if you can. You need their help. And honestly, you need their help more than they need you. So be nice and when you're financially independent, yes you can voice your opinions now. But if you think that you can do without them, move back to your parents and strain the relationship with your partner, by all means do what you like. You've got to understand it from their point of view. I'm sure you don't want your son to bring home a girl one day and announced that he made her pregnant and what and how will you think of her. Sorry, I don't mean to offend but I'm looking at it from a mother's point of view too.

yes i have thought abt this before. Im not saying she is wrong t be angry., just that theres no need to.flare up???? at least tell me why she's angry cuz its scary if someone yells at you for no reason ://

 

[KAmum]

Kamum, frankly it's really courageous of you and bf to face this together. Til this day peoPle still does not accept wedlock. But the fact that both you and bf choose to take responsibility and keep the baby is really one of the toughest decision in yr life cos both of u are so young... A lot of couples just abort their babies
away but u 2 are so brave to face nasty looks from people and gossips and unplesantness..Yr parents ESP mum seems to take this well and supportive

TBH im not strong at all lol I've cried alot because of all these. My boyfriend's the strong one that pushes me and keeps me gg. Mum wasnt supportive ar first, but to her, what's done is done. Plus she say bb v cute ha ha sigh :/

 

[Sad 33]

TBH im not strong at all lol I've cried alot because of all these. My boyfriend's the strong one that pushes me and keeps me gg. Mum wasnt supportive ar first, but to her, what's done is done. Plus she say bb v cute ha ha sigh :/

kaum, since u have chosen this, just keep a positive attitude towards it! all the best to your future planning

 

[felicity]

yes i have thought abt this before. Im not saying she is wrong t be angry., just that theres no need to.flare up???? at least tell me why she's angry cuz its scary if someone yells at you for no reason ://

sometimes the older gen just can't communicate their emotions as effectively as we do... so just try not to let it affect u... she probably will tell you if she knew how to, but all she knows is to flare up when angry... stay strong for ur bf who's been really nice to u, and ur bb... stay positive! a lot of things happen in our lives for some reason, just concentrate on the positive ones and not let the negative ones affect u too much. remember we control our emotions and how we feel. at the end of the day, the whole world could scream at us but we can always tell ourselves "i will not let these people affect my mood because i'm in control of my own life, not them!"

people can choose to be happy despite circumstances... because it's really our own choice. all the best!!

 

[ali50n]

KAmum, well, you could stay away and keep a good distance but if you're going to live with her and need her help to look after your baby? How are you going to do that? My take on this, be nice if you can. You need their help. And honestly, you need their help more than they need you. So be nice and when you're financially independent, yes you can voice your opinions now. But if you think that you can do without them, move back to your parents and strain the relationship with your partner, by all means do what you like. You've got to understand it from their point of view. I'm sure you don't want your son to bring home a girl one day and announced that he made her pregnant and what and how will you think of her. Sorry, I don't mean to offend but I'm looking at it from a mother's point of view too.

Sorry for this case i beg to differ. Yes her mil can hate her for this, but this cannot be done without her son's involvement.
I also thinking in the view of a mum, if my daughter was going to get bully like this i will not let her mil off. If she challange me about upbringing she herself also dun do a very good job in bringing up her son. This take 2 hands to clap too.