What should i do .. i feeling of dieing

vivitan

Member
See a a lawyer to seek advice.
Also sort out the baby stuff first and do not drag any longer.
There are many issues on hand now to resolve, do the one that is most urgent and followed with the rest.
If you feel that's no need to talk to him anymore, just proceed once you have made up your mind.
I seriously do not see any future of you going back to him and I am fearful he and his parents may have 'something on their mind' by not doing anything now.

Jia You!
 
I happened to read this.

My advice to you is that guys that cheat behind wife are worthless. To the fact that they actually refuse to admit and cooked up some stories just make it worse.. not to even mention yours whom has go into hiding.

He can be wrong and you can say you are soft hearted and willing to forgive him.. but from my point of view is that he doesn't deserve any single chance at all even if he want to turn back... Using parents to chase you away.. refuse to even do his part even when you are pregnant... even try to nego not to give you allowance and any form of responsibility... come on.. even positute needs to be pay and need not to say for wife. My parents has never side me when me and my wife quarrelled, instead they will lecture me if that happens as they expect better behaviour from their own children.

14yrs is a long period. But since things have already come to this state. Let it go, it's definitely not your loss. You can be sure he and the girl will not work out, a penniless guy with no sense of repsonsiblity and moral.. I can see why he is facing problem with work.. leave him asap.. it your key to freedom and a better future. No point thinking about him and the girl anymore... they are definitely not your source to better quality of life... As for the baby... it really up to you to keep or abort or even give up for adoption as he/she is a life.

You still young and there is definitely a lot of things for you to discover out there like travelling or exploring since you have been blindly tied down for so long.. open your eye brightly now and move on... dont't ever let the thinking of ending life or what so ever because of this.. you live once only whether good or bad. Death won't solve anything beside pains and hurts to your family and joy and sense of relief to his family.. guilt will just be temporary for them.
 
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Jasminekuek

New Member
Sorry to hear abt ur story, i use to hv a unhappy family too. Husband dun care abt me, when i pregnant dun even show a concern, and i ever think of suicide b4.... But now im better aft i go for counseling. My husband stil does not care me much, but wat i learn a lot is 'self care'. When no one is loving u, u should love urself. No point of let ur husband keep hurting u, may u wil fell hurt now, but jz tel urself wat he treat u today, he wil definately get the return one day, i believe karma. Abt ur baby, i will suggest u to abort... Its really hard to make tis decision n it was very heart pain when undergo the surgery, but is better than a day ur child ask u y u bring him/her to tis world wzout love n wzout father??? Share wz U something, u may go to youtube search 'i forgive you mommy' it may cure u if u choose to abort ur baby. Take care
 

tricky

Member
sue his ass, divorce him, claim alimony and keep the child ! the baby has nothing to do with this and regardless of who his father is, he will be loved by you. he is not your husbands clone but a different individual !!! I'd even build a case with photos, recording phone conversations etc. Don't let him get away with this...
 

angelababi

Member
i don't know but i had the feeling that if i born his baby , he will come and perster me next time as it was easy as my parents and his parents we all living at the same estate , and they are up to something i don't wish my baby to endure all these .. beside i don't really know i did what wrong before rom my father in law sick i even go see him , he can scold me for nothing lieing at the bed , rom see me i haven talk he already keep said n said n now scold , i feel that i already very give in i always keep quiet , until i find that his parents seems never accept me as a daughter in law before .. i believe in karma too..
 
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quincy1986

Active Member
.. i believe in karma too.. >>> yea that's the spirit.
so what have you plan so far?
1st thing are you leaving him yet? if you still thinking, like "i dont know leh..."
then stop thinking already.
dont contact him anymore. just send him your lawyer letter asking for divorce and $$

2nd thing...how about the baby leh? cannot think so long to keep or not to keep.
if not too big already in singapore it is illegal to abort the bb.
 
Hi, you need to learn to love yourself instead of wasting time loving your worthless hubby. Even you family ask you to divorce him, its because your family love and feel for you. So you gotta put a stop to your misery and love yourself, move on, start a new chapter and you might find other better guys along the way.

