This Married but Single Life is Making Me Very Angry with My $%^*&@#! Husband!

phiy

Member
I think you should chill it a bit and wait for 19th July. Getting things done at the very last minute doesnt mean his heart is at shanghai. Btw, your mom sounds like a supportive lady. Actually seems like you can do without a husband making you pissed. Just saying...
 

DodoTan

Member
Sorry to ask, is your husband Singaporean or Chinese National? If the latter, maybe he has other reasons he's reluctant to leave Shanghai. You 2 need to have a proper talk. Not one with you fuming mad or him in a rush to leave. Perhaps in front of a counsellor.
 

DodoTan

Member
True, therapy will only work if both parties are willing. You said that he says this arrangement will be for 2 years. Then after that? Does he actually have plans to move here after that? Maybe he just really needs time to sort things out there? Otherwise, you just ask him casually, in a candid manner: 'You're not here, your money's not here, why should I keep you?' See what's he's reaction. BTW, I don't think it'll be easy to change your kid's surname. Even if you divorce also might not be able to change.
 

mag_huiling

Member
So you want to ask for advice to change your son's surname or to get your husband to come and stay with you in sg?

If to change your son's surname, firstly, did you register your marriage in sg or shanghai? is your son a sg citizen or Chinese national? What is the percentage that he will fight with you?

In SG, first criteria that they see is the ability to support. and since your son is still young, you have more advantages. And usually MCYS doesnt allow you to change surname, to a single person. Chances is lower, regardless of whether you have provided for him or not, whether he is your son or not.. And the costs to do adoption is not cheap. Do you think you can cope it financially too? Adoption also takes a long time, they need to do research, etc. And you have to get your husband to consent that he is giving up his parental rights to you. He have to sign and agrees to it. And other complications that might come along the way.

If to get your husband to come to sg, what is his reasons to stay there? think also if he is able to find a better job in sg? Chinese nationals find it hard to find jobs in sg. And you mentioned that his english is very poor, and most companies here communicates in English, do you think he can do it? does he himself thinks he can do it? and how much is he earning in shanghai, compare how much he can earn in sg. If he can earn more, persuade him to come over with this point (given that you said he's always earning money), humans always jump to wherever that pays them more.
 

wenz

Member
1. Registered marriage in S'pore. Son is S'porean citizen.

2. I can support him financially, no problem. I supplied practically everything my son uses and eats - books, toys, clothes, disposable diapers, cloth diapers, eating utensils, swimwear, milk powder...

3. Why do I have to adopt my son when I gave birth to him and am his rightful mother???

to change your son's surname, you need to do an adoption no matter you are the birth mum or adoptive mum...
my eldest son was from my previous marriage, after i remarried, i need to change my son's surname to my hubby's surname and this required me and my hubby to adopt him and his birth father to sign a disown letter, engage a lawyer plus going thru lots of MCYS interviews before the court granted me his new name and birth cert.
Its a long process and costly... and its the law that we have to follow... no shortcut...
but i think the main problem is... will your hubby sign that disown letter?
 

BeingSingle

Member
Hi There

i guess if you really want to make it work, you guys have to live together. shanghai is not all that bad....i am a singaporean living in shanghai due to work. my daughter is 2mths plus coming 3 months...i am a single mother because i chose to be, due not able to find mr right, i decided to have my own baby..

if you want, we can always help and support each other in shanghai, i promise that you wont be lonely. there is a huge singaporean community here in shanghai. there are also nicer places you can live in. perhaps rent an apt in a nicer area...quality living in nicer areas like Luwan and Jingan is really not bad at all...
domestic helpers are chinese speaking and some trained for expat families speak a little english...

if you do want to make it work, do PM me...i am more than glad to be there for you... :) one mummy to another...
 

mag_huiling

Member
1. Registered marriage in S'pore. Son is S'porean citizen.

2. I can support him financially, no problem. I supplied practically everything my son uses and eats - books, toys, clothes, disposable diapers, cloth diapers, eating utensils, swimwear, milk powder...

3. Why do I have to adopt my son when I gave birth to him and am his rightful mother???

You have 2 choices to change the surname of your child. 1 is adoption, 2nd is deed poll. But no matter what, you need the approval of his father.

For adoption, cost higher, plus not guaranteed that will get the custody of the child, hassle paperworks and etc.. If can get, good for you, new BC will be issued. This will need your husband to sign and confirm that he is willing to give up his rights as a father to you. But will depends on whether the judge want to grant you or not too. If granted, you are not able to claim maintainence from him for the child. But as what I know, chances of single parent passing the adoption is low. Singapore encourage both-parent family scheme, so do consider carefully before throwing in money to do.

For deed polll, easier, cheaper, but no new BC will be issued. This will need your husband to sign and "approve" the change of surname of the child. This will means, he still have rights over the child. He still have to pay maintainance, etc... So if you want to enrol your child into any school or whatever that needs his BC, you will need to bring an extra item, a piece of paper, the deed poll.

Best is to consult a lawyer for professional advises and directions. use our advises to understand better and make a decision, and know what to ask you lawyer about.=D
 

wenz

Member
You have 2 choices to change the surname of your child. 1 is adoption, 2nd is deed poll. But no matter what, you need the approval of his father.

For adoption, cost higher, plus not guaranteed that will get the custody of the child, hassle paperworks and etc.. If can get, good for you, new BC will be issued. This will need your husband to sign and confirm that he is willing to give up his rights as a father to you. But will depends on whether the judge want to grant you or not too. If granted, you are not able to claim maintainence from him for the child. But as what I know, chances of single parent passing the adoption is low. Singapore encourage both-parent family scheme, so do consider carefully before throwing in money to do.

For deed polll, easier, cheaper, but no new BC will be issued. This will need your husband to sign and "approve" the change of surname of the child. This will means, he still have rights over the child. He still have to pay maintainance, etc... So if you want to enrol your child into any school or whatever that needs his BC, you will need to bring an extra item, a piece of paper, the deed poll.

Best is to consult a lawyer for professional advises and directions. use our advises to understand better and make a decision, and know what to ask you lawyer about.=D
i checked with the lawyer before... deed poll can only change the name or add christian name for the child but cannot change the surname. Surname can only be change via adoption that's is why we are left with no choice but to proceed with adoption instead of a deed poll...
best is to check with the lawyer again...
just pickup the phone and call and ask over the phone, no consultation fee.. tat time i called up HOH and ask about the procedure...

so you can just try calling some law firm and ask the secretary for the procedures...
 

mag_huiling

Member
i checked with the lawyer before... deed poll can only change the name or add christian name for the child but cannot change the surname. Surname can only be change via adoption that's is why we are left with no choice but to proceed with adoption instead of a deed poll...
best is to check with the lawyer again...
just pickup the phone and call and ask over the phone, no consultation fee.. tat time i called up HOH and ask about the procedure...

so you can just try calling some law firm and ask the secretary for the procedures...
I've checked with my lawyer before, and that's what he told me. Deed poll to change surname can, but need the father to sign stating his approval for the change. (applicable if the father's particular is included in the BC)
 
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