To Divorce or to Salvage my marriage

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miccghar

Member
Recently I got a PI and got evidence of my husband having affairs with a women. At first, i didn't use the evidence to confront him. I told him my friend saw him with a woman, he keep on denying and accuse my friend of making up story and claims he is working OT, so as to give us a comfotable life, and i keep on suspcious of him. He even swear to god, he didn't have affair.

I have no choice and used the PI's evidence to confront him. He was quiet and ask me what i want. We went into cold war a few days. Then one day, he asked me ut for dinner and ask for forgiveness. He claim that he also don't know why he had gone into the affair. And promises never to see her again. I forgived him.

His behaviour was ok for a few days, but after a week, it returns like before. He bring his HP whereever he goes and he password locked his hp. He also started to come back late.

I talked to him, he claim he is not having affair again and i am using his past against him. But deepin my heart, i feel he had changed. Should i divorce him or save my marriage. Pls give me some advice, as i am really confused.
 
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iris90

Member
BETRAYED said:
don't let him hurt u again. Make sure he knows u mean what u say
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I think lust will always be in him and its impossible for him to change. If I were you, I will only give him 1 chance and if he commit it again, then thats it. I will file a divorce and get custody of my kids. I can work and support my own kids without this type of husband.
 
F

Fisherman's Friend

Member
Whether to divorce or to salvage i think its not up to us to say, coz we aren't the ones in the relationship. The marriage is between you and him, so i think the best person to decide is yourself.

As a woman, i think this is the worst scenario that we ever wanted, but since it had already happened, maybe you should spend some time away from him and think it through thoroughly. Do you have kids? If you have, then they will be one of the factor that you will need to take into consideration.

If you think you aren't able to go through this period alone, maybe can get a close friend or family member to be with you? I'm sure they will be more than willing to help during this period. :)

Just don't let yourself sink into depression, talk to someone, don't bottle all up. Hope you will get an answer soon. :)
 
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noelsmum

Member
Well, like fisherman's friend wrote, it's not up to us to say. What do you want to do? Stay or leave? For me, I would leave.
 
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ilovesong

New Member
Hi mummies,

i think soon i will also be at this stage. i dont understand how come when thy chase us thy are so sweet i still got those emails sent by him during our dating time. it hurts alot to know he had a affair, i also got a kid. Initially i plan to divorce but i juz read those emails remind me of those gd times.. any advise? we love them so much and gave up so much but this is what we got back..
 
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noelsmum

Member
ilovesong said:
Hi mummies,

Initially i plan to divorce but i juz read those emails remind me of those gd times.
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Ask yourself if you're happy to live in the past and to accept that he had an affair. Are you able to forgive and get over it? Is he done with the woman? But you know the answer yourself. Only you can answer it yourself if you should stay or go. My point of view, I've told my husband very clearly before we were married that I will never tolerate an affair or one night stand. If he did it and I found out, it'll be the end of us. I know it well enough and he knows it too that I can walk away and take our child along. He knows that I can support myself and the kid without his help. So if this happens to me, the marriage is over. Simple as that.
 
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ilovesong

New Member
im not sure if i can try deceive myself n nvr to bring this matter up to him again. But how to trust him anymore? i will be on my toes every moment he is not with me... i think will be very stressed out by one another... but i love him very much. i know his love is not with me anymore only prob juz the status as husband & daddy. He prob know i can also support myself and kid without his help but i cant imagine this has actually happened to me.. how will i know this will NOT happen again... but thinking of he sleeping with another lady hurts so much. Shd i divorce or forgive? if forgive how to know will not happen but he sleeping with another lady keep coming to my mind..
 
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noelsmum

Member
ilovesong, that's the risk that you have to take if you forgive him. That's why I put it very clearly to my husband before we got married. Forgive and you'll be on your toes. Why do you say that his love is not with you? If that's true then what's the point of holding on to him physically but you already lost him to someone else? But what if forgive and he really never cheats and totally love you? Will that happen?
 
U

Unforgiven

Member
ilovesong said:
Hi mummies,

i think soon i will also be at this stage. i dont understand how come when thy chase us thy are so sweet i still got those emails sent by him during our dating time. it hurts alot to know he had a affair, i also got a kid. Initially i plan to divorce but i juz read those emails remind me of those gd times.. any advise? we love them so much and gave up so much but this is what we got back..
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those emails are past memories, maybe, he also send all those to that women.
 
M

mtan

Member
ilovesong said:
im not sure if i can try deceive myself n nvr to bring this matter up to him again. But how to trust him anymore? i will be on my toes every moment he is not with me... i think will be very stressed out by one another... but i love him very much. i know his love is not with me anymore only prob juz the status as husband & daddy. He prob know i can also support myself and kid without his help but i cant imagine this has actually happened to me.. how will i know this will NOT happen again... but thinking of he sleeping with another lady hurts so much. Shd i divorce or forgive? if forgive how to know will not happen but he sleeping with another lady keep coming to my mind..
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It's really depend how intimately he is involved with the other women.
 
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