stressed looking after newborn-help

[huiyin87]

what do you mean by look out for them 24hrs a day even after they sleep?

yah learning how to sleep immdiately when baby is sleeping is impt. i dont nap with her but then once she goes to bed at night i usually finish up my things and join her as soon as i can and once i touch the bed im off to dreamland lol. so in another words, i sleep almost as much as my girl! lol.

night routine will help your baby settle easier at night.. for my case its very simple and everyday same time. 8.30pm milk then cuddle and watch tv together. 9pm bath. then after bath i give her milk again (feed her more so she can last longer at night. not sure really useful or not cos sometimes she can sleep very long but sometimes not lol). by 9.30pm she is off to dreamland. she goes down easily without any struggle now since she has this routine since day 1..

hmm cause even when baby is asleep, i cant put myself to slp also..
i will be worried as no one would then keep a look out for baby..
whether hi is puking milk, whether he turn his head such that it is covering its entire face.. i will be worrying over all these that i dont bear to slp even while he is fast asleep..

 

[huiyin87]

today, i almost broke down again.. all my patience and efforts gone down the drain.. i had my breakfast at 2pm, and from 2pm onwards, baby just dun want to slp.. i fed milk, changed nappy.. did everything i can to make sure he is comfortable.. but baby just continued to cry and fuss about.. all the way till 8pm..
i was losing my patience.. i put him on the bed, just stared at him crying.. he was crying very loud and fierce, but i am in a lost on what to do..

mum just carried him away from me now, i went into my room and locked the door.. how i hoped this has all never started.. i wondered why things are still not working for me even though i had tried my best..

 

[annie]

u sound so stressup.. dun worry so much when bb is asleep. its time for u to rest as well! i goes to sleep well but i wake up often to check how is bb (eg is she still breathing, is anything covering her head n all). i also worry. same as u but then i know i need to sleep to have energy to take care of her..

my girl was same as your bb. before she is 6 weeks old, she often(not daily) cry n cry whole day dun sleep no matter wat i did.. then carry her whole day.. very tired n no one at home so i cry also la. i thought i was a failure cos cant make my own girl stop crying. n maybe she can sense my frustration cos the more i carry her the more she scream! then at night hubby home n carry her she stop crying... then i broke down cos i feel i cant even make my girl stop crying though im the mother! y my hubby can i cannot! i carry her she scream more! scream n scream then choke on saliva n looks wanna vomit n all.. i was also at a lost dunno wat to do so kept crying.. but then ppl keep telling me bb can sense my mood thus slowly i tell myself to relax...

 

[huiyin87]

you sound so stressup.. dont worry so much when baby is asleep. its time for you to rest as well! i goes to sleep well but i wake up often to check how is baby (eg is she still breathing, is anything covering her head and all). i also worry. same as you but then i know i need to sleep to have energy to take care of her..

my girl was same as your baby. before she is 6 weeks old, she often(not daily) cry and cry whole day dont sleep no matter what i did.. then carry her whole day.. very tired and no one at home so i cry also . i thought i was a failure cos cant make my own girl stop crying. and maybe she can sense my frustration cos the more i carry her the more she scream! then at night hubby home and carry her she stop crying... then i broke down cos i feel i cant even make my girl stop crying though im the mother! why my hubby can i cannot! i carry her she scream more! scream and scream then choke on saliva and looks wanna vomit and all.. i was also at a lost dont know what to do so kept crying.. but then ppl keep telling me baby can sense my mood thus slowly i tell myself to relax...

ya same.. i cant coax my boy no matter how i tried.. but my mum just carried over and my boy stop crying, then slp in few minutes..
i also tink i am a failure, i cant even coax my own baby..
even more depressed when relatives come and witness all this..
wonder why my boy prefers my mum more..
sigh..

 

[Queenbabe]

hi mummies, thanks for your advise!
realised every mum goes through this stage..i am not alone..
but i really didnt expect it to be so tough and tiring..
even more tough than pregnancy or giving birth! haha
do you mummies keep a lookout for your newborn 24 hours?
or once they are asleep, you leave them alone?

Pregnancy is tough too but giving birth is pain :001_302: ...... depends when my newborn ds asleep i leave them alone to do my stuff if not sleep with them also ...

 

[annie]

no la cos the bb can sense your mood.. if u r tired n frstrated the bb knows n thus cant relax with u also. thats wat happened to me.. my girl can stop crying no matter who pick her up eg hubby or even a stranger! but not me..

 

[sugarcookie]

no cos the baby can sense your mood.. if you are tired and frstrated the baby knows and thus cant relax with you also. thats what happened to me.. my girl can stop crying no matter who pick her up eg hubby or even a stranger! but not me..