For a start, my advise is you decide to keep your baby or abort. Im not pro or againts abortion but i always advise people depending on their circumstances, you only have 2 choice anyway, if you keep you can give the baby up for adoption and so many couples out there are facing fertility issues and would give your baby complete family and love. If you choose to abort, do it asap as i read that you are coming to 4months? You might not be able to do it if your baby has grown too big.

Also try to find support from friends and family, listen to their advises as they are physically present for you and knows you best. If happens they dont give you support and comfort you need, go for counselling so that you dont fall into depression and help you to think straight and make plans for the future.

You're still young, many opportunities lies ahead, keep your heads up and be positive. And do not be afraid or your hubby and family plotting agaisnt you, here in singapore you can always find help readily, if he dont want to sign or meet you to settle the divorce just get your lawyer to do it all. Just dont waste anymore time.
good luck to you.
 
You shouldn't think like this. You should think that the situation could be worst. There are so many worst problems in my life too as everyone have but when ever I feel like I should die I convenience my self that there are people in this word with worst situation that me still they are living happily so why can't I live. This is my life and why to just ruine it.
 

angelababi

Member
I never contact him since the last meet after I everyday spy there at his area seeing the gal in and out and they happily like nothing happens , I totally lost n heart dead , all my last msg to him are all scolding him n e gal , he even heart pain I say the gal dirty , he told me that I also known outside one if I say her dirty then what am I ..? "Meaning I also dirty " Real Bastard ! He e only Man I had N love a lot that's why married him at age 23 ! I told him ya I known outside by you but I never a slut go home with a married man n slept with him n becom a third partly . Actually I know its not really the gal fault as its my husband e one who go and known her , its he himself want to know gal n dont't know act what show to her n she believe , but e gal is not pretty just young , he tell me he can tell the gal all his sadness n he feel happy .. my mind blank .... Then he keep mum. I dont't even know what show he want to act .. n I dont't even want to see now.. at our last talk he still can tell me he worried I will change ?? And if next time I dont't want the baby he will want the baby back n take care ??? What show is that ? Very cunning ! My baby my gyne said I had miscarriage sign , cause too emotion too sad that I had bad cramp that I bleed a little for three times already and its very painful.. he will never know how scare I was .. he was not there ... and I will never forget that ! I decide not to keep , I dont't want my husband to pester me in future because of the baby , who knows lata he come act dont't know which show and my poor baby suffer. And he is a person with family violence he will beat me up and hit my head just he too angry because of qurral .. and my body burises everywhere .. he still can tell e gal n his parents I ABUSE HIM ?? ??? I even got take e photos of those buises on my body just that i didn make police report because i love him at that time i don't want to report n eventually i don't mind e beat ......... I dont't even want my baby to see his parents lata teach him dont't want mummy ! I will divorce him i dont't want to waste time .. even if one day or not he regret next time want to be together , Divorce I worried he dont't want to sign n drag he wont even will sign e paper if I ask for money , cause now he only think for himself n don't know the court will ask us for counselling first anot .. i had actually ask my husband to go marriage consultor with me before as i want to save our marriage at that time but he don't want ... he rather tell the gal talk everything to her and don't want to seek pro ....his that father still can tell me my husband he consider separation with me now during these years can think about want to together or not ... !!! Cunning right wasting n drag my time by that time I be age 33 already .. then by that time i think i know my husband be telling me "so sorry i dont't love you anymore i had found someone which is her lets divorce" ...
 
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Alisa

Active Member
I'm glad u made up yr mind. I wish u still the best and take good care of yrself after the abortion. Dress up yrself to show him that without him, u are still able to live.
 

Ting

Well-Known Member
sorry to hear what u are going thru.. it must be very hard on you...
my take is, leave this man. he is useless and not trustworthy... all these while he has been lying to you and how can he not believe tt his own wife is pregnant?
Gather evidence and divorce him based on adultery. As for the baby, i can only advise you, it is not easy being a single mum. ive been thru that phrase when i was 20...
but it is not impossible! my daughter is 6yo now.. and she is doing great, and doing well. =) i know that the betrayal from your husband can be tormenting, but i assure u, your child will give u the utmost comfort that u can nvr imagine, ur child will give u strength to move on... trust me, i know.. =)
also, u can also request from the family court to get child maintenance and alimony from ur husband.. he cannot refuse to give.. it is by LAW.
 

