Seriously?!

[PinkDiamonds]

It's 3.30am but here I am awake because DD refuses to sleep. Gave her milk but she still don't want to go back to sleep because she wants me to comfort her and pat her to sleep. Really very frustrated because I've already sleep-trained her at 3.5months and I have to deal with this nonsense.

I don't know what my hubby has been doing the past nights but his actions definitely did not encourage her to soothe herself to sleep. Even at bedtime she wants daddy (or me) to comfort her to sleep. Initially we did it for a week or so because she was down with a flu and could not sleep with the stuffed nose. But she has recovered but hubby still thinks it's alright. IT'S NOT ALRIGHT! Now that she is older she is really putting up a strong resistance to my sleep training again.

My MIL likes to cuddle and cradle her. Yesterday we went for a wedding and she kept hogging DD! I had to help out at the wedding so I did not have time to look after her. Right. Thanks for the help. But she was so irritating! She wanted to ROCK MY BABY TO SLEEP! She keep saying, "Oh she is sleepy she wants to sleep." I told her nicely, "She just woke up from her nap." BUt she JUST IGNORE ME and say, "She is sleepy" and continue rocking her to sleep! My hubby just let her do it. Last time he will tell me nvm lah once in a while, but she visits us EVERY WEEK and does it. I don't think this is "ONCE IN A WHILE."

Today because of all this I quarreled with my hubby. He said fine he will not interfere with me tonight onwards in sleep training her. He woke up and I had to scold him to go back to bed because he was TALKING TO HER and smiling at her. I really felt like smacking him. I told him, "then u go and tell ur mother not to rock and cuddle her all these, if she does it you can tell her she don't need to see her granddaughter."

I think I am already at the maximum already. I have put up with it, and even tell her nicely. But she does not care and continues to believe herself only. It's like she doesn't respect my beliefs as a parent to MY DAUGHTER. His relatives have this mentality that because we are young parents we have no experience in looking after babies. But inexperienced doesn't mean we don't have our own beliefs in parenting! They keep trying to instill their ideas on us and make us follow. What is worse his auntie will go and tell my MIL something and she will believe it.

She will call my hubby EVERY NIGHT just for the tiniest things. She can call at 11pm and ask him what is DD doing. OBVIOUSLY SHE IS IN BED RIGHT. I have tried to be nice to her and share with her my parenting experience. I used to tell her what is going on, that I am sleep training my girl, etc. Then she get so paranoid she will call my hubby every night and tell us to carry and cuddle her to sleep, don't leave her there crying all by herself.

I really dread having my MIL come over. Every time she wants to come over I will try to avoid it by saying I am going out all those stuff. Firstly she comes over not to release my burden of looking after my girl. She will make me more busy. She will walk around my house and "inspect" and make comments, telling me how to clean my house all these. Then she will think my girl wants to sleep ALL THE TIME and keep cuddling and rocking her. I will tell her to stop it in a very nice tone and she will just ignore. Really press all my buttons. Want to talk to her nicely also cannot. Looks like I have no choice but to use threats on them.

My hubby does not even back me up. He will say for the heck of saying it but doesn't stand firm on the ground. Despite me talking to him beforehand, if his mother does this he must tell her. I let him do it because it is his own mother, and he can scold her. If I do it she will think I'm being disrespectful.

I am so frustrated I really feel like I am cleaning up the sh*t for people. My MIL thinks it;s okay to rock her, and that she is a good baby. But what does she know? She only sees her a few hours, and every time my girl cries she assume she is sleepy. Sometimes I really feel like telling her, you so smart you look after lah, but I really don't want it to happen also.

I am not putting the blame on other people. She is my child and of course I have the responsibility. But it is so hard to do things right for my child, especially when there are people to spoil things for me, and when my hubby doesn't stand by me strongly.

 

[meiteoh]

Ohdear, had no idea things were getting crappy for you for the last few days.

