should i go for union dinner?

Hi mummies

advise needed!!!!!!!

Should I go for union dinner? my MIL ans SIL chased me out of the house last yr because they claimed that i talked to my MIL with bad attitude... till now, we never meet, never talk... honestly i m still angry and upset about this issue .. i know my hubby really want me to go with my baby... but i am still not comfortable... HOW?

i was thinking:
should i go to show face and leave very early?
or
should i not to go and let my baby go?
or
should i not to go and dont let my baby go?

HOW? need advise....
 

1568mummy

Member
Hi Deborah,

first of all, its not whether your hubby wants you to go that matters. Its your SIL AND MIL, do THEY want you to go.

you see, as all of us know, reunion dinner is a time to enjoy each family members' company... but if the sight of YOU makes them upset, or the sight of THEM makes you upset, then I would rather not go.

Ask your hubby to check with them. See what's their response. If their reply is, "aiyo, its so long ago liao... we have forgotten about that issue already..." Then, please go.

if their reply is, "up to her lor. She feel like coming, come. if she don't, then don't." Then you should know what you should do...

its their response that will determine your decision....isn't it? *wink*
 

SH74

Member
What's ur hubby's reply? Ask him say "if u want her (ie you) to come, then I'll bring her lor."
 

CanCanMum

Moderator
Hi mummies

advise needed!!!!!!!

Should I go for union dinner? my MIL ans SIL chased me out of the house last yr because they claimed that i talked to my MIL with bad attitude... till now, we never meet, never talk... honestly i m still angry and upset about this issue .. i know my hubby really want me to go with my baby... but i am still not comfortable... HOW?

i was thinking:
should i go to show face and leave very early?
or
should i not to go and let my baby go?
or
should i not to go and dont let my baby go?

HOW? need advise....
reunion dinner means every1 must be there.

if not its not called reunion liao lor darlin babe.:tlaugh:

u should go show face and leave early, cook up silly excuses like gonna Breastfeed baby or baby pooed din bring pampers etc etc. This will show tat you are magnanimus. They are the 'villians'.
 
Hi Mrspuppy, cancanmum...

thks for yr advice...

for my hubby.. he will nvr ask them whether they want me to go. cos he knows the ans.. they will sure push back the ball.. they will probably say "if she wants to come, come la" things like that... and since young, my hubby scares of his sis... juz like the rat sees the cat....

umm.. i also want to go n show face and leave early... it's shows my manner... but... u know... my brain juz doesnt follow my heart... haiz... everyone enjoy reunion dinner, except me...
 

CanCanMum

Moderator
bo pianz lor....MIL and SIL ...haiz....just treat it as a dreadful dinner and time yourself when to leave...how about HB??? So if u leave early he will still be there anot?
 

1568mummy

Member
they asked my hubby, "r u going to bring yr wife along?"... that's means? how?
they asked the above qn BEFORE your hubby ask his question or AFTER?!

IT MATTERS ALOT!

if its before your hubby ask his question, then they 'would' want to see you....the please go...

if its after your hubby ask his question, then its 50/50.....

but my main concern is what was your hubby's reply?

and what was their reply to your hubby's reply....

???

I agree with your head, at least you show face.
but how to eat FAST REUNION DINNER??? *laugh*
how to show face and leave without eating???
then again, what kind of face will you show? Black face? *wink*

is your hubby affected if you go or not? cos' you don't want to put him in a difficult spot too mah....

if they did ask you to go hor.... then must go ok, if not they would have 'other things' to say liao, like you are very stuck-up or blah blah blah.... women's words can be more poisonous than insecticides sometimes!
*laugh*:tlaugh:
 
no matter i go or i dont go, my HB will still go... if i leave early, he will still stay through...

she asked be4 my HB... but i guess it's just that she needs to confirm the no. of seats...

i really dont want to put my HB in difficult position.. but i also dont want to upset myself...

u r right.. if i go to show face only... i myself also not sure whether i'll show a black face or not.. i know it's better not to go if i will show a black face... but i m not those actress... all my emotion is on my face.. haiz...

