Tell tales sign of straying?

[mich_liu82]

As above. What do you think tell tales sign will be like if ur partner strays...

 

[Spiralng]

1. Behaviour and habits changed.
2. Start to set password on his handphone.
3. Very secretive when receiving sms or phone calls.
4. Start to have loads of overtimes suddenly.

 

[Spiralng]

Forget to add one more thing most important tell tales sign is woman's instinct...hee...hee..or rather six sense...

 

[mich_liu82]

I dunno, lately my hubby abit funny...

at first I nvr suspect bcoz I trust him alot n have faith he will nt stray...

But I dunno why I suddenly suspect...

1. He has calls dat comes in n he dun wanna ans when im around but he tells me its sum insurance agent dat have been pestering him or one of his old fren dat is a little "13 O' clock" which I have seen b4...

2. Last night he suddenly have to go out urgently and he did nt even tell me the place, just tell me gotta meet his boss n colleague. I onli found out wer he was when I asked him.

3. Today I jus wanna check his phone, I saw phone lock but he tell me its to prevent my #2 DD from deleting his stuff which its true lah, bcoz she accidentally deleted
our #1 DD video which he didn't back up.

But sumhow I jus feel sumthing nt right... Oh ya, n lately to add on, he keep snapping at me which he seldom does. But this 1 mth, he snapped at me almost 10 times. I dunno is it bcoz he is stressed up or wat as now we have no maid coming to 1 mth n i have been nagging at him to help...

U see, for every movement or action he makes me suspect, I will sought of have a reason or excuse to cover up. I dunno if its me worrying too much?

 

[stonston]

Since it's only the past 1 month, you should quickly have a chat with him. Tell him what you observed & ask him to be honest. If it's true, at least the other relationship was short & would be easy to end (if you are willing to forgive him).

Or you can get a PI to follow him first, then confront him about it.

At the end of the day you must ask yourself:
- Your purpose of finding out -> to confront or just to know?
- What will you do IF he really is straying?

 

[mich_liu82]

stonston,

I dunno yet. I'm jus suspecting... I will observe more 1st...

 

[Spiralng]

Since it's only the past 1 month, you should quickly have a chat with him. Tell him what you observed & ask him to be honest. If it's true, at least the other relationship was short & would be easy to end (if you are willing to forgive him).

Or you can get a PI to follow him first, then confront him about it.

At the end of the day you must ask yourself:
- Your purpose of finding out -> to confront or just to know?
- What will you do IF he really is straying?

Sorry...i dun agreed u should chat wif your hubby first. However...I do agreed that u should observe. It's pointless to confront them when u hv no evidence. U just put them on their guard. In the meantime, don't argue...and voice your suspicion.

If u wan to check his hp and he set his password, make sure your hp low batt when u guys are outside then tell him u need to make an urgent call. when he unlock his phone, go to message. But u hv to do it very fast or else he suspect.

 

[Spiralng]

I dont know, lately my hubby abit funny...

at first I never suspect bcoz I trust him alot and have faith he will not stray...

But I dont know why I suddenly suspect...

1. He has calls dat comes in and he dont wanna ans when im around but he tells me its sum insurance agent dat have been pestering him or one of his old friend dat is a little "13 O' clock" which I have seen before...

2. Last night he suddenly have to go out urgently and he did not even tell me the place, just tell me gotta meet his boss and colleague. I onli found out wer he was when I asked him.

3. Today I just wanna check his phone, I saw phone lock but he tell me its to prevent my #2 dear daughter from deleting his stuff which its true , bcoz she accidentally deleted
our #1 dear daughter video which he didn't back up.

But sumhow I just feel sumthing not right... Oh ya, and lately to add on, he keep snapping at me which he seldom does. But this 1 month, he snapped at me almost 10 times. I dont know is it bcoz he is stressed up or what as now we have no maid coming to 1 month and i have been nagging at him to help...

you see, for every movement or action he makes me suspect, I will sought of have a reason or excuse to cover up. I dont know if its me worrying too much?

If u r not the suspicious kind, trust your instinct. Do not quarrel or confont your hubby first cos that will only drive him out. Instead, try to treat him nicer...hee...hee...the guilt method.

 

[mich_liu82]

Spiralng,

Yup... I will observe first... Me treat him nicer? Haha, now I dunno how, I'm angry with him still for snapping at me...

 

[Green]

Just my personal opinion.

I feel it is better not to jump to conclusion too fast.

We are currently still in recession and he may be stressed out worrying about his job security if his company is not doing well.
He may not want you to worry, thus, keeping it to himself.

It would be good to observe the situation for while.
Try talking to him first and be more supportive of him.

At the same time, continue observing for a while.

If you approach him without any evidence and realised that you are wrong, it will only make matter worst. There will no longer be trust in the relationship.

Hope thing turns up well.