My parents just left and they are the opposite of your mother-in-law. They love keeping Eva awake and when she fusses, they quickly hand her back to me and say that it's none of their business and etc. My daugther is like a toy to them. And I have tried telling them to stop what they are doing - keeping her awake, letting her watch the TV and etc - and their excuse is the same "aiya, we just come for a short while. when we go back, you train her again". Mind you, short while is four days every MONTH. I dont't want Eva to develop bad habits and such. Plus at her age, she needs lots of rest. And as if it's that easy to train her back again. =.=

When they are not busy keeping Eva awake, they like to check out the place and give me lectures as if I'm a child. Mind you, I'm turning 30 and my mum still tells me how to cook and what-not (BUT a few minutes later, she would ask me things like whether the prawns are cooked - WTH), how to renew my passport (as if I'm that stupid), tell me how to look for a job and etc (WTH).

When my husband steps in coz my parents dont't seem to listen to me, they think he's rude and they give me a lecture on how we should treat them as guests and as parents. But they dont't get it - it's either you're on or the other. You can have the best of both worlds.

Enough about my problems...is there any way to make your hubby "get it"?

It's not so easy for us DILs to tell our MILs off as we may come across as rude and well, that doesn't speak well for our hubbies either. And like it or not, he should be more concerned about his new family's welfare, especially his daughter's, and not his mum's feelings. That's his job as a husband and a father. It's not so easy as just play with daugther and that's it.

Sorry to have to say this but your mother-in-law's days as a parent has long gone. She hasn't been a parent to a baby in over two decades and what may work for her, may not work for your baby. This is something your hubby needs to see.

No one wants their husbands to choose between his mother and his wife, BUT a line has to be drawn somewhere. When he is needed to step up to his role and responsibility of a father and a husband, he has to do it not cower behind the excuse of filial piety. He's merely letting Laura and you down. It doesn't do anyone any good in the long run, even your mother-in-law.

 

[diymummy]

Oh dear PinkDiamonds dear... Yeah, didn't know that you've been having a rough time all this while...

Can understand how you're feeling coz during my confinement my mil was like that as well. So in the end, my hubby and I limited access of my mil into our house and we would bring our son out to them once in 2 weeks.

Of course there was a lot of unhappiness on their side and they started to complain to my hubby's other aunties and uncles. But we were lucky in a sense that my aunt-in-law's daughter and son threw their children to her to look after and now she's so tired out. Then my mil started to mellow.

Sometimes I feel that though the last generation's child-rearing days are long gone, some part of them still don't want to recognise that. It's only after if they really try to baby sit the baby, then they will realise that it's really not an easy feat. My mil only recently discovered how hard it is to keep carrying my boy coz he's getting so heavy and he's sooooo active.

Maybe when your daughter is a lil older, you can let your mil babysit once a month? Once a week is too much, so just once a month. And the other thing is because hubby and I take care of our son, we know his "pattern" and will run it down with the mil repeatedly. Sometimes the old folks just don't want to admit it and want to insist on their way especially coz the baby can't speak up to tell them what she wants.

As for your baby sleeping through, yes, need to re-train. Guess this happens to almost every baby when they fall ill.... That time my baby also like that when he had diarrhea and fever.... Gotta slowly reduce the frequency of patting and I will not pat till my boy sleeps.

Big hugs PinkDiamonds. Hang in there.

 

[dujuanrosa]

I thought I was the only one waging a war to put routines in place for my son for the last year and got into some unpleasant situations with my hubby because of that. It's comforting to know I'm not alone, and I definitely sympathise with you.

What I do to avoid situations where I would even need to end up in disagreements is to bring the grandson over once a week. And unfortunately, much as I hate to do it, I also try not to keep the visits too long. Truth of the matter is not that I dont't want my mother in law to see him, but I want to keep to his routine, i.e. when it's naptime, he should be napping. When he's out in some other place, he'll get distracted and not sleep or sleep for too short a duration and then gets all cranky and difficult for the rest of the day.

