To stay together or not?

SunShine07

Member
Hi all,

Now i am rather confused, my hb had been asking me to go back to him. Said that he will change for better and even willing to sacrified, to stay in sg (he prefer to stay in malaysia) and sold his house in malaysia. He dun like to stay in sg as he ever said this to me b4.

He said he will change for the sake of being together. And as long as we are together he will be contended. He said that he really regret of what he did.

I dun know if he will changed back to his old self after that we stay together again. Actually, i am really happy with my life now but i still wish to give my son a complete family.

Should give him another chance to stay together again?
 

Queenbabe

Well-Known Member
Hi all,

Now i am rather confused, my husband had been asking me to go back to him. Said that he will change for better and even willing to sacrified, to stay in sg (he prefer to stay in malaysia) and sold his house in malaysia. He dont like to stay in sg as he ever said this to me before.

He said he will change for the sake of being together. And as long as we are together he will be contended. He said that he really regret of what he did.

I dont know if he will changed back to his old self after that we stay together again. Actually, i am really happy with my life now but i still wish to give my son a complete family.

Should give him another chance to stay together again?
Hi ,

I been thru all these before for my previous marriage , if im you i dont mind trying again for the sake of the kid as u say give him a complete family right .... however if he didnt do what he say , u can simply leave him also not too late .
 

Triquetra

Active Member
Hi all,

Now i am rather confused, my husband had been asking me to go back to him. Said that he will change for better and even willing to sacrified, to stay in sg (he prefer to stay in malaysia) and sold his house in malaysia. He dont like to stay in sg as he ever said this to me before.

He said he will change for the sake of being together. And as long as we are together he will be contended. He said that he really regret of what he did.

I dont know if he will changed back to his old self after that we stay together again. Actually, i am really happy with my life now but i still wish to give my son a complete family.

Should give him another chance to stay together again?
Do you still love him?
 

SunShine07

Member
love? i really dun know. I think maybe pity. He is alone, mother passed away, father stay in KL with a sis. Don't really contact or meet up. He got very few friends. So somtimes, i really feel a abit heartache to leave him alone to stay alone in malaysia house. But when i tot of how he treat me and betrayed me, i can't help feeling hurt and angry.

I just got the feeling that he will go back to his own ways after we stay together again....
 

Queenbabe

Well-Known Member
love? i really dont know. I think maybe pity. He is alone, mother passed away, father stay in KL with a sis. dont't really contact or meet up. He got very few friends. So somtimes, i really feel a abit heartache to leave him alone to stay alone in malaysia house. But when i thought of how he treat me and betrayed me, i can't help feeling hurt and angry.

I just got the feeling that he will go back to his own ways after we stay together again....
Hmm , this is your decision ..... if u feel good not to forgive him then sever ties with him ..... sometimes guy really cant be pity ....
 

Ting

Well-Known Member
hmmm, why did u leave him in the beginning?

if u feel tt u do no love him, n tt he will go back to his own ways.. i think the answer quite clear le..
pity is not love, a marriage cant survive on just sympathy.
my ex also hv a bad family background. at first, i also feel he very poor thing, cos bad childhood, bad influence from frens, n i try to guide him to bcome better, even my parents also treat him very well.
end up? no use, he still take all for granted. so i dumped him.
he did tell me he will try to change n do his best, but i decided, enough is enough, i wont want it to happen.
as for pin, she is happy without this useless "father" of hers. :)
my current bf does a much better job than him though he only interact with her for 2 mths, compared to him who was with me thru out my preg til pin was 6 mths old.
 

Triquetra

Active Member
I doubt your kid will be happy, the family is still incomplete without love.
Furthermore, words are quite worthless sometimes...
He just has to put in a lot of hard works to prove his sincerity and bring back the romance if he means what he said.
 

uddermummy

Well-Known Member
give him a trial period, tell him what he's supposed to, and what you will do if you catch him betraying you again?

sayang, sayang.
 

SunShine07

Member
hmmmm....i tot of giving the last chance. but also afraid that i might regret it....cos by the time my son more or less grown up already, then i also scare we will have another child also becos he long wanted to have another one....

sigh...got to think it tru...
 

SunShine07

Member
actually if without my son, i won't bother about him anymore, but i just feel that my son kinda 'like' him and play with him, and i felt that my son somehow knows that he is his father....it is different when with my bro....
 

austrina

Member
itz really up 2 you whether you are willin 2 accept him once again or not... ask yourself this qn... do you fear endin up hurt once again or you just dont care what he had done before & gv him nother chance 2 prove himself? or mayb gv him a probation period? bt dun tel him abt it... observe him in e dark & c hw it goes?

some guys will try their best 2 impress when they are tryin 2 gt back 2gether w you bt after they gained your 4gvness they turn back 2 their old self again...
when some guys really proved their worth by changin totally bt hw many of dem can do dat?
a sayin says " a leopard will never changes it spots " most of e time is true unless itz sumthin trauma happen 2 dem then onli will they change 4 e beta...

itz really your decision... think very carefully about it... dont wish he gt nother chance 2 hurt you again... *hugz*
 
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uddermummy

Well-Known Member
hmmmm....i thought of giving the last chance. but also afraid that i might regret it....cos by the time my son more or less grown up already, then i also scare we will have another child also becos he long wanted to have another one....

sigh...got to think it tru...
eh, like that hor, must do some family planning. If not will complicate matters...
 