MummyBeL

Member
Hi AngleabBabi,

I'm 25. Currently I'm the same boat with you too. I guess I have the same feeling with you towards Our husband. To leave him is a relief. A marriage hanging there is meaningless. Just like my husband, he owes alot of debts from loan shark and run away since i was pregnant. He lies from the start when i was pregnant. I was you before, to keep or to abort. I choose to keep and never had regretted. Now my baby is my motivation and strength to move on. It's hard along the way but when you saw your little ones, you will felt every things is worth. Recently he appears and i request for a divore but he insist not divorce with me but i will kept on pester to. I felt like dying like you too. Every day and night rolling tears for him. But it is worth at all? Heart breaking everyone will but as day pass when you saw your child growing you will felt is worth. Before dying, think of your parents, friends, relatives and the unborn child. It's unfair to them. You haven't repay your parents. The unborn child haven't see the world and how his or her mummy look like. Please be fair to the baby. I understand a scar and memories will appear when there's time to think. Make yourself busy and think what to do when child is born. Always remember that you didn't done anything wrong. Be strong and move on. You will find a better guy who will cherish you and accept you and your baby. Life have it's up and down. A person told me, after the rain, there's always a rainbow. Let's JiAyou. :)
 

angelababi

Member
im trying my best to forget but its really very hard by how he choose he hurts the person most is me n his baby . Beside violence , He even throw away our wedding rings , damage all my things and clothes because of he angry . My husband also own debts but from bank , from the day he say he jobless he LIE , he has already working work where I don't know .. and he spends on themselves everyday drive her home , I wont forgive is he can don't bother me but that's his baby he don't bother ,he even call police to chase me away . He even worried I Gather evidence and divorce him based on adultery , the whole family of them keep acting sneaking n cover he and the gal action , the gal is staying in his house now she is a student , its really hard to gather evidence on them . He wants to divorce a not I dont know but I will divorce him after Chinese new yr , dont know he will sign a not ask him about divorce he keep quiet msg him he didn't reply , if he dont want to sign I dont know how long it will drag .. I hope he FOREVER dont appear in front of me again.
 
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vivitan

Member
If he doesn't sign, you can apply for a Court Order...You have full evidence that he is conducting adultery.
While posting here to share your woes, please go do some Actions; seek advice from a lawyer, decide what you want to do witht he baby etc...
Should you feel really you want to keep it, then you have to think of the after birth, will you be able to have your own famiy's support etc...
While you go to to work, will you have someone to look after baby; financially will you be able to support the baby and yourself etc..
I know, some are in favour of you keeping the baby as they feel baby is innocent, but having a baby is a long route, not just giving birth and that's it..
Once you decide to keep you, you have to be preapred for many sacrifces that is to come...if you are not ready for all these, I rather you be cruel now to decide one and for all..
There is still life after what happened to you...turn to your left or right, there are many more unfortunate people than you.
Jia You!!
 

MummyBeL

Member
Hi AngelaBabi,

I can understand your feeling as I'm the same as you. Every moments flash on your mind when you did somethings or maybe some happy family nor couple hugging that will reminds of him and the scars started to pain and you started to ask "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?" am i right? Don't blame yourself which things become like this as you never did anything wrong. Angela, be strong. Now already 21 century and we don't need to independent on man. We are fortunate that our close and loves ones being with us and supporting through our ups and downs.

Towards he's not going to sign the divorce, you could apply a court order to make him agree as you have been with him 7 years. You are more lucky then me as being 7 years together. My husband and me get along on 2 years and I did even had enough cherish the moment together and all suddenly bomb to happen. My in-laws and I also not in a good terms, I also don't know why. No matter how much effort and care for them, they took it for granted. After my husband run and hide, I also ask his family where is he and i didn't get any information till recently he just sms me that he is working part time but he did not mention of buying milk powder or divorce. He is a coward as i could said. Begging for forgiveness is no use as a scar is printed on the heart, how to amend it. Guys sometimes will regretted what they have done but they never knew that woman are the one who are taking the loads of pain and just because a sorry, wanted us to forgive them.