Even then can also have problems - like when my son was very young, mother in law would say sleep in sarong so the head won't be flat. Please, my son has never been in a sarong and his head is not flat. My nephew sleeps in sarong and cannot sleep anywhere else without it!! A couple of times he was in hospital for bronchitis and my sister and I had to makeshift a sarong in the hospital for him with the blankets!! I swore off sarong ever since then. And then when we said no to pacifier, mother in law says should let him suck thumb so he can soothe himself. No offense to other mothers who agree with her but my stand is no sucking thumb because when he is older, it's hard to break the habit and she doesn't have to be the one running after him and making sure he does not stick the thumb in after having touched dirty surfaces.

It was quite tense with my husband in the beginning but it's a lot better now because I look for opportunities when we are both calm and explain my rationale for adopting certain routines and methods for raising the child. I mean there are good reasons for my decisions - vs (with all respect to my mother in law) that was how it was always done. So I managed to win him over after a while.

With regard to late night phone calls, I get my husband to explain to mother in law that baby goes to sleep at this time. I dont't live in a mansion so if phone rings it will jolt the child out of his sleep. Surely she won't want to 'sabo' her own grandchild, right? And then husband will also cooperate by calling her instead so she won't have to call my place.

I've learnt that getting the support of the husband is sooooo important. But of course he is caught in a difficult position and so I need to explain myself clearly so that he can understand and be my partner, not adversary!

 

[apollo]

It's 3.30am but here I am awake because dear daughter refuses to sleep. Gave her milk but she still dont't want to go back to sleep because she wants me to comfort her and pat her to sleep. Really very frustrated because I've already sleep-trained her at 3.5months and I have to deal with this nonsense.

I dont't know what my hubby has been doing the past nights but his actions definitely did not encourage her to soothe herself to sleep. Even at bedtime she wants daddy (or me) to comfort her to sleep. Initially we did it for a week or so because she was down with a flu and could not sleep with the stuffed nose. But she has recovered but hubby still thinks it's alright. IT'S NOT ALRIGHT! Now that she is older she is really putting up a strong resistance to my sleep training again.

My mother in law likes to cuddle and cradle her. Yesterday we went for a wedding and she kept hogging dear daughter! I had to help out at the wedding so I did not have time to look after her. Right. Thanks for the help. But she was so irritating! She wanted to ROCK MY BABY TO SLEEP! She keep saying, "Oh she is sleepy she wants to sleep." I told her nicely, "She just woke up from her nap." BUt she JUST IGNORE ME and say, "She is sleepy" and continue rocking her to sleep! My hubby just let her do it. Last time he will tell me nvm once in a while, but she visits us EVERY WEEK and does it. I dont't think this is "ONCE IN A WHILE."

Today because of all this I quarreled with my hubby. He said fine he will not interfere with me tonight onwards in sleep training her. He woke up and I had to scold him to go back to bed because he was TALKING TO HER and smiling at her. I really felt like smacking him. I told him, "then you go and tell your mother not to rock and cuddle her all these, if she does it you can tell her she dont't need to see her granddaughter."

I think I am already at the maximum already. I have put up with it, and even tell her nicely. But she does not care and continues to believe herself only. It's like she doesn't respect my beliefs as a parent to MY DAUGHTER. His relatives have this mentality that because we are young parents we have no experience in looking after babies. But inexperienced doesn't mean we dont't have our own beliefs in parenting! They keep trying to instill their ideas on us and make us follow. What is worse his auntie will go and tell my mother in law something and she will believe it.

my inlaws (fil's side relatives) also lik tt.. hubby's aunt loves to talk nonsense to grand mil and mil, saying all the ways i take care of ds is WRONG WRONG WRONG!! then mil will talk nicely to me, asking why dont i try out aunt's ways.. and hubby will explain to her that though aunt's girl is only 3yrs gap with ds but 3yrs is a big gap alrdy. 3yrs ago, babies can drink water but now cannot.. no one believe me plus his aunt keep telling everyone why her girl can mine cannot... worst is, grand mil believe whenever her beloved daughter says and often blame everything on me. lucky my mil believe her own son (my hubby) more than others... but fil still trust her sis more... sigh~

