What will you do??

[wenz]

I just want some advice in bringing up schooling kids.

Mummies with kids in pri school now, especially upper pri, what will u do or react if ur kid's form teacher called and comment on negative issues on his behaviour and school work? Will u cane ur kid? Scold or scream? Talk to him nicely?
If you had tried talking to him nicely before but it still didn't work so wats ur next move?

 

[Phoebii Cheng]

I think it is good to talk nicely to them still, find out your child's problem, on why is his behaviour persisting? find the root cause of his problem rather than caning or scolding I think as they grow up won't help but will make them hate u instead

Just like my sis in law's kids keep on scolding & caning until now they r numb to it, plus constant nagging too even frm my mum in law who's taking care of them at their house has made them refuse to listen & even talk back to my mum in law

 

[PinkDiamonds]

Punishment is effective only if you carry it out immediately after the bad behavior. So it won't have any benefit if you cane or scold them after they come home.

I strongly believe that you should make it a habit to talk to your children about their day at school everyday. Ask them how was their day, what did they do, etc. Even simple things like what did u eat during recess and who do you spend recess with? are good to establish good communication. It's not only to get them to know that mummy is interested in their lives. If they encounter any problems in school, it'll also be easier for them to talk to you about it, whether it's a good day or bad day.

It is also important to maintain a positive attitude. For example, if they tell you that they were punished by the teacher, do ask why they think they were punished, and encourage them to reflect on their behavior and think of how to avoid the same situation in future.

 

[apollo]

i dun hav a upper pri kid currently but i can tell u, when i was ard tt age, ard pri 4 onwards, my mum no longer cane me. no matter young or big children, they hate to be caned, esp upper pri onwards.. so i think it would be best to talk to him. =)

 

[Phoebii Cheng]

When you talk to ur son, make them look u in the eye, talk with a low firm voice. Affirm them tht you love them, but their -ve behaviour in school you do not approve, and tell him what are the ways that you want him to do to change his attitude or behaviour in school. Then tell him that you will review his behaviour in a week's time with the teacher.

 

[Mrs Wee]

Please do not scold or cane your child. This will only make matters worse. Child in upper primary or lower secondary are especially rebellious. Therefore, we should be patient and control our temper.

Talk to them nicely. Find out the root cause of the problem and try to talk things out with your child. Or is it maybe your child hope to get attention from you?

ancing_tongue:

 

[mooners]

Please do not scold or cane your child. This will only make matters worse. Child in upper primary or lower secondary are especially rebellious. Therefore, we should be patient and control our temper.

Talk to them nicely. Find out the root cause of the problem and try to talk things out with your child. Or is it maybe your child hope to get attention from you?

ancing_tongue:

Hi, i'm having the same problem. My kid just refuse to do his homework and do not hand in work to teacher. I've tried talking to him and his reply is lesson is boring and he don't like the teacher.

I agreed, no point canning and scolding, he will not listen and will get numb.

I'm also at loss, don't know what to do. Now only keep reminding him on his work and check every single page of his work. Hope to get a tutor to coach him on his study and talk to him to change him.

Any mummies there can help!!

 

[jadek]

I can't provide much help coz I'm facing similar problem. My DS is P6 this yr. Ever since he step into P5, we seldom cane him, unless he committed something serious which we have repeatedly stressed.

Majority of the incidents, I'll have a long talk with him. I'll first question why he did what he did. Remember, no interfering, just probe and listen to what he has to say. So before talking to them, we have to be mentally prepared and stay calm. The conversation cannot go on if we are agitated ourselves. Sometimes, I have to probe for half an hour before I can dig something out. If one way of questioning does not work, rephrase your questions. The important thing is, Be Patient.

After I know what had happened, I will explain to him why his act is not acceptable. Sometimes I will question him back to make him think and understand.

There is sth which we parents have to accept. Kids this generation ARE forgetful. Even after such long talk, it does NOT mean they will not commit the same mistake again. Last time, I used to get very agitated when he repeats his same mistake and I got calls from the school again. Over these years, I have come to accept that there is no way we can change them overnight. So instead of questioning him why he never learn his lesson and flared up, I told myself to go through the same long talk process again.

Communication will improve your relationship with your child, that is what I believe. Although it doesn't mean they will change for the better any sooner, it will sure help when the next problem occurs. When they step into teenage years, you will probably face less rejection when you try to talk to them.

 

[cynthiawen]

like all the mummies above me have said, talking about it is best rather than scolding =) effective communication is the way to go ... try telling him why it's good for him to do his work, that kind of thing =)

 

[stonston]

Children at this age are only willing to listen to someone they respect.
& usually, this person will be a role model for the child.

If you are lucky, you may get a tutor who can fill this role.

I personally help my students in terms of counselling and sometimes, have to help parents to dig out information and find solutions.
Some children don't dare to tell their parents for fear of being judged/labelled. With someone not in the family, they may feel more comfortable.

If you can't find someone who can help, school counsellor or private counsellor can help too.

 

[znljubica]

Please, find the reason, first!
My son did not talk much and was unable to verbally oppose the children’s disputes, so he faugh them. It was his way of resolving conflicts. Of course, a fight would only further complicate the situation and would involve parents and teachers. Even today I cannot understand why he was behaving like that, there was not any form of aggressiveness in our family, and the children were not physically punished, they were rarely punished in any ways.
I would explain him that any disagreement could not be resolved by fighting, would go again to school by invitation and voluntarily, but there was no change. I really felt helpless. Then he began to practice karate fights, he had several important results in competitions, and a few bruises and scratches on his face after the fight.

By the end of primary school he stopped fighting, but he still found it hard to tolerate insults and dirty words, that the children of that age usually say unaware of their meaning. At the second year of high school, there was a big change: he became insensitive to any insult and bad behavior against him, as if he was not concerned.

In my experience, disciplinary penalties have poor results. It is needed the cooperation of parents and teachers, many conversations with the child, even more patience to teach the child about acceptable limits of behavior, and that their behavior should not be a threat to anyone. As you might conclude, it takes a lot of time, too.
Now, he is 27 years old, and Phd of Mehatronics.