it's really a long story to tell my relationship with my IL... i know my MIL wants to patch back with me cos she wants to take care of my DD and see her more often... she did told me face to face "forget it, let's bygones be bygones" but i simply told her to drop the topic... that was 2 mths ago... till now we nvr talk or meet.. even she come to place to see my DD, she also dare not to come up, though i told my HB to let them come... they will only ask my HB to bring DD downstair.. and see her less than 15mins...

for my SIL, she is the real trouble maker.... all these started by her.. and she extremly difficult to deal with... everyone in the family must listen to her, if not she will create a big scence...

haiz.. only few days left... i have to make up my mind.. how?

i still couldn't make up my mind becoz, i dont want to put my HB in difficult position which means i should go and stay through the dinner. i dont want to go becoz i dont want to upset myself and i dont want my MIL to feel that we might be able to pactch back or let her feel that i already forgive them... i m really sick and tired of them.. i dont want to suffer mentally anymore...

pls advise...
 

SH74

Member
since ur MIL say that alr, i think u just try to forget everything.

not easy for MIL to actu say such things (ie. forget it, let's bygones be bygones) to DIL. i think fr this, ur MIL also know ur character alr, so next time will b more careful so as to avoid any argument.

i think ur MIL also dun want to create such unhappiness 'cause ur hubby (her son) also suffer.

take this opportunity slowly make things go back on track. but of cos dun get over friendly w them. if not, they'll forget n climb onto ur head to 'pee' again.
 

coco^v^

Member
no matter i go or i dont go, my HB will still go... if i leave early, he will still stay through...

she asked be4 my HB... but i guess it's just that she needs to confirm the no. of seats...

i really dont want to put my HB in difficult position.. but i also dont want to upset myself...

u r right.. if i go to show face only... i myself also not sure whether i'll show a black face or not.. i know it's better not to go if i will show a black face... but i m not those actress... all my emotion is on my face.. haiz...

it's really a long story to tell my relationship with my IL... i know my MIL wants to patch back with me cos she wants to take care of my DD and see her more often... she did told me face to face "forget it, let's bygones be bygones" but i simply told her to drop the topic... that was 2 mths ago... till now we nvr talk or meet.. even she come to place to see my DD, she also dare not to come up, though i told my HB to let them come... they will only ask my HB to bring DD downstair.. and see her less than 15mins...

for my SIL, she is the real trouble maker.... all these started by her.. and she extremly difficult to deal with... everyone in the family must listen to her, if not she will create a big scence...

haiz.. only few days left... i have to make up my mind.. how?

i still couldn't make up my mind becoz, i dont want to put my HB in difficult position which means i should go and stay through the dinner. i dont want to go becoz i dont want to upset myself and i dont want my MIL to feel that we might be able to pactch back or let her feel that i already forgive them... i m really sick and tired of them.. i dont want to suffer mentally anymore...

pls advise...
Hugs to you. Seems like your mil wants to patch back with you and had made the initiative to drop you the 'hint' already regardless what was her intention or motive. It is not easy for some elderly to 'bow' first. I think that you should go then since your mil already showed the willingness to patch things for peace.

Your sil reminds me of the show 'xin hua duo duo kai2' that troublemaker sil :eek:15: Really hates her to the core (show only lah :))
 

1568mummy

Member
Oh girl,

I completely understand what you mean when you say the 'real' trouble-maker is NOT your MIL, but rather its your SIL.

And since your MIL is did say such words before, "let bygones be bygones..."

its the 'old people' or 'old generation' 's way of apologizing... don't expect them to say sorry... we all know what type of upbringing they had, for them to say sorry to a younger person, its like climbing a mountain BACKWARDS!

So the problem is not your MIL liao. Its your SIL. That I can't comment till you tell me the full story you see. But again, it may be too personal to share it here.... yet if you really would like to share, YOU CAN EMAIL me, you can find my email on my blog or you can private message me on this forum too... (that is if you feel ok with me lah) *smile*

if based on just what you wrote here, I would say, "Go!" Then see what happens on that day... If anything 'terrible' or not 'shun-yan' happened, then leave. At least you (in a way) 'prove to your hubby' that "hey, the problem is NOT ME!" And IF SUCH A SITUATION happened, then its a better indication of whether you should still 'Care' about them mah...

I understand your pride. I really do. But by going to their house doesn't necessary mean you gave in. I see it more of a respect to your MIL becos of the words she said. MIL and DIL relationship is SUPER TOUGH, needs lots of skill to get it to work.... especially when you got another trouble-maker around.....

What's your choice?

no matter i go or i dont go, my HB will still go... if i leave early, he will still stay through...

she asked be4 my HB... but i guess it's just that she needs to confirm the no. of seats...

i really dont want to put my HB in difficult position.. but i also dont want to upset myself...

u r right.. if i go to show face only... i myself also not sure whether i'll show a black face or not.. i know it's better not to go if i will show a black face... but i m not those actress... all my emotion is on my face.. haiz...

it's really a long story to tell my relationship with my IL... i know my MIL wants to patch back with me cos she wants to take care of my DD and see her more often... she did told me face to face "forget it, let's bygones be bygones" but i simply told her to drop the topic... that was 2 mths ago... till now we nvr talk or meet.. even she come to place to see my DD, she also dare not to come up, though i told my HB to let them come... they will only ask my HB to bring DD downstair.. and see her less than 15mins...

for my SIL, she is the real trouble maker.... all these started by her.. and she extremly difficult to deal with... everyone in the family must listen to her, if not she will create a big scence...

haiz.. only few days left... i have to make up my mind.. how?

i still couldn't make up my mind becoz, i dont want to put my HB in difficult position which means i should go and stay through the dinner. i dont want to go becoz i dont want to upset myself and i dont want my MIL to feel that we might be able to pactch back or let her feel that i already forgive them... i m really sick and tired of them.. i dont want to suffer mentally anymore...

pls advise...
 

happygolucky

New Member
You should go. Agreed with other members, it's not easy for MIL to bow and say such things to DIL. And the problem is actually your SIL and not your MIL. Remember you have your DH because of your MIL gives birth to him. So forgive and forget. We will be old one day and we will be MIL next time. I know it's not easy to forgive and forget, but you must show them that you have "big heart", by showing yourself to the reunion dinner. It's happy occasion, and don't put your DH on the spot. I know it's terrible feeling for you, but just bear for few hours. Anyway, you don't need to show your face every day. Just think you are lucky that you don't need to stay together with them. Just my 2 cents worth.
 

CanCanMum

Moderator
yes i do agree with happygolucky.

since yr MIL says tat to u its probably good that u reciprocate. It will turn out to be a super dreadful dinner but with your baby around it will lighten the tense feeling. Becoz everyones attention is on the baby.

take care ya.
 
Hi mummies...

really thanks for all yr support... yr msg has brighten up my day... thks...

umm.. actually i do agree that my MIL is not the problem maker but i am upset and angry because she didn't protect me... she knows that i didn't do things as my SIL said.. she juz kept quiet and let my SIL put up a big scence... she used to say she treat me like her own DD.. i never expect her to treat me as gd as her own DD, i juz want fairness... haiz.... honestly, i m still very affected whenever i recalled the "big scence" that day... i really angry with them.. i know i should have a big heart as a mother.. but they r really too much.

i know my MIL wants to pactch back.. i just cant force myself to forgive them... after i read yr msg... i m now telling myself to force myself to be nice to them on surface...

last night i talked to my HB finally, i asked," honestly, do u want me to go?" he said," no, because i dont want u to be unhappy." but few mths ago, when we mention abt CNY dinner, i said i might go, and he was happy...

although i decided not to go last night, after reading yr msg, i change my mind now.. i'll listen to u guys.. i should go.. go to show them i have a big heart.. go to show the relative that i m not the problem maker.. go for the sake of my HB...

hey, fellow mummies... i'll update u all how's the dinner next monday...
 
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