She will call my hubby EVERY NIGHT just for the tiniest things. She can call at 11pm and ask him what is dear daughter doing. OBVIOUSLY SHE IS IN BED RIGHT. I have tried to be nice to her and share with her my parenting experience. I used to tell her what is going on, that I am sleep training my girl, etc. Then she get so paranoid she will call my hubby every night and tell us to carry and cuddle her to sleep, dont't leave her there crying all by herself.

ask ur hubby to switch his hp to silent mode and hang the hse phone.. all of u need to rest! if she wanna call, ask her to call earlier...

I really dread having my mother in law come over. Every time she wants to come over I will try to avoid it by saying I am going out all those stuff. Firstly she comes over not to release my burden of looking after my girl. She will make me more busy. She will walk around my house and "inspect" and make comments, telling me how to clean my house all these. Then she will think my girl wants to sleep ALL THE TIME and keep cuddling and rocking her. I will tell her to stop it in a very nice tone and she will just ignore. Really press all my buttons. Want to talk to her nicely also cannot. Looks like I have no choice but to use threats on them.

old ppl are like that... even my own parents also.. they keep carrying ds and now he is so used to being carried. whenever he screams to be carried, i will just leave him lying aside to scream, in order to 'train' him not to be spoilt but my parents will scold me for being 'zek ark'.. hello, he is just screaming, not even crying... and nowadays babies are v clever! u may take a few mths to train them but a few mins of pampered will spoil the few mths 'training'..

last time ds can slp on his own but now i gonna carry him and pat his butt -.-"""

My hubby does not even back me up. He will say for the heck of saying it but doesn't stand firm on the ground. Despite me talking to him beforehand, if his mother does this he must tell her. I let him do it because it is his own mother, and he can scold her. If I do it she will think I'm being disrespectful.

have a good talk with him, make him stand on ur side...... u're right, for such issue, if u say ur mil, she will think that u're rude... dont know why, they can say us even we're not in the fault but we cant even talk to them nicely when it's their fault!

I am so frustrated I really feel like I am cleaning up the sh*t for people. My mother in law thinks it;s okay to rock her, and that she is a good baby. But what does she know? She only sees her a few hours, and every time my girl cries she assume she is sleepy. Sometimes I really feel like telling her, you so smart you look after , but I really dont't want it to happen also.

I am not putting the blame on other people. She is my child and of course I have the responsibility. But it is so hard to do things right for my child, especially when there are people to spoil things for me, and when my hubby doesn't stand by me strongly.

i think ur hubby also think that it's 'alright' to keep cuddle and rock baby.. but from my personal experience, once a baby is being used to carried (omg and even ROCK), they will really want to be cuddled and rocked every single min...

maybe 'throw' ur girl to ur hubby one day and u go shopping with ur frens? let him know how tough it is to handle a baby ALONE. that was what i did last time when my hubby totally bo chap... when i came hm he told me "ur son v fussy lehh!!" i replied "i'm glad u noe!" :tlaugh:

 

[PinkDiamonds]

Thanks for all your support! DD went to sleep at 4.30am -_-

Sometimes I find myself being very cold to my MIL when I talk, and I really can't help it because she is driving me nuts. Somehow I feel that she has gotten my signal, and that I am not very pleased with something. But it is definitely not something I wish to have in the long-term. I try to talk and explain certain things to her nicely, but she doesn't seem to get it. Sigh.

All our parents are working, except for my father. My MIL "so smart" to tell me, when I go back to work next year (because I just graduated), I can let my father look after my daughter. She says it like it's so easy, but she doesn't understand that he is old and has only so much energy to look after a baby. Plus I don't want to spend every weekend having to undo certain bad habits my parents have cultivated while babysitting her.

