Why can't you accept that she and i are JUST FRIENDS?
- Thread starter CanCanMum
- Start date
SunShine07
Member
lol wah....becoming so violent liao.....
Anyway, i think when one of the spouse had fallen in love with someone else, they just simpiliy dun care about anything. Their body is there, but their heart is with someone else. i think ur gf's hb is already blinded, so no matter how hard u tried, is no use unless he himself is awake. if not the more u tried to get closer to him, the worst it gets, he will shoo further.
ur gf had no choice, but to wait for him to wake up, and nobody can wake him up. sad to say this, but since it had come to this stage, the best solution is to wait paitiently. tell ur gf not to spend too much attention on this matter, it is no good for her and her kids. it will effect the kids as well. she got to be strong loh...
i know it is not easy, just like when i know about my hb with another gal, but at least he feel guilty and come back la. even now i also feel the pinch whenever i tot of them on bed! sigh... what to do...
tell your gf, take it as a moulding period...
in a marriage, there will be problems at every stage. It is how you take it or handle it, it is also if you can pass thru this crisis or not....once u pass thru, i guess everything will be alright.
Anyway, i think when one of the spouse had fallen in love with someone else, they just simpiliy dun care about anything. Their body is there, but their heart is with someone else. i think ur gf's hb is already blinded, so no matter how hard u tried, is no use unless he himself is awake. if not the more u tried to get closer to him, the worst it gets, he will shoo further.
ur gf had no choice, but to wait for him to wake up, and nobody can wake him up. sad to say this, but since it had come to this stage, the best solution is to wait paitiently. tell ur gf not to spend too much attention on this matter, it is no good for her and her kids. it will effect the kids as well. she got to be strong loh...
i know it is not easy, just like when i know about my hb with another gal, but at least he feel guilty and come back la. even now i also feel the pinch whenever i tot of them on bed! sigh... what to do...
tell your gf, take it as a moulding period...
in a marriage, there will be problems at every stage. It is how you take it or handle it, it is also if you can pass thru this crisis or not....once u pass thru, i guess everything will be alright.
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CanCanMum
Moderator
these days things has been quiet betw my gf and her hb. :001_302:
However she feels useless not being able to do anything now.
coz since things are quiet now she thought that it might be a good time to start patching up the relationship....
but she's not sure how to go about doing it, and not make him feel that she is clingy or irritable....
she asked me if she shd let the hb do the previous job that he liked, but i told her not to since it might rake up the issue of that girl again (Coz they are colleagues and in doing so he might think that she is picking a quarrel again or tryin to stop the friendship) and also it was like so long ago, the enthusiasm for that previous job might have died down already...
However she feels useless not being able to do anything now.
coz since things are quiet now she thought that it might be a good time to start patching up the relationship....
but she's not sure how to go about doing it, and not make him feel that she is clingy or irritable....
she asked me if she shd let the hb do the previous job that he liked, but i told her not to since it might rake up the issue of that girl again (Coz they are colleagues and in doing so he might think that she is picking a quarrel again or tryin to stop the friendship) and also it was like so long ago, the enthusiasm for that previous job might have died down already...
autumn82
Well-Known Member
Eh... Better dun ask him to go bk to his previous job.. machiam like ren cuo like tt.. But if carry on his current one, means he will be in contact w tt gal lor.. Headache. But her DH never do anything durin this period? Aiyoh.. Jus act normal & carry on w life, those things tt he dun like, then dun do lor.. Rather tt purposely do something to please him.
SunShine07
Member
hi all, thanks for all your concern....i am getting better and better each day. Hmmm, my hb also trying to spend more time with us.
Well, though still feel the pinch whenever i tot of it again, but i keep telling myself that at least my hb still back to us loh....i also try to concentrate in my work as well....setting up my own biz....been quite busy as lot of things to do also.....preparing for my biz, preparing my son's birthday and so on.......
i just think that maybe one day my hb would do the same again...but whatever it is, i will do my best to give my son a complete family.
if he really do that again, i think i am not going to give him another chance again, and i will make sure he will regret for life! Guess this would be the best punishment for someone who have this regret in life.
i always believe that if i have done my best as a wife, but the hb still be unfaithful, dun cherish you, they will surely regret!
Well, though still feel the pinch whenever i tot of it again, but i keep telling myself that at least my hb still back to us loh....i also try to concentrate in my work as well....setting up my own biz....been quite busy as lot of things to do also.....preparing for my biz, preparing my son's birthday and so on.......
i just think that maybe one day my hb would do the same again...but whatever it is, i will do my best to give my son a complete family.
if he really do that again, i think i am not going to give him another chance again, and i will make sure he will regret for life! Guess this would be the best punishment for someone who have this regret in life.
i always believe that if i have done my best as a wife, but the hb still be unfaithful, dun cherish you, they will surely regret!