This happened to me as well. Whenever I'm stressed or frustrated, baby becomes more difficult. Then it becomes a vicious circle. I'm stressed. baby gets difficult, I get more stressed, baby gets more difficult.

Sometimes, I just leave the room for a while and take a deep breath. And I keep telling myself to persevere and that baby will grow up...one day.

 

[blubberish]

ya same.. i cant coax my boy no matter how i tried.. but my mum just carried over and my boy stop crying, then sleep in few minutes..
i also tink i am a failure, i cant even coax my own baby..
even more depressed when relatives come and witness all this..
wonder why my boy prefers my mum more..
sigh..

Hey huiyin87!

You really sound extremely stressed. I was also this way in the first month. In fact, there were times when I had to pray to get rid of thoughts to "get rid" of my baby. It will always come like why I cannot directly latch her, I'm useless, she is rejecting me, etc.

One good thing that I had was support from other mothers and also from my mum and mother-in-law. Would there be any aunties that you know who can just come in and help you for at least half a day? Coz you'll definitely need some time for yourself.

I remembered that when I was in my first month, I also don't dare to leave my baby. I was so constipated that I had to buy medicine to make me go. I was stinking, sticky and extremely exhausted. But people supported me and told me that it's ok to leave baby for a while. Even if they were to cry for a while also nevermind. It won't harm them one. As long as you check on baby once in a while, maybe once every half hour, will be ok.

This period will go past, believe me and all the other mothers who have been replying this post. Jiayou! And please ask for physical help from others!

 

[uddermummy]

hi mummies, thanks for your advise!
realised every mum goes through this stage..i am not alone..
but i really didnt expect it to be so tough and tiring..
even more tough than pregnancy or giving birth! haha
do you mummies keep a lookout for your newborn 24 hours?
or once they are asleep, you leave them alone?

my dd will only sleep with the nipple in her mouth! So I will always lie down with her and once she's v sound asleep, i will steal out of the room. maybe you can try the lying down position?

huiyin, hang in there! I took care of bb by myself with some help from my family after i sent the CL away when bb was a week old. Can die cos bb doesn't sleep at all in the day! And pple kept telling me to sleep when bb sleeps, but how to???

I get so much more sleep cos now I'm sleeping with bb and we fall asleep together during her last feed. It's also easier for me to pat her to sleep.

Soon you'll be able to figure out how to get your bb to sleep...

 

[uddermummy]

ya same.. i cant coax my boy no matter how i tried.. but my mum just carried over and my boy stop crying, then sleep in few minutes..
i also tink i am a failure, i cant even coax my own baby..
even more depressed when relatives come and witness all this..
wonder why my boy prefers my mum more..
sigh..

maybe it's the way your mum carries bb? try to imitate her.

sometimes it may be because the carrier is fleshier...

*hugs* it's really tough now. In the beginning, I really felt like returning bb to the hospital for refund! hahahaha.

Even now, i sometimes get v frustrated when bb doesn't want to sleep no matter what i do. But when bb smiles at me every morning, my heart just melts...

 

[huiyin87]

ya true, i feel really stressed..
i dread every new day..
as the same cycle will repeat itself..
i baby now is not even 2 weeks old..
these torturing days arent going to end soon..

but once i have some free time, i come online to chat with u mummies..
at least here is somewhere i can find comfort in..
i can confide all my troubles here only..
if i tell hubby about what i going through.. he simply cant understand it and it ends up in quarrel..

i seriously hope by baby 1st mth, things will get better..

once again, i salute all mummies here who gone through it and is here to encourage me.. thanks alot!

 

[uddermummy]

huiyin, it will def get better once you know your bb better. Like you, i can only complain to my mum or come online for comfort cos husband doesn't understand what i'm going through.

I also thought that i wouldn't be able to survive the 1st mth but somehow i did.

Just concentrate on getting by each day and don't think too much about the next. Before you know it, your bb would have passed the 1st month!

 

[huiyin87]

huiyin, it will def get better once you know your baby better. Like you, i can only complain to my mum or come online for comfort cos husband doesn't understand what i'm going through.

I also thought that i wouldn't be able to survive the 1st month but somehow i did.

Just concentrate on getting by each day and dont't think too much about the next. Before you know it, your baby would have passed the 1st month!

ok thanks! today is better.. baby slp after feed.. i have time for myself..
my mood is better.. relaxed.. at least i can joke with my mum when they are home..

 

[annie]

actually u can start a nap routine n sleep routine for your bb. eventually as time goes by, your bb will know its time for nap or sleep when u start the routine so its easier to fall asleep. for me, nap time no routine la lol. i just bring her to bedroom, pass her her teddy(not useful at all cos she dun hug lol) n then feed her milk. then put her on bed n she will sleep. for night time wat i did was milk, cuddle n watch tv a bit(15mins or so), bath, change pajamas in the bedroom(dark) and feed again then put her on bed n she will sleep. totally no struggle for naps n sleep cos she knows when she goes into the rm n i pass her the teddy, its time to sleep.