It is not easy being a parent nowadays, especially when children are becoming smarter & more active. Even more difficult when your parents & in-laws insist on having things their way, and feel that you don't know anything about looking after your baby. My daughter even knows how to drama queen to get attention from me. *Faints* Next time can get her to join Mediacorp already!

 

[Ting]

yeah kids these days r really getting out of hand..
bf's mum also another doting one. give in to pin all the time. n give her eat losta choc n sweets.
not tt i dun give, i do. but just b4 dinner? when we ordered the food n its on its way, she give her eat choc when she ask. i say NO NO NO, she say nvm, just give. n im like
-.-"

n when pin says she want this n that, she wanna buy buy buy, i tell her no need, its ok, she hv a lot. she still buy...
sigh~
at home i can say my parents n they will listen n tell pin NO. n they wont buy toys n unnecessary stuffs for her. their fav is to buy clothes. truckloads of them. tt im still ok, cos they hv great taste in clothes for pin.


n pin loves to be carried now, lazy to walk...n bf's mum will wan to carry her. sigh!
pin is a drama mama too. when she wants to be carried, she will hand pain (so mummy canot hold her hand), leg pain, tummy pain, nose pain, everywhere pain. after i carry n ask her she say not pain alr.... -_-"

 

[apollo]

Thanks for all your support! dear daughter went to sleep at 4.30am -_-

Sometimes I find myself being very cold to my mother in law when I talk, and I really can't help it because she is driving me nuts. Somehow I feel that she has gotten my signal, and that I am not very pleased with something. But it is definitely not something I wish to have in the long-term. I try to talk and explain certain things to her nicely, but she doesn't seem to get it. Sigh.

All our parents are working, except for my father. My mother in law "so smart" to tell me, when I go back to work next year (because I just graduated), I can let my father look after my daughter. She says it like it's so easy, but she doesn't understand that he is old and has only so much energy to look after a baby. Plus I dont't want to spend every weekend having to undo certain bad habits my parents have cultivated while babysitting her.

It is not easy being a parent nowadays, especially when children are becoming smarter & more active. Even more difficult when your parents & in-laws insist on having things their way, and feel that you dont't know anything about looking after your baby. My daughter even knows how to drama queen to get attention from me. *Faints* Next time can get her to join Mediacorp already!

they just dont understand their methods are no longer useful! and i hate those old ppl thinking that we young or 1st time parents dont know anything, dont know this dont know that. i believe in mother instinct. no matter when 'difficulties', we will solve it our own using our own ways. cos we ARE the mothers :001_302:

 

[p00h84]

they just dont understand their methods are no longer useful! and i hate those old ppl thinking that we young or 1st time parents dont know anything, dont know this dont know that. i believe in mother instinct. no matter when 'difficulties', we will solve it our own using our own ways. cos we ARE the mothers :001_302:

great say!!! i love it ancing_wub:

 

[jasyeo80]

they just dont understand their methods are no longer useful! and i hate those old ppl thinking that we young or 1st time parents dont know anything, dont know this dont know that. i believe in mother instinct. no matter when 'difficulties', we will solve it our own using our own ways. cos we ARE the mothers :001_302:

Lucky both my MIL n Mum watched TV, so they know the different of taking care BB nowsday, but my dad is different. He still sticked to the old ways.
Last time when my ger just borned, whenever she cried, he will say she hungry want milk, she sleepy let her sleep., but most of the time is either she just had her milk or just woke.
Know what, when my ger hicupp, he actually blow air on her forehead, I was so unhappy. My mum said last ppl do this to stop bb hicupp,so I asked her, did ger hicupp stop, The ans is No, ger kept on hicupp. I almost get drepression during my confinement.