 

[CanCanMum]

some early tell tale signs should mostly be

1. staying out late / always come home late

2. buying presents for u out of no reason suddenly..

3. suddenly gets quiet if he is always talkative or other way round

4. seems to be super busy with handphone when together with family


but then again most of the time it should not be because sometimes we worry too much but i always think womans instinct is quite accurate but i agree on the do not jump on conclusion part.

from wad i see yr hubby shd be facing some work problems and he do not want to talk about it at the moment perhaps he is worried tat u may get affected emotionally. Best is to let nature take its course first until he tells u his problems or have a chat wif him asking him why is his temper so bad recently? Anything wrong? etc etc, juz ask out of concern..... Wad do u ddink? Is yr hubby open to heart to heart talks?

 

[Daddy D]

Spiralng,

Yup... I will observe first... Me treat him nicer? Haha, now I dont know how, I'm angry with him still for snapping at me...

I think your hubby could be having stress of... work... the 3 kids... n the wife
Human behaviour...
- If u snap at me... I will snap back at u.
- The hubby wants to take a break when he comes back from a day's work.
- The wife expects the hubby to help out n attend to the kids when he comes back from work.
- The kids get nottier... the parents get angrier.

Mis-match expectations and mis-communications...

 

[Ting]

I think your hubby could be having stress of... work... the 3 kids... and the wife
Human behaviour...
- If you snap at me... I will snap back at you.
- The hubby wants to take a break when he comes back from a day's work.
- The wife expects the hubby to help out and attend to the kids when he comes back from work.
- The kids get nottier... the parents get angrier.

Mis-match expectations and mis-communications...

agree strongly!
sometimes my mum also like tt when we were younger.
she will keep on nag at my dad til he bth then end up quarrel.

 

[wenz]

I think your hubby could be having stress of... work... the 3 kids... and the wife
Human behaviour...
- If you snap at me... I will snap back at you.
- The hubby wants to take a break when he comes back from a day's work.
- The wife expects the hubby to help out and attend to the kids when he comes back from work.
- The kids get nottier... the parents get angrier.

Mis-match expectations and mis-communications...

i agree cos being a FTWM sometimes after work i go home and still got so many things to do i tend to feel stress and irritated too...

but for me.. instead of asking my hubby to help out on this and that after his long day at work... wat i do is i will do everything myself and wait for him to offer his help...
so usually when he returns home from work he will see me busy hanndling the kids etc... den he will ask me iff i had taken my dinner? shower already?...
then i will tell him not yet i got no time cos i still need to bathe DD, feed baby, wash all the bottles, change baby etc...
then when he sees tat i got so tied up and may end up resting late, he will offer to help me...
i.e: he will say u go eat dinner i feed baby or u go change baby i will bathe DD...
this way actually reduce conflict between us cos both are as tired after a long day... i dunno if this will work for ur hubby but u may wanna try...

at the end of the day he may be like wat the rest said, tired and stress about work... so its better to show him some concern and slowly find out the prob behind it...

 

[Daddy D]

agree strongly!
sometimes my mum also like that when we were younger.
she will keep on nag at my dad til he bth then end up quarrel.

I also buay tahan ppl nag at me... just say it once... I not stupid ok?
N the expectation for immediate action... duh... call 999 also have to wait...

 

[Ting]

I also buay tahan ppl nag at me... just say it once... I not stupid ok?
and the expectation for immediate action... duh... call 999 also have to wait...

lol, but on my side, is my bf do everything for me n nag me!!!!!
then i will fed up n say, OK I GO DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol.

 

[mich_liu82]

urm...

U noe why he snap at me at times, bcoz when I nag at him to help, I am disturbing his GAMING session!

 

[mich_liu82]

I am greatful to him for taking care of my #2 dear daughter as I cannot handle her. I know that should be good enough.

But I am doing almost everything myself, taking care of #3 dear daughter, doing housework, laundry etc. Everyday I sleep at most 6 hours while he sometimes can sleep till like 2pm when he is not working and I did not even wake him up. Summore now I got no maid.

He offer to help? He only does that after he snaps at me and sees me crying. If not, I think my neck reach heaven also no use.

 

[jal]

urm...

you know why he snap at me at times, bcoz when I nag at him to help, I am disturbing his GAMING session!

Aiyo! *shakes head*

 

[jal]

Sorry...i dont agreed you should chat with your hubby first. However...I do agreed that you should observe. It's pointless to confront them when you have no evidence. you just put them on their guard. In the meantime, dont't argue...and voice your suspicion.

If you want to check his hp and he set his password, make sure your hp low batt when you guys are outside then tell him you need to make an urgent call. when he unlock his phone, go to message. But you have to do it very fast or else he suspect.

Hi Spiralng, actually that sounds like a good one. But what if instead of passing you the hp straight, he presses some buttons first? (To unlock, press 2 buttons right? He can just as easily & quickly delete some numbers first before passing hp to his wife...)