 

[huiyin87]

actually you can start a nap routine and sleep routine for your baby. eventually as time goes by, your baby will know its time for nap or sleep when you start the routine so its easier to fall asleep. for me, nap time no routine lol. i just bring her to bedroom, pass her her teddy(not useful at all cos she dont hug lol) and then feed her milk. then put her on bed and she will sleep. for night time what i did was milk, cuddle and watch tv a bit(15mins or so), bath, change pajamas in the bedroom(dark) and feed again then put her on bed and she will sleep. totally no struggle for naps and sleep cos she knows when she goes into the rm and i pass her the teddy, its time to sleep.

when can i start establishing such routine?
will baby understand..
i actually hope baby slp after every feed.. hehe..
because if he is awake, he will start to make lots of noise and be cranky..
is it possible?

 

[uddermummy]

when can i start establishing such routine?
will baby understand..
i actually hope baby sleep after every feed.. hehe..
because if he is awake, he will start to make lots of noise and be cranky..
is it possible?

me too! i'm always so happy when bb manages to sleep! like now! haha.

i think asap, you can start doing the same things over and over so that bb will start to know what to expect.

 

[annie]

ya baby dont understand but they likes routine cos they can expect wats coming next. i was stubborn at first and dosent like my girl to associate milk with sleep thus for all her naps i try not to give her milk. then try many ways etc rocking, carry her and walk around the house, carry her in sling to make her nap but then i realise its very tiring.. and she dont nap long maybe cos empty tummy.. always 30mins. then i tried giving her milk to make her sleep, at first she dosent sleep cos she not used to sleep after milk since i always keep her awake after her milk.. so i put her on bed after milk and then she cry of cos lol. then i feed again and put on bed again and again.. repeat this process so she knows after milk is nap.. then think after 1 week or so she goes to bed after milk .. no more struggling. but you got to be patient . cos they need time to get used to new routine..

and...you got to watch your baby's tired sign. if you try putting the baby down when they are not tired, they sure cry and not gonna sleep.

signs like
pulling ear,
rubbing eyes,
fussiness,
trying to burry face into your breast without opening mouth(open mouth is hungry)
yawning (some baby by the time they yawn already over tired and difficult to make them sleep)
lost interest in toys(look away when you try to play with them)
decrease in activity level (sometimes stare blankly-some baby when you leave them alone at this stage they will doze off themselves. my girl is like this)

hope the above helps. the above are my girl's sign but she dosent yawn. she only yawn when she just wake up lol.

your bb now still young maybe can sleep after every feed but then i suggest u try to keep the bb awake at least 1hr after they wake up so they can sleep at night.. if not, night time wake up n play u more stress. when bb older u can keep them up longer. play with them n all till they show signs of tiredness.

 

[Phoebii Cheng]

ya same.. i cant coax my boy no matter how i tried.. but my mum just carried over and my boy stop crying, then sleep in few minutes..
i also tink i am a failure, i cant even coax my own baby..
even more depressed when relatives come and witness all this..
wonder why my boy prefers my mum more..
sigh..

I had the same feeling as u, cos it seems tht my son tht time prefers to b carried by my mom and I litterally cried in front of her.......but then later on I realised tht hey my son felt comfortable to b carried like tht, so I tried lor but fail.....it will take time lah, cos now most of the time my son spend time with me, so more closer to me......at newborn, bb only know comfort & security.....when u carry him try to "yao yao" him a bit and hold him close to u....

But most important of all u need rest......ask ur hubby to take turns with u, esp during weekends.....im sure he can do it right? rest on weekends if possible

Take care!

 

[Ting]

well, been there, done that.
really damn tiring.
esp after labour, u feel so drained out alr.
try to get help from your hubby, mum or MIL.
now tt u r in your confinement, u shld be recuperating more n rest!!!!
take care!

 

[annie]

forgot to mention. maybe u can try white noise. eg sound of vacumn cleaner, hair dryer n all. your bb still young so maybe useful. i tried on my girl when she was 3mths old to try to make her nap longer but no use lol. u can download other white noise eg ocean waves n all if u do a search online. free download.

i still use white noise every night for night sleep now. i dunno if it helps my girl sleeps better but it helps me! lol. i use my air purifier n set in the normal mode instead of the silent mode so the humming mask the sounds outside the room eg tv noise.. then i can sleep better. my hubby always home late n i realise without the white noise, i wake up everytime he is home when he open door, walk outside the rm, come into the rm to take something, switch on tv etc.. but then i totally dunno he is home when im sleeping with the white noise on. lol. sometimes wake up in the middle of the night n he is already sleeping beside me! i dun even know when he came home lol.