 

[Catty]

Really can understand how u feel as most mummies here got many problems especially to in-laws side.. Think now they are the one who dun give us respect and still expect us to give them respect.. ~pui~

Me also 1 of them, lucky now i got my 3rd gal with me cos my mil is super processive of my 2nd gal till i cant have any say or decision make to my 2nd gal, sometimes really wonder does she know that I"M the mother and not her (mil)??? :bmad:

Feel so scared that she will move in with me when our new house completed or rather will find excuses that she dun feel save for us to take care of my 2nd gal (dun wan us to put her in childcare, nanny or under maid care).. :bmad:

 

[diymummy]

catty, i think when you get your new place your hubby must help you put both your feet down on telling mil that she cannot stay at your place....

 

[Catty]

catty, i think when you get your new place your hubby must help you put both your feet down on telling mother in law that she cannot stay at your place....

Ya.. but just in case she dun mind not moving in with us BUT say my 2nd gal she will take care than how??? Surely she will find excuse say we both need to work, put her in childcare seems very Jek Ar (cruel), let nanny take care dunno can trust a not and hired maid lagi worse later kenna mistreat also dunno.. Haiz.. really damn headache, why cant all this old ppl must meddle with our OWN family life arh??? :bmad:

Also worried that if she know tat we dun intend to ask them move over and die die wan to settle our 2nd gal ourself, she will create a world war 3 (which she had done before) 21:

 

[apollo]

Ya.. but just in case she dont mind not moving in with us BUT say my 2nd gal she will take care than how??? Surely she will find excuse say we both need to work, put her in childcare seems very Jek Ar (cruel), let nanny take care dont know can trust a not and hired maid lagi worse later kenna mistreat also dont know.. sigh.. really damn headache, why cant all this old ppl must meddle with our OWN family life ??? :bmad:

Also worried that if she know that we dont intend to ask them move over and die die want to settle our 2nd gal ourself, she will create a world war 3 (which she had done before) 21:

tel ur mil putting ur gal in childcare is to let her befriend with other kids, learn some stuffs, be more independant.. :001_302:

 

[diymummy]

Which is true.. that putting in child care, they learn how to make friends and learn stuff and learn to be independent.

If your new place is near to her place, your 2nd girl can go child care or playgroup for half day then she can bring her back to her own place and after work you can go to her place for dinner and pick up your 2nd girl...

Hehe.. Just a suggestion. Some of my friends work on this model.

 

[PinkDiamonds]

This sure beats giving your MIL to look after the kids the whole day!

 

[Catty]

I did intend to put her in childcare but she say put childcare very Jek Ar (cruel), than will get sick easily, later get hurt or wat also dunno.. All is her non-stop excuses.. :bmad:

Furthermore, i dun realli intend want my gal get near or keep in touch with my mil that much after we moved house cos now my 2nd gal dun wan to go back with us.. :nah:

 

[apollo]

I did intend to put her in childcare but she say put childcare very Jek Ar (cruel), than will get sick easily, later get hurt or what also dont know.. All is her non-stop excuses.. :bmad:

Furthermore, i dont really intend want my gal get near or keep in touch with my mother in law that much after we moved house cos now my 2nd gal dont want to go back with us.. :nah:

tell ur mil, ur gal will HAVE and NEED to go to sch sooner or later... by letting her start early is to let her get use to it... dont tell me next time she also wont let ur gal go sch... haha...

 

[Catty]

tell your mother in law, your gal will HAVE and NEED to go to sch sooner or later... by letting her start early is to let her get use to it... dont tell me next time she also wont let your gal go sch... haha...

She will just say let her go PAP/PCF school enough le, meaning she still want to take procession of my gal and offer to let my 2nd gal to study PAP (just below her blk).. :nah:

 

[apollo]

She will just say let her go PAP/PCF school enough , meaning she still want to take procession of my gal and offer to let my 2nd gal to study PAP (just below her blk).. :nah:

actually horr, u just register her to the cc u want then let ur mil know. cos afterall, she IS YOUR daughter, not ur mil's... u know what's the best for ur girl :001_302: