Single Father

[marcaden]

Hi all,

I chanced upon this forum and thought it might be a good idea to seek other single parents for some advice.

Currently, my boy, who's 3 yrs of age, stays half the time with me and the other half with his mother. We're still in the mids of trashing out his arrangement and hopefully when that ends, he will spend every night with me while staying over with his mother on alternate weekends.

Something that has been bugging me is that whenever my boy comes over to my place, he doesn't mention anything about his mother or her parents on what they do. When I talk to him about going to Disneyland, he would tell me the people who can go together would be myself, my parents, my sister and her husband. I'm always wondering to myself if it is possible for a kid that young to develop such a personality whereby he knows what to say in front of which parent? Because his mother and myself aren't on talking terms, it is impossible to find out how he behaves over at her place.

I would hope to hear from parents that might have faced similar situations with their kids and if possible, any advice I should heed. Thanks very much!

 

[chiro]

hi hi, children are very observant and smart to pick up adults body language and tone even at such a young age.my fren's gal was like your son, seem to know what to say and what not to say in front of different audience.my advice is try not to probe through your son too much as it will create unnecesary tension within the little one tat we might not know or be aware of.

Hi all,

I chanced upon this forum and thought it might be a good idea to seek other single parents for some advice.

Currently, my boy, who's 3 yrs of age, stays half the time with me and the other half with his mother. We're still in the mids of trashing out his arrangement and hopefully when that ends, he will spend every night with me while staying over with his mother on alternate weekends.

Something that has been bugging me is that whenever my boy comes over to my place, he doesn't mention anything about his mother or her parents on what they do. When I talk to him about going to Disneyland, he would tell me the people who can go together would be myself, my parents, my sister and her husband. I'm always wondering to myself if it is possible for a kid that young to develop such a personality whereby he knows what to say in front of which parent? Because his mother and myself aren't on talking terms, it is impossible to find out how he behaves over at her place.

I would hope to hear from parents that might have faced similar situations with their kids and if possible, any advice I should heed. Thanks very much!

 

[pink_daisy]

ya tink u shldnt ask a child so much.. children can b very sensitive..tat is, they can sense wat's happening around them..so try not not to fight infront of kids..n y do u wan to noe wats happening at the child's mother's side?? since already gg to divorce, y wan to noe so much abt her?

 

[Ting]

hi marcaden, yes, kids this age r very sensitive to what we adults says n they r pretty smart to know what NOT to say.
since you r not living together already, maybe that's why he doesnt wanna include "mummy" in the outings with you.
or MAYBE (assumption only) his mummy also told him not to mention anything about her when he is with you.
imo, you can speak to your ex wife and ask her anything "funny" about your boy or does he not speak about you when he is with her too?
though you r gg thru divorce, but i find that both shld still communicate well in regards to issues concerning your child and not that whatever he does there with his mum is his problem, n whatever he does with you, is your problem.
its a unhealthy mentality and will only cause more stress to this child.
you can start by asking your son what he does with mummy n his grandparents there.
ask things like: so where did mummy bring you today? did you have fun? did you greet grandpa n grandma? etc...
speak to your ex wife and ask her if she can also do the same, so that your boy will feel comfortable opening up n speaking up to the both of you now and also in the future.

 

[Ashbaby]

Children are very smart and sensitive. When I tell DS(6 months old) sternly, he will stop and from his expression I can tell he knows I mean biz.

Maybe ur wife have told him something. Maybe u wanna spend more fun time with him. Treat him like a buddy so tt he feel comfortable telling u wat happen.