SunShine07
Member
i dun think it is a good idea to ask for that....i am sure that her hb will get annoyed if she is going to ask him that.
Tell your gf, just let him do whatever he likes now and dun try to find out too much about him first. cos he may feel that u are questioning him too much. Let him be 'mcp' for this moment, and ask your gf to be a bit more 'xiao nu ren' for this moment also.
And whenever his hb is around, try not to give him the 'bitter' face, instead, be cheerful and smilely. I am sure when he comes home, he wouldn't want to see that kind of 'bitter' face, if not he would feel lagi sianz to see such a face right. i know it is really difficult, but at this moment, if she really wants this marriage, have to be a bit more 'wei qu' loh.......try to be nice and sweet to him (naturally) and just keep everything in silence even though she feels very upset....he would feel guilty one day....
SunShine07
Member
mcp ar? errr....mean 'da nan ren'
Yuki Miaka
Member
When a guy changed his heart , it's hard to turn back, Liangjia is a lucky case because her hubby still love her. Liangjia jia you.
Your frn's hubby is the opposite, seem like he is completely giving up this family. Obviously he is avoiding the wife and the kids.. he even went to lots of events on weekends just to avoid coming back home early to spend time with family. When a person wanted to do something different from his original life.. the urge is very strong.. ifyou stop him, the hatress grow even stronger... let him do what he want ba,maybe he will find the new life he wants maybe he will not.. then from there he will think back.. otherwise now he will think your frn is a "ban jiao shi" to him.
It's good to give a complete family to the kid but if this kind of complete family whereby every family members are unhappy... what for? it's no good to the kid too...
Your frns need to release her fist a little bit... too tight she is giving herself and the hubby no way out.
When she "letgo= fang xia" , she may reliase that she has more happiness. she has good frns who supported her, always by her side, she has lovely kids, she can work be independent, she may even find a lovely hubby in future, the family maybe much more complete than before.. she will not reliase it if she keep on going around the circle and unable to give herself space to breath & think and give herself another chance for a new life.
If it's hers will be hers.. if it's not hers no point holding him back...
if she keep " zhuan niu jiao jian" and cant get herself untie from the tighten knot, she can be in danger.
My sister same like her charcater.. we try our best to be with her but at the end , she cant get over herself.. she is now having mental problem, stay at home and my parents and grandmother are taking of her now. she is now 26 and sometimes she is trying to kill herself.. sometimes she is ok again.. on and off like tht... she feels miserable.. everyone around her got affected too..
So we have to learn to fang xia and try to make ourselves happy as much as we can. Jia you everyone...
CanCanMum
Moderator
aiyo i so sua ku...mcp oso dunno...y pig har??male chavinist PIG!
If her DH wants her to tag along, would have asked her oredi...
todays holiday!!!
gee later going to eat dimsum...heehee
CanCanMum
Moderator
oh dear, sorry to hear that happened to yr sister...is she seeing any shrink, on medication?
i will try talk to her everytime she is depressed/sad/bored...to ease her tensions...but it is difficult to change her character coz she is that kind of inquisitive type....
Yuki Miaka
Member
ya she will come singapore once in a while to see doc in elizabeth hospital...then she will go back indonesia again to stay till the next check up.
She is pessimistic type.. she studied in singapore... greduated from poly and before got PR her condition getting worse. she is overstress with her study.
She do not wan to face outsiders.. and she stubborn with her thinking... she always think she is right.. everyone is wrong... so tht;s why it's hard to cure... even doc said so. We just hope by medication she is improving.. my mom just called last night, saying she is calmer now.. start to play games with younger sister. Which is good.
Doc said her thinking is always negative..and she keep on repeating the same thinking so make her even more miserable...because she thinks that she is always right so she doesnt want to let go her thinking... tht's why her condition is getting worse.
So you got to pay extra attention to your frn. When ppl get depressed,, alot of negative thinking will come into their thought....
She is pessimistic type.. she studied in singapore... greduated from poly and before got PR her condition getting worse. she is overstress with her study.
She do not wan to face outsiders.. and she stubborn with her thinking... she always think she is right.. everyone is wrong... so tht;s why it's hard to cure... even doc said so. We just hope by medication she is improving.. my mom just called last night, saying she is calmer now.. start to play games with younger sister. Which is good.
Doc said her thinking is always negative..and she keep on repeating the same thinking so make her even more miserable...because she thinks that she is always right so she doesnt want to let go her thinking... tht's why her condition is getting worse.
So you got to pay extra attention to your frn. When ppl get depressed,, alot of negative thinking will come into their thought....