For your baby wise, just keep. I promise that you will never regret of letting him/her to come to the world. He/she will bring you the happiness through your futures. Don't worry about if you deliver your baby and he or his family wanna to take him/her back. You just keep all your receipt and evidences to let the court knows that he is an irresponsible man through your pregnancy till you deliver. Remember that if only you have a job to obtain to fight for it. They need to see your income to let them know that you able to raise your baby.

Angela, bygone let it bygone. Cherish what you have now. We don't have a time machine to get back to the past. Lets move on to a better future and time will let you slowly forget the pain. Don't admire people as maybe some others people who also admiring you too.

By the way, you said that "HOPE he don't appear FOREVER" it means that you still hopping to forgive him if he left the girl or change his style. Old people said
江山易改,本性难移. Leopard will never change it's spot. If he can change, it's good for him and doesn't mean that you need to forgive him. Now you have a baby with him but it doesn't mean that you have to serve a bond between you and him . It does not mean you have to stick to him because of this bond or because of this baby. Thinking back for yourself, isn't he ruining your life day by day? How he had treated you. Marriage or love is about able to sustain hardship together. Towards me, he is an irresponsible man and he lied to you. Now all you got to do is to solve each problem step by step, prioritize each and everything to settle.

I know you are a strong girl and you can do it. Jiayou! :)
 

angelababi

Member
hi bel , I said " I Hope he Forever don't appear " is because we stay at the same estate I mean our parents , and our parents does not had any intention of moving away , plus the gal he know is also stay at our estate . So chances of seeing him is very easy even after divorce , and No I wont ever forgive him even he left the gal , I will still find this man disgusting n he will keep repeat this cheat again as people tell me once a cheater always a cheater n I will not back to him back to his that kind of family ! We had married to the wrong family without in laws dote is still okay but at least husband dote but they all turn into a army n bully the one that married into their house . Mine is very worse his father guarding at the door always don't let me go in say n say n then scold til want to slap me for I don't even know why n all the things he say is things my husband cook up stories . All those is he did to me not I did to him always . My side always dote my husband , my mother always cook foods he like for him to eat n etc , so u see how my that husband took it for granted n never see any fault lies in him so my heart gone . But no use to urgue with their parents so that's y I decide to divorce as who want to go into that house I forever don't want to step into that house . I divorce with him and let the one he cheat behind me to be the sufferer.
 
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Jasminekuek

New Member
Angelababi, im in the same situation. Married to a family wzout dote frm in laws. My MIL was the trouble maker, she like to create many story behind me, and my husband can believe in her 100% wz out let me hv a chances to explain. He is even worse lately, he is not paying for kids school fee, he claim tt money is deducted frm CDA acct, but he never bank in a single cent, all the money is me who bank in, and im a sahm, i dun hv income... I complain all these to my in law, she can say tis is non of her business. Recently i jz done an abortion, my heart was so pain but he can act nothing tat is wat i totally cant tolerance. He know clearly we cant afford to hv 4th childs but yet still refused to take any contraception method, aft preg he jz say abort lo, such a easy thing for him. For man they wont feel lost any, but as a woman as a mum, it is very hard to make the decision n go thru all these. Angelababi, we must be strong, dun let the unworth man to look down on us. Take care
 

vivitan

Member
Hello Jasiminekeuk - go get a contraceptive method and dun get yourself caught in a torment once again.
Regarding money issues, find a time and sit him down and talk calmly.
Dun get all emotional cos men will not eat there.
Before talk, you sit down and write down the issues you wish to talk to him about...monies, school fees etc...
Make him feel good and tell him that you (not working) and all kids are relying on him as the man of the houeshold to feed.
Tell him he is important to you and family.
All the best!
 

Jasminekuek

New Member
Vivitan, i did went for polyclinic ask for contraceptive method but unfortunately i cant take most of them bcoz i hv depression record, they scared it wil worse my situation. I do tel my husband i cant do any precaution due to my case, but he stil don't bother. But nw im having iucd(done it during the surgery), im having abdomen cram badly during my menses... I nvr suffer this kind of issue but now, jz bcoz of a irresponsible man, we woman hv to bear all e pain n sadness...
Abt the money issue, wat make me angry is he willing to spent money on inviting ppl go eat in restaurant but claim no money to pay kids school fee n accessories. Izzit sound funny?
 
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