Success after 40_ Please do not give up

anna3004

New Member
Hi, wanted to share our story for a long time.


We got married at 32, kind of late but always thought that we should not have any problems conceiving as both of us are healthy.
Tried naturally for about 2 years, failed
Tried IUI for a couple of times, failed
Tried IVF many times, failed through various stages(with different fertility centers- also outside Singapore)

Time after time, we have to go through heartaches, why has it to be us that face all these obstacles.
Being drained financially is one thing, emotionally being punished is another thing.

We went through numerous roller coaster rides.
Being so excited thinking IVF has high chances – only to realize, higher the hopes, being harder hit by the disappointment of failure
From being tested positive after the 2 weeks wait - only to be disappointed after the HCG numbers did not double
From getting normal HCG numbers – only to be disappointed when no heartbeat was detected

Going through the heartache of removing the embryo(depends on the stage of development) from me after every failure
From the natural way, to means of taking medication and sometimes through D&C
And believe me, I actually once need to do D&C twice within 2 weeks because the doctor did not do a good job and I have to do it again.

Being Chinese, we are superstitious,
You name it, we’ve done it – from temples in Singapore, to temples in the region, going to churches, praying consistently.
We even managed to get some powder/stones from churches as far as from the middle east. (As this were from the cave where Jesus was fed)

Finally, after 12 long years.
We found success(IVF) and our baby was born in 2014.
Today he is almost 2- Perfectly healthy and the joy of our family… nothing else matters.

Want to share with all those out there…
It can be difficult, it can be discouraging.
But everything will come, just be patience and dont’t give up.
 
Dear Anna, I really salute U and ur hb determination for the long journey. But how do U deal with the external stress factor? Especially seeing your friends, colleagues and relatives getting pregnant one after another? Even though I had #1 already but been ttc #2 for almost 2 years too. I seen many surrounding conceive #2 so fast and easy like abc I really admire and envy and at the same time upset too. Really very hard to control my feeling
 

anna3004

New Member
Dear Anna, I really salute you and your husband determination for the long journey. But how do you deal with the external stress factor? Especially seeing your friends, colleagues and relatives getting pregnant one after another? Even though I had #1 already but been trying to concieve #2 for almost 2 years too. I seen many surrounding conceive #2 so fast and easy like abc I really admire and envy and at the same time upset too. Really very hard to control my feeling
You are absolutely correct – that “external stress factor” can be a pain.
Easier said than to be done, but you just have to deal with it and stay positive.

People around us start asking and giving advices –

Different categories of questions/advices and some nasty ones
Why you guys dont’t want kids?
You guys dont’t like kids?
dont’t wait already, you guys getting old !

Please go and see this doctor – I see already few months later have…..
Your problem or his problem?
Go and do IVF, sure can …..
Go this place to pray….many people did that and have already…

(Hubby is not too bad in his career, senior position in company)
Wow….either you or him or your families must have done something bad in the past, that’s why no kids
What’s the point of climbing so high? Got kids or not

Just be honest and done run away from such comments.
It took us some time to toughen up and learnt how to face them.

Call me sensitive…. Looking back… i can tell who are genuine and who is just trying to mock you
Last thing you want is let these people stress you and create that rift between you and your hubby.

Please try not compare yourself with people around you.
It will only make matters worse.
Instead of feeling shitty, why dont’t divert that extra attention to #1.
Do not let outsiders affect you.. you should know who are the ones that really stood by you in tough times.

Just sharing my thoughts
 
Thanks Anna for your advise and sharing. I fully understand your points. Maybe just too hard for me to stop thinking and looking at others. I will definitely focus on my #1. I had been to many fortune tellers and tarot tellers, they will say the same thing like I'm very weak in my womb and that's why my chances for #2 is very very minimal. Thats why I'm upset. I will try my best to focus on my hb and #1 now and focus myself not to look at others or let them influence me. Sigh
 
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