SunShine07

Member
that what i tot of also, giving him probation period.....becos i see him like alone in this world....very pity also....sigh...i always very softhearted
 

austrina

Member
that what i thought of also, giving him probation period.....becos i see him like alone in this world....very pity also....sigh...i always very softhearted
dun gt softhearted 2 a man who once hurt u so deep... if nt in e end u r e 1 who suffer... betrayed once again... gv him a secret probation period bt still dun treat him 2 nice... treat him s usual like last time (coldness or watsoever)... c hw he fare... most guys will like gv up bin mr nice nice & go back 2 their own bad self again when they think they failed 2 gt back w u... some guys jus dun put their words in2 actions 1... they think say nice nice or pathetic u will b softhearted & 4gv dem w/o puttin much effort 2 show dat they realli change... some guys jus nv learn their lesson unless u gv dem jia lat jia lat... onli den they will sit dwn & think hard hw 2 gt e family vack 2gether once more by changin demself 4 e beta...
*hugz* hope he realli change 4 e beta...
 

karoru

Member
for my personal experience, man will rarely change but become worse instead... maybe i am just unlucky... i was soft-hearted when i realised that i was pregnant and get back with my hubby... he become worse when we are together... i m so afraid that whatever that he is continue doing will just affect my baby's growth and well-being when he is born...
 

CanCanMum

Moderator
liangjia babe~~

if u said tat u r happy with your life now, will u be happier if u go back to him? Or u picture yourself worse going back to him?

if its a dunno, perhaps give him one last chance, maybe 6 months to try it out? I find 6 months is quite a good time frame to try it out. And like wad elaine82 darling has said, its oso not too late to leave him again if he continues to treat u badly.

i tot the other time he has changed for the beta? Wad happened again?

Another thing is your son, does he miss his daddy? Would he love to have his daddy by his side again?

With a kid around always have to think of the kid first lorr, i find.
 

Stan

Member
liangjia babe~~

if you said that you are happy with your life now, will you be happier if you go back to him? Or you picture yourself worse going back to him?

if its a dont know, perhaps give him one last chance, maybe 6 months to try it out? I find 6 months is quite a good time frame to try it out. And like what elaine82 darling has said, its also not too late to leave him again if he continues to treat you badly.

i thought the other time he has changed for the beta? what happened again?

Another thing is your son, does he miss his daddy? Would he love to have his daddy by his side again?

With a kid around always have to think of the kid first lorr, i find.
i am a practical person when it comes to such issues.
Does he 'add value' to you and your child's life at all?
Emotionally? Moneywise in providing for the family?
Do you think he is the kind who will change or someone who pays lip service?
If he doesnt, forget it!
 

stonston

Well-Known Member
It's every mother's dream to give their child a complete family.

The question is: How is your hb going to contribute to your son's upbringing?
(Stan, I agree with you being 'practical'.)

People may say I'm selfish by thinking this way. But ultimately, we want the best for our kid. Since you already left him & SURVIVED without him, you need to think carefully. Is allowing him back into your life going to make any POSITIVE changes?

If you are really thinking of allowing him back into your life, it should be because you believe that he is willing to change for the family's sake. Not because you 'pity' him.

If you are willing to give this relationship one more shot, I'll suggest the following:
Marriage counselling. Ask him to go for counselling with you first. Attend the sessions regularly & with an open heart. What he has done to you has hurt you tremendously & he needs to understand that your expectations/views of him will never be the same again. During marriage counselling, you'll re-evaluate your expectations of each other & re-assess your purpose of coming together. It'll also help him understand his roles & responsibilities. If he does not agree to such a simple request, I'm very sure you should know what is the outcome. A man who is willing to change will be willing to seek help.

Attend pre-marital course. There are many courses out there for couples getting ready to marry. It's also good for you to attend on to of marriage counselling (as this focuses more on remedying the married life). Such courses will allow you to 'rebuild' the 'lost' family. Being back together will be like starting from scratch again.

Let him know that you can & will leave him again if he misbehaves again. However, it does take a man quite some time to 'change'. So identify his weakness & help him work towards overcoming it. I know some men find another woman outside for the 'thrill'. Then give him other forms of 'thrills' to prevent him from getting thrills from there. Get a new hobby which both of you enjoy. Or get him more involved in your son's activities.
 

SunShine07

Member
liangjia babe~~

if you said that you are happy with your life now, will you be happier if you go back to him? Or you picture yourself worse going back to him?

if its a dont know, perhaps give him one last chance, maybe 6 months to try it out? I find 6 months is quite a good time frame to try it out. And like what elaine82 darling has said, its also not too late to leave him again if he continues to treat you badly.

i thought the other time he has changed for the beta? what happened again?

Another thing is your son, does he miss his daddy? Would he love to have his daddy by his side again?

With a kid around always have to think of the kid first lorr, i find.
maybe the problem also lies on me too....though have forgiven him what he did to me, but i can't forget it all.......

I can tell that my son love to play and carried by him....that is why i tot to give him another last chance....
 
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